


Follow-Up

by MechBull



Series: Consult AU [3]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Age Difference, Also this avoids the underage warning only in the most technical legal sense, Alternate Universe, For that matter there is also brief Reid/OMC and Luke/OMC, M/M, Oakdale characters play relatively small roles in the grand scheme of this fic, The Noah/Luke tag is a WARNING, This is unashamedly unequivocally Luke/Reid endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:47:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 76
Words: 134,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechBull/pseuds/MechBull
Summary: **READ THE TAGS.**Alternative sequel to Consult.
Relationships: Luke Snyder & Holden Snyder, Luke Snyder & Lily Walsh, Noah Mayer/Luke Snyder, Reid Oliver & Katie Peretti, Reid Oliver/Luke Snyder
Series: Consult AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978468
Comments: 56
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal from August 29, 2010-February 8, 2011.
> 
> I had seriously considered combining the chapters into fewer, longer entries here on AO3. Ultimately, I decided that chapter breaks actually do serve important roles in the "rhythm" of storytelling, and there was a reason I broke them how I did back in the day. So...more work for me and more spamming for any subscribers. Alas.

The sound of laughter and excited talking broke the dark silence of the Snyder household. Holden was carrying Ethan’s car seat, but he flipped the light switch by the door with his free hand as Faith and Natalie ran ahead. Lily and Luke were the last two to walk into the house. Lily had her arm around Luke’s shoulders and they were leaning close to each other, both smiling.

“Did you enjoy your birthday dinner?” Lily asked.

“I did,” Luke confirmed. He tried to sound enthusiastic and happy, but the truth was he had been pretty distracted that entire day. He knew it was crazy, but he couldn’t help but think of Reid, hundreds of miles away in Dallas.

He couldn’t help but think that, if things had gone differently, this might have been the day he lost his virginity.

“Are we gonna have cake now?” Natalie and Faith yelled from the living room.

Luke laughed and Lily sighed. “ _Yes_ , we’re going to have cake now.”

Holden was coming down the stairs after putting Ethan to bed.

“And ice cream!” he added.

“Don’t encourage them,” Lily said as she disappeared into the kitchen.

Luke walked into the living room with Holden. The girls were sitting next to each other, bouncing up and down in excitement.

“I don’t think they need any more sugar,” Luke observed quietly. Holden snorted in reply.

“Oh, phone message,” Luke said, pointing at the machine on the desk in the corner of the room.

“Probably birthday wishes.”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed. He walked over and pressed the play button. He was expecting a friend or family member with loud singing or something. And so, he was taken aback by the professional tone of the woman who had left the message.

“This message is for Lily Snyder. I’m calling from Dr. Reid Oliver’s office in Dallas. He’d like to schedule a six-month follow-up with you, for routine tests. Dr. Oliver will be free to fly out next week, so please call us back to arrange an appointment. The number here is…”

Luke stopped listening. His heart was pounding in his chest, and heat rushed through his entire body. It took everything he had not to break into a grin and disbelieving laughter.

This was the best birthday ever.

_Six Months Earlier_

Lily looked like she was about to cry as Holden helped her through the door. There was a banner hanging in the entryway, with Faith and Natalie’s scrawls and drawings welcoming her home. Lucinda and Emma stood in the living room, smiling broadly as their children entered the house. Faith and Natalie tried to run and greet their mother, but they were grabbed and held in place by the two older women. Meanwhile, Luke stood off to the side, Ethan in his arms. He grinned at Lily, blinking quickly.

A part of him still didn’t believe she was better. Still didn’t believe she was home.

Less than an hour had passed before others starting showing up – Jack, Meg, Dr. and Mrs. Hughes. Before long, it turned into a real party. Lily sat in the corner of the couch, wrapped in Holden’s arms while everyone laughed and talked around them.

Luke stood in the corner, slowly drinking a glass of soda. Water had condensed on the outside of his cup, and it was slippery and cold in his hands. He smiled occasionally, pretending he was having fun, pretending he just didn’t have much to say. He was happy his mother was home. He was ecstatic she was home.

But Reid had left town two weeks ago.

Luke was beginning to wish Reid had never kissed him. The first few days after, it was all he could think about. At school, at home, visiting his mother, alone in bed at night – no matter where he was, he replayed it over and over in his head. Sometimes he’d imagine how things might have gone differently. How he might have reached out for Reid and held him in place, refusing to let him back away or leave. How Reid might have pushed him back onto the desk, stretching his long, lean body out on top of Luke’s…

It was bad enough, in Luke’s opinion, that Reid had admitted he was attracted to Luke, that he wanted him but realized he couldn’t have him. At least then, Luke could have accepted it. Could have acknowledged that Reid was too good and too noble to do anything with him or to him. Anything more would have been limited to Luke’s fantasies, and he could have found a way to live with that. But then Reid kissed him. Luke knew what his lips felt like, what the inside of his mouth tasted like, how his tongue fit perfectly inside Luke’s own mouth. He knew that Reid had caved, had crossed a line he had drawn for himself, and Luke couldn’t stop wondering how many other lines Reid might have crossed, if they had just been allowed a little more time.

But worst of all, _worst of all_ , was actually getting to know Reid. He learned things about him, got to see past the shield and get a glimpse of the man underneath. A crush, a fantasy, could be anyone he wanted it to be. Could be nobody in particular, if that’s what he wanted, some ideal that no one could live up to. It seemed weird, then, that a real person, flaws and all, should be more desirable than anything he could imagine.

Luke sighed. He needed to find a way to get past this. He couldn’t spend every hour of the day thinking about Reid. He had to face the truth.

He was never going to see Reid again.

Despite his best attempts, however, he apparently didn’t convince everyone that nothing was wrong. Lily started to fade, and the guests took that as their cue to leave. Lucinda said goodbye to the others, with exuberant hugs and kisses, but she saved Luke for last. She threw an arm around his shoulders, forcing him to walk with her.

“Walk an old lady to her car,” she ordered.

Luke smiled. “Yes, Grandmother.”

They stopped just outside the driver’s door and Lucinda turned to face him. She put both hands on his cheeks and stared into his eyes.

“How are you, my darling?”

Luke nodded. “Good. I’m good.”

“There’s nothing wrong?”

Luke shook his head, and Lucinda sighed. “Well, I don’t believe you. _But_ you’re a teenage boy, and teenagers have their secrets. You should know by now, of course, that you can tell us anything. That’s all I’ll say on the matter. Except this: tell _someone_ if it gets to be too much. We have a pact, remember?”

Luke gave her a small smile and nodded. Then he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

**

Considering it was just after school on a Friday, Luke was surprised at how dead Al’s was when he walked in a few afternoons later. He spotted Casey, Maddie, Will and Gwen in the corner, and he hesitated. He had been avoiding most of his friends for weeks now, because of what was happening with his mother, obviously, and because of Reid, and because he didn’t know how to act around people now that he had admitted to himself and his family that he was _different_ from everyone else at school.

Then Will glanced up and spotted Luke. He nodded in greeting, then tilted his head to indicate he should join them. Luke took a deep breath and walked closer. He grabbed a chair from a nearby table and swung it around so he could sit at the end.

“Hey man,” Casey said.

“Hi,” Luke replied, directing the greeting to all four of them.

“How’s your mom doing?” Maddie asked.

Luke shrugged. “Good. She’s happy to be back home.”

There was a moment of silence then, and Luke felt awkward. He tore a napkin apart, letting the pieces drop to the table in front of him. He couldn’t look up; he didn’t want to see the looks of uncomfortable pity on his friends’ faces.

“So…we’re going to a movie tonight,” Will said. “Wanna come?”

Luke smiled at the offer but shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh, come on, Luke,” Gwen said. “We miss you.”

And it sounded so sincere that Luke began to wonder if it really was true. It didn’t feel like just some attempt to take his mind off things, to distract everyone from the fact that Luke’s mother had been in a coma and Luke had been emotionally, if not physically, absent from the goings-on at Oakdale High. And if it _were_ true, then maybe his friends really did care about him. Maybe their friendship wasn’t conditional. Maybe he should be honest, like he promised himself he would. Like he told Reid he was going to be.

“It’s just,” he started carefully, wondering how to phrase this. “I don’t want to be surrounded by the four of you making out with each other.”

Casey snorted. “That makes it sound like an orgy.”

Luke shrugged in amusement. “It’s not a lot of fun to be the fifth wheel.”

Maddie leaned forward, looking around Casey. “So get a sixth. Amy Harris has been dying to go out with you, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Luke took a deep breath. There was no going back after this. “She’s not my type.”

“How can she not be your type, Luke?” Casey asked incredulously. “She’s, ah, smart and funny.” Casey’s gesture in front of his chest, however, implied these were the least of her attributes. Maddie smacked his arm.

“Yeah, well, I don’t like – ” Luke repeated the gesture.

After a moment, Luke risked a glance at the rest of the group. Casey was staring at him like he’d sprouted an extra head. The girls were giving him kind smiles, as if to indicate they appreciated the attempt to not sound like a caveman. Only Will seemed like he might have figured it out. He looked at Luke and gave him a small nod.

Luke coughed nervously, staring down at the table as he shifted in his seat. Then he lifted his head again.

“I’m…I’m gay.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Five Months Earlier ___

____

__

__By the Tuesday after Luke came out, the entire school knew. Luke figured it was probably Casey who started it around – not out of any maliciousness, but just because Casey unintentionally let these kinds of things slip out. The truth was, Luke was hoping that it would spread and he wouldn’t have to come out to everyone else. That may have been why he told those particular friends in the first place._ _

__He was surprised at how normal things were only a few weeks later. He got some weird looks and under-the-breath comments, of course. From students _and_ teachers. Kevin never talked to him anymore, and a couple girls apparently cried in the bathroom over him (Luke couldn’t help but feel a little flattered at that – and a little guilty, wondering if he had led anyone on when he was trying to hide who he was.) But for the most part, people were pretty cool with it. He found it easier by the day to just be himself, which actually meant just being the same person he always had been._ _

__Perhaps the most noticeable change Luke had undergone in the last month was moving on. He could go, on average, three days without thinking of Reid now. He could walk into a room without feeling like everyone was talking about him behind his back. His grades were back on track. And he could spend an evening with his family without things turning awkward over some inadvertent comment that could be interpreted badly. If anything, his mother now was _too_ accepting. She was always asking if there were any boys at school that Luke had his eye on._ _

__There weren’t._ _

__But honestly, Luke didn’t care too much about that. Of course he wanted to have someone in his life. He remembered what Reid told him, though, and he was willing to wait for something real. It wasn’t like he didn’t have other things to worry about. He and Maddie were both starting internships at WOAK. Luke was pretty excited about it, even though they’d probably only be in charge of getting coffee and making copies._ _

__On their first day, Mrs. Hughes said there’d be one more intern working with them, but he hadn’t moved to town yet. Until then, Maddie and Luke would have to pick up the slack._ _

__On their _eighth_ day, the other intern still hadn’t shown up, and Luke was more than a little annoyed._ _

__On their twelfth day, Noah Mayer arrived in Oakdale._ _

____

**

Luke didn’t know what the hell was going on. He thought Noah liked him in _that_ way. He was pretty sure Noah was gay. But whenever they got even a little bit closer, whenever they were alone together, he’d back away, shut down, make some comment about a girl at school, something. Clearly, he was closeted. Maybe he hadn’t even figured it out yet. Or maybe _Luke_ was mistaken. Maybe he wasn’t gay.

Luke kind of suspected that he was so focused on figuring out Noah because he didn’t really want to evaluate what he himself felt. He wouldn’t deny that he thought Noah was good-looking. And he could be pretty funny sometimes. Sometimes.

Okay, truthfully, he was kind of boring. All he ever talked about was movies. And, yeah, Luke liked movies as much as the next person, but there were other things in life. And he was very, very straight-laced. It had to do with his military upbringing, Luke knew that, but in a town like Oakdale, sometimes you needed to be able to see shades of gray, you needed to think outside the box. Luke was raised in this town and so had an _appreciation_ for people who were at least willing to bend the rules, especially if the reason was worthwhile. At the very least, he didn’t like feeling guilty about being one of those people.

And of course, there was the concern of Noah’s sexual orientation. If he _weren’t_ gay and Luke was that far off, then that meant Luke was entertaining notions about another straight guy. He was done with that. On the other hand, if he were gay, what did that mean? That Luke should just date him, even if there were parts of Noah that he didn’t like? Whenever Luke wondered that, he heard Reid in the back of his mind telling him not to date the first gay guy he meets. Was being attractive and sometimes funny and basically a decent ( _if boring_ ) person enough?

Luke couldn’t help but compare what he felt for Noah to the spark low in his stomach that he _still_ felt whenever he thought of Reid. To the happiness that rushed over him as he remembered how they had talked that night that he had seen so much of Reid. How Reid had bent the rules just enough that last day to kiss Luke.

He didn’t want to wait forever. He didn’t want to be single for the rest of his life. But he wanted to wait until he met someone who made him feel that way again.

But the thing was Luke was 16 years old. He was lonely. And he was horny. No one was saying he had to _marry_ the guy.

You know, if he were gay.

_Three Months and One Week Earlier_

It took Noah well over a month to kiss Luke. They had been getting closer and closer, and then one day, they were alone in an office, staring into each other’s eyes. Noah leaned forward and kissed him, and then immediately pulled away, looking scared. Luke smiled supportively.

But he had felt nothing.

Noah began to backtrack, to laugh off what had happened as nothing more than a joke. That kind of hurt Luke’s feelings, but not as much as he felt it should have. Noah ran off, and Luke sat down on the edge of the desk. He lifted his fingers to his lips, tried to force himself to feel a tingle of arousal and anticipation.

He reminded himself that Reid was _gone_. That he couldn’t keep comparing everyone he ever met to a crush that got out of control. That reality never lived up to fantasy, and he was allowed to move on. That it wasn’t fair to expect the same amount of heat and passion from Noah, a confused and inexperienced young boy, as what he felt with Reid.

It was no use.

**

“He kissed you?!” Maddie asked when Luke told her in confidence.

Luke nodded, one arm wrapped around his knees and the other hand tracing patterns on the ground. They were sitting by Snyder Pond after their shift at WOAK that afternoon. Maddie had noticed the awkwardness between her fellow interns and had chased Luke down afterwards.

“So are you two, like, together now or something?”

Luke shrugged. “No,” he said, contradicting his ambivalent gesture.

**

They finally talked again two weeks later. Noah confessed that it _wasn’t_ a joke, and he wanted to kiss Luke again. Luke let him down gently and promised to be there as a friend as he figured out who he was.

_Two Weeks Earlier_

Noah had trouble taking no for an answer. It was kind of annoying, actually.

Luke wanted to be there for him, to support him as he came out. He wanted to do for Noah what Reid had done for him – help him come to terms with himself, help him find strength and confidence, help him realize that he didn’t have to rush anything. But whenever Luke tried to do that for Noah, Noah got the wrong idea. Luke was getting a little tired of rejecting him. The problem was he _did_ like Noah. They were actually becoming quite good friends in a way. Or at least they were when they spent time in a group and could ignore the underlying tension.

Unfortunately, the others seemed to think they were dating. It was always “do you and Noah want to…” Which explained why they always ended up sitting next to each other at the movies, or on the same side of the booth at Al’s. Luke began to wonder whether he should just accept what seemed to be fate.

“So what are we doing for your birthday?” Casey asked one afternoon, popping a fry into his mouth.

“When’s your birthday?” Noah turned to him, all excited. God, Luke hoped he didn’t get him a present or anything.

“Two weeks,” he answered Noah. He faced Casey and continued, “I don’t know. I was probably just going to have dinner with my folks like we always do.”

“OK, no,” Casey objected. “You’re turning 17. You’re not hanging out with your parents.”

Luke rolled his eyes.

_May 16_

As his birthday approached, Luke found himself thinking of Reid more and more often. It was incredibly frustrating, because he had just started to really get over him. Luke supposed it was inevitable. At one time, he thought his 17th birthday would be the most important birthday of his life. Then Reid had made it clear nothing was going to happen, and he left.

Which made the phone call that much more surprising. Luke was completely distracted for the rest of the night, unable to have any sort of real conversation with his parents or siblings. Thankfully, they were focused on eating cake and talking and laughing with each other. They didn’t seem to really notice Luke’s lack of focus.

As soon as he could, he excused himself and ran up to his room. Closing the door behind himself, he lifted his hands to his face. He exhaled sharply, allowing the grin that he had been repressing to finally appear on his face. He laughed quietly, then shook his whole body.

 _Don’t jump to conclusions_ , he tried to convince himself. _Maybe his visit really is just for medical reasons._

It didn’t work. And for the first time in months, Luke permitted himself to imagine Reid as he touched himself. He got off again and again, finally collapsing in exhaustion and not a little bit of pain around 1:00 in the morning. His whole body was overly sensitized as he stretched out across his sheets. He smiled as he felt himself drifting off.

The last thing he thought was _he still wants me_.


	3. Chapter 3

_Six Months and One Week Earlier_

Reid got drunk on the flight back to Dallas. When he was waiting for his luggage by the baggage carousel, he had to grip the back of a nearby bench so he didn’t run to the ticket counter and buy a seat on the first flight back to Oakdale and Katie and _Luke_. When he got home, he took a shower. And he finally let his soapy, wet hand slide lower and lower. He had never let himself do this back in Oakdale; he hadn’t wanted to risk knocking down any of the mental barriers he had built. He stroked himself fast and hard, almost punishing himself – for being so ridiculously respectful of Luke's age, inexperience and mental state (when had he ever cared about the emotional stability of the people he slept with?), and for allowing himself to fall for a goddamn teenager. He came with a shout. Reid rested his forehead against his arm, leaning against the cool tiles as he watched the evidence of his admittedly _wrong_ desire swirl down the drain. It felt cathartic.

Katie called three times that week and twice the next. Reid couldn’t answer. He listened to her messages over and over, but he couldn’t talk to her and hear her voice in real time. The wounds from leaving a place that had bizarrely begun to feel like home were still raw and open. Reid was pretty sure Katie knew and understood. Her messages never lost their cheerfulness, and she never scolded him for not calling her back. On Sunday, he sent her a text message, telling her he was working a lot and happy to be home. Only one of those statements was true.

They fell into a pattern. Katie would call every three days, leaving messages that held very little actual information about life in Oakdale. On the weekends, Reid would text her back and lie that everything was fine.

_Four Months Earlier_

In general, Reid hated anonymous sex and one-night stands. They were, in a way, too much work for relatively little satisfaction. He tended to prefer loose and casual relationships with people he could grab dinner with and talk to for an hour or so before they had sex. People who actually knew what he liked and told him what they liked, making for an all-around positive experience. The relationships would last several weeks, maybe, sometimes longer. Sometimes he developed real fondness for the person. But they never lasted, and Reid was usually fine with his hand until he met another person willing to put up with him for a little while.

After Luke, he couldn’t bring himself to enter into such a relationship. It felt as shallow and temporary as any other kind of fling. He had no desire for a deeper relationship, and pleasuring himself wasn’t working because of the images that always came to his mind. So he went the third route. At a conference, he met a dark-haired oncologist – ten years older than him, three inches taller, and even leaner than Reid himself – and Reid let him fuck him in his hotel room. A bald biker-type sucked Reid off in a dark corner of a bar. A sweet, soft-spoken redhead spilled all over Reid’s hand. And in between them all, Reid sought out blonds several years his junior and pounded into them while they sprawled out on his living room couch. He never could find exactly what he was looking for.

Katie was down to one phone call and one email a week. Reid texted her back Sunday afternoons like clockwork.

_Six Weeks Earlier_

Reid hit pretty much rock bottom the night he came dangerously close to being arrested for public indecency. Since that night, Reid hadn’t had sex at all. It didn’t feel good anymore. It didn’t feel right. And it didn’t solve anything. There was no point in that kind of self-destruction if it was clear it wasn’t fixing anything.

So Reid tried other forms of self-destruction, primarily 20-hour shifts at the hospital. When he nearly screwed up an operation, he realized that was idiotic too.

So one weekend, when he wasn’t on call, he sat in his living room with the lights low, the phone off, and an open bottle of Scotch in front of him. He allowed himself one night of self-pity and regret. One night of anger at the unfairness of it all, and the grief of lost opportunities. One night of loathing himself for being perverted enough to fall for a kid 13 years younger than him – and for being ridiculous and pathetic enough to sink so far instead of just dealing with it like an adult.

In the morning, after he finally woke up, he turned his phone on to 17 frantic voicemails from Katie. He hadn’t sent her his usual text message, and she had freaked out. Reid couldn’t help but smile as he listened to the messages, realizing he was lucky Katie hadn’t called the Dallas police to have them check on him. Reid had lived a life full of casual acquaintances, jealous rival colleagues, distant parents and a dead sister. He had never had a friend like Katie.

 _I’m fine_ , he texted her.

Immediately after, he sent a follow-up message. _Better than._ It finally felt like the truth.

He looked around the living room, and his eyes landed on the half-empty bottle. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and then inhaled deeply.

“Goodbye Luke,” he said to the quiet room.

_Two Weeks Earlier_

On Friday night, Katie called. And for the first time, Reid answered.

“Reid?! Oh my God!”

Reid grinned at the sheer volume of her exclamation. “Hi.”

“Oh my God, your voice. I’m actually hearing your voice. How are you?”

“Fine.”

“No. No. I let you get away with that with the text messages. But you answered now. So plop yourself down and prepare yourself for a _long_ conversation.”

“Yes, boss,” Reid acquiesced, stretching his legs out on the coffee table.

They talked about everything. About Katie’s job (“Going great!”) and love life (“Stalled as usual, but I’ll never stop trying.”). About Reid’s work (“I’m the best, Katie. That’s all there is to it.”) and life (“You think I have a life outside of work?”). About Oakdale (“And the killer ended up being Henry’s half-sister, can you believe it?!”). About Texas (“Fucking Astros.”). About everything except the one thing that was the reason they hadn’t talked in so long.

Forty minutes later, their conversation started to slow. Reid hesitated. “How’s – Bob?” he finally asked.

“Same old Bob,” Katie said, laughing lightly.

“I imagine,” Reid replied, grinning as he thought of the doctor and how very much the two of them could annoy each other. “And Mrs. Hughes?”

“Doing very well.”

“And Lily Snyder?”

“A living monument to your brilliance,” Katie teased.

Reid smiled quickly. He focused on his shirt, tugging at a thread coming loose from the bottom hem. He coughed.

“He’s good,” Katie said softly. “Really good.”

“Who?” Reid asked quickly, lifting his head and looking away, as if she could somehow see across the phone connection as he tried to lie away his emotions.

Katie wasn’t fooled. “He’s completely out; the whole town knows. He’s still one of the best players on the basketball team, and he’s got a close group of friends, and he’s really just…content, I think. Which, I mean, Luke Snyder content, you know? When’s the other shoe going to drop?”

Reid’s throat had completely closed up. He couldn’t find the words he wanted to say.

“I…I think he’s seeing someone,” Katie continued cautiously. “That’s the rumor anyway. New kid in town. It doesn’t seem very serious yet, but…”

Reid exhaled. It didn’t hurt him as much as he thought it would. In fact, he felt really happy for Luke. Proud of him even. “Good. That’s good,” he said.

_May 16_

Reid tapped his fingers against his desk. He was in the middle of the never-ending project of cleaning out old files and recording his surgical notes. Three hours ago, he came across the documents Bob Hughes had faxed to him regarding Lily Snyder. Reid had some difficulty concentrating after that.

He sighed, stopping the Dictaphone and leaning forward. He pulled the folder out from where he had hidden it under a few others (out of sight, out of mind, supposedly). Reid flipped through the paperwork unnecessarily. He had a photographic memory; he still knew every word in that file.

Reid exhaled roughly and tossed the folder halfway across his desk. He picked up the next file in his pile and pressed record again.

“May 16th, two thousand and – ” Reid pressed stop with a look of shocked realization on his face. “May 16th,” he repeated in a whisper.

 _Don’t start this again_ , he immediately told himself. _It’s over; it’s in the past. For God’s sake, he has a boyfriend. His own age._

It was no use. Not even ten minutes later, he was hunting down the department's administrative assistant.

“Alice,” he barked.

The woman turned abruptly, looking somewhat afraid. “Ye – yes?”

“Call Lily Snyder in Oakdale, Illinois. The number is on the computer. I want to do a routine six-month follow-up.”

“But you never do follow-ups on out-of-town consults,” she said, confused.

Reid had already started to walk away. He turned to face her, barely concealing his annoyance. “Well, I’m doing one with her. Schedule an appointment sometime next week. Make sure I have privileges at Memorial too.”

He walked away without waiting for an answer. He tried not to think too closely about the situation. Following up with patients was only sound medicine. It wasn't his fault he didn’t have time to do one with everyone. That’s what local doctors were for. It just happened he had some free time six months or so after Lily’s surgery. It had nothing to do with Luke, or the fact that he turned 17 that day. Nothing at all.

Reid nodded sharply to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke almost completely lost his mind over the course of the next week. He was back to zoning out entirely during class and avoiding his friends as he tried to deal with something that was incredibly important but that he couldn’t tell anyone about. His parents and grandmothers were starting to look at him suspiciously, and he didn’t really blame them.

On Tuesday, he began to plant the seeds for an alibi, making casual remarks about hanging out with Casey and Will on Friday, maybe sleeping over somewhere. The only thing left to do there was get one of them to cover for him without revealing any of the details why.

On Wednesday, he begged out of an after-school trip to Java so he could get a haircut. He had gone through several magazines until he came across the most mature, adult-looking but still fashionably sexy style he could find, and then he asked the barber to copy it.

Thursday night, he was feeling like he was going to puke. The appointment was the next afternoon. For all Luke knew, Reid was _already_ in town. He went upstairs to his room fairly early – he was having trouble acting normally and he needed to decide on an outfit for the next day. Luke stared into his closet for close to ten minutes, pulling things out and then hanging them up again in disgust. Why did _everything_ in his wardrobe have stupid horizontal stripes?

Friday morning, he was a wreck. But for the first time all week, he managed to hide the extent of his neurotic behavior. He merely sat at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal and trying to figure out how to broach the subject.

“So,” he began slowly.

Holden lowered the newspaper and stared at Luke curiously. Lily was dealing with Natalie and Ethan and clearly only half-listening.

“I thought,” Luke broke off, clearing his throat. “I thought you could sign me out of last period so I could come to the appointment too.”

Holden shook his head. “No.”

“Dad! I want to be there. I want to know how Mom’s doing.”

“I’m fine, Luke,” Lily said reassuringly. “I told you all already, this is just standard routine. There’s nothing to worry about. Besides, I thought you had plans with your friends.”

“Uh, not till later. Mom, I’d really like – ”

“No,” Holden repeated. “You’ve missed too much school this year already.”

Luke sighed.

**

Katie was seated in her chair on set doing a sound test when the new production assistant walked up to her.

“Excuse me, Ms. Peretti.”

“Katie’s fine, Tim. I’ve told you that before.”

“Sorry…Katie. Um, there’s someone here to see you.”

“Really?” she asked, standing up and following him towards the backstage area. “Who?”

“Didn’t give his name. He just asked for you and then started helping himself to the food at the crafts services table. I told him it was for employees only, but – ”

Katie had already tuned the young man out as she picked up her pace. By the time she reached the table of food and saw Reid bending over it as he nabbed a cookie, she was practically running.

“I don’t believe it!” she exclaimed.

Reid looked up at the unexpected shout. He lifted a hand to his mouth, wiping at it as he swallowed.

“Hey.”

Katie flung herself into Reid’s arms. He awkwardly patted her shoulder. Clearly, Katie observed to herself, it had been too long if he didn’t feel comfortable with hugging her. She pulled away and immediately slapped his arm.

“’Hey?’ ‘ _Hey?_ ’ What are you doing here?”

Reid gave her a small smile, but she could see his eyes twinkling. “Follow-up appointment with Lily Snyder. It’s routine.”

“OK,” Katie replied, crossing her arms. She didn’t know yet if she really believed him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“It was more fun this way.”

Katie smacked his arm again, then pulled him in for another hug.

“Oh my God, I’ve missed you,” she said, fighting tears.

“I’ve missed you too,” Reid replied hesitantly. It sounded as if it physically pained him to be so emotionally honest.

“How long are you in town?” Katie asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she stepped out of the hug.

Reid shook his head. “Just tonight. I really can’t be out of the office longer than that. So, the appointment’s at 2:00 today, and I fly out tomorrow morning.”

“You’re staying with me, of course.”

Reid shook his head. Katie made a stern face and pointed at him warningly. “Reid – ”

“Katie, it’s one night. I’ll be fine at the Lakeview.”

“Argh! Fine. But I get you for dinner tonight at least. _And_ coffee tomorrow morning.”

“Deal,” Reid said, looking at his watch. “Look, I gotta go. I need to say hello to Dr. Hughes and make sure everything’s ready for me.”

“Absolutely. I have to get back to work anyway. Call me when you’re ready for dinner.”

Reid nodded. Katie made another squealing sound, and then leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

**

Bob looked up at the knock on his office door. “Come in,” he called out.

When Reid opened the door and popped his head inside, Bob pushed his chair back. “Dr. Oliver!” he said welcomingly. He threw his pen onto his desk and walked around. Once he reached Reid, the two doctors shook hands. Bob clapped Reid on the shoulder.

“Dr. Hughes, how are you?”

“Fine, fine. I couldn’t believe it when Alex told me your office called.”

“It disturbs me that you apparently are unfamiliar with the concept of following up with a patient,” Reid replied, fighting a smirk.

“Yes, yes. We’re so backwards and incompetent here,” Bob finished the joke sarcastically. He shook his head at Reid, eyes twinkling.

Reid spread out his hands. “You said it, not me.”

“Come along, Dr. Oliver. I’ve set you up in exam room 5. Radiology already is on standby to do any scans you might order.”

Reid followed the other man out of his office. It annoyed him how happy he was to see Bob again.

**

Reid pretended not to be disappointed when Lily and Holden arrived for the appointment with no sign of Luke. He was here to see his patient, not her son. He kept having to remind himself that through the whole appointment.

While they were waiting for the radiology department to develop and print Lily’s various scans, Reid examined Lily by testing her reactions, her pupils, and her memory and reasoning skills. She was in perfect health ( _obviously_ – it was Reid’s work). The appointment turned out to be as unnecessary as he secretly knew it was when he scheduled it.

Just as the scans arrived, Holden received a phone call. He stepped out of the room to answer it, and when he returned, he looked apologetic and worried.

“That was Mom. One of the horses slipped a shoe. I probably should go out there and help her deal with it.”

“OK.” As Holden hesitated, Lily shook her head. “No, go.”

Reid wrote in the case file, pretending he wasn’t listening.

“How are you going to get home?”

“I’ll figure something out.”

Holden sighed and looked at his watch. “I’m calling Luke.”

Reid’s pen slipped, leaving an unfortunate jagged line across the form. He inwardly grimaced.

“After you made such a deal about him _not_ coming to this appointment?”

“Well, school is done now. I’m sure he’s just off with his hooligan friends now.” Holden justified, looking at his phone as he dialed.

Lily laughed. “Did you honestly just refer to them as _hooligans_? Wow. OK, Old Man Snyder.”

Holden made a face as he lifted his phone to his ear and waited for an answer. Reid had trouble breathing regularly.

“Luke, it’s Dad…no, no. Your mom's fine. There’s been an accident at the farm. Can you come to the hospital and – oh. OK. Great. See you soon.”

**

Luke hung up his phone, his fingers shaking slightly as he pressed the button. He inhaled deeply and then looked up at the others in the booth at Al’s.

“I’ve gotta go. My dad needs a favor.”

There was some grumbling, and an immediate offer from Noah to go with him (which was quickly turned down). Luke climbed out of the booth and then said his goodbyes. He walked away about two feet and then turned back.

“Ah, Will. Can I talk to you for a second? Alone.”

Everyone looked suspicious, but Will simply slid out of the booth and walked out of earshot with him.

“What’s going on?”

“OK. Um. I hate to put you in this position, but I know you’ll be more discreet than anyone else. I might have…plans tonight. I’ve told my parents that I’ll be sleeping over at a friend’s. Can you just, um, cover for me, I guess?”

“Are these plans dangerous or illegal?”

“ _No!_ ”

“Do they involve Noah?”

Luke shook his head firmly. “No.”

Will paused, staring at him, drilling into him with his eyes. Luke shifted his weight uncomfortably.

“Fine.”

“Thank you! You’re the best, and I owe you!”

And with that Luke was out the door, heading to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to my LJ endnotes, we had raised $8,377 for Doctors Without Borders around the time I first posted this chapter. I forget what the final total ended up being, but I still remain proud of the fandom for that. Way to go! We turned our love for these characters and their relationship and our friendships with each other (and our anger about the show's ending) into something really meaningful.


	5. Chapter 5

There was a quick knock, and then Luke opened the door and walked into the exam room. Reid glanced up when he arrived, and they immediately made eye contact. Reid noticed that Luke’s hair was shorter than it was six months ago. He was also wearing a simple buttoned shirt that stretched very nicely over his shoulders.

Reid tried to convince himself that Luke looked much older now. Or, at least, old enough.

Reid felt like they stared at each other forever, but it couldn’t possibly have been all that long. Reid’s heart was beating wildly. And then Luke gave him a small smile, and Reid’s heart nearly stopped. Before either man could say anything, Lily greeted her son and Luke focused on his mother. Reid breathed in, looking down at the folder in his hand as he tried to compose himself.

“Perfect timing, Mr. Snyder,” he said. “We’re all done here.”

“Oh, great,” Lily said. “What’s the verdict?”

“Perfect health,” Reid said with a smile. “Do you have any questions or concerns?”

Lily made a thoughtful face, shaking her head a few moments later. “Nope. No, I don’t think so.”

Reid nodded. He held out his hand to shake Lily’s, and then after a beat, he shook Luke’s hand as well. His palm was warm and his grip was firm, and Reid nearly closed his eyes in pleasure. He quickly dropped Luke’s hand and stepped back.

Reid turned and walked away. He pulled open the door and stepped through it. With every movement, he told himself to just keep walking, to not say anything. At the last possible moment, he faced them again, his body and his mouth working without his brain’s permission.

“If you think of anything, you can call me tonight at the Lakeview,” he said, feeling slightly breathless. “Room 235.”

Lily nodded politely, but it was clear she had no further concerns. “Thank you, Dr. Oliver.”

Reid couldn’t bring himself to look at Luke.

**

“Am I boring you?” Katie asked, leaning forward over their dinner table.

Reid looked up at her, startled. “What? No.”

“That’s the third time you’ve looked at your watch in the last ten minutes.”

“I wasn’t – I’m not – so tell me more about this guy at work you don’t like.”

“His name is Brad. Which I’ve said, like, twelve times.”

“Yep. Brad. I’m listening. Go.”

Katie narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

**

“May I please be excused?”

Lily glanced at Luke’s plate. “That’s all you’re eating?”

“I’m…I’m not really hungry. We went to Al’s after school so…”

“OK, fine.”

Luke stood up, sticking his hands in his pockets nervously. He found he couldn’t look at anyone as he continued. “So I’m going out. Like I said, I’ll probably stay over tonight.”

“Have fun,” Lily said.

Luke started to walk away from the table, throwing a wave over his shoulder at Holden’s “Drive careful!”

**

Reid’s hotel room was exactly ten paces wide by eight paces long. There were 68 squares on the ceiling. The complimentary pens were now lined up on the desk exactly one inch apart and at perfect right angles to the edge. The clock in the room was just slightly too slow, and no matter how many times he reset it, he could hear the ticking of the second hand as it got more and more off from the one on his watch. There were an unopened box of condoms and a brand new bottle of lube in the drawer next to the phone book and menus.

Reid ran a shaking hand down his face. Not that they were going to be used or anything. Nothing was going to happen. Even if…even if Luke picked up on the subtle invitation and came over, Reid had decided long ago that he couldn’t do it. It would be too much for Luke – and for him.

Nothing was going to happen.

Reid exhaled sharply, then swallowed. He began to pace again.

He doubted Luke was going to show up anyway. Why would he? He had a boyfriend. And besides, Reid had emphatically rejected him many times before. How could he, anyway? He was 17 years old. _Seventeen_. He lived with his parents. What was he going to do? Make up some lie and sneak over to Reid’s hotel room?

Why had he even come back here? Why hadn’t he just stayed away? He had been _fine_. He had said goodbye, moved on, started to live his life again. Besides, no matter what happened here tonight, nothing was going to change. He lived in Texas, and Luke lived in Illinois, and he was 13 years older than Luke.

And nothing was going to happen, anyway.

There was a soft, quick knock on the door. Reid spun and stared at it, unable to move, unable to even breathe.

**

Luke didn’t know how long he’d been standing in the hall, staring at the number 235 on the door in front of him. His heart was pounding, and his mind was incredibly blank. There was a very small part of him that wanted to run away. And the rest of him knew that he would never forgive himself if he didn’t at least try.

Before he could stop himself, he reached out and knocked. It was hesitant, and Luke wondered if Reid had even heard it. He stood there for a few more seconds, and then moved to knock again. The door opened before he could.

Reid’s slightly wrinkled shirt was now untucked, and the top few buttons were undone. It looked like he had run his hands through his hair a good dozen times. Luke let his eyes drift over Reid’s whole body, making it back up to his throat in time to see him gulp. Then Luke raised his eyes to meet Reid’s. He was staring at Luke, a look of extreme heat and desire in his eyes, as well as what Luke decided was fear or nerves or something.

It was at that moment that all of Luke’s doubts went away. “Hi,” he said softly.

Reid stepped back and let him into the room.

Luke walked through, facing ahead. The click of the door closing was unexpectedly loud in the silence of the room. He turned to look at Reid. Reid still had his hand on the doorknob, and he looked like he might fall over if he let go. Luke half-smiled.

“How are you?”

“I’m – I’m good,” Reid replied, his voice raw. “Uh…you?”

With that, Luke grinned fully. “Never better,” he said.

Reid nodded, not making eye contact with Luke. Luke walked back to the door. He reached around Reid, turning the deadbolt and sliding the chain into place. Heat radiated from Reid’s body, and Luke could feel quick puffs of air against his neck.

“What are you doing?” Reid murmured.

“You know what,” Luke replied.

He stepped in front of Reid and rested his hands on his waist. Reid looked up at him, his eyes now full of uncertainty.

“We can’t do this,” he whispered.

“Why else did you come?” Luke asked, still entirely confident and sure.

“Your…I…medical…”

Luke smirked as he shook his head. “You’re not fooling anyone, but I’ll let you put up a little more of a fight, if it makes you feel better.”

Reid swallowed, but he didn’t reply. Luke lifted his hands and slipped the next couple of buttons on Reid’s shirt out of their holes. Reid’s breathing was shaky, but his skin was warm against Luke’s knuckles. Luke could see the pulse in Reid's neck racing.

“Luke – ”

“You told me I should make naked mistakes. Why can’t you be one of them?” he asked, smiling lightly to show he didn’t think it was a mistake.

“Luke – ”

“I’m going to lose my virginity to someone eventually," he said, suddenly serious. "I want it to be someone I trust. Someone I care about.”

One of Reid’s hands found its way to Luke’s waist. He lifted the other to Luke’s face. Cupping Luke’s cheek gently, Reid tried again. “We shouldn’t do this.”

Luke stopped moving entirely. He looked directly into Reid’s eyes. “Tell me you don’t want me,” he said firmly. “Tell me you didn’t come back here for this, and I’ll leave right now.”

Reid exhaled. He stared back at Luke, and he couldn’t bring himself to lie. After a few beats, Luke smiled again, relieved and happy. He reached down, grabbing Reid’s hand. He tugged him away from the door and led him back towards the bed. He stopped when his knees hit the mattress, and he watched Reid for a moment.

“You’re shaking,” he observed. “Shouldn’t I be the nervous one here?”

Reid laughed self-deprecatingly. “I don’t know why you’re not.”

Luke shrugged. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Reid’s. Neither man moved for a second. Then Reid lifted both hands to Luke’s face, pulling him closer as he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke had imagined his first time quite often. Most of the time, Reid was there in his fantasies. Other times, it was some random person he couldn’t _quite_ picture. Occasionally it was the muscle-bound star of whatever action movie he had just watched. Once or twice, back when he was entertaining notions about him and Noah, he even tried to picture the two of them together, with little success. The mood of the fantasies always changed too. Sometimes, it was fast and passionate, a little rough even. Sometimes, it was slow and tender and filled with soft whispers. Usually, it was somewhere in between. But never, in all of his fantasies, did he imagine his first time quite like what was actually happening. It had been several minutes since their lips made contact, and they were still just kissing.

Right away, Luke had finished unbuttoning Reid’s shirt, and Reid had returned the favor. They stood at the foot of the bed, holding each other close, bare skin to bare skin. Reid’s hands kept returning to Luke’s head – cupping his face, tangling in his hair, stroking softly down his neck. Luke could not stop moaning, and he’d never been as hard as he was then. He wanted more. He wanted so much more, and he didn’t know how to get it.

“Reid,” he said breathlessly, breaking the kiss and half-opening his eyes to stare at the other man.

“Mmm?” Reid replied, already leaning in again.

“I need you to – I need you to take control now. I don’t know what…”

Reid nodded, kissing Luke again. As their lips met, Reid’s hands dropped down to Luke’s waist. He lifted him slightly even as he climbed onto the bed. They landed on the mattress in a controlled fall, and it was then that Luke really first felt Reid against him. His cock was hard and digging into Luke’s groin. Reid pushed his hips forward, thrusting against Luke, and Luke exhaled sharply.

He blinked his eyes open and stared open-mouthed at Reid. Reid was looking down at him, and Luke lifted a hand to the side of his head. He started to pull Reid down into another kiss, but Reid resisted. He looked hesitant, and Luke felt worried.

“What?” he asked. “What is it?”

“I just,” Reid shook his head. “I need you to know two things. First, you say the word and we stop. Whenever.”

Luke blinked. “I don’t want to stop,” he said emphatically.

“Just…remember that. And please remember, this is only…I mean, we aren’t – we _can’t_ …”

Luke nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m not expecting anything more than tonight.”

Reid stared at him for another beat, and then he lowered his head to capture Luke’s lips again. This kiss was somehow even more passionate than the ones before. Luke felt Reid’s tongue deep in his mouth, thrusting in, stroking against his own tongue. Luke opened his mouth wider and moaned low in his throat. One hand clutched rhythmically at Reid’s lower back, while the other one stayed buried in Reid’s hair. His mind was completely blank; he couldn’t think about anything except how good it all felt.

**

Reid couldn’t remember the last time sex felt this good. And they weren’t even really doing anything yet. He was dragging this out as long as he could, and he didn’t really know if it was because he was being cautious about Luke or if he just wanted to savor every moment of their one night together. Reid had had his fair share of partners. Some of them were _extremely_ skilled. None of them had made him feel like Luke did. He ignored the voice in his head (that sounded suspiciously like Katie) that told him it was because he was in love with Luke. He just tried to convince himself that Luke was a natural at this.

And he was. He was all instinct, but his instinct was dead on. He knew perfectly how to kiss Reid back, where to put his hands, when to lift or slide his body beneath Reid’s. Reid kissed his way down Luke’s neck, and Luke turned his head to the side. Reid nibbled on the stretched muscles of his neck, then licked broadly up Luke’s skin until he reached his ear.

“How do you want to do this?” he asked softly.

“Huh?” was Luke’s only reply. Reid pulled back and met his eyes. Judging by the hardness pressed against his thigh, Reid was pretty sure Luke's mental capabilities were shot.

“Do you want me to…?”

Luke suddenly realized what Reid was asking. He licked his lips and nodded rapidly. His eyes were somewhat dazed as he replied, “Ever since I met you, I’ve been getting off with my fingers inside of me. Pretending it was you. I – I want…”

But Reid never knew what Luke was going to say. He had already broken eye contact and buried his head in Luke’s neck with a groan. After a moment, Luke cautiously patted Reid’s back.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Reid whimpered as he shook his head. Every last speck of willpower and restraint was directed towards _not_ coming right then. Once Reid had recovered enough, he began to move again. He kissed Luke’s neck quickly and then dropped lower. He ran his teeth lightly over his clavicle and traced his tongue down his sternum. Then he moved to the side. He kissed and bit at Luke’s nipple, flicking it and then soothing it with his tongue. He wrapped his mouth over the nub, sucking hard. He continued his attack on Luke’s chest until the younger man was babbling incoherently, his hand holding Reid’s head in place as he arched his back, trying to get even more skin inside Reid’s mouth. Reid scratched one hand down Luke’s back all the way to his ass. He pulled Luke’s lower body into his, and Luke responded by thrusting hard and fast against Reid’s thigh.

Reid dragged his hand around to Luke’s hip. He pressed down until Luke rolled away from him. Reid switched to Luke’s other nipple even as he slid his hand across the hard, _so hard_ , bulge in Luke’s pants. He blindly unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans, slipping his hand through the flaps and wrapping his palm around Luke’s cock.

Luke grunted a couple times, moved his hips away and then thrust back up, and smacked Reid’s arm desperately. But Reid was entirely focused on the task at hand. He took his mouth away from Luke’s skin, just about to slide up and kiss him again when his plans changed abruptly.

“Oh! Oh God!” Luke exclaimed, and the next thing Reid knew, Luke was coming.

Reid pulled back, confused and startled. Then he immediately turned his head down, trying to hide his smile as he stroked Luke through the orgasm. After a quite impressive display of uncontrollable pleasure, Luke collapsed back onto the mattress, breathing heavily. Reid watched him, drinking in the sight of a blissed-out Luke. And then Luke’s whole body turned red as he slapped a palm against his face.

“I can’t believe I – that was not how I – ”

Reid bit his tongue ( _hard_ ) so he wouldn’t laugh. Then he finally went in for the kiss he had planned on earlier.

“Don’t worry about it,” he muttered once he pulled away. “Downside of being 17. But there are perks too.”

Luke opened his eyes, and the mixture of lust, embarrassment and satisfaction in them made Reid smile. “What do you mean?”

“You’ll see,” Reid teased. He ran a hand down Luke’s side and then pushed himself forward so he could reach the nightstand drawer. “Let’s take this a little slower, huh?”

Luke swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah.”

Reid threw the lube and a condom on the bed next to Luke and then focused on pulling off Luke’s pants and boxers. Luke was languid and boneless and just let Reid move him wherever he needed to. He watched Reid as he undressed himself, and his eyes bulged when he saw Reid completely naked. Reid fought another smile.

“You OK?”

Luke swallowed nervously, then nodded. Reid lowered himself onto Luke again, stretching his long legs out and intertwining them with Luke’s. Reid never took his eyes away from Luke’s as he reached out for the lube. He popped the cap and squeezed some onto his fingers, and then he skimmed his hand over Luke’s body.

Reid shifted his weight, reaching up between Luke’s legs. Instinctively, Luke spread them and lifted his ass, giving Reid room to work. He traced his finger lightly across Luke’s opening. Luke’s eyelids fluttered and he squeezed Reid’s upper arm, digging his nails into Reid's biceps.

Reid pressed one finger in, and Luke’s mouth dropped open with a gasp. Reid moved torturously slow and after a few beats, Luke began to respond, tilting his hips up and then dropping back down in concert with Reid’s movements, rotating around Reid’s finger in small circles.

“Show me,” Reid said softly. “Show me how you like it. What do you do when you think of me?”

Luke opened his eyes. He blushed slightly before ducking his head down. Then he lifted his knees and planted his feet against the mattress. Reid fit perfectly into the groove he made, and he thrust a few shallow times against Luke’s groin as he waited for the young man to reach down. When Luke’s hands met Reid’s, he first forced him to unfold two more fingers. Reid sighed as he slid them in Luke alongside the first one. Then Luke’s fingers encircled Reid’s wrist. He forced Reid to push in harder, faster, deeper. He changed the angle so Reid was aiming towards where he knew Luke’s prostate was. Luke continued to demand pleasure from him, and it was turning Reid on beyond belief.

Right when Reid’s fingers finally made contact with Luke’s prostate, he hooked them, rubbing against the edge of the gland. An uncontrollable noise slipped from Luke’s lips and then he inhaled sharply. Then he looked down at himself in surprise.

“See?” Reid said, smiling as he brushed against Luke again and Luke grew even harder. “Seventeen.”

“It usually takes more time than that,” Luke whispered.

“Mmm,” Reid replied, smirking. “You’re usually doing this by yourself.”

And with that he pulled his fingers out completely. Luke moaned in disappointment but then bit his lip as he watched Reid reach up for the condom. He rolled it on and slicked himself, and nearly came in his hand at the sound of hungry anticipation that Luke made. Reid moved back on top of Luke, who immediately wrapped his legs around Reid's torso and hooked his feet at the ankles. Reid bent his head forward and laughed.

“What?” Luke asked.

“Nothing. You’re just…you’re a natural.”

Luke beamed. “Really? I…it’s good?”

Reid nodded, unwilling to put into words just how very good it was. He lined himself up and then held himself incredibly still. He stared into Luke’s eyes.

“You’re sure?”

Luke nodded. “Yes,” he said.

Reid pressed in, adjusting his speed and force as he gauged Luke’s reaction. His mouth was open and his eyes were now squeezed closed. One hand was wrapped around the back of Reid’s neck, while the other flew back to grab the bottom rung of the headboard. Reid was maybe a third of the way in when Luke finally resisted and clenched around him tightly even as he tried to push himself farther onto Reid.

“Luke,” Reid said, fighting the competing urges to pull out and drive in.

“You’re so big,” Luke choked out.

Reid smiled, suddenly laughing. “Well, thank you, but not really.”

“It feels like you’re splitting me in half,” he said breathlessly.

“OK,” Reid said determinedly, already starting to pull out of Luke.

“No!” Luke said, wrapping his arms and legs around Reid tightly. “No, no. It’s good. It’s good.”

“Luke.”

“Please,” Luke said, opening his eyes and staring into Reid’s. Reid found he couldn’t resist Luke, and they both started moving again. Reid entered Luke in small increments while Luke breathed, relaxed, and accepted him. When Reid was fully inside, they paused. Reid exhaled sharply, his head pressed against the pillow next to Luke’s head.

And then small, sharp thrusts that grew into long, steady, deep ones. Luke clawing at Reid’s back, Reid kissing Luke for all he was worth. Loud groans, the rhythmic pounding of the headboard against the wall, the slide and slap of skin against skin.

“Reid. Reid!” Luke moaned, his hands kneading into the flesh of Reid’s ass. Reid slid his own hand down, grabbed Luke’s thigh and pulled him closer. He pushed into him one final time, coming hard. Luke arched up, taking Reid in even deeper as he fell over the edge as well.

They both collapsed onto the bed, heaving and shuddering with uneven breaths. Luke’s arms around Reid were viselike, and he refused to let him go. Reid buried his head in the dark groove by Luke’s neck and moaned softly.

“Can we do that again?” Luke asked once he finally found his voice.

Reid nodded slowly. “In a little while.” Then he snorted as he added, “I’m not 17.”

Luke laughed, the cheerful noise filling the room. He turned his head slightly and kissed Reid’s cheekbone. Reid smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

Luke had been awake for a few minutes, and he had spent the entire time staring at a sleeping Reid. He was starting to feel a little bit like a creepy stalker, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Reid was gorgeous. Luke shifted on the bed, biting his lip and smiling at his strained body’s protests. Then he reached out carefully, softly flitting his fingers over Reid’s collar bone, his neck, his lips. Back down to his chest and then lower to his stomach. Luke wondered if he could ever get enough of touching Reid.

He paused for a second, and then he slid his hand lower. He pulled the sheet away and gazed down at Reid’s cock. He hadn’t wanted to look too much before – there wasn’t any opportunity, really, and he didn’t want Reid to catch him staring. Luke swallowed. He didn’t know why this was affecting him so much. He was _very_ familiar with the shape and appearance of his own, after all. He had snuck glances at other guys in the locker room over the years, even just for comparison before he realized his interests in naked men went much deeper than that. But this was the first one that – that he…

Reid shifted in his sleep, moaning softly. Luke’s eyes darted up to Reid’s face. When Reid made no further movement, Luke licked his lips and sighed. He thought about letting Reid sleep a little longer. And then he thought about how this would be their only night together and Reid could sleep all he wanted on the plane the next morning.

Luke pushed himself up on his elbow, leaning closer. He pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Reid’s mouth. Then he shifted over and kissed him full on the lips. As he kissed Reid’s far cheek, he felt the skin beneath him pull into a smile. When he kissed just below Reid’s ear, Reid made a soft noise and placed his palm on the back of Luke’s head.

Luke shimmied down, switching his focus to suck softly at the juncture of Reid’s neck and shoulder. He dragged his front teeth down over Reid’s collar bone and then swirled his tongue in the dip of Reid’s throat. Reid sighed, and Luke smiled. He had no idea what he was doing, really, but it seemed to be working. Reid’s fingers in his hair tightened; he pulled Luke up until their mouths met. Luke went willingly into the kiss, sliding one hand up Reid’s side until his thumb brushed over his nipple. Reid moaned against his mouth, and Luke experimented, moving his thumb back down and circling over and around the nub.

Luke pulled away from the kiss and looked at Reid. His eyes were open now, and he was watching Luke. Luke gave him a small smile, and then slid back down his body. He lowered his open mouth onto Reid’s sternum and then kissed and sucked and licked his way down the midline of Reid’s torso. He kept his hands over Reid’s pecs for as long as possible, massaging the muscles, teasing and scratching. But when his mouth reached Reid’s navel, Luke slid his hands down to grasp at the crests of Reid's hips.

He lifted his head, breathing heavily as he glanced up at Reid. He didn’t know how to put into words what he wanted, but Reid simply nodded. Luke pushed himself onto his elbows, tilting his head to look down at Reid’s cock again. He swallowed, feeling somewhat uncertain, and then he kissed the tip. He licked his lips, tasting the trace of fluid that had transferred to his mouth. He blinked and swallowed, trying to define or describe the taste, trying to decide whether he liked it. Then he just barely shook his head and opened his mouth. He took the head of Reid’s cock into his mouth, wrapping his lips around it and sucking softly.

**

Reid grunted when Luke finally reached his cock. He closed his eyes, breathing out shakily as he fought the urge to hold Luke’s head still and rock into his mouth. He was not used to this, not used to being submissive and passive, not used to letting his partner explore his body at his own pace. But then he didn’t usually do a lot of the things he was willing to do for or with Luke. Reid swallowed, then bit his lip. He reached out with one hand and pulled the sheets into his fist.

He was enjoying himself too much to notice at first that Luke seemed frustrated. It was only when Luke backed away that Reid realized there was a problem. He made a disapproving noise at the loss of Luke’s warm, wet mouth, and he lifted his head off the pillow to stare down at him until he got the hint. Then Reid nearly laughed when he saw Luke looking at his cock in confusion and almost a little bit of annoyance. He reached both hands down, and Luke glanced up at Reid with a bashful smile. Reid grabbed one of Luke’s hands and wrapped it around the base of his erection. He rested his other palm against the side of Luke’s neck, rubbing softly to relax and open the muscles of his throat. Luke barely nodded before taking Reid in again.

After that, Luke got the hang of things very quickly. Almost too quickly – Reid was afraid he wasn’t going to last much longer. Luke was bobbing his head and creating the most amazing suction. He stroked Reid slowly, squeezing every once in a while. He was all lips and tongue and – _teeth_. Reid hissed loudly as he pulled away from Luke.

“Teeth! Teeth!” he exclaimed.

Luke winced. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Reid shook his head, dropping back onto his pillow with heavy breaths. “It’s OK. Sometimes, it’s _more_ than OK. Just…be careful.”

Luke nodded. “’Kay.” And then he was working on Reid again with single-minded focus. Reid quickly found himself on the brink again, and when he felt Luke slide a finger over his balls and reach back to tease his opening, Reid groaned.

“Luke, I’m gonna – I’m…” he warned.

Reid sensed the moment of hesitation, and then Luke’s mouth was gone, leaving only his hands. They were more than enough, and Reid arched his back as he yelled out.

**

Luke watched in awe as Reid came over Luke's hand and his own stomach. He had done that. _He_ had made Reid fall apart with nothing more than his mouth and hands. Luke admittedly was feeling pretty damn powerful right then. In fact, that was the only thing that gave him the confidence to crawl up Reid’s body, kiss him, and ask him for something he hadn’t realized he wanted so badly.

“Reid,” he whispered urgently. “Reid, can I – fuck you?”

“ _Ngh._ ”

Luke took that as a yes. Within seconds, he had the lube and another condom out of the drawer. And a few minutes after that, he had two fingers inside Reid. He wasn’t even thinking anymore. He was just moving, just going with what felt right, listening to Reid’s sounds of pleasure, adjusting his movements with Reid’s own. Reid had pulled him into a kiss again, but it lacked any sort of finesse at this point. It was all passion and desire and tongue. Reid’s hands were big and warm against his face, and Luke was the happiest he’d ever been in his life.

He probably should have spent more time preparing Reid, but things were getting a little too urgent. He removed his fingers, tore desperately at the condom wrapper and then rolled it on. He nearly laughed hysterically as he flashed back to his sex ed class where all the girls blushed and all the boys pretended they already knew how to put them on and Casey started a condom-throwing fight. And then all his humor was gone and he was pushing into Reid. He looked into Reid’s eyes, blinked rapidly, and smiled at the answering expression on Reid’s face. Luke groaned, ducking his head as he began to move.

It didn’t last long. Reid was tight and hot and purposely squeezing around him. He hooked one leg over Luke’s hip and gripped Luke’s ass, pushing him in deeper and harder with every thrust. And Luke was, well, Luke was 17. He groaned, his whole body convulsing as he released, and then his arms gave out and he fell onto Reid.

“Wow,” he whispered after a moment.

Reid smiled. He traced his fingers up and down Luke’s sweaty back. He swallowed several times and then he snickered.

“Happy belated birthday, by the way.”

Luke burst into laughter, joined quickly by Reid. Once they calmed down, Reid pushed Luke off him, and Luke rolled to the side. Reid sat up and looked around the room.

“I’m hungry,” he said.

**

Despite several jokes about secret affairs, Luke made no real argument against _disappearing_ into the bathroom when the room service arrived. The hotel employee raised his eyebrow at Reid’s state of undress and the absolutely destroyed bed, but he made no comment. Reid gave him an obscenely large tip and told him to get out.

They ended up climbing back onto the bed, sitting cross-legged in their underwear as they ate the food spread out between them. Luke had rolled his eyes at the copious amount of junk Reid had ordered, and then he blushed, ducking his head and laughing, when Reid made a comment about needing to keep up their strength. Luke stretched out, putting his glass of soda on the nightstand. When he turned around again, Reid’s eyes were focused somewhere around his ribs. Luke bit his lip as he smiled, and then Reid cleared his throat.

“So, how are you anyway? How’s…everything?”

Luke narrowed his eyes in amusement. He scratched alongside his open mouth before answering. “Good. Really good.”

“School’s going OK?”

Luke nodded once, slightly exaggeratedly. “Mm-hmm. I came out. There were some difficulties with that, but almost everyone just was…really cool about it.”

“Good.”

“Yeah. I’m…I’m loving life. I did this internship thing at the TV station, and I won this writing contest, and there’s basketball, and…I don’t remember the last time I was this happy.” Luke looked up at Reid with a sly grin, hinting at other things that were making him happy. Then he laughed and added, “It makes me a little nervous, actually.”

Reid smirked. “Well, you gotta take the SAT and the ACT soon, don’t you?”

“Holy crap, yes. _That’s_ that niggling concern."

“Don’t worry about it,” Reid advised. “You’ll do fine.”

They were silent for a while, and Reid finished off the plate of fries. He cleared his throat. “So, have you met anyone? Any guys, I mean?”

Luke looked up at him, startled. He tilted his head questioningly, slightly offended. “You think I’d cheat?”

“No, I – no. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…Katie thought you were seeing someone is all. Some new kid in town.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Noah. Everyone thinks we’re dating. The only two gay kids, they must be together! We’re just friends.”

Reid nodded, ignoring the relief rushing through him. And then he started to feel nervous again when Luke lifted his head abruptly and stared at him, a huge smile spreading across his face.

“Are you keeping tabs on me?” he asked.

“No, Katie just mentioned – ”

“You’re totally spying on me!” Luke crowed.

“I am not – ” But Reid wasn’t able to complete his denial. Luke leaned forward onto his hands and crawled across the mattress until he could kiss Reid. His continued protests were muffled against Luke’s lips for a moment before he stopped talking and deepened the kiss.

Neither man broke away as they blindly pushed the empty plates onto the floor. Once the bed was clear, they pulled each other closer, lying down again. There was no real urgency, no goal to the kiss. They were just enjoying the moment and each other. Eventually, Reid pulled away, propping himself up to look at the clock. He sighed – it was getting late.

“How long can you stay? When do you have to get home?”

Luke smiled impishly.

“What?” Reid asked.

Luke shook his head. “My parents think I’m sleeping over at a friend’s house tonight.”

Reid’s mouth dropped open. “Oh,” he finally exhaled. “Well, then…”

Luke nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

Reid kissed him again quickly, and then Luke pulled away. He repositioned himself, getting comfortable against Reid’s chest. He could feel the sharp bone of Reid’s chin pressing into the top of his head, but he didn’t bother moving.

“How are _you_?” he asked. “I don’t have anyone reporting back to me about your – ”

“Oh, shut up.”

Luke snickered and stopped talking. He focused instead on drawing circles with his fingertips on Reid’s skin.

“I’ve mostly been working,” Reid said softly, a few beats later. “I can’t give you that many details about my life.”

“I understand,” Luke murmured.

Reid inhaled. “I have this one new patient. Annie. You’d really like her…”


	8. Chapter 8

Reid was already up when the hotel’s system phoned with his wake-up call. He had spent much more time awake that night than he had spent asleep, actually. He was exhausted, and even Luke was hitting his body’s limits. Nonetheless they were moving together slowly, Reid spooned up behind Luke and buried deep inside him. His mouth was latched onto Luke’s shoulder, and Luke’s free hand held his head firmly in place. Luke moaned softly, his voice raw and wrecked, as he rocked back against Reid and then forward into Reid’s fist.

Their movements stuttered to a halt at the intrusive noise, and Luke’s eyes flew open. He stared at the phone in confused shock, only realizing what was happening when Reid murmured in his ear, “Wake-up call.”

“When – how much time – ?” Luke asked brokenly.

Reid was already moving again, at the same unhurried pace as before. “Hour. No rush.”

Luke closed his eyes again, sighing. “Good. Don’t – please don’t stop.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Reid replied, a teasing lilt to his voice.

There was no frenzied, frantic rush to completion, no erratic movement as they reached their thresholds. They simply maintained the slow, sensuous back and forth until they both lost control. Afterwards, they remained still for several minutes, basking in the feel of each other. Neither one quite wanted to admit the night was over. But even if they had more time, which they didn’t, they definitely no longer had any energy. It was time to say goodbye and go back to the real world.

Ultimately, Reid climbed out of bed, pulling Luke into the bathroom after him. They took a slow, hot shower – running hands through wet hair, kissing lazily, holding each other close as water streamed over their bodies. Every few minutes, they’d open their eyes, blinking against the shampoo so they could see each other. Reid memorized every detail of Luke’s face.

They finally turned off the water and stepped out of the tub. Reid stayed in the bathroom to shave, while Luke went back into the main room to get dressed. When Reid joined Luke, he was surprised to see the young man fully clothed and sitting on the end of the bed, his cell phone loose in his grasp.

“What’s wrong?” Reid asked quietly.

“I had a text from Will. Ah, my friend Will, the one who’s covering for me. They just ran into my parents at Java. Will told them I had to run back to his place for something, but they’ll be expecting me to meet up with my friends any second.” Luke looked up at Reid. “I have to go. Now.”

Reid nodded, then inhaled slowly. “OK,” he said. “I’m meeting Katie at Java, but we can’t show up there together, anyway. We should leave here separately.”

Luke laughed humorlessly. “It’s funny. It didn’t feel like we were doing anything wrong in here. But out there…other people…”

Reid sighed. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Luke. “Any regrets?” he asked softly.

Luke shook his head. “No. None.”

“Are you going to be OK?’

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.” Luke turned to look at Reid. “You?”

Reid nodded slowly, and the corners of his lips quirked up into a grim smile. “Mm-hmm.”

They stared at each other for a few more moments. Then Luke leaned forward. Reid met him halfway in a kiss that skirted the line between chaste and passionate. Luke pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against Reid’s.

“Goodbye,” he whispered.

“Have a good life, Mr. Snyder.”

Luke swallowed. Then he stood up and walked out of the room. He didn’t look back.

**

Luke made it to Java just as his parents were leaving. They were strolling out of the shop hand-in-hand and talking about their plans for the day when Luke came running up to them. They barely talked to each other before they went their separate ways, but it was enough. He had just wanted them to see him show up, to make it look like he was joining up with his friends again after only being away from them for a few minutes. Luke sighed in relief when neither his mom nor his dad seemed suspicious or concerned. As soon as they said goodbye, Luke hurried into the coffee shop.

He ordered the most caffeinated drink he could think of and flopped into the chair next to Will as he waited for the barista to call his name.

“You look tired,” Will mused, the sarcasm barely noticeable under the feigned concern. “Long night?”

Luke shrugged. He avoided Noah’s curious expression and was thankful Will could be trusted. And then he caught Casey’s leer. He looked nervously at his friend, wondering if Will had told him anything.

“What?” he asked guardedly.

“You got laid,” Casey declared.

Both Noah and Will choked on their drinks. Luke blushed all over his whole body.

“I did not.”

His denial didn’t sound very believable even to him. He refused to look at Noah – the expression on his face was bad enough in his imagination. He didn’t need to see the real thing.

**

Reid thought he deserved some kind of acting award. When he walked into Java and saw Luke in the corner table with a couple other high-school-aged kids, he didn’t react at all. He didn’t even look at them. He merely strolled up to the counter, ordered his latte, and sat in the exact opposite corner. Of course, this allowed him to secretly watch Luke and his friends, all while making it look like he was keeping an eye out for Katie. He was a genius.

He was also very proud of Luke, who caught Reid’s eyes sometimes but was managing to act completely nonchalant as well. The next time they made eye contact, he gave Luke a small smile, and Luke stared back at him for a moment. Then he exhaled and turned away, focusing on his friends once more. Reid took a sip of his drink.

Finally, thankfully, a Katie-shaped distraction walked through the doors. She ordered her coffee and then stepped over to the table. She tossed her purse down and then bent over to kiss his cheek.

“Ugh, sorry I’m late.”

Reid waved his hand, brushing off the apology. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, and they fell naturally into conversation. Now that Reid only had a flight to look forward to, he was able to give Katie his full attention. Well, almost. His eyes may have happened to flit to the table in the opposite corner every once in a while.

**

“So who is he?” Casey asked for the tenth or eleventh time.

“There is no one, OK?” Luke replied for the tenth or eleventh time. “Just shut up.”

“Yeah, Casey,” Will chimed in. “Give it a rest.”

“I have to go,” Noah declared. It was the first thing he said since Luke sat down. “See you guys later.”

He walked out of Java without even a backwards glance. Luke felt kind of sick to his stomach. He had always tried to make it clear to Noah that he wasn’t interested in him that way, but Luke had been on the opposite side of an unrequited crush too many times not to feel a little guilty for any pain Noah might be feeling. Luke watched Noah leave the shop. Then he turned back to Casey with an annoyed expression on his face.

“What?” Casey asked, laughing. The thing was, Luke could never really get mad at Casey for these types of situations, because they never were intentional. He really was just that clueless sometimes.

“I hope you’re happy,” Will said. Will, on the other hand, had no problem pointing out Casey’s bonehead moves.

Casey furrowed his brow.

“If there _was_ someone who, ah, deflowered our Luke last night – ” Luke threw a sugar packet at Will. “It wasn’t Noah, you idiot.”

Casey stared at him for a moment. Then he groaned, slid out of his chair and ran after Noah. Will and Luke sat quietly for several moments. Will lifted his coffee to his lips and took a sip. As he returned the cup to the coaster, he cleared his throat.

“So who was he?”

“Oh my God,” Luke groaned, dropping his shoulders as he stared up at the ceiling.

**

Reid chuckled at Katie’s story about her work nemesis even as he lifted his cup and finished off his drink. He put the cup down and checked his watch. He was trying _very_ hard not to notice that Luke was standing only a few feet from them as he waited for a refill. As such, it took a moment for the time to register with him.

“Oh crap,” he said. “I’ve gotta get to the airport.”

“You need a ride?” Katie offered.

Reid shook his head. “That’s what the rental car is for.”

“Right,” Katie said. She looked at Reid and sighed softly. “OK. Well…”

Reid gave her a small smile. They both stood up and quickly pulled each other into a hug.

“You’re in love with the guy,” he whispered in her ear.

She stepped back, looking at him in confusion. “What?”

“Brad,” he clarified.

“I am – I am not!”

Reid raised his eyebrows teasingly.

“I’m _not_!”

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Then stop talking about him for two damn minutes, and I might believe you.”

Katie spluttered and Reid walked around her, heading for the door. When he reached it, he turned around. He smiled at Katie, and his eyes snuck quickly over her shoulder to glance at Luke. Luke was very clearly making every effort not to look at him.

Katie waved just as Luke lost his inner battle. When Luke’s head lifted and his eyes turned towards the door, Reid kissed the tips of his fingers. Even Reid wasn’t quite sure who the farewell gesture was for. Or maybe he just didn’t want to admit to something so sappy.


	9. Chapter 9

Reid didn’t even last a month before contacting Luke. He barely lasted two weeks. Luke was sitting in the living room after dinner, messing around on his computer while his parents read the newspaper and Faith and Natalie played quietly with each other. Ethan was asleep in the playpen in the corner. It was pretty much a Norman Rockwell painting of a perfectly functional and happy family. That amused Luke greatly, but he also was thankful for it.

His peacefulness was shattered, however, when a tiny beep alerted him to a new e-mail. Luke went to his e-mail program and nearly swore out loud in shock when he saw the message (< no subject >) and sender (Reid Oliver, M.D.).

Luke glanced nervously around the room. No one was paying him any attention, but for good measure, he pulled his feet up onto the couch and his knees closer to his chest. Resting his laptop against his legs, he tilted the screen down a hair. He was definitely the only one who could see the computer now, so he clicked on the message. His heart was beating wildly, and he had trouble lining up the mouse just right.

The internet connection had never seemed slower as he waited for the message to appear.

**From: r.oliver@UTneuro.edu  
To: lukesnyder@yahoo.com  
Subject: < no subject >**

**Hi Luke,  
How are you?  
R**

It was incredibly short and to the point. Exactly the kind of e-mail that Luke would have expected from Reid, if he had ever dared to imagine Reid would send him an e-mail. Reid didn’t mess around with pleasantries and meaningless conversation. Up until that moment, Luke would have sworn that Reid also didn’t bother with personal e-mails.

He wondered why Reid had sent this one. He wondered how he should respond, and when. _Whether_ he should respond, or if he should stick to what he had thought had been the unspoken agreement – that night was it. One night together and then no more contact ever. Each day had been more depressingly difficult than the previous one, but Luke never would have predicted that Reid would have been the first one to break.

His cursor hovered over the reply button. Luke swallowed and blinked a couple times. And then he closed out of the browser.

**

The e-mail weighed on his mind throughout the rest of the night. Finally, after he excused himself up to his bedroom, he opened his computer again. Luke sat cross-legged on his bed and stared at the blank text box mocking him. He leaned forward and typed quickly.

_Reid,  
Everything’s fine here. No one suspected anything._

And then he erased the message. Luke ran a hand over his eyes quickly.

_Good. How are you?_

Luke shook his head, clearing the message again. Finally, he just went with the truth.

_Missing you._

He hit send before he could stop himself.

**

Luke couldn’t sleep at all that night. He just thought of Reid, and that e-mail, and whether he had said too much with just two words. Finally, he pulled himself out of bed and grabbed his laptop off his desk. He brought it back to bed with him, covering up the speaker as the boot-up music played. Luke glanced at his alarm clock as he collapsed back onto his mattress. It was far too late. Or early. The last time he was awake at this time, he was staring into Reid’s eyes as Reid made him come for something like the fourth or fifth time that night.

He was beginning to think that Reid would be responsible for a lot of lost sleep.

Luke grinned when he signed into his e-mail program and saw two new messages from Reid from two different accounts. Biting his lip, Luke clicked on the earlier link.

**Luke –  
I wanted to come up with some justifiable reason for contacting you. No luck.  
Reid**

Luke turned his head into the pillow to muffle his happy laughter. Reid was something of an expert when it came to not talking about feelings, and yet Luke was getting pretty good at reading between the very brief lines. He opened the next e-mail.

**Hi again,  
I figured I should probably not use my work e-mail for personal stuff. I also figured that hotmail was the best place for an e-mail account that I’m only going to use to talk to you. (Pun intended.)  
R**

Luke rolled onto his back and pulled his computer onto his stomach. He clicked the reply button and began to type.

_So you’re planning on e-mailing me a lot, I take it, braindr@hotmail.com? I think I can live with that. It’s been, what, two weeks, and I can’t stop thinking about you. This is worse than before, if that makes sense. Before it was just my imagination. Now I know what being with you (not just sex, but BEING with you) is really like. Being able to talk to you like this is helping already, though. I find myself remembering the quiet moments of that night, when we held each other and whispered in the dark, and this may be the closest we can get to that. Not to say the other activities weren’t memorable, because they were. They were unbelievable._

_And now I’m going to stop before I say anything more and make an utter fool of myself._

Luke hit send. He really should shut his computer back down and try to get some sleep. It wasn’t like Reid would reply that night anyway. All sane people in the time zone were sound asleep. But he went back to the previous e-mail instead, and he just stared at where Reid had written his name.

Luke really liked that name.

And then his computer beeped at him. Luke furrowed his brow in surprise. He refreshed his inbox, and his mouth dropped open when he saw a new e-mail from Reid. Luke glanced at his clock; it was almost 2 in the morning.

He clicked on the message, wondering if it was perhaps an earlier message and the delivery had been delayed. It wasn’t.

**Hi Luke,  
What on earth are you doing awake? Oh, and I like it when you make a fool of yourself over me.  
R**

Luke grinned. He sat up quickly, placing the computer on the bed just in front of him. He immediately hit reply and started typing.

_Couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of you. Why are YOU up? How did you get my e-mail address by the way?_

And then the e-mails started flying back and forth.

**I was “being social” at a colleague’s party. It was horrible. And I’m not going to tell you all of my secret spy tricks.**

_Katie gave it to you, didn’t she?  
I’m picturing you at this party, standing alone in a corner, not talking to anyone, eating up all the food, scowling. It’s amusing me._

**She did not. But she obviously would have, so good guess.  
I’m glad I could entertain. You know me frighteningly well. It was worse than that, though. It was the guy’s bachelor party. There was a stripper.**

_She was my only guess. I will figure it out eventually, and then I will mock you for going to so much trouble just to talk to me.  
A stripper? Eww. Straight guys._

**I can stop e-mailing you right now, you know. Keep that in mind if you get the urge to mock.  
Indeed. But the bouncer tried to pick me up, so it wasn’t a total nightmare. His name was Tank.**

**Luke?**

_Tank, huh?_

**TRIED to pick me up. I wasn’t interested.**

_Why not?_

**I have a very specific type these days.**

_And what type is that?_

**Teenage blond trust fund brats. God damn you, Luke, I turned down what I’m sure would have been very athletic sex with a guy named Tank, all because of you.**

_Sounds to me like he’s overcompensating, anyway. So, what was that about stopping with the e-mails? I clearly could mock you all I want, and you wouldn’t be able to stop. Do you realize that you’re the one who keeps coming back to me?_

**You are irresistible. Now go to sleep; it’s a school night.**


	10. Chapter 10

**It’s still not working.**

_Oh my God, Reid. It is not that hard. You just follow the download instructions, and then you sign in with your regular username and password. I thought you were a brain surgeon._

**Why is this messenger thing better than e-mail?**

_Because we can have an actual conversation without waiting for the e-mails to go through._

**Young people are so impatient.**

_Old people are so technologically stupid._

**

“Are you OK?”

Luke opened his eyes and lifted his head quickly. He inhaled deeply as he looked at Noah and Casey, who had just joined him at the lunch room table.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, just…I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately.”

Noah looked at him worriedly. “Finals start this week, you know. You better get some more sleep, or you might totally bomb them.”

Casey stared at Noah, then rolled his eyes. He turned to Luke. “What’s keeping you awake?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“Is that all you think about?”

Casey leaned forward, pointing a finger at Luke. “You know what, all of us here at this table are 17-year-old boys. Don’t even try to convince me you two ever think about anything else. At least I’m honest.”

Luke sighed, turning back to his lunch tray.

**

**Luke?**  
 _Hey, you got it to work!_  
 **I AM a brain surgeon, you know.**  
 _How was your day?_  
 **Scintillating conversation starter.**  
 _What happened?_  
 **Annie’s back in the hospital.**  
 _The chemo didn’t work?_  
 **No. You know, I’ve treated a lot of children, and the sad ones, the scared ones, the angry ones – they don’t get to me in quite the same way. I understand those reactions. It’s the ones like Annie, who are happy and accepting, who try to tell ME that everything’s going to be all right, that I don’t get. I would not be like that. I would make sure that if I was in that kind of hell, everyone in the vicinity would be right there with me.**  
 _You wouldn’t be that bad._  
 **Want to bet? Doctors make the worst patients. And I was an asshole long before I got my M.D. I bet you’re an Annie, though. I bet with your kidney, you worried about everyone but yourself. You should stay far away from me, Luke Snyder. I will make you miserable.**  
 _Worrying about everyone but myself is what destroyed my kidney in the first place. I could stand to learn how to put myself first more, although I hate how selfish that even sounds. Who knows, though? Maybe my personality is stronger than yours, and I’ll just make you happy instead of you making me miserable._  
 **Come to the dark side, Luke. Resistance is futile.**  
 _Star Wars and Star Trek references in the same message. What a geek._  
 **You got both of them.**

**

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

There was a pause, and Reid grinned.

“ _Reid?_ ” Katie asked incredulously.

“Hi.”

“What…you never call me! I have to call you if I want to talk to you. Is – is something wrong?”

“No,” Reid replied, laughing. “Why do you always assume the worst? I’m the pessimist here. You’re the disgustingly cheerful, skinny-blonde optimist. Just so you know, I tormented girls like you in high school.”

“Yeah, well. I bet they all wanted in your pants, anyway.”

“Just like you do, Peretti?”

“Mmm. If you weren’t gay, Oliver…”

Reid laughed. “OK, this conversation completely derailed. Give me my Oakdale Now update.”

Reid smiled to himself as Katie launched into all the news. She lived to gossip, and Reid indulged her, half-paying attention as he listened for anything important. He knew that if he let her talk about every other person in town, she’d eventually reward him with news about Luke, maybe let him know something Luke wasn’t telling him.

Reid was beginning to feel like a stalker, keeping tabs on the object of his obsession, but he also wanted to make sure no one suspected anything odd with Luke’s behavior. There was still this niggle of worry when it came to his increasingly frequent contact with Luke, this flash of recognition that what they were doing was so wrong. But he couldn’t stop himself. He tried to stay away, and he had been miserable. The key, maybe, was to just stay in control. He couldn’t put himself out there that far, and he certainly wouldn’t let Luke get in too deep, either.

Eventually, Katie started to wrap up her report. She paused, and Reid could hear her knowing grin in her voice when she spoke again. “I ran into Lucinda the other day, and she says that Luke made the SATs his bitch. Those were her exact words, actually, which nearly killed me dead. He was in the 99th percentile for everything. With those scores and his GPA, he could get into any school he wanted.”

“His family’s money would help with that too,” Reid observed sarcastically. Katie wasn’t fooled by his attitude.

“Well, the school year is over now, and then that last year will just fly by. He has to think about these things.”

“So how are things with Brad?” Reid changed the subject.

There was a long pause.

“Katie?”

“We kissed,” she whispered, the tone of her voice clearly somewhere between excitement and self-disgust.

“Hmm,” Reid replied.

In his mind’s eye, he could see Katie rest her forehead against her palm and lean onto the table. He could see her blush and shake her head.

“It was really hot,” she confessed reluctantly.

“Told you so.”

**

**So, the peds department was filled with flowers and candy today from an anonymous donor. Annie received the biggest bouquet and box of chocolates. Wonder who sent them.  
Are you free tonight around 7? I hear that you’re the smartest kid at Oakdale High, so I will understand if you no longer want to talk to an ignoramus like me.**

Luke grinned when he read the e-mail. He should have known that Reid would have figured out immediately that he was the one who ordered the treats for the hospital. He kind of felt embarrassed, especially considering he had to call the gift shop from a public phone and have the bank transfer the money since he wasn’t allowed his own credit card yet. But he hadn’t done anything with his birthday money yet, and Luke secretly loved the idea of making Annie and the other kids (and, by extension, Reid) happy. No dark side for him!

Luke checked the clock. It was almost 7. He signed into the messenger program. Reid was signed in but his status was turned to inactive. Luke shook his head in amusement. Reid always forgot to sign out, so he could never rely on his status.

_Reid?_

There was no answer, and Luke tried again a few minutes later with no luck. In fact, he didn’t hear from Reid at all that night. He tried not to be worried, and he definitely tried not to take it personally. He just wished he knew what was going on. Unfortunately, he didn’t find out until the next morning when he checked his e-mail and saw one Reid had sent around 2 in the morning.

**Sorry, emergency surgery. I just got home. If I could have called you or something, I would have. Maybe we can try again tonight?**

Luke had resisted the idea of phone calls ever since Reid had brought it up the other week. He was desperate to hear Reid’s voice, but his cell was on the family plan and the bill would show all the calls he made. For the first time, Luke began to seriously consider getting his own cell phone contract.


	11. Chapter 11

In the middle of July, Noah dragged Luke to a film festival on the Oakdale U campus. It had sounded incredibly boring (and it was), but Luke was the only one who was nice enough not to come up with an excuse or say “hell no” outright when Noah suggested the idea. But Noah enjoyed himself, and Luke was at least amused by the expression on Noah’s face through most of the afternoon. And there was one scene in the last movie that made the whole thing worthwhile. He couldn’t wait to tell Reid about it.

Once the panel discussion finished, Luke immediately stood up, hoping to beat the rest of the audience out. Noah followed after him, already talking about the movies. They were almost to the car, when Noah blurted out, “I think I’ll probably major in film at college.”

Luke nodded. “Good. You’re obviously really passionate about it.”

Noah looked at him curiously. “What about you? Any idea what you want to do?”

Luke shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m kind of thinking about writing actually. Like, creative writing. But…I mean, how many people are actually successful at that? I probably should just take business classes, because I’ll probably end up involved at Worldwide _somehow_.”

“Well, there’s no reason you couldn’t do both, right?”

“No, I suppose not,” Luke replied contemplatively.

“So,” Noah looked at the ground. “You think you’re just going to go to Oakdale? We could team up, you know. You could write screenplays, and I could make the movies.”

Luke laughed loudly, stopping as soon as Noah flinched and Luke realized he had been serious. “I don’t think so,” he said quickly. “I can’t do scripts. And I don’t know if I want to stay in town anyway.”

Noah looked startled. “Well…where are you thinking about going?”

“I don’t know yet,” Luke lied. He quickly changed the subject. “And what the hell are you doing thinking about staying in Oakdale anyway? If you’re serious about film, you have to go to California or New York.”

Noah looked away. “I don’t know. I guess I thought there might be other reasons to stay.”

**

Reid stared blindly at the computer screen in front of him. He was trying to write an article up for publication, and his brain wasn’t really cooperating. Although his actual surgical skills were as top-notch as ever, his overall productivity had decreased dramatically in the last several weeks. Today, a colleague had even commented on it, which Reid didn’t respond to well. But it had forced him to examine what was happening, and he wasn’t particularly pleased with himself. At the same time, even his lower rate of accomplishments was still ridiculously higher than everyone else’s. And he was a lot happier than he was when all he had was work.

Reid sighed, rubbing quickly at his eyes. Then he focused on the screen again and began to type. He made it through two sentences before his computer beeped at him. He glanced down to the corner and grinned when he saw he had a message from Luke. He grabbed the laptop and moved away from the desk. He sat on his couch and propped his feet on the coffee table. He had already forgotten about the manuscript by the time he clicked on the messenger box with its waiting _Reid?_

**How was the pretentiously boring film festival?**   
_Pretentious and boring. How’s the article coming?_   
**It’s NOT.**   
_Sorry._   
**You should be. It’s all your fault.**

There was no reply for a moment, and Reid sighed.

**That was a joke. Don’t apologize for everything all the time.**   
_Sorry._   
**Shut up.**   
_Can I ask you something? Did you always know you wanted to be a doctor?_   
**Yes. Well, not always. There was a time when I was still breastfeeding. But maybe since I was, I don’t know, 7. I knew I wanted to be a doctor even before I knew I was gay.**   
_That’s cool, I guess._   
**OK. What’s going on?**   
_Nothing, I just feel like…I don’t know. You knew you wanted to be a doctor before puberty. Noah is absolutely certain about making movies, and he’s so passionate about it. And me, I’m like “Oh, maybe I’ll write or something.” Which, yeah, is something I enjoy doing, but I don’t feel like I’ll die if I don’t or something._   
**Luke? You’re 17 and you don’t know what you want to do for the rest of your life. That’s normal. Noah and I are the freaks. Most people have no clue, and even the ones who think they do end up changing their minds at least three or four times.**   
_But you have to start somewhere right? I don’t want to just flounder for the next few years._   
**Sure. So go to a college with a good liberal arts emphasis, and take some writing classes and a bunch of other classes in different departments until something clicks.**   
_Yeah, maybe._   
**No maybe about it. That’s how it’s done.**

There was another pause and Reid wondered if maybe he had been too hard on Luke. Reid never had much problem with uncertainty or insecurity. Maybe this kind of stop-complaining-and-just-do-something-about-it approach wouldn’t particularly help Luke figure out things for himself. Then Luke began typing again, and Reid felt strangely relieved.

_OK. I’m going to really start looking into colleges then and see what’s out there._   
**Good. Now tell me more about the film festival. Was there all sorts of weird symbolism and shit? That’s my favorite part of pretentiously boring movies.**   
_Oh my God, there were. But honestly, for my own sanity, I couldn’t really pay attention to much. There was one where, literally, an hour and fifty minutes is just a blur to me. The only scene I paid attention to was this one with this guy who looked so much like you._   
**Uh-oh. You’ve discovered my secret life as an indie film actor.**   
_I wish it HAD been you, because this one wasn’t so much an indie film as it was softcore porn._

Reid’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead as he stared at the message Luke just sent. He took a deep breath and looked around the empty room. Since they had started this online communication, they had flirted, of course. Teased each other quite a bit, actually. But neither one of them had ever really gone beyond a PG, PG-13 level. It was almost like this unspoken thing that they were really friendly _pen pals_ or something who just happened to know what the other one looked like naked and aroused.

Should he encourage this? Would this be crossing some line he had subconsciously set for himself? Could he resist?

Reid cleared his throat, and covered his mouth with his hand for a moment. He looked down at his lower body. His cock was already making its vote known, and he knew his brain wasn’t going to hold out for long. Reid reached down and adjusted himself. And then he began to type.

**Interesting. Tell me more.**

**

Luke couldn’t stop the smile that came to his face when he saw Reid’s reply. Ever since the scene had ended, his body had been humming, waiting for him to get back home and up to his room and in contact with Reid. The actor hadn’t really looked all that much like Reid, honestly. But enough. Enough where if he closed his eyes slightly and looked at him sideways and _imagined_ … Noah was clearly uncomfortable during the scene (at least Luke hoped that was why he was shifting nervously in his seat), but Luke was just trying not to get hard in the theater.

Reid had responded exactly as Luke had hoped he would. And now Luke was pretty sure they were going to do something that he had wanted to do since Reid’s very first e-mail. He turned around on his bed, eventually lying on his stomach. He pressed his hips against the mattress, feeling his body start to respond.

Suddenly, he remembered back to the time in Fairwinds when he was in basically the same position. He had searched for Reid’s picture and got off to it.

This was so much better.

_He was by himself. In the shower. It was supposed to be some statement about self-empowerment or expression of…something. I wasn’t really listening to the panel when they discussed it. All I knew was there was this guy that looked like you and he was in the shower._   
**How much did they show?**   
_Not that much. His head and his chest. Left the rest to the imagination. Reid? I have a really good imagination.  
It started out as just a normal shower. And then he just stopped and stood there for a while. He had this look on his face where you just knew, you know? You knew what was coming. And then he slowly put his head underneath the water._   
**Was it like that morning we were in the shower together and the warm water just streamed down our necks and across our chests and made everything so smooth between us?**   
_Yeah yeah  
And he tilted his head and some water went into his mouth. He swallowed._   
**Gotta love a guy who swallows…**   
_I wish I had. I wasn’t sure then but now. I wish I had swallowed. I wish I had tasted you._   
**It was fantastic without it, you know. Everything you did to me.**   
_reid_   
**Maybe youll get another chance. you can try it both ways.**   
_yeah. i want to. i miss you so much._   
**What did he do next  
?**   
_he slid hishand down and he  
his arm started moving  
you could tell what he was doing_   
**Fast or slow**   
_slow  
god  
his face got red n he bit his lip_   
**did he mske nouse  
make noise**   
_these little groans just  
nonstop_   
**what was hethinkin bout**   
_dunno  
wasnt payin attn to restof movie_   
**bet it was some poor littlee richblond kid  
couldn’t stp thinkn bout him**   
_reid  
reid i_   
**fuck**

Luke had pushed his computer to the side and buried his face in his arms, trying to muffle the sounds of his pleasure. It took him a second of heavy breathing and small moans before he could even move again. He felt his release spread through his boxers and onto the sheets beneath him, and he thrust against the mattress one final time, gasping softly at the sensation.

Then he raised his head again and looked around his bedroom in a daze. He blinked twice and then reached out for his computer, pulling it close again.

 _Reid?_ he typed.

There was no answer at first, and Luke took the time to read back through their previous conversation. He laughed softly at the increasingly bad typos, then copied everything over to a Word document so he could save it forever.

_Reid!_   
**I’m here.  
That was…  
There are no words.**   
_Your typing skills astound me, by the way. mske nouse?_   
**Who knew it was so difficult to maintain proper spelling and grammar with one hand wrapped around your cock?**   
_:D  
Did you mean what you said? About getting another chance?_   
**Who knows? Maybe we'll find a way someday.**   
_I’d like that.  
But until then, I NEED to get my own cell phone._   
**Yeah.**


	12. Chapter 12

“You sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a waste of your money.”

Luke glanced at Holden. “Think of it as me learning adult responsibilities.”

“Sure,” Holden grinned as he pulled the door to the cell phone store open. “Because all adults pay for their cell phones with their weekly allowance.”

“Well, maybe I’ll get a job,” Luke shot back.

“Your grades are your first priority,” Holden reminded him.

Their conversation stopped when an employee walked over to them. Holden stood back while Luke discussed different phones and plans. He only joined in the conversation when it was time to remove Luke’s current phone from the family plan. They both signed the various forms, and then Luke picked up his newly purchased phone and led his dad out of the store.

“Feel like an adult?” Holden asked, the teasing tone of his voice more than apparent.

“Dad! Just…” Luke shook his head and kept walking.

Neither Snyder said anything until they climbed into the car. As Holden reached forward and turned the key in the ignition, he glanced at Luke.

“So who is he?”

“Who?” Luke asked nervously.

“The boy you want to talk to without your mom and me knowing.”

The next minute was incredibly silent and tense.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Luke finally said.

Holden stared at him for a long beat, then he shrugged. “OK,” he said, before adding, “For now.”

**

_What an idiot_ , Reid thought to himself as he wrote a comment in the margin of an article. He practically ripped the paper with his pen he was writing so hard in his annoyance. He should never have agreed to serve as a reviewer for the journal. It was hard enough to read some of the stuff that actually got through the review process and got published.

His phone rang, and Reid didn’t know if he was annoyed or grateful for the interruption. He picked up the phone and stared at the screen. He didn’t recognize the caller, but very few people actually had his number. He smiled as he realized who it must be.

Pressing the call button, he brought the phone up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hi, it’s me. Luke.”

Reid chuckled. “I figured that out. You got the phone, huh?”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a moment, and Reid felt bizarrely embarrassed. Like somehow he didn’t know how to talk to Luke anymore.

“It’s nice to hear your voice,” he finally said.

Luke laughed his happy, bashful laugh, and Reid could see him ducking his head as he turned away.

“Wanna hear something funny?” Luke asked. “It took me, like, ten minutes to call you. I kept dialing a few numbers and then hanging up. I don’t – I don’t know why. I was…nervous.”

Reid fought a smile. “Awww.”

“Shut up.”

**

Luke trudged home the Friday afternoon of his first week of school. It had been a long freaking week. School and homework and his parents pressuring him about college applications (the mailman brought new brochures every day) and hanging out with his friends and not getting nearly enough sleep because he needed to call Reid and talk about their days (and he needed to hear the low rumble of Reid’s voice in his ear as he drifted closer and closer to sleep).

Maddie came running up to him, and from the excited expression on her face, Luke had the strange feeling that there was going to be something else taking up his time pretty soon.

“What?” he asked cautiously.

“So, I’m taking that history class about the civil rights movement with Turner, right?”

“Yeah. How is that?”

“Awesome. But we were having this discussion today about whether, you know, everyone has civil rights now and that no-neck Tony Andrews was all ‘yeah, of course.’ So, I pointed out all the rights that gay people and gay couples don’t have in this country, and he’s all like ‘who cares about those freaks?’ at which point I almost punched him and the whole class started yelling at him, which was fantastic – ”

“Maddie!” Luke interrupted. “The point?”

Maddie waved her hand as she shook her head. “I think we should start a Gay-Straight Student Alliance.”

Luke burst into laughter.

“What?” Maddie demanded.

“No. I made it this long without getting my ass kicked. I’ve only got one more year to go.”

“Oh, whatever. You’re the bravest person I know, Luke.”

Luke stopped in his tracks, turning to her with a surprised but touched expression on his face. “Really?”

“Yeah, and I know you don’t _really_ care about what other people think of you anyway, not if it means you can help ‘facilitate dialogue and create a welcoming environment for students of all sexual orientations.’”

Luke stared at her again.

“I’m testing out mission statements. All school-recognized student organizations need one.”

“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

Maddie grinned. “It will look good on college applications,” she added temptingly.

Luke sighed and started walking again. Maddie looped her arm through his.

“I think the first thing we should do is some sort of social gathering. You know? Something fun and informal that anyone can go to. Like a dance or a concert or something. Which means we’ll have to do some fundraising...”

**

That night, they could talk longer since Luke didn’t have to worry about waking up early the next morning and Reid wasn’t on call that weekend. Maddie’s enthusiasm ended up being infectious, and he spent the first fifteen minutes of the conversation telling Reid about their plans for the new group.

“You’re hot like this,” Reid murmured when Luke finally wound down.

Luke grinned. “Like what?”

“All excited and happy. Dedicated to your _activist causes_.”

“Shut up,” Luke replied, laughing.

“I’m being serious. I can see you. I can see the look in your eyes, and the flush on your cheeks, and your hair is probably crazy, because you’ve been running your hand through it.”

Luke looked across the room, staring into the mirror above his dresser. He looked exactly as Reid described.

“Well…that doesn’t mean you know everything about me.”

Reid chuckled, the deep, low sound sending a frisson of pleasure through Luke.

“You’re an open book,” Reid murmured.

“I feel sometimes like I don’t know anything about you,” Luke confessed.

“You know the important parts.”

Luke smiled, and they drifted in comfortable silence for a moment. Luke trailed the fingers of his free hand up and down his chest.

“Luke?” Reid asked quietly.

“Mmm?”

“What are you wearing?”

Luke burst into very loud laughter.

“Shh! _Shhh!_ ”

Luke covered his face with his palm as he calmed down. “Yeah. That was loud, wasn’t it? God, I wished I didn’t share a wall with Faith. She’d snitch on me first chance she got.”

“I can’t believe,” Reid observed, amused, “that I’m trying to get phone sex from someone who has to worry about his little sister telling their parents on him.”

“You going to let that stop you?” Luke asked, grinning.

There was a pause, and Luke took the opportunity to pull his t-shirt over his head. Just as he started to shimmy out of his boxers, Reid spoke up again.

“What are you wearing?” he repeated.

“Just…hold on,” Luke replied, finally getting his underwear to his feet. He kicked the boxers across the room and then flopped around on the bed until he was underneath the covers.

“Luke?”

Breathing heavily from the exertion (and the arousal), Luke finally answered him.

“Nothing.”

Ten minutes later, Luke was groaning into his pillow. His eyes were squeezed shut, and he was sweating, and he moved two fingers in and out of himself slowly. He had managed to make a little cocoon out of the sheets, which he was thrusting into, trying to remember the feel of Reid, how tight and hot he was. Reid growled in his ear, telling Luke how to touch himself, describing all the things he was doing on the other end of the line, all the things he wished he was doing to Luke.

Luke panted, licked his lips. “Reid,” he whispered. “Please.”

“A little faster, just a little. Rub your fingers over – over – God, Luke.”

“I need more. Please.”

“Another finger. Three. Now.”

“Luke?” The sound of Lily’s voice and the accompanying knock interrupted them.

Luke swore, pulled his fingers out quickly and turned to face the door he had forgotten to lock. He stared nervously at it.

“What? What is it?” Reid groaned in his ear.

Luke sat straight up, pulling his knees up so his erection couldn’t be seen beneath the sheets and comforter. He threw the phone underneath the sheets as well and ran his hand across his face.

“What?” he called out.

Lily opened the door and peeked into the room. “It’s getting late. Time for bed.”

“Yeah, OK,” Luke replied breathlessly.

Lily stared at him. “Are you OK? You’re all flushed.”

“I’m fine,” Luke said quickly. “Just…a little warm.”

Lily started to walk into the room, holding her hand out as if she were going to feel his forehead. “Do you have a fever? Maybe you’re getting sick.”

“I’m fine!” Luke yelped, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. “Could you just turn on the fan? Please.”

Lily paused in the center of the room. She stared at him suspiciously, then shrugged.

“OK. Go to sleep,” she said again, walking back to the door.

She flipped the switch for the ceiling fan on and the one for the lights off. She pulled the door shut behind her, and Luke collapsed back onto the mattress with a relieved sigh. After a moment, he scrambled, trying to find the phone.

“Reid?” he asked as soon as he got it up to his ear.

Reid was – there was no other word for it – Reid was cackling.

“Shut up,” Luke said.

“Your mommy just came to tuck you in,” he choked out between laughs.

“Oh my God, _shut up_.”


	13. Chapter 13

The first meeting of the Gay-Straight Alliance wasn’t particularly well-attended. Maddie and Luke were there, of course. Noah, Gwen and Will were too, as was Casey, although he had felt the need to work into the conversation on three separate occasions that he was part of the straight portion of the group. Everyone just rolled their eyes whenever he did. Casey was the most loyal friend a person could ever want, but he was still kind of an oaf sometimes. There were only a few other students there, but to be honest, that was a few more than Luke was expecting.

Everyone had agreed with Maddie’s suggestion that they should plan some sort of social event, and it was eventually decided they should throw a dance party. Luke’s first task was to price-check bands or DJs, as well as explore different fundraising activities.

He stayed behind in Al’s after the others had left and was brainstorming ideas when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and quickly read the text message.

**What is this weird ball of fire thing in the sky?**

Luke grinned. _You’re alive!_

**Indeed. As is my patient.**

_Congrats. Emergency surgery?_

**Got called in at 2 this AM, surgery started at 5. I just finished post-op stuff. NEED SLEEP.**

_Sweet dreams. XOXO_

**Sap.**

Luke smiled softly as he stared at the last message from Reid. They hadn’t been able to talk the last few days – Reid was horrendously busy at work, and Luke had his own obligations. And so they were left with these brief, infrequent text conversations.

Luke missed him.

He sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. Just as he was about to start working again, the door to the restaurant opened. He glanced up at the distraction and grinned as soon as he saw Lucinda.

“Grandmother!”

She jumped slightly as she turned towards him. And then, of course, she smiled back and waved. After a quick nod to the employee behind the counter, she went over to Luke.

“May I join you?” she asked with feigned formal politeness.

“I’d be delighted,” Luke replied equally ostentatiously, grinning as he moved his things out of the way.

“What are you doing? Homework?”

Luke shook his head. “No. We’ve formed, uh, a Gay-Straight Student Alliance. And we’re going to have a little dance party thing. So I’m planning that.”

“Well, good for you. That sounds fun.”

“I hope so,” Luke said, shrugging. “I just…we need a venue, because the school gym is going to be in use for sports and things basically every Friday for the next few months. And we need music and decorations and food. The school only allows student orgs to photocopy and stuff; there’s no money to help us out with anything else. So, we’re talking several hundred dollars, and we’d like to do this fairly soon, and I just don’t think bake sales and car washes are going to cut it.”

Lucinda hummed thoughtfully. She was about to answer when the waitress brought a milkshake over. Lucinda nodded her thanks, took a sip and then focused on Luke.

“First things first, you have to talk to companies you’re interested in using – here or wherever for the food. Maybe Metro for the location? Most places will be able to give you discounts or even free things. And whatever you raise from fundraising, Worldwide will match it.”

Luke’s shoulders dropped as he stared pointedly at her. “Grandmother.”

“What, darling?”

“I would like this group to succeed for a reason other than the fact that my grandmother has money to throw around.”

Lucinda shook her head in mock offense, bringing a hand to her chest and looking away. “Oh. Oh, I see. My money’s fine for Christmas and birthday presents. All other times of the year, it’s tainted.”

Luke sighed.

“Fine then,” Lucinda continued. “If you don’t want any nepotism, then draw up a request and set up an appointment with Maeve in the office.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “I don’t know a Maeve.”

“Sure you do. Five feet tall, mousy.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah. What does she do, anyway?”

Lucinda took another sip of her shake, swallowing before she answered. “Community outreach and development. She’s in charge of throwing my money at good causes.”

Luke sat back, somewhat in surprise. “I didn’t know that.”

“Darling, virtually all companies give back to local organizations and charities.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it’s all about public image. And doing something nice, I suppose. But mostly public image.”

Luke crossed his arms, leaning forward across the table. “So…you give grants and stuff?”

Lucinda waved her hand, leaning forward to meet him. “Donations. Grants are very specific things, actually. The recipient generally has to have a non-profit tax designation, and the grants themselves will _usually_ come from the government, businesses or charitable foundations that focus on specific goals or causes.”

“Cool,” Luke said, something in the back of his mind already starting to click.

Lucinda looked at him curiously. “Talk to Maeve,” she repeated.

**

The shrill sound of Reid’s phone broke through the quiet room. He groaned into his pillow and didn’t move for a moment. After the second ring, he finally rolled over, grabbing the phone off his nightstand and desperately hoping that it wasn’t the hospital calling. It was Katie. Reid sighed and brought the phone up to his ear. His eyes were already drooping shut.

“Hi,” he muttered.

There was a pause, and then Katie said apologetically, “Did I wake you?”

“’s OK.”

“I haven’t talked to you in ages. Everything OK?”

“Yeah. Working.”

“What else is new?” Katie asked rhetorically. “So, enough about you.”

Reid smiled at Katie’s growing enthusiasm and typical steamroller conversational style.

“What’s up?” he asked.

After a dramatic pause, Katie announced, “I’m getting married.”

Reid’s eyes flew open and he sat straight up. “What?”

“Brad proposed!” Katie squealed.

Reid pulled his phone away from his ear with a grimace. “OK, Katie? Only dogs can hear you now.”

Katie sighed long-sufferingly. “Congratulations, Katie. I’m so happy for you.”

“Congratulations, Katie. I’m so happy for you,” Reid repeated.

“Better. So, we’re thinking around Christmas, actually. Which is plenty of time for you to make sure you’re available, so no excuses!”

“Of course.”

Katie paused again. “Really? That’s it. No arguments? Just ‘I’ll be there.’”

“What were you expecting?” Reid asked, laughing

“One can never tell with you. Especially when it means you coming back to Oakdale.”

“Oakdale has its attractions,” Reid said.

Katie hummed suspiciously. “I wish I could believe you meant me.”

“Who else would I mean?”

“Right.” The skepticism in her voice made Reid smile. “So! Maybe this will be just as easy to convince you of.”

“That was beautifully phrased.”

“Shut up and agree to be my man of honor.”

Reid laughed.

**

Two mornings later, Holden knocked on Luke’s door. When his son didn’t answer, he glanced down the hall. Someone was in the bathroom with the water running, so he assumed it was Luke. He cracked open the door and peeked inside, confirming no one was in the room.

It only took him three steps to cross the room. He put the envelope in his hand on Luke’s desk and was about to leave again when he noticed Luke’s computer was already turned on. Holden hesitated for all of a minute, before he reached out and lifted the screen. He was surprised when he realized that Luke had password-protected his computer.

Holden swallowed. Then he shook his head and started to close the computer.

He made it halfway, and then he lifted the screen again. _Luke_ , he typed. It didn’t work. So he started typing everything he could think of – every version of Luke’s name and initials, his birthday, his favorite color and food and song. He was tapping his fingers against the keys lightly, trying to think of something else, when a buzzing sound startled him. It was Luke’s phone, also on the desk but underneath some papers. Holden hesitated, and then he picked it up and read the text message from “R.”

**Good morning.**

Holden read the message again, racking his brain for any memory of Luke mentioning someone whose name started with R.

“What are you doing?!”

Holden nearly dropped the phone. He caught it, then put it on the desk, then turned sheepishly to Luke. Luke had clearly just gotten out of the shower. And he was just as clearly shocked and livid.

“I was – I was just – ”

“Invading my privacy?” Luke supplied.

Holden grabbed the envelope again. He held it out to Luke, who stepped farther into the room and grabbed it from him.

“Your first cell phone bill came,” Holden said.

“Thank you,” Luke said tersely.

Holden walked out of the room. At the door, he turned back to Luke, but Luke didn’t face him.

“I’m worried about you,” Holden said softly. “You’re so secretive. You spend all your time up here on the computer or the phone. I’m not used to you not telling me things.”

“Get used to it,” Luke said angrily. “You don’t get to know everything about my life.”

"Don't talk like that to me. I'm your father."

"And as long as I'm living under your roof?" Luke asked sarcastically.

Holden sighed, and neither man said anything for a moment. Holden finally tapped the doorframe twice and added quietly, “Mom’s making a big breakfast. Come down when you’re ready.”

As soon as he disappeared, Luke frantically turned to the desk. He confirmed that his dad hadn’t been able to get into his computer. When he checked his phone and saw the text message, Luke fell against the desk, covering his eyes and breathing heavily. He glanced at the screen again. His dad hadn’t cleared away the new message alert, so he probably hadn't read any of the other texts yet.

Luke sighed, his shoulders falling in relief. He pushed one hand against the surface of the desk as he repositioned himself, and then he sent a quick reply to Reid.

And then he opened his cell phone bill and nearly puked.


	14. Chapter 14

Luke stood up, reaching out to shake the hand of the woman across the desk from him.

“Thank you for your time,” he said, trying to sound professional.

“Of course, Luke,” Maeve Hennessy replied.

He had his hand on the doorknob, about to leave the office, when he stopped and turned around.

“Can I ask you something?”

Maeve tilted her head questioningly, and Luke felt a blush rise to his face as he stepped back into the office.

“How did you get into this work?”

Maeve laughed and sat down again. She gestured at the seat across from her and Luke took it again.

“It was kind of an accident, actually. When I first started working for Worldwide, I was in Accounting. I eventually got transferred over here a few years later. When Rose Anderson retired, your grandmother put me in charge of the office.”

“So, you didn’t, like, go to school for it or something?”

Maeve made a thoughtful face as she slowly shook her head. “My degree is in business, which helps, but mostly I learned on the job. Ninety percent of it is social networking, which is probably pretty surprising. I don’t seem like the belle of the ball, do I?”

Luke grinned, remembering how his grandmother had described Maeve as mousy. He decided he probably shouldn’t repeat that.

“But it’s all about making and, more importantly, maintaining key contacts. I think that’s something you probably either know how to do or you don’t.”

“Yeah,” Luke said quietly. Then he shook his head quickly, breaking himself out of his thoughts. “OK, thanks.”

He was barely out of his seat when Maeve stopped him with a “You know, Luke…”

He looked at her curiously.

“When I got promoted, we never did hire someone to fill my old assistant job. If you’re interested in this kind of stuff, maybe you can work a couple hours a week after school.”

“Really?” he asked, surprised.

“Are you interested?”

“Yeah!”

Maeve grinned. “Let’s go talk to your grandmother.”

**

**Send me the bill.**  
 _No._  
 **Luke, don’t be stubborn. You’re going to waste all your savings on phone bills?**  
 _Yes. I told my dad I’d pay for it; I’m going to pay for it._  
 **I’m the reason you have the bill in the first place, so just send it already.**  
 _You’re just upset because I’m limiting you to five texts and no more than three twenty-minute calls a week. But, you know, IM worked pretty well for us before, and it’s a lot cheaper for you and free for me, so._  
 **Of course I’m upset. I miss hearing your voice. But I’ll live with it, if that works best for you from here on. The point remains that I have a lot more disposable income than you do, and I should pay the bill.**  
 _Forget about it already._  
 **Why are you being so difficult about this?**  
 _Because I said I was going to pay for it! It’s my responsibility, OK?  
Besides, you don’t think there are some unpleasant connotations to what would ultimately boil down to you paying me for phone sex? I don’t know which of us comes off worse in that scenario._  
 **I…see your point.**  
 _Thought you would. And anyway, I have a job._  
 **Since when?**  
 _Since yesterday. I’m working in the outreach office at Worldwide._  
 **Cool.**  
 _I start next week. I’m so excited!_  
 **Nerd.**  
 _You can’t see me but I’m sticking my tongue out at you._  
 **You know what any mention of your tongue does to me.**  
 _Hmm. No, I don’t believe I do. Describe it to me. In detail._  
 **I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.**  
 _Our next call is scheduled for Wednesday. After 9, because it’s cheaper!_  
 **I hate you.**

**

“Luke?”

“Hey!”

“Is everything OK?”

Luke laughed out loud. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“OK…because we weren’t supposed to talk on the phone again for another…two days, seven hours and thirty-four minutes.”

“Not that you’re counting.”

“So what’s going on?”

Luke smiled softly as he leaned back against the bale of hay behind him. “Well, my choices for birthday present were kind of limited.”

“Oh my God.”

“So I thought I – ”

“Oh my God, it’s my birthday,” Reid muttered, more to himself than to Luke.

Luke burst into laughter. “Did you _forget_?”

“I’ve had five surgeries this week!” Reid defended himself. “And…maybe I wanted to forget.”

“The Big Three-Oh,” Luke said in a scary movie voice.

“Shut up,” Reid groaned.

“Would you like me to sing?”

“ _No._ ”

“Well, they say you’re only as old as the guy you’re screwing.” Luke said, grinning. “So your present...”

“An extra phone call?”

“An extra _special_ phone call.”

There was a long pause. “I’m listening.”

Luke bit his lip. He reached his free hand down to his jeans and unhooked the button. Within a few moments, he was completely naked from the waist down; the scratchy barn blanket rubbed against his skin uncomfortably, but it’d have to do.

“You know that stupid joke you make every _single_ time I mention having to go to the farm for some reason?”

“Um…going for a roll in the hay?”

“Ding ding ding. That’s the one. Well…I’m up in the hay loft right now.”

As he waited for Reid to respond, Luke lightly ran his fingers along the length of his hardening cock, pausing to press his palm against the head before skimming back down to the base again. When Reid finally spoke, his voice was deeper and a little breathy. Luke knew by now how Reid sounded when he was turned on, and Reid was _very_ turned on.

“Just what I always wanted,” he said.

**

Since the incident with Holden, things had been somewhat tense between them. Luke hated it, but he wasn’t going to apologize. He didn’t have any reason to apologize, in his opinion. He did, however, try to spend more time with the family instead of up in his room. Cutting back on the phone calls was partly because of money, but if Luke were honest, it was also partly to minimize his parents’ suspicions. Three calls a week were better than no calls at all and being grounded for the rest of his life. Not that he was going to tell Reid about that reason, of course. Reid didn’t need any more reminders why this relationship was so not worth the risk.

That night, after he helped put away the dishes from dinner, he brought his computer downstairs. The girls were sitting around the coffee table, carefully writing in answers on their worksheets. Luke couldn’t help but grin at the look of utter concentration on Natalie’s face. Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth and her brow was furrowed, and it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

Luke himself had no homework that night. Instead, he was investigating schools. He had promised his parents he’d have his list of which ones he was going to apply to finalized no later than Saturday. His mom kept talking up how wonderful it would be to go to Oakdale and just live at home, and his dad just said to go wherever he wanted. Besides the obvious ones like Oakdale, the University of Chicago and Northwestern, Luke only had a few more placeholder schools on the list.

Truthfully, there was only one place he wanted to apply.

He pulled the University of Texas at Dallas Web site up again and stared at it. He had the application requirements and deadlines memorized. He knew the fees for nonresident students and the recommended places to apply for scholarships. The only problem was he couldn’t totally justify it yet. It had a decent creative writing minor, but the business school heavily emphasized agribusiness. He didn’t think anyone would believe he wanted to bring the Snyder Farm into the 21st century.

But he had gone to talk to the school guidance counselor that day, who had told him that sometimes people could design their own majors. And as Luke looked around at the requirements for Bachelor’s degrees, he started to see how he could mix and match various courses offered by different departments into something amazing. The only question was if they would let him.

Luke swallowed. Then he nodded, resolved. The undergraduate advisors in the Office of Admissions handled prospective students based on last names. When he found the e-mail address for the S through V advisor, he copied it. Then he opened his own e-mail program, and he began to type.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there are several schools in the Dallas area, and UT-Dallas isn’t even in the heart of Dallas, according to my Google and Wikipedia research. However, as I’ve never been there and didn’t want to learn everything there is to know about their campus and curriculum ANYWAY, this is a fictional UT-Dallas. If you’re familiar with the area and something doesn’t sound right…that’s why. :D


	15. Chapter 15

As usual, Annie Judd had a blinding smile on her face when Reid walked into her hospital room. He quirked his lips up very briefly back at her, then picked up her folder and started to read the nurses’ notes.

“Hi Annie,” he said, trying to be clinical.

“Hi Dr. Oliver!” she replied.

He looked at her again and couldn’t help but smile for real. She was sitting up in bed, twirling her teddy bear around in somersaults while maintaining a death grip on its furry paws. She was still grinning, of course, and her tongue was peeking out between the gap where her left central incisor had been until the week before. She was bald from the chemo, and there was an IV sticking in her arm, and she was always so cheerful she made Reid’s heart hurt. He usually had to yell at three nurses after check-ups with her, just to make up for it all.

“Where are your parents?” he asked.

“Eating dinner,” she said. “It’s their anni – annv – the day they got married.”

“Oh. Where are they eating?” If Reid could talk about anything, it was food.

“Cafeteria,” Annie said, as if that should have been obvious. And really, it was, but it was also too depressing for words.

But he couldn’t think about that for long, because Annie tilted her head at him questioningly. “Are you married, Dr. Oliver?”

“No,” he said, as he walked around the bed and began to take her temperature. She had a fever a few hours ago, and Reid was worried she might have caught a virus or something. It was the last thing she needed.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Reid smiled. “No. I want to check your tonsils, Annie. Go _aaaah_.”

“ _Aaaaah_ ,” she began, breaking off almost immediately to ask instead, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Reid lowered his penlight and looked at her in shock.

“Some boys do! My friend Mary, she has two daddies.”

“Open up,” Reid requested. Annie obliged, and Reid shone the light in her mouth again. He wasn’t really sure why he said it, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Yes, I have a boyfriend.”

Then Reid furrowed his brow and added, “I guess.”

“Don’t you know?” Annie asked, giggling as only a six-year-old could.

“No, I – it’s just…”

“Do you eat dinner with him?” she asked.

“We’ve eaten together,” Reid replied, his mind screaming at him to just shut up already.

“Do you – ” Annie concluded her question by pursing her lips together and making an obscenely loud, wet smooching sound. Reid burst into laughter.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, feeling a blush that he would not be mentioning to Luke when he told him this story. “Not very often, but yeah.”

“I think he must be your boyfriend, then.” Then Annie gasped, bringing her teddy bear to her chest in a tight hug. She looked at him with a moony expression. “Are you _in love_ with him?”

Reid pocketed his penlight. “OK, Annie, I think it’s time you tried to get some rest, OK? Your fever’s going down, but not as fast as I’d like.”

Annie grumbled but settled back onto the pillows. Reid reached out and pulled the blankets up to her chin. She immediately pulled her arms out and put them on top of the blanket. Then she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, clearly trying to fall asleep like Reid had asked.

“I hope I get a boyfriend soon,” she mumbled. “I would like to kiss someone, I think.”

Reid watched her for a moment. “You’ll have plenty of time for that,” he promised.

He pulled the door shut behind him as he walked out of the room, grabbing his cell phone from his pocket before the door was even fully closed. Luke was in school still, so his phone would be turned off, but Reid knew he’d check for messages as soon as he could.

 _Thinking of you_ , he typed.

**

“How’s this?” Luke asked. When there was no answer, he twisted and looked over his shoulder. Noah had his hands on his hips and was looking up at the decorations with a frown. “Noah! How is it?”

“I think up a little.”

Luke exhaled in frustration. “You just told me to move it down.”

“And now just a little bit back up.”

“Goddamned perfectionist,” Luke grumbled under his breath. He moved the edge of the coiled crepe paper up a fraction of an inch.

“Good!” Noah declared.

Luke quickly taped the edge to the wall and then began to climb down the ladder. He wasn’t paying enough attention, though, and his foot slipped on the last step. The ladder toppled to the side, and Luke nearly joined it on the ground, but his back hit a solid, broad chest instead. Noah’s arms quickly wrapped around his stomach as he caught him, and Luke couldn’t help but feel something jolt through him.

He turned his head and looked at Noah. Their faces were close. Really close.

“Thanks,” he murmured.

“You OK?” Noah asked, equally softly.

Luke nodded and swallowed. He stood up, stepping far away from Noah. He was racking his brain for something to say when Maddie ran up to them. She was marking off things on the clipboard that had basically become an extension of her left arm over the last week.

“Forks!” she said.

Noah and Luke looked at each other, confused, then back at Maddie. “What?” Luke asked.

“We need more plastic forks!”

Noah laughed. “I’m on it.”

“Great!” And then Maddie was off again.

Noah patted his pockets and nodded when he felt his keys. He started to walk away, then turned to face Luke again.

“Um…do you want to dance tonight? With me, I mean.”

Luke laughed. “Sure,” he said.

Luke watched him for a moment as he walked away, trying to figure out what just happened. Then he shook his head. He had just had a male-damsel-in-distress moment was all. And besides, he had always thought Noah was attractive, but that didn’t mean anything. He thought half the guys at school were attractive. It just had been _far_ too long since he had Reid’s arms around him or felt Reid’s chest against his back. Frankly, it had been far too long since they even had one of their _special_ phone calls.

Luke couldn’t wait for Katie’s wedding. Less than a month to go.

**

Luke sat in a corner table, sipping a glass of soda slowly. Everything was set up for the dance, and people would start arriving in about fifteen minutes. He checked his watch and then pulled out his phone. Reid would be home by now, and Luke didn’t really care that it wasn’t time for their next phone call. They had missed the last three for emergency surgeries and an unexpected family dinner at the farm anyway.

He dialed Reid’s number quickly and then brought the phone up to his ear. There were three rings, and Luke was afraid it was going to go to voicemail. Then Reid picked up with a breathless but happy “Luke!”

“Sorry, are you busy?” he asked.

“You caught me in the shower.”

Luke closed his eyes, enjoying the mental image of Reid in nothing but a towel, droplets of water dripping from his wet hair and running in little streamlets down his chest and back. The wave of pleasure at that put the little Noah-induced jolt from earlier to shame.

“Oh,” he said.

“Don’t you have your dance tonight?”

“It doesn’t start until later. I just wanted to say I – I miss you.”

There was a pause, and Luke splayed his fingers out over the paper tablecloth in front of him.

“Annie Judd – you remember me mentioning Annie?”

“Yeah,” Luke said curiously, wondering where Reid was going with this.

“She asked me the other day if I had a girlfriend or boyfriend.”

Luke grinned.

“I told her about you,” Reid added softly. He cleared his throat. “She also asked me if…if I – ”

Luke happened to glance up in time to see Maddie rushing over to him, looking frantic about something. He sat straight up as he interrupted Reid.

“Crap! I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He barely heard Reid’s surprised “bye” as he hung up.

**

The party was in full swing, and it was more amazing than Luke had dared to hope. The turn-out was huge, and even though the dancing started with the expected opposite-sex couples, Jenna Turner and Amy Monroe went out to the floor together a few minutes later. Luke hid his grin in his hand at that; he had always suspected there was something more to their friendship. And then a few minutes later, Noah had come over and asked him to dance again.

Now, Noah’s arms around him didn’t do all that much to him. Noah was actually holding him a little too close for Luke’s comfort, and his hand was sweaty against Luke’s back. They shuffled back and forth on their feet, and neither one of them looked the other one in the eye during the whole four minutes of the song.

Luke had never been more relieved as he was when the music stopped, and he could step away from Noah. He gave him a soft smile, and then they both walked off the dance floor. Luke immediately grabbed his drink, while Noah stood there awkwardly. He excused himself a moment later, and Luke sighed.

He couldn’t relax for long, though, because Casey bounded up to him with a “Hey Romeo.”

“Shut up,” Luke muttered.

“Things looked pretty steamy out there on the dance floor.”

“ _Shut up._ ”

“Luke and Noah sitting in a tree – ”

“For God’s sake, shut up,” Luke said. “He asked me to dance. What was I supposed to say? It was friendly, OK? Don’t say anything like that to him.”

Casey chuckled. “I’ve learned my lesson. You’re the only one encouraging his little crush tonight, don’t worry. You know, if some other guy at school just came out already, Noah could moon over him for a while.”

“Are you volunteering?”

“Bite me, Snyder.”


	16. Chapter 16

Lily went with Luke to the post office to mail in his college application packets. She talked up Oakdale University the entire drive there; Luke pretended to listen. As she parked the car, she sighed loudly and turned to him.

“OK, I just want you to be happy. Make the decision that’s right for you. Don’t worry at all about how much I’d miss you if you went somewhere else.”

Luke laughed. “Nice guilt trip,” he said with a smile.

“Thank you. I’ve been practicing.”

“You know, I might not get in anywhere. And then I’ll have to live with you forever.”

Lily wrapped her hand around the back of Luke’s head, pulled him closer and kissed his hairline. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she told him.

It took them twice as long as it should have to actually mail the applications. Susan, who had worked at the post office since before Luke was born and was incredibly nosy, had to comment on every single school. Luke tried not to visibly react when she got to the envelope going to Texas.

“Dallas, huh?” Susan asked. “That seems unexpected.”

Luke smiled weakly. “I liked their program,” he nearly whispered.

**

**I was thinking the other day…**  
 _Yes?_  
 **No joke about that? Poor showing, Mr. Snyder. Anyway, I was thinking that there was something we didn’t do last time I was in town.**  
 _I’m a better person than you.  
OK, I feel like this might highlight my inexperience, but what could we possibly have forgotten? We did A LOT._  
 **Yes, we did, and it was all amazing. But there was one pretty big thing we didn’t do. I figured you’d know right away what I was talking about.**  
 _…?_  
 **It hasn’t popped into your HEAD yet? I’ll give you a hint. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Or rather, it would be.**  
 _Are you talking about, you know, that?_  
 **If you can’t say it, Luke, you’re not ready to do it.**  
 _Blowing me. Sucking me off. Giving me head. Oral._  
 **I love it when you (try to) talk dirty.**  
 _I can’t wait for Katie’s wedding._

**

Reid faked a very loud snore.

“Am I boring you?” Katie asked, her voice icy.

Reid’s head had been hanging off the edge of his bed, but he pulled himself into a sitting position after Katie’s comment.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I know that as your – I can’t say it.”

“Man of honor.”

“That. I know that as _that_ I’m supposed to care about every little detail here, but I can’t, Katie. I just – I’m a guy. A gay guy, yes, but I’m still a guy. I’ve never wanted to debate the merits of tulle. And besides, you’re getting married in two weeks. Shouldn’t you have a dress by now?”

Katie sighed. Loudly. “I _do_ have a dress. I’m talking about the favors for the bridal party."

Reid whimpered and fell back onto the mattress again.

“Fine. Have you planned my bachelorette party yet?”

There was a very long pause. “What?” Reid asked nervously.

Katie broke into peals of laughter. Once she calmed, she let him off the hook. “Just kidding. I knew you weren’t going to be able or willing to do that. I’m hanging out with my girlfriends this weekend. I just need you to be there for the rehearsal dinner the night before, and then you and I can go out just the two of us.”

“You can’t get drunk the night before your wedding.”

“I know I can’t. That’s why you’ll be there to stop me from drinking too much.”

Reid sighed. “All night?”

“Oh, what else are you going to be doing?” Katie asked, annoyed again. “You can’t expect me to spend my last night as a single woman by myself!”

“OK. Fine. God. What’s that hideous term? Bridezilla?”

“Oh, ha ha.”

**

_What are you doing?_

Luke sighed as he looked out over the farm grounds. He didn’t know if he should expect a response to his text message or not; Reid was working that day, so he was probably busy. But Luke was feeling hopeful.

It hadn't snowed yet that year, but the ground was cold beneath him and there was a nip in the air. He stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt and closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall of the barn. A few moments later, his phone buzzed, and he smiled softly. He lifted his head, opened his eyes, and pulled his hand – and the phone in it – out of his pocket.

**Eating a frozen dinner and trying to watch the game on the hospital break room’s decrepit TV.**

_That sounds awful._

Luke inhaled deeply after he sent his response, enjoying the smell of changing seasons. He had never looked forward to winter as much as he had this year. Obviously, that had a lot to do with Katie’s wedding being scheduled the first week of December. And then he just had half a school year and some unknown portion of the summer before he could move, and then he’d be in Texas. With Reid. Assuming he got in.

Oh God, what if he didn’t get in?

His phone buzzed again. Luke smirked at Reid’s reply.

**Somebody has to work. We can’t all have gigantic grandma-cooked dinners.**

_You’re just jealous_ , he sent back.

**Is it that obvious? By the way, your Christmas present came today.**

“Crap,” Luke whispered, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. _You got me a present?_ he typed. He tilted his head back until it struck the barn wall again. What could he possibly get for a freaking neurosurgeon?

There was a longer-than-expected pause before Reid’s reply came through.

**Just something small – has to fit on the plane, after all. No big deal.**

Luke stared at the message, still feeling panicky.

“Luke!”

He looked up quickly at the sound of his name. His dad was still several yards away, but he was coming closer by the second.

“Luke, it’s time!”

 _Gotta go cut a squash_ , he typed quickly before turning off his phone and pulling himself to his feet.

Hours later, when he turned his phone back on, he broke into laughter at Reid’s waiting **The hell?**

**

_When does your plane land?_  
 **2:00**  
 _And you HAVE to stay with Katie?_  
 **I have tried everything I could think of to get out of it. HOWEVER, she told me tonight that she and Brad are leaving on their honeymoon right away after the reception, so the night of the wedding, I’ll have the entire place to myself.**  
 _Oh, really? Interesting. Very interesting._  
 **I think I might get sad hanging around that apartment all by my lonesome.**  
 _Hmmm. I think I might be sleeping over at a friend’s house that night. Shame._  
 **Pity that.**  
 _I thought we were going to have to sneak off between the wedding and reception and rent a room by the hour at the Wagon Wheel Motel or something._  
 **Me too. And while that could have been hot in a dirty, kinky kind of way…**  
 _I like this option much better. God, I can’t believe you’ll be here tomorrow._  
 **ME NEITHER.**  
 _It doesn’t even seem real._  
 **You’re telling me. Never in my life did I ever think I’d travel to a place called Oakdale, Illinois, ONCE – let alone three times. The things I do for you, Mr. Snyder.**  
 _World’s tiniest violin. Can you hear it?_  
 **Is it being played by someone who’s not going to get laid this weekend after all?**  
 _Idle threat._


	17. Chapter 17

Casey held his fingers up, imitating goalposts, as Luke tried to send a paper football through them. Luke had missed 14 times in a row. Make that 15. Casey reached out for the folded paper, sighing loudly.

“You suck at this. It must be true, what they say about gay guys and sports.”

Maddie, who was talking to Henry on her other side and only half-listening, reached back and pinched the inside of Casey’s elbow. This caused Casey to mess up his own “kick,” sending the football flying onto the floor.

Luke smiled as he bent down to pick it up. “Casey, I’m not the one who bounces the basketball off my foot every single time I try to dribble.”

“That’s strategy. I’m hustling. One day, I’ll beat all of you at basketball, and you’ll be like ‘ _What?!_ Where’d _that_ come from?’”

Luke snorted. He quickly sobered though as Katie came up to them. The rehearsal dinner-slash-party had been going on for almost two hours and Reid still wasn’t there. Luke was dying to know what was going on, but it wasn’t like he could just ask. Thank God for Henry.

“Bubbles, see what happens when you ask some total stranger to stand up for you instead of me?”

Katie grinned at him. “Get over it,” she said, even as she leaned closer and kissed Henry on the cheek. “Besides, he’ll be here _any minute_. He had some issues with a patient this morning and missed his flight. Yes, my man of honor isn’t here because he was saving lives. What were you doing this morning? That's right; trying on my wedding shoes.”

Henry fake-chuckled and Katie ruffled his hair before moving onto the next group of people in her quest to mingle with everyone in the restaurant. Luke inwardly sighed in relief; Reid was OK and he was going to be here soon.

And then adrenaline started to kick in again. His body had been on alert all day since he had sat bolt upright and wide awake at 5 in the morning. He was going to see Reid again. Any minute now. He was practically shaking from the excitement.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he announced quickly.

“Thanks for sharing,” Casey replied.

Luke wound through the various groups of people talking and stepped into the relative peace and quiet of the men’s room. He leaned back against the door for a moment and exhaled slowly. Then he moved again, planning to splash cool water on his face. When he reached the sink, he gripped the edge and stared into the mirror above it. He was just about to turn on the water when the door to the bathroom opened. Luke glanced to the side, and all the breath in his body rushed out.

It was Reid.

Luke looked in the mirror again, double-checking that the stall behind him was empty. Then he crossed the bathroom in two steps. Without saying a word, he lifted his hands to Reid’s face and kissed the hell out of him. Reid fell back against the door with a surprised _oof_ , opening his mouth immediately and letting Luke’s tongue in.

Reid’s hands dropped to Luke’s waist and he spun them around, still pressed against the door so no one could just walk in. Luke wrapped his arms around Reid’s neck, pulling him closer, and Reid went willingly. He just _leaned_ into Luke’s body, and they were touching all the way down from their lips to their legs. Reid was making small, greedy moaning sounds and Luke was getting hard, and he just – he couldn’t get enough.

He needed to feel skin. He _needed_ to. Sliding his hands quickly down Reid’s chest, Luke pulled his shirt from his pants. He reached underneath the shirt as soon as he could, tracing the fingers of one hand lightly over Reid’s stomach and around his waist. He spread his hand out over the small of Reid’s back and pressed. At the same time, he dipped the fingers of his other hand down Reid’s waistband, just behind the button and zipper, and he pulled. Reid gave into his demands, pushing harder into Luke’s groin, grinding into him.

Reid broke the kiss suddenly, pulling back and swallowing thickly. He brought his hands up to Luke’s cheeks and held his head still. They touched foreheads, and their harsh pants echoed in the otherwise quiet room. Luke laughed because his grin just wasn’t enough to fully express his happiness.

“Luke,” Reid murmured.

Luke opened his eyes. He brought his own hands up to Reid’s face, mimicking the other man's posture. Sliding one thumb over Reid’s cheekbone, Luke waited until Reid opened his own eyes.

“Hi,” Luke whispered as soon as they made eye contact.

Reid exhaled shakily.

“How’s your patient?” Luke asked.

Reid breathed out a laugh, smiling broadly at Luke’s question. It was so like Luke to think of someone he had never even met before anything else. “Fine. Of course.”

“It’s you,” Luke agreed.

Reid dropped his hands and took a step back. With the loss of Reid’s body - the sudden absence of the heat and the weight that had been forcing him against the door, Luke suddenly felt cold and unsteady.

“We can’t do this here,” Reid explained.

Luke nodded. “I know.”

He had calmed down enough where he could leave the bathroom without drawing any attention to himself, and it would make sense for him to leave first anyway. He’d been in there long enough for people to start wondering. But it was still difficult to actually force his body to move.

He smiled at Reid, not taking his eyes off him as he pulled open the door behind him.

“Tomorrow,” he promised.

“Tomorrow.”

Luke stumbled backwards out of the bathroom, not looking away from Reid until the last possible minute.

**

“I’m cutting you off!” Reid declared after Katie’s third drink. She grumbled half-heartedly.

They had decided against Metro or Yo’s and just went back to Katie’s apartment. Reid had planted himself in _his_ corner of the couch early on, while Katie constantly moved around. She had to show Reid her dress (Reid pretended to care), and then she had to make sure for the twenty-second time that everything was set up in the guest room for him (Reid reminded her that all he really needed was a pillow, a blanket and a towel), and then she had to get snacks for them (Reid didn’t complain).

Finally, she wore out her nervous energy and collapsed back on the couch, her feet in Reid’s lap. They had spent the last hour just drinking and catching up.

“I’m getting married tomorrow!” she exclaimed for the twelfth time that night.

Reid laughed. “I know.”

“Oh, Reid,” Katie sighed happily. “You need to fall in love. There’s no other feeling like it in the world.”

Reid nodded. He took a sip of his drink to hide his smile. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

**

Luke knew he should be paying more attention to the ceremony. But it wasn’t his fault that Reid looked amazing (although clearly awkward and uncomfortable) in his tux. Katie and Brad spoke words of never-ending love, of lifelong commitment and devotion through whatever the world and fate threw at them. Luke couldn’t tear his eyes from Reid, feeling as if he were making his own silent vows and promises.

At the end, when Katie and Brad kissed and the guests clapped, Reid looked up and held Luke’s eyes for a brief moment.

**

“Why did you wear shoes with four-inch heels in the first place, Maddie?” Luke asked, smiling in sympathy at his friend, who had her bare feet resting in Casey’s lap.

She opened her eyes and glared at him. “I do not make the fashion rules,” she pointed out. “I just have to live by them.”

Before Luke could respond, his mom came up to them and crouched next to Luke, one hand on the back of his chair.

“Honey, I think you should go talk to Dr. Oliver.”

Luke’s eyes bugged out. “What…why?”

“To find out more about Dallas! He lives there, after all.”

Luke spluttered, trying to come up with a response. Maddie shook her head, thankfully interrupting with “I still can’t believe you applied there.”

“Why not?” Luke asked, grabbing onto the lifeline.

“It’s the south! You’ll be killed!”

Luke laughed. “It’s a city with a university. I think I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t you think you should go talk to him, honey?” Lily repeated her suggestion, unfortunately not distracted.

Luke’s smile fell as he looked over at Reid. He didn’t think he’d be able to act naturally if he went over and talked to him knowing his mom was watching him. Anyone, especially her, would be able to tell something was off. And besides, he really didn’t want Reid to find out about his application like that.

“Mom, he looks busy,” Luke said weakly.

Lily scoffed. “He’s sitting by himself…eating the biggest piece of wedding cake I’ve ever seen, oh my God. How does he stay so skinny?”

“Mom, just – ”

“OK, fine. Be that way.”

“Yeah, Luke,” Casey added. “Be that way.”

Luke glared at Casey, but his mom soon got his attention again when she grabbed his hand.

“Come on. Dance with me.”

“Mom,” Luke said, mortified.

Casey snorted. And Luke’s objections were useless. Soon, he was on the dance floor and his mom pulled him into a very awkward ballroom hold. Inside, Luke was absolutely dying of embarrassment.

**

Luke moaned as he sucked Reid’s tongue deeper into his mouth. And then he pushed Reid away, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

“We can’t keep doing this; we’ll get caught.”

One of them had given the other this exact same warning at many points earlier that night – in the bathroom, in the coatroom, down a side hall, outside as they were “getting fresh air,” in the kitchen, anywhere that had some semblance of privacy. The objection never stopped them from meeting again the first chance they could. And they were, in fact, almost caught on several occasions.

That didn’t stop them either.

“Can’t help it. You were so cute dancing with your mom.”

“Ugh, shut up,” Luke said, leaning forward and pecking Reid again. He pushed Reid completely off him then, and walked back into the main reception hall.

Luke grinned when he heard Reid’s groan and the sound of his body collapsing against the wall in frustration.


	18. Chapter 18

It was the last dance of the evening, and Luke pretended not to feel jealous of everyone out on the floor who could dance with the person they…cared about. Katie and Brad, his parents, Casey and Maddie, Casey’s parents, everyone. Luke was sitting alone at a table in the corner, trying not to look too longingly at Reid.

Reid, typically, didn’t even really notice the display of romance and heterosexuality. He was too busy helping himself to the last of the snacks on the buffet table. Luke hid his sudden grin with his hand.

The song finally ended, and the room lights turned on abruptly. Luke shaded his eyes as they adjusted to the change. Brad yelled out a very quick thank you speech and everyone cheered as he and Katie ran out to the car. They were staying in Chicago that night and flying out in the morning for their honeymoon, and Luke couldn't be happier about how that made everything - on Reid's end, at least - so easy.

The remaining guests began to disperse, some of the family staying behind to tidy up while others said goodbye. Maddie disappeared down the hall towards the bathroom, while Casey walked over to Luke, clearly ready to say goodnight. Luke had waited until the last possible moment – and until after Tom and Margo left – before he asked. He steeled himself and hoped he wasn’t making a stupid mistake. But there was no one else there who could reasonably cover for him.

Before Casey could say anything, Luke stood up.

“I need a favor.”

Casey made a surprised face at the unexpected request. “What?”

“Will you ask my parents if it’s OK if I sleep at your house tonight?”

“Why do you want to sleep over?”

Luke felt sick. “I don’t,” he explained. “I just want you to ask them.”

“Ah,” Casey said. He paused. “Fine, but you owe me.”

So, they went over to Lily and asked her quickly, before Maddie could come back and inadvertently say anything suspicious. Casey swore his parents approved it before they left, Luke promised he wasn’t too tired after the long day, and Lily finally agreed.

Neither of them spoke as they grabbed Maddie just outside of the bathrooms and hurried out of the hall. In fact, Casey was pretty quiet most of the drive. Luke and Maddie made up for it, talking about the wedding and the next GSA meeting and a movie they wanted to see and everything else that Luke could think of so Casey didn’t ask him what was going on.

They dropped off Maddie first, obviously, and Luke climbed out of the car, pretending he was moving up to the front seat. He leaned against the car, sending Reid a quick text message as he waited for Casey to come back after walking Maddie inside. Casey ran back to the car, slowing to a stop as he came closer to Luke, and Luke looked up at him.

“OK,” Luke said. “Thanks. I can walk from here.”

Casey tilted his head. “Or I could just give you a ride to my Aunt Katie’s.”

**

Reid maintained the speed limit all the way to Katie’s apartment. Seeing as how Oakdale’s finest were both at the wedding tonight, the only cops left on the road would be the Barney Fife types and Reid didn’t intend to spend the night in jail. However, as soon as he made it to Katie’s, he moved quickly. He took Luke’s present out of his suitcase and put it underneath the bed for easy access later, and then he opened the economy pack of condoms and giant bottle of lube he bought as soon as he landed. He was about to get out of the penguin suit when his phone buzzed.

_Don’t change. I want to take that tux off you. I’ll be there ASAP._

Reid grinned and decided he could stand to wear the damn thing for another few minutes. He walked out into the living room instead and messed around with the different light switches. Dimmed “mood” lighting was the closest he’d ever get to candlelight and soft music, so he hoped Luke would appreciate the _gesture_ of romance.

Reid checked his watch and sighed.

**

“What?” Luke hedged, laughing nervously.

“I mean, that’s where you’re going, right? I’ve been thinking about it since we left the reception, and it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Luke shifted his weight, putting a hand out behind himself and leaning against Casey’s car. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but he was unable to speak.

“You had Will cover for you months ago, and then you never mentioned anything about it again. But I’m pretty sure that was when Dr. Oliver was in town the last time. And, for God’s sake, Luke, I’ve known you pretty much my whole life, and if I made a list of the colleges I thought you’d apply to, fucking Dallas would be nowhere near the top. It’s him, isn’t it? He’s the mystery guy.”

Luke buried his face in his hands for a second, then looked imploringly at Casey. He took a step closer and grabbed the lapels of his jacket.

“You can’t, Casey, I mean it, you _cannot_ tell anyone. _Anyone_.”

Casey threw his hands in the air as he stepped back from Luke. “Oh my God!”

“Promise me, Casey!”

Casey gesticulated wildly. “Have you met my mother?!”

Luke fell back, staring at Casey in confusion. Casey sighed.

“If this were to come out, and my mom found out I knew and _didn’t_ immediately bring you home and tell on you, then I’d be in worse trouble than you could ever dream of being in.”

Luke nearly collapsed as he realized Casey was right. Then he looked up, still somewhat in disbelief. “Wait. That means you’re not going to tell on me, right?”

“Get in the car," Casey ordered before walking around towards the driver’s side.

“Casey?” Luke asked as he turned and opened the passenger door.

Casey climbed into the car, put the key in the ignition and then finally looked at Luke.

“Guy code. I’m a wingman, not a cockblocker.”

Luke grinned.

“Oh my _God_ , you owe me.”

They didn’t speak again until Casey pulled up outside Katie’s building. Luke was about to open the door, when Casey turned to him again.

“Just…be careful, OK?”

“We are,” Luke said sincerely.

Casey grimaced. “I didn’t mean it like that. Ew. Although, yeah, obviously that too, just…this guy’s so much older, Luke. He’s a freaking doctor. And you’re sweet, little, still-somehow-naïve-even-after-everything Luke Snyder. Please just make sure he’s really into you before you uproot your whole life. I don’t think I could handle your broken-hearted, kicked-puppy face.”

Luke smiled. “Don’t worry.” He climbed out of the car and leaned back in. “Thanks, Case. You’re a good friend.”

“I know,” Casey sighed.

**

“Hello Mother,” Lily said softly as she and Holden walked into the living room.

Lucinda glanced up from her book and removed her glasses. “How was the wedding?”

“Beautiful. Thank you for watching the kids.”

“All I’m saying,” Holden said, ignoring the current conversation as he continued the one he and Lily had started in the car, “is that Brad is a more secure man than I am, and I never thought I’d say that.”

“You’ve never had a problem with the idea of men and women being friends before,” Lily replied long-sufferingly.

“Friends, yes. Standing up in the traditionally opposite sex portion of the wedding party? Spending the entire night before the wedding together – alone?”

“Who are you talking about?” Lucinda asked.

“Dr. Oliver,” Lily explained.

“Oh,” Lucinda said with a snort. “Him. Brad has nothing to worry about.”

Lily tilted her head. “What do you mean, Mother?”

“Katie is not Dr. Oliver’s type,” Lucinda said significantly.

Holden had been pouring drinks for everyone, and he lifted his head slowly, turning to face his mother-in-law. “Are you implying that Dr. Oliver is gay?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Mother,” Lily said with a sigh. “How could you possibly know that?”

Lucinda gestured in a broad circle. “Bob Hughes asks some stranger to take care of my precious daughter, and I’m _not_ going to hire a private investigator?”

“Oh, _Mother_.”

Holden handed the other glasses out, then took a sip of his own. He didn’t say anything; he merely stared ahead thoughtfully.

**

At the sound of the doorbell, Reid nearly tripped over his feet as he rushed to answer the door. He pulled it open, and he stared at Luke. Luke was hanging onto both sides of the door, leaning slightly back and grinning at Reid flirtatiously. Reid reached out, grabbed his suit jacket, and pulled him into the apartment.

**

Lucinda called for her driver shortly after they finished their nightcaps, and Holden offered to check on the kids so an exhausted Lily could go straight to their bedroom. He peeked inside Ethan’s room and was pleased to see the baby was sleeping soundly. The girls also were both out for the count.

Holden stopped next to Luke’s empty room. It was ridiculous. He knew it was ridiculous. But he wasn’t going to be able to sleep until he proved it to himself. Holden exhaled, shaking his head as he flipped the light on and walked into the room. Stopping in front of the desk, he pressed the power button on Luke’s computer and waited for it to boot. The screen asking for Luke’s password appeared.

Holden bent slightly, quickly typing _Reid_. He moved his finger until it hovered over the enter key, and then he hesitated. Holden swallowed as he pressed the button.


	19. Chapter 19

For every step forward Luke took, Reid took one step back, guiding him through the living room towards the bedroom. Reid kept one hand wrapped up in Luke’s jacket to make sure they stayed no more than a foot or so apart. Luke reached out his own hand, sliding his fingers underneath the edge of Reid’s cummerbund; he reached his other hand up and tweaked the loose end of Reid’s bow tie. They grinned at each other, speaking softly as they carried on an absolutely inane conversation.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Reid asked, tilting his head as he stared at Luke’s lips.

Luke smiled. “I thought it was a beautiful wedding.”

“The cake was good.”

Luke laughed, shaking his head lightly and looking away from Reid. Then he turned back, blushing slightly as he confessed, “I wanted to dance with you.”

Reid stopped dead in his tracks and Luke suddenly felt uncertain. “I mean,” he started to backtrack, “not _really_ because obviously we couldn’t anyway and it wasn’t a big deal. It’s just – I danced with Noah at that school dance and it was not fun at all and I just was wondering what it would be like to dance…with you…is all.”

His voice trailed off as Reid continued to show no response at all. Why hadn’t he just kept his mouth shut, Luke thought to himself.

Reid sighed. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this,” he muttered.

And then he walked back the way they had already come, ignoring Luke’s confused “Reid?” The stereo was in the far corner and Reid turned it on, turning the dial quickly until he found a station playing soft music. When he turned back around, Luke was looking at him with his big Bambi eyes and his incredibly dopey grin, and Reid hated himself a little less. A very little.

He reached out, grabbing Luke’s hand and pulling him into his arms. Luke fit perfectly against him, one hand on his waist, the other gripping his upper arm, legs alternating with Reid’s. Luke gulped, glancing nervously into Reid’s eyes and then looking away again. Reid ducked his head, tugging Luke ever so slightly closer, their cheeks brushing as they began to sway to the music.

“If you ever tell anyone I did this,” Reid whispered, “I will never forgive you.”

Luke snickered softly, and then neither man spoke. Luke’s eyes drifted shut when he felt Reid’s fingers start to trace up and down the bumps of his spine. He took one step closer to Reid; they were pressed tightly against each other now, more hugging than dancing, but Luke wasn’t going to complain. All he could think was, _So_ this _is what it was supposed to feel like_.

**

_Incorrect password._

The words on the screen blinked back at Holden, and he laughed in relief and not a little self-derision.

“Of course not,” he said to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He turned the computer off and walked out of the room, flipping the light switch. When he walked into his own bedroom and Lily asked him what took so long, Holden just shook his head.

**

By the time the second song ended, their actions could have been described as dancing only in the loosest possible sense. Their feet barely moved anymore, but their arms had picked up the slack. They were both slowly running their palms over any section of the other man they could reach. At the moment, one of Reid’s hands was buried in Luke’s hair, holding his head steady so their cheeks continued to touch. Luke could hear Reid’s shaky breaths in his ear.

“This what you had in mind?” Reid murmured.

Luke nodded, his heart bursting with emotion. “Better than,” he whispered back.

“Good,” Reid barely said before turning his face towards Luke and using his hand to turn Luke’s head as well. They met in a passionate kiss, Reid immediately opening his mouth to welcome Luke’s tongue.

And as slow and (Reid would never call it this out loud) romantic as the dancing had been, their movement now was anything but. Reid felt vaguely like he was trying to devour Luke. He held onto Luke’s face as he kissed him, as he led him back to the bedroom. Luke simply made little approving noises, stumbling over his own feet more and more often the faster they walked.

Reid didn’t stop moving until they were right next to the mattress. And then he pulled back just enough to look seductively at Luke.

“I believe there was something I promised I was going to do to you.”

Luke grinned in anticipation. He ran his tongue over his lower lip, and Reid groaned.

“I should probably do that first. You know, to take the edge off.”

Luke burst into laughter. “I’ve been practicing that. Stamina. Trying to, anyway.”

Reid inhaled deeply, giving Luke his best heated gaze. “Let’s time how long you can last now, shall we?”

And then he pushed Luke down onto the bed, dropping to his knees in the same instant.

**

Luke covered his face with both hands, his groans and whimpers sneaking past his palms and echoing off the ceiling above him. He had lost any grasp he had on his control and was now just circling his hips and rocking up into Reid’s mouth. Reid made no objection; he was engaged in a kind of take-no-prisoners attack apparently aimed at making Luke come in no time at all. He had two fingers inside Luke, pushing and curling in just the right place, and he had Luke’s cock down, _so far down_ , his throat. Luke hadn’t even realized it was _possible_ to take someone in that deep. Reid swallowed, the muscles of his throat and mouth contracting around Luke’s length. He rhythmically pressed his tongue flat against the underside of Luke’s cock.

Luke removed his hands from his face, staring at the ceiling in an open-mouthed daze. One hand grabbed at a pillow, and he squeezed the soft material into his fist. The other hand dropped to Reid’s head. Luke pulled at his hair, tugging the strands as he wordlessly begged for mercy or release or _something_. He was reduced to embarrassingly high-pitched moans and staccato grunts and, finally, a broken yell as he shot down Reid’s mouth.

Reid never backed off, continuing to work on Luke even as he swallowed his release. Only when Luke began to float back down to earth did Reid let him go. He climbed slowly onto the bed, lowering his body on top of Luke’s and immediately connecting for a kiss. Luke tasted himself in Reid’s mouth, and he groaned at how unexpectedly hot that was.

Reid broke the kiss, turning to his back as he glanced at the bedside clock. He rolled back towards Luke, a teasing smile on his face. “Quite impressive, Mr. Snyder. Much longer than I was expecting.”

“Really?” Luke asked, his bark of laughter nearly obscuring the question. “Felt like, I don’t know, a minute. That was…wow.”

“Well said.”

Luke slapped at Reid’s arm weakly, and Reid grinned.

“I can do it again later, if you want. Really take my time with it.”

Luke moaned, finally opening his eyes as he rolled to meet Reid. Their fronts touched, and Reid immediately thrust against Luke’s groin. Luke grinned at Reid’s unsubtle reminder that he hadn’t come yet.

“I’d like that,” Luke said softly. “Later. I want you inside me first. And remember, you promised me I could try again with you. Taste you.”

“So demanding,” Reid said, feigning annoyance. Then he pressed Luke onto his back and rolled on top of him. “We can both do it again. We’ll multitask.”

Luke furrowed his brow at Reid. Reid bent down and began to suck on Luke’s jaw just below his ear.

“I’m thinking of a number,” he murmured.

“Oh,” Luke sighed, lifting his hand to the back of Reid’s head to hold him in place. “Oh! _That_ number.”

Reid chuckled.

“Does that even really work?” Luke asked breathlessly.

Reid didn’t bother answering. He merely kissed Luke full on the mouth again, blindly reaching out for the supplies on the nightstand.

**

Morning came far, far too early after a quite exhausting night. As requested, Reid came buried deep inside Luke. Then he proved to Luke that yes, that particular position did, in fact, work. And later, he proceeded to prove it again, for hypothesis-testing purposes (“Once is just chance, Luke. A good scientist replicates his studies.”). In between, Luke fucked Reid slowly, staring into his eyes the entire time.

They had even managed to get a very small amount of sleep.

And now they were going for what Luke jokingly referred to as the grand finale. Reid knelt on the bed, his ass resting on the backs of his calves. Luke sat in Reid’s lap, facing away from him, riding him at an increasingly faster rate. Reid groped at Luke’s pec with one hand, while the other tangled with Luke’s fingers as they stroked him together. He sucked on Luke’s earlobe, releasing it every once in a while to moan and whisper broken confessions of pleasure and happiness and desire.

When Reid needed more, he pushed Luke up, lifting both of them to their knees. Luke fell forward with the momentum, grabbing onto the headboard for balance. Reid quickly reached around Luke, covering Luke’s hands with his own and holding him in place.

He pounded into Luke, tearing grunts from him with every thrust. Luke leaned forward further, resting his head on the wood between their hands. He pushed back into Reid, who dropped one hand to Luke’s hip, holding him steady for a beat, before reaching around and finding Luke’s cock again. They came almost simultaneously, Reid crying out as the contractions from Luke’s orgasm triggered his own.

He collapsed back onto the bed, pulling Luke down with him. Reid’s legs were still painfully, awkwardly bent at the knees, and he was still buried inside Luke, who was now on top of him and crushing the breath out of his body. It should have been extraordinarily uncomfortable, but it was actually the best Reid ever felt.

After a few moments, Reid found the strength to straighten his legs. Luke moaned softly at the movement, but neither man separated further.

“It’s probably a good thing,” Reid groaned, running his palm along Luke’s lower stomach.

“What?”

“That we only see each other once every six months. I’d die from a heart attack in less than a year if we got to do this every night.”

Luke grinned, laughing breathlessly. “But what a way to go.”

“Of course,” Reid continued, briefly swallowing, “we wouldn’t have to fit six months worth of sex into one night either, so maybe it wouldn’t be this…athletic.”

 _Hopefully, we’ll find out soon enough_ , Luke thought to himself, smiling secretively.

Reid groaned as he lifted his head and looked at the clock. He dropped his head back to the bed dejectedly. “Gotta clean up and catch my flight.”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed, moving one hand to his stomach and intertwining his fingers with Reid’s.

Reid tilted his head slightly to kiss Luke’s cheek. “You want your early Christmas present?”

“This wasn’t it?”

“You want it or not?”

“Yes!”


	20. Chapter 20

Luke spread the books out in his lap, trying to process the gift. He swallowed thickly as he read the titles, all of which were about philanthropic giving and writing grant proposals. Reid cleared his throat and Luke realized he hadn’t said anything yet. He looked up, about to thank Reid.

“I don’t know if they’re any good," Reid said before he could. "I mean, I just searched on Amazon and read the descriptions, so they might not be.”

“No, I – ” Luke started.

Reid closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. “And it occurred to me on the plane that maybe you’d want something more, I don’t know, romantic or something. Christmas was never a big deal in my family. We always got books, so it’s just the first thing I thought of. I’m sorry. I should have – ”

Luke surged forward, kissing Reid soundly to shut him up and thank him at the same time. “I love them,” he murmured against Reid’s lips. “Thank you.”

Then he fell back to his seat with a sigh. “Now I feel really bad for not having anything for you,” he said.

“No – ”

“I tried,” Luke continued. “Oh my God, Reid, I tried to think of something. But it’s not like you can’t just get yourself whatever you want. I thought maybe something small that you can’t find in Dallas, like coffee beans and some of those cookie things you like from Java or something, but who knows what you can and can’t bring on planes these days, right? And besides, I know you, and they’d be gone before you even left Oakdale. Not to mention, whatever I got, I would have had to find a way to bring it with me to the reception because I wasn’t going to risk going home first, and – ”

“Luke,” Reid interrupted, laughing. “It’s OK. I wasn’t expecting anything. I got you these because I wanted to, not because I wanted something in return.”

“You really only got books for Christmas?” Luke asked in something of a non sequitur.

Reid furrowed his brow quickly. “I got a chess set one year.”

Luke’s only response to that was to exhale sharply and lean forward to kiss Reid again. He grabbed Reid’s hands as he settled and stared at their clasped hands resting between them.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. And maybe you can consider this your present, I don’t know.”

Reid grinned. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you too.”

Luke squeezed his hands. “Me first! I, um, I’ve applied to Dallas. For college.”

There was no answer, and Luke finally glanced up, expecting to see Reid shocked speechless, perhaps a grin slowly starting to form on his face. He certainly did not expect the look of anger.

“ _What?_ ” Reid asked, his voice hard.

Luke’s smile faltered. “I applied to Dallas,” he repeated in quiet confusion.

Reid rolled off the bed, standing up as he put one hand to his head and then gestured broadly. “Are you insane?”

“I thought you’d be happy,” Luke nearly whispered.

“ _Why_ would I be happy? I don’t want you to go to school in Dallas!”

Luke stared up at Reid in surprised hurt. He blinked once, and then he began to move. He grabbed his pants off the floor, pulling them on before he sought out his shirt and the rest of his clothes.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Reid said with a groan.

“No, it’s OK,” Luke replied angrily, getting even more upset when his voice involuntarily cracked. “I get it. I’m good enough when you need an orgasm or two, but not for an actual relationship. Makes perfect sense. Why would a doctor, a fucking _neurosurgeon_ , ever really be with a college kid?”

Luke didn’t wait for a response. He merely yanked the bedroom door open and stormed out. He was halfway through the living room by the time a still-naked Reid caught up to him. Reid grabbed his arm, and Luke pulled it away.

“Don’t touch me,” he demanded.

Reid held his hands up, surrendering. “Luke, that’s not what I’m saying. But come on, a _present_ for me? You can’t be serious.”

“Why not?” Luke yelled, wiping furiously at his eyes before pointing two fingers at Reid. “You’re the one who came after me, remember? I was perfectly fine. I was moving on. And you come back and you change everything – ”

Luke cut himself off, shaking his head. When Reid didn’t respond, Luke turned away again, heading towards the front door.

“At least let me drive you home,” Reid offered quietly.

“No!” Luke whirled again, facing Reid as he laughed derisively. “God forbid someone might see us together. I should have known. I mean, really, if you can’t tell your parents you’re dating someone, you probably shouldn’t be dating them in the first place, right? I’m so _stupid_. I figured keep it quiet to protect us, right? To protect what we had. But it was really all about you, about you being able to control this and just – just manipulate everything how you wanted it, when you wanted it.”

“Luke – ”

“I mean, you never told me _anything_ , do you realize that? I don’t know what your life in Dallas is like at all! You were always just ‘all I do is work, doctor-patient confidentiality, blah blah blah.’ But if you really wanted me to be a part of your life, to be more than just – unless, I mean, for God’s sake, maybe you already have someone you can tell all that stuff too.”

“ _What?_ ” Reid stared at him, reeling from everything Luke was screaming at him.

“There’s someone in Dallas already, isn’t there?”

“Of course not,” Reid scoffed. “You’re being irrational.”

Luke smiled sarcastically. “Don’t you mean childish?”

“That too,” Reid shot back.

“Tell me! Tell me there isn’t someone else. Reid, have you slept with anyone since we met?”

The only sound in the room for several beats was Luke’s harsh breathing. Finally, Reid asked softly, “Since we met or since we started this thing?”

“Oh my God, you have,” Luke realized. “When? Who?”

“Several people in Texas before I came back here last May,” Reid replied honestly, his heart breaking at the distraught, betrayed expression on Luke’s face.

“Anyone else? Anyone in Oakdale?” Luke asked in a whisper.

“Yes.”

“ _Who?!_ ” The whisper was replaced by a shout.

“The bartender at Metro,” Reid answered, emotionless.

“Oh my God,” Luke said, his breath hitching in his throat. “The one Damian had pictures of? He wasn’t lying?”

Reid looked shocked. “I don’t know what – ”

“When – when was this?”

“The night you came over, drunk. The night you tried to – ”

Luke turned away, reaching for the doorknob. “I think I’m going to be sick,” he muttered.

“Luke, please let’s just – ”

“I don’t ever want to see you again,” Luke informed him as he pulled open the door, stepped into the hall, and slammed the door shut behind him.

**

Reid stood motionless for some unknown length of time, staring blankly ahead. In his mind, he heard Luke’s voice repeat over and over, louder and louder. _Your present…I was perfectly fine…all about you…don’t ever want to see you again._

Reid finally jolted back to reality when the low buzzing static from the still-on radio spluttered and was replaced by the morning news. He looked around the room, unable to even really think. And finally, he just closed his eyes, swallowed and exhaled. He had promised himself, he had _promised_ himself, that he wouldn’t let this thing get out of control and now look what happened. How could he have been so careless?

He walked over to the stereo and almost turned the radio off. Then he changed his mind and turned the dial until he landed on the angriest rock he could find. He turned the volume completely up and went back to the bedroom to get dressed and scour the place clean.

**

Luke wondered if he was messing his suit up beyond repair. And then he decided he didn’t really care. He looked out over the frozen pond, trying to calm down, waiting and hoping his breathing and his heartbeat would return to their normal levels. He couldn’t go home like this. Luke was pretty sure that if he came home from a sleepover at Casey’s so early in the morning, sobbing in hysterical anger and pain, his parents would catch onto the fact that something _more_ was going on.

Luke rested his forehead against his knees and dropped one hand onto the solid, cold ground beneath him. He hated himself for still wanting to keep this from them, because he knew it wasn’t really about what could happen to him but about what could happen to Reid. He didn’t even _want_ to protect Reid anymore, but he didn’t know how to stop.

Luke breathed deeply, desperately trying to prevent himself from breaking down again. Salty drops squeezed out from between his lashes and he shook his head quickly. _No, **no.**_ He couldn’t understand how things had changed so fast. He was so, so happy and now, everything he had planned for, everything he had hoped for, was gone.

**

Reid pulled the blankets over the freshly laundered sheets, then patted the pillows before replacing them. He glanced around the room, nodding to himself as he confirmed that there was no sign that he (and, more importantly, Luke) had even been there. Reid sighed, running a hand over the back of his head as he walked over to his suitcase sitting on the chair in the corner of the room.

He was almost completely packed. The only thing left were the books he had bought for Luke. Reid’s gut reaction was to throw them out, to just get them out of his sight. But ultimately, he simply put them back in his suitcase and zipped it up.

Reid checked his watch. He needed to leave if he were going to catch his plane. He paused for a moment, sighing as he reached up to pinch his nose. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to go find Luke, to apologize and beg forgiveness and do whatever it took to fix things. But deep down, Reid _knew_ this was for the best. It would take Luke a while to recover, unfortunately, but eventually he would, and he would go on to live his life and fall in love and be happy. Reid wouldn’t let him stay in a relationship like theirs, full of secrets that clearly caused him so much stress and unhappiness, and he certainly wouldn’t let Luke throw away everything he had worked for and ruin his chances for a great education and career, simply to chase Reid across the country. Luke was too inexperienced and naïve to realize that Reid wasn’t worth that.

But Reid was the adult here, and someone had to make the grown-up decisions.


	21. Chapter 21

Luke made it through the rest of Sunday without his parents suspecting too much, if only because he spent the day up in his room, pretending he was catching up on sleep. On Monday, he stared into the bathroom mirror, silently giving himself a pep talk before school. If he just kept pretending everything was OK, maybe someday it finally would be.

Maybe.

That plan lasted until first period, when Casey came running in just before the bell like usual, sat down, turned to Luke with a teasing grin and then immediately asked, “What happened?”

Luke started. “What? Nothing. I’m – ”

Mr. Raymond came into the room then, thankfully stopping all student discussion. Luke slid down in his seat, scratching his pen across the page of his notebook in an attempt to glean something from the lecture. He was pretty sure this was going to be a wasted day, but he didn’t need to get in trouble with any teachers on top of it.

As soon as the class ended, however, an undeterred Casey fell into line with him as they walked into the hall.

“Don’t you have math next?” Luke asked pointedly, reminding Casey he was heading in the opposite direction.

“I have to find a way to get to Texas so I can kick some neurosurgeon ass, don’t I?”

Luke looked frantically around, making sure no one had heard him. “Casey!”

Casey held up his hands in apologetic surrender, then backed away, turning in the direction he was supposed to be going.

**

On Thursday afternoon, Luke finally gave in and went to Casey’s. He needed to be around someone who knew and so could at least sort of understand why Luke just had _no_ energy for the social demands of high school.

And Casey was actually pretty cool. He didn’t say anything or try to force Luke to talk about it. Instead, they played computer games for close to two hours, and Luke secretly pictured Reid’s face on every single enemy he killed.

It was the first time he ever beat Casey at the game.

**

Saturday morning, Luke sat in the corner of Java with Will and Gwen, drinking coffee until his whole body jittered. He watched them out of the corner of his eye as Will put his arm around Gwen’s shoulders, right there for everyone to see.

The world wasn’t fair sometimes, Luke decided.

**

Sunday morning, one week to the day after everything had fallen apart, Luke stayed in bed until noon. He stared at the ceiling as he admitted to himself that Reid wasn’t the villain he was making him out to be. That as much as he wanted to believe Reid was an asshole who had just been using him for sex, that wasn’t true. Reid cared about him in his own way, Luke knew that.

He just didn’t care about him _enough_.

**

The following Tuesday, Luke nearly fell out of his chair in surprise when he checked his e-mail after school. The admissions person at UT had told him that if he were going to pursue an interdisciplinary major, he’d eventually need the support of a faculty member who’d sign off on his plan and serve as his advisor. Luke and Maeve had spent an entire afternoon at Worldwide, looking through the different departments for possible people even as they made a list of classes he should take. Luke’s number one choice was a woman who taught in both the social sciences and literature, but when he had sent an e-mail, all he had received was an automatic reply informing him the professor was on sabbatical.

Until that day. There was a reply in Luke’s inbox, and he clicked on it, trying to ignore the sick, nervous feeling in his stomach.

_Hello Mr. Snyder,  
I apologize for not replying to you sooner. I am very intrigued by your proposed course of study, and I would definitely be interested in discussing it further with you, if you are accepted to and choose to attend the University of Texas. I think there are several courses that may work better with what you had in mind, and I also would suggest adding a culminating senior honors project to the plan.  
However, that is getting ahead of ourselves, of course. I would recommend you first make sure that UT is the best fit for your needs and goals as a student, keeping in mind that interests and priorities often change during the course of one’s education. If you are able to arrange a campus visit, I highly suggest doing that as well so you can get a feel for the school and city you would be calling home.  
I look forward to talking to you more. Please feel free to contact me if I can offer any advice or insight as you decide on a school.  
Sincerely,  
Claire Benson, Ph.D._

Luke closed the lid of his laptop, pushed it aside, and buried his head in his arms with a quiet whimper.

**

“Oh my God, this sucks!” Luke complained. He picked up the throw pillow on the couch and held it to his face as he screamed into it.

“Dude. You are a mess,” Casey observed.

Luke’s parents and siblings were all out, so they were hanging out at his place for a change. They were still waiting on Will, Gwen and Maddie, so Luke took the opportunity to update Casey on the e-mail from Dr. Benson.

“It doesn’t matter what I tell myself,” Luke continued. “I _still_ want to go there. I would even if…just even if.”

“Then go there!” Casey declared, clearly a little exhausted with the topic or at least the circles Luke had spoken in over the last ten minutes.

“But what if I want to go there _only_ because I really just want him back. I can’t make such an important decision based solely on the absolutely improbable chance that my ex-secret-phone-sex-buddy – ”

“ _God_ ,” Casey muttered, his voice somewhat muffled considering he was sprawled on the floor with his face buried in his arms.

“ – _might_ suddenly be OK with me moving there,” Luke concluded.

Casey lifted his head, supporting his weight on his elbows. “Luke! You have the grades, the money and the family support to do whatever the hell you want. You _also_ can’t deny yourself the opportunity to go to the school you want to go to, just because some 30-year-old jackass happens to live in the same city – along with, by the way, hundreds of thousands of other people. I bet you could go four years there and never even run into him.”

“I’d run into him,” Luke disagreed. “That’s just my kind of luck. Plus…”

“Plus what?”

“I’d probably run into him accidentally-on-purpose,” Luke admitted, covering his face with his hands.

The doorbell rang and Casey sat up, sighing in relief. “The others are here,” he pointed out unnecessarily. “Can we postpone _The View_ for a little while?”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed.

**

Luke had been doing so very well at pretending like he was OK around his parents and most of his friends – and actually actively attempting to move on – that the setback took him by surprise. It was totally stupid too. His mother dragged him out shopping for new shoes; he finally found a pair he liked, and they were on their way home when Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the bookstore.

“Let’s go in here for a second. Natalie’s Christmas list only had, like, seventeen different dolls listed on it, and I need, for my own sanity, to get her something else. I thought maybe the first book in that series I used to read to Faith.”

Luke stopped walking abruptly. “No,” he said.

Lily turned around, surprised. “What’s wrong with that?”

“She doesn’t want a book,” Luke argued. “She wants a doll; get her a damn doll.”

“Luke?” Lily asked, somewhat surprised by his mood and vocabulary.

“Books are awful Christmas presents, especially for little kids.”

Lily looked even more shocked. “You _always_ asked for books,” she reminded him. “Every year.”

“I’m not going to anymore,” Luke declared.

He turned away and started walking again. He was surprised to discover that he was actually shaking, and he wished he could explain, or perhaps just admit, why.

**

School let out for the holidays that Friday, and Luke ran up to his room as soon as he got home. He curled up on his bed and didn’t even pay attention to the passing time. When his dad knocked on his door and called out that dinner was ready, Luke nearly jumped out of his skin from the surprise.

“I’m – I’m not hungry,” he finally replied.

There was a pause, and then Holden spoke again. “I’m coming in,” he said.

Luke sat up, turning to face his dad as he entered the room. He plastered a questioning expression on his face. Holden turned to close the door behind him, and then he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

“What’s going on?” he asked. “Your mother and I are worried.”

Luke shrugged. “Maybe I’m getting sick,” he said.

Holden sighed. “I know there’s a guy. Or I’m guessing there _was_ a guy.”

Luke inhaled quickly, preparing to interrupt. Holden held up a hand. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’ve, uh, I’ve finally accepted that your personal life is your own business. But I’m not going to stop worrying about you, so you’ll just have to deal with that.”

Luke closed his mouth and nodded, blinking rapidly.

“And you have to admit that I have good cause to worry, Luke. You haven’t always handled disappointments and problems well in the past.”

“I know,” Luke whispered, unable to meet Holden’s eyes. “I’m not drinking; I promise.”

Holden sighed, then he lifted a hand and placed it on the back of Luke’s head. Luke looked up.

“I’m here if and when you want to talk. Always. And in the meantime, don’t forget how strong you are just because some idiot boy is too stupid to know a good thing when he has one.”

**

On Christmas afternoon, the entire family spent the day visiting Lucinda. Presents were exchanged and food was eaten, of course, and Luke had a good time – if not for himself, then from watching his sisters’ round eyes as they opened their presents and from watching Ethan toddle around the floor, playing with the discarded wrapping paper.

Later in the day, Lucinda came and sat next to Luke, a you-can’t-fool-me expression on her face. Luke smiled nervously.

“And how are you, my dear? Are you having a good Christmas?”

Luke nodded. “Yes.”

“Liar. I _know_ things – not everything, of course, but enough to know that you’re lying. What can I do to make it better? I know people who know people, you know.”

“Are you…offering to put out a hit on someone for me?” he asked, laughing

Lucinda scoffed. “Of course not. Unless you think it’d help.”

Luke shook his head, grinning. They sat quietly for a moment, and then Luke turned to Lucinda. “You’ve had your heart broken before?”

“Oh darling boy, you think I have a heart?”

“Grandmother,” Luke said seriously. “How did you get over it?”

Lucinda sobered as well. “There are only two ways that have ever worked for me – screwing someone over or screwing someone new. But, honey, you’re not me, and I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.”

She stood then and walked away. Luke stared ahead.

“You never know,” he muttered.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hey hon! Back from the honeymoon. Gotta tell you all about it – well, maybe not _every_ detail, ha ha! Call me!"

**

"Haven’t heard from you yet! I imagine you’re catching up on all that work you missed while you were out of the office for _two_ whole days."

**

"I’m going to leave increasingly obnoxious messages until you call me back. How’s this to start with: I saw the way you were looking at young Mr. Snyder at the reception. Still have that inappropriate crush, I take it."

**

"Oh my God, something happened with Luke, didn’t it?"

**

Reid’s heart nearly stopped as he listened to Katie’s latest voicemail. He sighed as he hung up and opened a new text.

 _Of course not_ , he typed. _He’s 17. Will you let that go already? I’m just busy and will call you this weekend._

**

“Oh, fuck, it’s cold!” Casey exclaimed as they walked out of the movie theater.

Maddie laughed, wrapping her arms around Casey’s waist in a sideways hug. Will glanced at Luke, entertained, as he put his own arm around Gwen’s shoulders. Luke just stuck his hands in his pockets and pretended he didn’t take a step closer to Noah.

“What do you expect, Casey?” Will asked. “It’s January in Illinois.”

“It’s not January yet,” Gwen pointed out.

And just then, the relative quiet of the night was shattered with honking cars and distant, happy screams and even a couple of out-of-season firecrackers. The six of them stopped on the sidewalk, looking around in amusement as they listened to the celebration.

“It is now!” Casey yelled just before pulling Maddie into a kiss.

Luke watched as Will and Gwen kissed too, and then he snuck a glance at Noah. Noah looked really uncomfortable, and he refused to look at anyone. Luke supposed if he were going to go through with this, it was as good a time as any. He laughed softly, feigning embarrassment to get Noah’s attention.

Noah looked at him and even in the darkness, Luke could see him blush. “This is…kinda awkward,” Noah observed.

Luke stared at him for a beat, smiling lightly. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to Noah’s mouth. Noah’s lips were cold and dry and a little salty still from the popcorn he had at the movie.

But it wasn’t that bad of a kiss, actually.

Luke pulled away and gauged Noah’s reaction. He stared back at Luke, clearly shocked, and then he smiled. A multitude of emotions, not all of them negative, rushed through Luke, and he turned away. He cleared his throat as he started walking again.

“Come on, guys. Get a room,” he said, and the other two couples stopped kissing.

**

“Couldn’t stay away, huh?” Reid asked Annie, forcing a grin to his face. She, of course, was already smiling at him as he walked in the room. “Will you do me a favor?”

Annie nodded enthusiastically.

He handed her the Etch-a-Sketch he had grabbed from the waiting room on his way in. “I _cannot_ figure out how to write my name with this thing. Can you maybe do it for me?”

Annie giggled as she took the toy from him. Reid tilted his head at her parents, indicating they should follow him. He led them into the hall and then to a small alcove where her films were already set up on a light box. Reid sighed as he turned to the Judds, then pointed at the important sections on the scans.

“There are three new tumors,” he said in a low voice, pushing on as Mrs. Judd sobbed into her hand, “all of which are still relatively small. I’ve talked it over with Annie’s oncologist, and we think we should admit her and start with some radiation. In a couple weeks, we’ll assess whether another surgery should be done.”

He turned back to the Judds with a grim expression, and Mr. Judd nodded in acceptance. As he guided them back towards the exam room, Reid stuck his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. He wrapped his right hand around his phone, his fingers itching to dial Luke’s number. Reid wished he could _just_ hear his voice.

**

Luke bounced the eraser of his pencil against his desk nervously while he waited for Noah to arrive. It had been almost two weeks since he kissed Noah, and nothing had happened since then. They were always surrounded by other people, and Noah wasn’t the type to just bring up the topic first. But tonight, Luke planned on changing things. He had cornered Noah after school at his locker and asked if he wanted to come over to work on their biology assignments together.

He had dropped his voice really low on the word biology. Noah had stammered out a reply, which made Luke smirk.

“Your friend’s here. He’s talking to Mom and Dad.”

Faith’s voice interrupted Luke’s anxious thoughts. He gaped at her as her comment registered, then he raced downstairs. Luke slowed to a stop as he saw Noah, standing uncomfortably between his parents. It wasn’t the first time they’d met him, but it was the first time Noah had been over since Luke had started his mission to get over Reid with him – and Noah could be a bit obvious.

The expression he directed at Luke only proved that.

“Hey. Hi,” Luke said, somewhat breathless. “Ready? Come on up.”

Noah nodded, stepping around Luke’s parents. Luke's mom smiled at him one more time, offering them soda or snacks, which Luke turned down immediately. His dad looked at Luke, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“OK, well,” Holden said slowly. “We’ll be right down here if you need anything. _Right_ down here.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Luke said, clipping his consonants.

They worked for nearly two hours, Noah sitting in Luke’s desk chair and Luke stretching out on his bed. Every chance he had, Luke turned the details of photosynthesis into some kind of innuendo – it took great mental leaps, sometimes – and Noah turned redder with every comment Luke made. Nothing truly happened between them, and Luke suspected that may have had to do with his dad finding an excuse to walk past the room every half hour or so. But, by the end of the night, Luke felt pretty pleased with his progress and he was actually surprised to realize he had _fun_ with Noah too. Noah did a killer impression of their bio teacher.

At the end of the night, Luke walked Noah downstairs. They went outside, and Luke closed the door behind them. Then he pushed his hands in his pockets and stepped closer to Noah.

“So,” he said.

Noah nodded, swallowing nervously. “I guess – I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Luke breathed out. He reached out then and wrapped the string from the hood on Noah’s jacket around his finger. He took another step closer and ducked his head.

“Um, Luke,” Noah began, clearing his throat. “I – I don’t understand,” he admitted.

Luke looked up into his eyes. “Understand what?” he asked softly.

“You’ve made it pretty clear, before, that you didn’t want to – that you didn’t like me that way.”

Luke stared at him. His stomach was roiling with nerves and emotion, but he couldn’t tell if he felt this level of guilt for betraying Reid ( _They weren’t together. They were no longer together. Luke could kiss anyone he wanted._ ) or for using Noah ( _Luke did like Noah. He did, and maybe with time, he’d learn to…_ ). Finally, Luke shrugged.

“Things change,” he said simply.

Noah fought a smile, and Luke leaned in, crossing the last few inches between them. And just before their lips touched, the porch light flicked on, and Luke could hear his dad cough just inside the foyer. Both Noah and Luke began to laugh.

**

“Hi Annie,” Reid greeted the young girl as he walked into her room.

She looked up with her trademark smile, then focused back on the paper and markers all over her rolling bedside table. She was weak and sick from the treatment, and she had spent almost the entire nine or ten months that Reid had known her in the hospital, and yet still she smiled. Reid couldn’t understand it.

“What are you working on?” he asked.

“There’s a party tonight,” she explained excitedly. “I’m making cards for all the little kids.”

Reid smiled briefly. “Party for what?”

She stared up at him in shock. “Valentine’s Day,” she said, in a tone suggesting she thought maybe he was not the smartest guy in the world after all.

“Oh. Is that what all the pink hearts in the hallway are for?” Reid asked, hiding his grin in her case folder.

Annie sighed loudly. “Dr. Oliver, you remembered to get your boyfriend a present, right?”

Reid’s humor disappeared. “We, uh, we’re not together anymore.”

There was no response, and finally Reid looked up. Annie looked at him sadly.

“It’s OK,” he assured her. “Really.”

“Maybe you should get him a present anyway. Then he might want to be your boyfriend again.”

“It doesn’t really work that way,” Reid explained.

Annie sighed, then she pulled out another piece of paper. She began to draw big hearts on it with a red marker.

“I’m making this one for Tony,” she said, trying to fight a giggle. “He’s going to get the biggest card, because I like him the best.”

Reid watched her draw for a while, then breathed out a laugh. “Good luck, kid,” he said, and he walked out of the room.

He pulled out his phone as he walked down the hall and sent Katie a text message that read _Happy Valentine’s Day_. Her response an hour later ( _Who are you and how did you get Reid’s phone?_ ) made him nearly choke on his lunch.


	23. Chapter 23

“Stop it,” Noah whispered.

“Stop what?” Luke replied, equally soft.

“You know what.”

Luke stifled a grin and continued exactly what he was doing. They were sitting on the bench of a lunch table waiting for the last period study hall to officially be over. Immediately after school, Noah, Maddie and Luke were setting up for the GSA Valentine’s Day event, which was going to be a movie night with films that had at least a subplot involving gay or lesbian romance. Finding quality movies with ratings low enough they could show them in the school had been difficult, but Luke thought they had a pretty good selection. He knew Noah was excited about it. Luke was mostly looking forward to sitting next to Noah in the dark and continuing his getting-over-Reid quest.

At the moment, however, he couldn’t really be overt in his seduction. And so, Luke kept sliding his hand across the surface of the table and wrapping his pinky around Noah’s. Noah would move his hand a fraction of an inch, but not enough to truly deter Luke from closing the distance again.

Luke was just about to step up his game – maybe a little footsie or something – when the bell rang. Noah immediately bolted from the table, and Luke sighed. Casey, whose assigned seat during study hall was one table over, joined Luke a moment later.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Right now?” Luke feigned innocence. “Gotta go set up for the movie thing.”

“You know what I’m talking about. What are you doing with Noah?”

Luke stood up. “Nothing.”

Casey followed him down the hall. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Just…mind your own business.”

Casey laughed in disbelief. “Mind my own business. For weeks, hell, for _months_ , I’ve listened to you go on about he-who-shall-not-be-named, and now you tell me to mind my own business.”

“That’s in the past.”

Casey stopped in the middle of the hall and grabbed Luke’s arm. “OK, look,” he said. “I’m all for a good rebound relationship. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do. But, Luke, face it – you’re…you, and you believe in romance and flowers and, I don’t know, _making love_. This isn’t going to fix anything. The only thing it’s going to do is make you miserable – and me too, because I’m going to have to listen to you bitch, and obviously, it’s going to hurt Noah too. As boring and annoying as the guy can be, he doesn’t deserve to be jerked around.”

“I like him,” Luke argued.

“Then don’t do this to him.”

Luke turned and walked away, heading towards the room the GSA had reserved for the party.

**

The arts and crafts room in the peds ward was filled to the brim with kids of all ages. Reid very cautiously stepped a bit farther into the room, trying to find Annie. A nurse’s aide glanced up from the nearby table where she was drawing with several kids. Reid recognized her – Susan or Suzette or something. She was older and she didn’t take any shit, not even from him. Reid liked her.

A moment later, she stood up and walked over to him. “Dr. Oliver, you looking for someone?”

“Just checking on Annie,” he said, acknowledging the unspoken observation that he was the last person in the hospital who would willingly come to a Valentine’s Day party for a bunch of little kids.

Reid finally spotted his patient; she was at a far table, playing a board game with several other kids around her age. He nodded to himself and then turned to walk away. At the last moment, he stopped and faced Susan-or-Suzette again.

“Which one’s Tony?” he asked.

“Oh, the blond boy next to Annie.”

Reid looked again at the far table. The boy in question was skinny and his hair flopped into his eyes. He had a megawatt smile to match Annie’s, and they were talking loudly to each other as Annie moved her game piece.

“What’s he in for?”

“Armed robbery,” Susan-or-Suzette replied, deadpan.

Reid snorted.

“Congenital kidney problems. He’s waiting on a transplant. No match in the family.”

 _Of course_ , Reid thought. _A blond boy with a bright smile who needed a new kidney. Because he had almost made it through one entire hour of this goddamn Hallmark-driven holiday without thinking of Luke._

Reid sighed and turned away again. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he told Susan-or-Suzette.

“Careful, doc. You’re going to ruin your reputation.”

“You got my back, right?”

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

**

The last of the students had departed, and only Casey, Maddie, Luke and Noah remained. They were cleaning up from the party – or rather, Maddie, Noah and Luke were. Casey slouched in a desk, his head hanging over the back of the chair as he complained about Maddie taking so long.

“You could help, Casey Hughes!” Maddie finally shouted.

“Guys, it’s OK,” Noah finally interjected. “There isn’t much more to do here. Luke and I can finish up. Right, Luke?”

Luke nodded, fighting a smile. Casey cheered, stood up, grabbed a protesting Maddie’s hand, and disappeared from the room. Noah glanced at Luke and then returned to wiping the table down. They cleaned in silence for a few minutes, quickly finishing the last of the tasks. Luke led Noah to the door, and he reached out to flip the light switch off. He stepped into the hall and was completely surprised when Noah grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the dark classroom.

Even as he stumbled back into the room, Luke turned to face Noah. He finally stopped moving when he caught himself against Noah’s broad chest. Noah immediately leaned down, capturing Luke’s lips in a kiss. It was nothing like the chaste, awkward kiss he had given him ages ago, when Noah was just coming out and before Reid had come back. It was powerful and full of pent-up desire, and Luke was relieved. He had begun to think that all of his efforts were going to be in vain, but it looked like Noah was finally ready to start something in earnest.

Luke made a small, soft noise, and he deepened the kiss.

**

At the end of his shift, Reid peeked into Annie’s hospital room. The party had ended an hour or so ago, and she looked exhausted. Her eyes were drifting closed, but she still managed a tiny smile for him – quickly broken by a yawn. He nodded at Mrs. Judd, who sat on the bed next to Annie and stroked softly over the bare skin of her scalp.

“Hi Dr. Oliver,” Annie murmured.

“Did you have a good time at the party?”

She nodded slowly. “Tony kissed me when I gave him the card. On the lips and everything!”

Reid stifled a smile and shared an amused glance with her mother. Annie was almost completely out then but managed to mumble “Mom, card,” before slipping into sleep. Mrs. Judd leaned forward and picked up a piece of folded construction paper from the table. She handed it to Reid.

“Here. She wanted to make sure you got a Valentine today.”

**

Things were progressing rather slowly with Noah, but Luke couldn’t help but enjoy that a little. With Reid, the getting-to-know-each-other and the ripping-each-other’s-clothes-off parts were so distinct, they felt like two different relationships. And, of course, they never just dated. They’d never…gone to a movie or gone bowling or anything, like Luke and Noah did. Luke couldn’t help but feel that this – with Noah – was what it was supposed to be like, how you were supposed to fall in love with someone.

That included the physical stuff. When you were 17, you were supposed to be a little wary about taking the next steps, no matter what you said to your friends in the locker room (not that Luke ever said anything in the locker room). You were supposed to end dates with tongues down each other’s throats and nothing more. Study sessions were supposed to turn into make-out sessions, where you both stayed fully clothed but rubbed against each other’s bodies and felt the promise of more. You _weren’t_ supposed to have nights of unbridled passion in all sorts of creative positions in your lover’s hotel room. The fear of getting caught by your parents should mean the risk of grounding, not the risk of arrest or something.

So, yeah, it was going slow, but Luke finally felt like maybe he was doing it the right way now.

Noah came over to pick him up before school one day in early March so they could walk in together. His mom fed Noah a second breakfast, and his dad and Noah talked about the weather. Luke smiled into his cereal at the domesticity of it all.

They were about to leave when his mom called out after him. “Luke, don’t forget you have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. I’ll pick you up at the doors near your locker.”

Luke nodded, and he and Noah walked out. Noah didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and Luke could tell the curiosity was burning inside him.

“Are you sick or something?” Noah finally asked.

Luke shook his head. “No. I’m going to see my nephrologist.”

“Nephrologist?”

“Kidneys.”

Noah laughed. “Why do you have a kidney specialist as a doctor?”

“Because I’ve had a kidney transplant.”

Noah stopped walking abruptly. He stared at Luke in concern and surprise. “What? Why? Are you OK now?”

Luke considered lying and saying it was some sort of birth defect or something. He considered telling the truth and watching Noah’s face fall. (Luke _knew_ that Noah didn’t approve of underage drinking; he had said so more than once when other students made comments about weekend parties.)

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Luke said.


	24. Chapter 24

Luke couldn’t get enough contact. He ran his fingernails down Noah’s shirtless back and pulled him closer. He tried to convince himself his urgency was born from the fact that Noah’s weight pressed into him in all the right places, and he desperately wanted to feel Noah inside him.

But mostly it was because the last time he felt the scratch of this particular blanket underneath him, the last time he was surrounded by the peculiar combination of smells from horses and arousal…he was on the phone with Reid.

Luke broke the kiss and moved his lips to Noah’s neck. He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them to stare at the ceiling of the barn as he cleared his mind of the memories. Noah ran a hand down Luke’s side, and Luke shivered.

“Noah,” he breathed out. “I – there’s a condom in my wallet.”

Noah pulled back immediately, putting at least two feet between them as he stared at Luke in shock. Luke propped himself up on his elbows, breathing heavily.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“You can’t be serious,” Noah said, his shock fading as he made a face of revulsion.

Luke would have preferred embarrassment. He was used to that kind of resistance from Noah; he knew how to deal with that. This was new, and it made Luke feel like he was doing something weird or wrong.

“Why not?”

“We’re in a _barn_?”

Luke sat up, reaching out to pull Noah into another kiss. “Kinda hot, isn’t it?”

“No, Luke,” Noah said, shaking his head as he pulled back. “It’s disgusting and it smells, and it’s actually kind of freezing out, in case you hadn’t noticed. Why would you want to…you know, do that in here?”

Luke’s shoulders dropped. He was quiet for a moment as he pulled at his ear. “I don’t know. I used to sit up here and imagine…you know, what it would be like to be up here, with a – a guy, all sweaty and – ”

“That sounds like a porno or something,” Noah interrupted. He pulled his shirt on, stood up and climbed down the ladder of the loft.

Luke watched him leave, a mixture of emotions coursing through him as he tried not to be offended.

**

Reid stared at the newest films, arms crossed over his chest. The radiation hadn’t worked, and Annie’s tumors were growing larger. They’d have to schedule another operation.

**

Luke walked up to Noah, who was standing next to his locker and putting things in his backpack.

“Hi,” Luke began quietly.

Noah turned to look at him, startled. Luke took a deep breath and continued.

“About the other day – ”

“Luke, it’s OK,” Noah interrupted. “I forgive you.”

“Oh. _OK_ ,” Luke responded, trying to figure out why exactly Noah was the one doing the forgiving. He decided not to press the issue. “So, we’re…cool?”

Noah nodded. Then he looked around quickly and leaned in closer. Luke put his hand on the area between Noah’s neck and shoulder, and he turned his head to listen to Noah whisper.

“If the offer still stands, I’d be OK with a bed, if you are.”

Luke grinned.

“Come over tonight,” he said quietly, his lips brushing against Noah’s ear. “Everyone’s eating at the farm; I’ll get out of it.”

**

It turned out to be incredibly easy to get out of the family dinner. He just said he had an unexpectedly large pile of homework, but obviously it was no big deal, as long as he could stay up a little later that night. His parents walked right into it, insisting he stay home and that his grandma wouldn’t be hurt. Luke tried not to smile too broadly until after they left. He pulled out his phone and sent a _Come over_ text to Noah.

He tapped his foot nervously against the bottom of his desk as he waited for Noah to show up. Obviously, he couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was bizarre, like this was his first time or something. He was more nervous and unsure about this than he had been with Reid, which was crazy. To keep his mind off what was about to happen, Luke just clicked around the different folders on his computer, trashing files he no longer needed.

Luke furrowed his brow at a file he didn’t remember. He had saved it in his “miscellaneous” folder just under the date the file was created. He clicked on it to see what it was, then exhaled sharply. He recognized it immediately, and his mind flashed back to the day he and Reid had sent messages back and forth until they both climaxed. Luke blinked rapidly, fighting the moisture that welled up in the corners of his eyes. He lifted a finger to the screen and traced across one of Reid’s typos.

Then he sat up, closed the file and right-clicked it. The menu showed up, and Luke scrolled down to _Delete_. When the computer asked him if he was sure, Luke moved his mouse over to the yes button. Then he froze. He stared at the computer until the sound of a knock on the front door broke into his consciousness.

Noah was there.

Luke closed his computer and went to answer the door.

**

Luke’s breath shuddered as Noah moved against him. They hadn’t yet gone any further than they ever had before, but Luke knew something had changed. He knew that, if everything went according to plan, this was the night they’d take that step. The night that he’d officially move past Reid and –

Noah didn’t quite know what he was doing, that much was obvious, but Luke still wanted him on top, still wanted him in control. He moved around, guiding Noah’s hands, trying to give him hints without taking too much of the lead. He wanted Noah to just hold him down and force Reid out of his memory and –

Noah’s palm skimmed across the front of Luke’s pants, and Luke groaned into Noah’s mouth. Then Noah began to fumble with Luke’s zipper, and Luke pushed Noah off him. He sat straight up, breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a long moment.

“Luke, what’s wrong?” Noah asked, confused, as he sat up next to Luke.

Luke looked at him, the guilt crashing over him in waves. He felt sick to his stomach. “I…like you a lot, Noah.”

Noah smiled. “I like you too.”

“I like you too much to do this.”

A beat, and then Noah said softly, “I don’t understand.”

“I – I – I tried, Noah, I really did. But…there’s someone else. It didn’t work out, and I tried to move on, but I…still have feelings for him.”

“You tried to move on with me,” Noah said, his voice turning cold in realization.

“Yeah,” Luke whispered.

“So, all this time?”

“Yeah.”

Luke closed his eyes as Noah quickly climbed off the bed and left the room. When the front door slammed shut downstairs, Luke flinched.

**

“Hello, darling,” Lucinda greeted Luke as she popped her head into the development and outreach office. “You’re not supposed to be working this afternoon, are you? I thought you had plans with Noah.”

Luke looked up at her. “Nope, cancelled. I’m not going to be having plans with Noah anytime soon.”

“Uh-oh.”

Luke smiled grimly. “It didn’t work. The someone new thing.”

Lucinda leaned against the doorframe, the bracelets on her wrists clacking as she crossed her arms. She stared at Luke for a moment.

“Of course it didn’t; I told you it wouldn’t. You want _good_ grandmotherly advice, go to Emma next time.”

Luke laughed. He rested his head against his hand as he looked up at her. “I don’t get it,” he said. “I did everything you’re supposed to do. Dinner, movies, he met my parents, everything. I went right down the Falling in Love checklist and…nothing. I ruined a pretty decent friendship, and I’m still hung up on – on the other guy.”

“So we go with door number three in ways to get over a broken heart,” Lucinda replied.

“What’s that?”

“Chocolate milkshakes at Al’s. Come on.”

**

The ringing phone nearly gave Reid a heart attack. He sat up, looking around the room in confusion for a second before he realized what was happening. Then he groaned, rolling over to answer his cell. Annie’s surgery was scheduled for 8:00; the hospital knew better than to call him the night before an operation.

“Oliver,” he grumbled.

The nurse's soft tone barely registered at first. It was incongruous with the idea of an emergency, which was the only reason someone should be calling him this early. And then he began to understand what she was telling him.

“When?...Were her parents there?...Did she wake up at all?...No. No, they don’t want to hear anything I’d have to say. Goodbye.”

Reid hung up the phone and held it in his lap for a moment. He turned and looked at his clock. It wasn’t that early after all – just a half hour before his alarm was set to go off, anyway. He could just take the morning now, sleep in or something, if he wanted to.

Reid rolled out of bed and plodded into the bathroom. Within a few minutes, he was in the shower, his head underneath the spray as he pretended only water ran down his face.


	25. Chapter 25

Katie failed to stop a large yawn as she waited for her coffee at Java. Next to her, Kim chuckled. Katie covered her mouth and then smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“Not the company, I hope,” Kim joked.

“Ugh, no,” Katie said. She nodded her thanks at the barista, then stepped away from the counter.

Kim and Katie walked over to the nearby table and sat down. Kim waggled her eyebrows as she took a drink of her own coffee.

“Honeymoon’s not over yet, huh?” she asked once she swallowed the sip.

Katie burst into laughter. “Kim!”

“What?”

Katie shook her head, then calmed down, turning sad. “No, I was talking to Reid until _late_ last night.”

A clattering noise distracted them, and both women turned to the commotion. Luke Snyder had just knocked over the entire bowl of creamers on the counter next to them. He swore under his breath as he scrambled to pick all the packets up before any fell to the floor. Kim smiled at Katie in amusement, then returned to their previous topic.

“And what was Dr. Oliver complaining about this time?”

Katie gave her a pointed look. “He had a young patient die.”

Kim looked abashed. “Oh.”

Katie sighed and leaned forward on her elbows. “I don’t think I helped all that much. I mean, he didn’t even talk about it really. He talked about sports, like that matters! She was six years old, and I couldn’t think of anything to say, and he talked about baseball! I just…how do you handle something like that with Bob?”

Kim looked over Katie’s shoulder as she thought. “I hate it sometimes. Doctors can be so good at compartmentalizing. I swear it’s a class at med school or something. It could be Bob’s best friend on the table, and he’d just do what he has to do and go grab lunch afterwards like nothing happened. It can be infuriating, but I just take my cues from him. Sometimes he needs to talk. Sometimes he needs a hug. Sometimes he needs more than a hug, although I don’t think you’d be able to offer Dr. Oliver that.”

Katie smiled, and Kim laughed, shaking her head. “Sometimes, he’ll make it a whole week or two, and then just completely lose it over something silly, like asparagus for supper instead of green beans.”

Katie hummed thoughtfully, then glanced away. After a moment, she narrowed her eyes in amusement.

“Luke! Are you going to have any coffee with your cream?”

Luke jumped in surprise, then looked at Katie. He laughed uncomfortably.

“Yeah, I guess,” he answered before looking down at the cup he had just poured something like seven creamer packets into. “Uh…see you later.”

Katie and Kim looked at each other, confused at his behavior, but neither woman said anything as Luke hurried out of the coffee shop.

**

Just outside Java, Luke stopped walking. He took a sip of his coffee absent-mindedly, and then he made a face as soon as he tasted it. Way too much cream. He threw the coffee in the nearest trash can and then, without letting himself think about all the reasons he shouldn’t be doing it, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Luke scrolled through his contacts, and when he got to Reid’s long-unused entry, he clicked on it and selected the work number instead of the cell. Luke had never called this number; Reid just gave it to him once in case of extreme emergency. But he knew Reid would be at work and he suspected he wouldn’t answer his cell if Luke’s number appeared on the screen, and Luke just needed to know he was OK.

There were two rings and then Reid answered. Luke actually had to reach out and grab the back of a nearby bench for balance. It was just one word – his last name – but hearing that voice again…

“Hello?” Reid asked, sounding slightly annoyed at the lack of response.

“Hi,” Luke forced out. “Um, I overheard – I’m so sorry. It was Annie, wasn’t it? Are you OK?”

Reid didn’t answer for several seconds, and Luke was just about to apologize and hang up or something when he finally spoke.

“Luke?”

“Yeah,” Luke said, sitting down on the bench slowly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me. I just – I just wanted to see how you were. I know how much you cared about her.”

**

Reid stared at his desk, unable to comprehend the fact that Luke was talking to him right now. He placed one hand on the wood in front of him, spreading his fingers out as if trying to prove it was real. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “It was Annie. She died a couple nights ago.”

“I’m so sorry,” Luke repeated.

“It’s OK,” Reid said quickly. “It happens.”

“Reid.”

At the sound of his name, Reid exhaled sharply. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to find the right words to explain everything.

“Tell me more about her,” Luke asked after several seconds of silence. He paused then, and started to backtrack. “I mean, it’s OK if you can’t. I know you’re not supposed to talk about your patients. I just thought it might help if you – ”

“She had a nice smile,” Reid interrupted. Luke made a soft, encouraging noise, and Reid continued somewhat hesitantly. “Brave, like she didn’t want us to worry. I caused her pain, cut into her skull, stuck with her needles, ordered chemo, but she always lit up when I walked in the room. I miss that smile...I miss her.”

“You did everything you could,” Luke said. He exhaled sharply in self-deprecation. “That sounds like a cliché, but I know it’s true.”

“It wasn’t enough,” Reid pointed out.

“I’m sure it was, though. Reid, I’ve been there, you know? In the hospital, scared and hurting. And knowing your doctor cares and is doing everything they can – that makes a hell of a difference. You gave her, what, almost a year of fighting, and I know that must have meant something to her, even if she didn’t really realize it.”

“I gave her a year,” Reid repeated, nodding. He smiled lightly as he continued. “And I gave her a first kiss, on Valentine’s Day no less.”

There was a pause.

“You did?” Luke asked, somewhere between amusement and adoration.

Reid thought back over his last sentence and then began to laugh for the first time since Annie passed away. Probably for the first time in weeks, actually. “No,” he said. “No, a boy named Tony did. I just made it possible. I don’t like them _that_ young, Mr. Snyder.”

Reid didn’t even notice the flirtation in his own comment until Luke came back with a probably unintentionally sly “Or that female.”

Reid didn’t reply for a moment, and he could almost hear Luke’s blush over the phone.

“I, uh, I probably shouldn’t have called you at work. I know this number is – was for emergencies, so…”

Reid inhaled slowly. “It’s OK,” he murmured. “I’m glad you called.” Then he smiled as he added, “I needed the distraction.”

“Oh!” Luke replied, laughing awkwardly. “I’m a _distraction_ now.”

“Luke, you’ve been distracting me since the day I met you,” Reid replied, the honesty of his comment lost in the teasing.

After another long pause, Luke spoke again. “I could call you tomorrow or next week or something. If you think you could use some more distraction. We can – we can catch up.”

Reid didn’t have the power to resist. “Yeah, OK.”

They said their goodbyes, and Reid hung up with a sigh. No matter what came out of Luke’s next call – if anything – they had needed that. They needed, if nothing else, a real conversation and maybe a chance to say goodbye on a positive note.

But Reid had a feeling they’d never manage to actually say goodbye to each other.

He exhaled and reached across his desk, picking up the card Annie had made him several weeks ago. He read it again, smiling at her childish handwriting and drawings. If he believed in those sorts of things, he’d wonder if maybe Annie wasn’t pulling strings now, getting him a second chance with…Reid shook his head at himself. He didn’t believe in those sorts of things.

He moved quickly, pulling open the side drawer of his desk. He took out a folder, flipping through the contents as he remembered other patients he had failed. He added Annie’s card, returned the folder to its slot, and then went back to work.


	26. Chapter 26

Luke sat cross-legged on his bed, staring at the college admissions letters in front of him. He needed to make a choice soon. The deadlines were rapidly approaching, and his parents were pushing him, and Luke just had been paralyzed with indecision. He knew where he _wanted_ to go, but he didn’t think it was possible. And then he actually talked to Reid that morning and heard his voice again, and now everything seemed possible.

Luke glanced at the clock. It was only 10. Reid would most likely be at home now and obviously still awake. But he had said he’d call Reid again the next day at the earliest. Luke _really_ didn’t want to come off as clingy or stalkery or something.

But it was no use. He picked up his phone and found Reid’s name in his contacts again. This time, he called Reid’s cell. It only rang once.

“Luke,” Reid answered. “Hi.”

“Hi. Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For…calling you.”

“I don’t mind,” Reid said, laughing softly.

“Oh.”

Neither man spoke for a moment, and then Reid asked, “So how are you?”

“Reid Oliver, making small talk,” Luke teased, grinning.

“A sure sign of the apocalypse,” Reid agreed.

“I’m doing good,” Luke replied, turning serious. “Just, you know, school and work and friends. Typical stuff, I guess. What about – what about you?”

“Working,” Reid said.

“Of course.”

“That’s really it. I talk to Katie sometimes, and I catch a game or two on TV, but – ”

“No, I believe you,” Luke said. He paused for a second, pulling at a loose thread on the cuff of his jeans. “So…you’re not seeing anyone?”

There was no answer, and Luke closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that; it’s none of my business.”

“Would you please stop apologizing for everything?”

“Sorry,” Luke said. He laughed as soon as he realized what he had said. “This is awkward,” he finally admitted.

“Yes, it is,” Reid agreed. “No.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “What?”

“No. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Oh,” Luke said softly, unable to hide his relief.

Reid inhaled. After a moment, he said, “I learned the last time that sleeping around didn’t help me get over you. So when Annie was admitted shortly after I got back home, I just – I focused on that. I made it my mission to help her and tried not to think about anything else, and now that I don’t have that anymore, I…I’m babbling.”

“That’s OK,” Luke told him quickly. “I kind of like it. So…all those other guys before were – they were to get over me?”

“That was the idea,” Reid said softly.

“Oh. So…I wasn’t, like, the latest in a long line of conquests or something?”

“You’re kind of ridiculous sometimes,” Reid said after a momentary pause.

Luke pulled his knees up and wrapped his free arm around them, trying not to smile too widely as Reid killed the last lingering doubt he had that their relationship hadn’t meant anything to him. “Well, I don’t know! I’m not – I can’t do this casual sex thing, it turns out. I can’t separate sex from…more. I tried. You’re right; it didn’t help.”

Reid was silent, and Luke braced himself. After a beat, when Reid still hadn’t said anything, Luke plowed on. “I went on my own mission to get over you,” he explained. “It wasn’t nearly so noble as saving a little girl’s life. It mostly consisted of me dating Noah for a while.”

“Oh.”

“I couldn’t go through with it,” Luke whispered.

“No, but,” Reid continued, his voice sounding really forced. “I mean that’s, that’s a good thing. You should get out there more and meet guys and – ”

Luke laughed, interrupting him. “You’re unbelievable.”

“What?”

“I know I could stand to be a little more mature about some things, but you could stand to be a whole hell of a lot less.”

“What do you mean?”

Luke gestured broadly as he began to speak in an urgent, low tone. “I just told you I nearly slept with someone else, and all you could say was that it was a good thing. Why don’t you stop trying to be my big brother or, what did you call it once, gay kid guidance counselor, or something with all this sage _get life experience_ advice and just admit that you can’t stand the thought of anyone else touching me, even now, after everything?"

"Of course I can’t, you idiot," Reid hissed. "You’re mine. But I don’t want to – hurt you or hold you back. You deserve a chance to be young."

Luke tilted his head back, blinking rapidly. “I’ve never been young, Reid. I’ve _never_ been young. I’ve been kidnapped a couple times and I’ve fake-confessed to murder and I’ve been jerked back and forth between all three of my parents and I’ve had a gun to my head and I drank myself into kidney failure by the time I was 16, and maybe more importantly, I’ve survived all that. But if dating other people is your measuring stick for being an adult, I can date as many as you want. How many is enough? I hurt Noah a lot, and I don’t know if I want to do that again to someone else, but I guess if that’s what it takes…”

“All that happened to you?”

“That’s just scratching the surface,” Luke confessed. “So, you know, feel free to run away as fast as possible.”

“I’m not running away. But this feels like it’s happening really fast and maybe we shouldn’t – I mean, a lot of crap has been happening recently, and maybe we should just slow down here. I don’t want to rush back into anything for the wrong reasons.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “But – you can’t just be with someone when everything is going well, right? Isn’t a relationship supposed to be about being there for each other during crappy times too?”

Reid paused. “I don’t know. I guess. But maybe this now is just about trying to make ourselves feel better instead. Denial or an escape or something.”

Luke took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “I think Noah was my denial and escape. And it sounds like focusing on Annie didn’t really help you get over me either. Reid, tell me the truth. Do you still want to be with me, _regardless_ of everything that’s happened?”

Reid paused. “Yes,” he admitted.

“So do I!”

“Luke – ”

“No. Reid, do you think I’m an idiot? Do you think I’m mentally incompetent or something?”

“Of course not.”

“Then _why_ do you think I can’t make my own decisions? You told me once that I shouldn’t fall for the first gay guy who talked to me, but – I mean, don’t you think it’s possible that the first person you meet really is the person you’re supposed to be with?”

“It doesn’t usually happen that way,” Reid replied softly.

“It’s rare, I’m sure,” Luke agreed, “but don’t you think it’s _possible_?”

“I suppose so,” Reid admitted.

“So maybe I just got lucky.”

Reid laughed self-deprecatingly. “Lucky, Luke? Not sure many people would agree with you there. A bright, talented, personable kid with a big, loving family and great potential falls for a – a curmudgeonly loner genius almost twice his age. Doesn’t make sense.”

Luke laughed at Reid’s descriptions, even as he lifted a hand and wiped quickly at his eyes. “I don’t think it’s supposed to make sense,” he responded.

Reid sighed. After a pause, he continued quietly, “This doesn’t change anything, Luke. There are still all these underlying issues, and lots of things to worry about.”

“I know,” Luke said, nodding quickly. “But I totally believe we can find a way to work them out. Starting with…”

“With what?”

“Getting in the same town,” Luke said, feeling slightly breathless.

Reid inhaled sharply. Luke could imagine him leaning forward, one hand on his head as he closed his eyes briefly. “It’s a huge decision,” he reminded Luke, “and I don’t want to be a factor in it. There are so many good schools out there, and you deserve the best opportunity for you. I – I can fly anywhere, OK? And we wouldn’t need to worry about excuses or explanations; I could just visit you. As often as you want. Or, you know, if it’s that important to you that we live in the same city, I…there are hospitals everywh – ”

“Reid,” Luke interrupted, laughing as he blinked back happy tears. “I can’t even tell you what it means that you would even offer that, but I _want_ to go to Dallas.”

“Give me three reasons, three _good_ reasons that have nothing to do with me.”

“OK,” Luke said hopefully, sitting up straighter on his bed. He thought for a moment. “The first, I don’t know, maybe it’s not a _good_ reason, but I’d be out of my hometown, away from my parents. You know, living on my own and getting all that life experience you’re so fond of.”

Reid chuckled. “Distance from the family. A driving factor behind many a high school student’s college decision.”

“Yeah, and they have a pretty good creative writing minor, if I want to continue formally with my writing. Plus, I’ve already talked to a couple people about designing my own major.”

“What?” Reid asked, surprised.

Luke nodded. “Ah, business and finance classes, communications, public relations, international relations, um, sociology and anthropology, government and civil law type classes, public policy. Just about anything you’d need to know to do development work for a – a non-profit or a charitable foundation or something.”

“Luke. That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, I’m really excited about it. And some of the other schools just wouldn’t even – I mean, the people there were really enthusiastic and helpful about it, so I think…I think it’d be the right choice, academically.”

“Sounds like it,” Reid said, and Luke could hear the relief in his voice.

“And, um, last reason. I talked with my doctor at my last appointment, and I asked him for referrals for doctors at all the places I got in. And he said that the guy there in nephrology, Baker, is one of the best in the country. Transplanted kidneys last on average something like ten to fifteen years, but knowing me, I’m going to be – well, if something were to happen, at least I’d be in the best place for it.”

Reid didn’t respond for a long moment. Finally, he spoke, his voice rough. “Now you’re just playing dirty.”

“I learned from the best,” Luke said, a teasing lilt in his voice not doing much to take away from the seriousness of the topic.

Reid cleared his throat. “Everything’s OK, though? I mean, your doctor’s not worried?”

“No,” Luke said quickly, shaking his head. “No, sorry. It was just a check-up. Everything’s fine.”

The silence stretched out, and Luke closed his eyes. He fell back onto his bed, holding one hand in a loose fist over his stomach as he waited for Reid to speak.

“Well, it sounds like you’ve thought a lot about it,” Reid finally said, clearly trying to sound somewhat detached.

“I have,” Luke said quickly, grinning.

“So, when do you have to make a final decision?”

“I’ve already made up my mind. Just need to send in the paperwork. And I need…”

“What?”

“I need you to – please, Reid. I need you to, I don’t know.”

There was no answer for a second, and then Reid seemed to understand what Luke himself couldn’t quite figure out.

“Luke, please come to Texas,” he asked.

Luke nodded, bringing one hand up to cover his eyes as he swallowed thickly. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”

They listened to each other breathe, and Luke felt his heart pounding in his chest with relief and happiness and excitement.

“Luke,” Reid said softly. “I never got a chance to…there was something I was going to tell you before – before everything happened, and I – ”

“No!” Luke interrupted quickly, sitting up again.

“What?” The confusion in Reid’s voice was more than apparent.

“If it’s…what I think it might be,” Luke tried to explain, feeling somewhat embarrassed and presumptuous. He swallowed and then continued, “I – I want to be with you when you say it. I don’t want to do this over the phone. This _one_ thing I want to do…right, I guess. I don’t want to do it over the phone.”

After a beat, Reid replied. “OK. I’ll wait a little longer.”


	27. Chapter 27

After he and Reid reconnected, Luke was back to feeling like he was living a double life. He went to school like normal, although things were still a little tense. Casey kept throwing him little _told you so_ expressions every time Luke joined the group and Noah immediately found a reason to leave. Finals were approaching and then graduation, and so school was just even fuller of drama than usual. He also continued to work at Worldwide, of course. And he spent time with his family, partly because he was already starting to miss them a little bit, and partly because he didn’t want to raise any suspicions again.

And then at night, he and Reid would talk for hours. Luke didn’t even care what his phone bill would look like; he had some money saved up and he’d get more for his birthday and graduation, so it wasn't like he was hurting at the moment anyway. It was just so much more important to him to make up for lost time, and to hear the low rumble of Reid’s voice in his ear as both men tired but refused to hang up. Luke would whisper in the dark, turned away from the door, trying not to draw attention to the fact that he was awake long after he should have gone to bed.

Despite Luke’s protests that he had just overreacted, Reid made a deliberate effort to tell him more about things going on in Dallas, even small details about his patients, just so Luke didn’t worry he was keeping things from him. For the most part, Luke would talk enthusiastically about all the preparations he was making for the move. He already had a list of tourist things he wanted to drag Reid to on the weekends, and restaurants he wanted to try that didn’t do take-out and so Reid had never even heard of them.

One direction their calls hadn’t gone, however, was toward anything more intimate. It was something simmering just underneath many of the conversations, but for some reason, Reid didn’t seem to want to go there. Luke knew it wasn’t a matter of desire. He still knew what Reid sounded like when he was aroused, and so he could tell exactly when just the sound of his voice had made Reid’s body react. But Reid wouldn’t ever take any of Luke’s hints to cross that line, and Luke himself would end up waiting until they hung up before he took care of his own need. Finally, Luke decided to stop wondering and just ask.

“Reid,” he murmured curiously one night. “Is there something wrong?”

“No. What do you mean?”

“It’s just we haven’t…we haven’t had any _special_ phone calls since…”

“Oh. That. No, nothing’s wrong.”

“Then why? I can tell when you – ”

“I just don't want to _settle_ for phone sex anymore. You want to wait on some relationshippy things until we see each other again. So do I, OK?”

“Ah,” Luke said, a grin spreading across his face. “You big romantic sap.”

“Oh my God, take that back.”

“Mm-mmm,” Luke said softly, shaking his head.

“Take that back,” Reid ordered in a low growl, “or I will make you _scream_ my name right now.”

Luke snickered. “So very tempting, but this is more fun.”

“It really has been too long if you think that’s true.”

“Shhh. We’re waiting, OK? Because you want it to be _meaningful_ or something.”

Reid sighed.

“Are you going to light candles and play soft music?” Luke asked.

“I hate you.”

Luke laughed softly, turning his face into the pillow for a second to muffle the sound. Then he placed his hand on the sheet in front of him, spreading his fingers out. “I miss you,” he murmured.

“I know,” Reid replied, equally soft. “Only – hey, it’s midnight.”

“It is?” Luke asked, in sudden but quiet excitement. He sat up and looked at his alarm clock. “Yay!”

“You can vote!”

“I can join the army.”

“Only if you go back in the closet.”

“I can buy cigarettes.”

“Please don’t.”

“Heh, right. Like my addictive personality needs another vice.”

“Happy birthday,” Reid said, all teasing aside.

“Reid,” Luke replied, feeling embarrassed as he slid his hand over his blankets. “This last year has been one of the most amazing years of my life, because of you, and I think this next one is going to be just _so_ much better.”

**

Luke hadn’t hugged so many people in a very long time. There was his family, of course, who squeezed the life out of him. Various friends and their parents (and grandparents, in the case of the Hughes family). People he barely talked to, suddenly acting like they had been inseparable since kindergarten. Even a couple teachers gave him hugs.

Graduation made people do funny things.

Like this, for example. “Uh, Noah?” Luke asked cautiously.

Noah turned away from his conversation with Sarah Bennett and looked at Luke for a moment. Then he excused himself and walked closer to Luke.

“What?”

Luke floundered for a second. He hadn’t expected Noah to actually talk to him. “I – I heard you got into NYU. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m going to Texas, I decided.”

Noah looked at the ground and then back up at him. “Luke. What do you want from me?”

“Nothing,” Luke said awkwardly. “Nothing, I just…I don’t know. I want us to be OK.”

“We were friends,” Noah pointed out. “If nothing else, we were friends.”

Luke nodded sadly. Noah stepped closer, dropping his voice. “You _knew_ how I felt about you, and you just didn’t care about anyone but yourself.”

“That’s…true,” Luke agreed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well, you did.”

Luke sighed. “I’d like us to be friends,” he tried again. “Or at least to have a nice goodbye.”

“I don’t think I can,” Noah said, just before walking away.

**

“It was awful,” Luke told Reid later.

“Of course it was. I could have told you that.”

“I just…”

“You wanted him to forgive you.”

“Yeah.”

“You can’t make people forgive you for things.”

Luke sighed, falling back onto his bed. “I know. I’m just not used to people hating me.”

“Of course not,” Reid replied with a chuckle. “Who would ever hate Oakdale’s Golden Boy?”

“Shut up. I’m being serious.”

“Luke, you’ve now learned an important lesson in love. A couple, in fact. First, there are all sorts of motivations for being in a relationship with someone besides just actually liking them. Be prepared to deal with the consequences of that. And second, you can’t be friends with an ex, especially not if things ended badly.”

“I know lots of people who are – ”

“Friendly? Yes. Who deal civilly with each other, perhaps because of children or something? Sure. _Friends?_ Forget about it.”

Luke sighed.

“Tell me something,” Reid said. “Do you want him to forgive you because you really do want to salvage your friendship, or do you want him to forgive you so you’ll feel less guilty about using him?”

There was a long pause. “It might be a little bit of both,” Luke admitted.

“Yeah. So, you know, consequences. Alternately, have a more flexible conscience. It makes life a lot easier.”

Luke shook his head. He rolled onto his back, and after a moment, he changed the subject. “My registration for the campus visit and orientation has been confirmed. One more month, and we can see each other. Hopefully.”

“Your mom still planning on coming?”

“Yes,” Luke grumbled. “But! I’ll be staying in one of the dorms with the other visiting students, and she’ll be staying in a hotel, so... I guess what I mean is, I _should_ be staying in one of the dorms.”

“You were considering alternative arrangements?”

“Why, yes, Dr. Oliver. I was.”

“So, what’s the plan – sneak out of the dorm and then I get you back there before your mom meets you in the morning?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Sounds way too complicated.”

“Not this again.”

“Luke, you’re going to have to tell them eventually. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.”

“You just want me to tell them now so you don’t have to be there for it.”

Reid snorted. “Trust me. It’s not like your dad is just going to forget to break my nose when he finally does see me.”

“And that’s what you want?”

“No. I like my nose. But you _need_ to tell them.”

“Can we not talk about this right now?”

There was no answer.

“Reid?”

“Fine.”


	28. Chapter 28

Luke opened the door to the dorm room somewhat nervously. But no one else was in there, and he pushed it the rest of the way open without any hesitation. Stepping into the room, he looked around curiously. The dorms they were in for orientation wouldn’t necessarily be the same building he’d be assigned to in the fall, but Luke imagined they all looked more or less the same.

“Oh my God, it’s so _small_ ,” Lily observed.

“I think that’s pretty typical, Mom,” Luke replied, throwing his duffle bag onto one of the beds.

“And you have to share it too. Wow.”

Luke shook his head as he sat down on the bed. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was pretty exhausted. The long nights talking with Reid had started to catch up, and then on top of that, they had a plane ride and a campus walking tour that morning, and Luke had talked with Claire Benson for almost two hours in the afternoon.

He was pretty sure he’d get a second wind that night, though. Luke smirked to himself in anticipation.

And just then, the door opened again. A dark-haired kid walked in, followed by, Luke assumed, his mother. Luke stood up to greet the new arrivals. Everyone was very polite and talked with almost forced enthusiasm for a few minutes, and then something just clicked and they began acting normally.

Sean, the other student, was from a suburb of San Antonio, and he had a noticeable drawl. He and Luke hit it off almost immediately, talking about which classes they had registered for and whether they’d join any intramural sports the tour guides had mentioned. Lily and Sean’s mother also talked quietly, discussing all the things parents would of course decide to focus on, like where the student health center was and which classes the library offered tutoring sessions for.

Eventually, the four of them decided to go out to dinner together. Luke and Sean continued to talk through the whole meal. Sean was completely undecided on a major and just stared in unconcealed disbelief as Luke described his plan. Nonetheless, they were going to be taking some of the same general ed requirements, so Luke would have a study buddy for those. Luke was kind of relieved to discover he was already making a friend. He had not been looking forward to not knowing anyone at school.

After dinner, they returned to the dorm. Luke glanced at his watch as they walked back inside the room. The dinner was a nice distraction, but Reid had been off work for almost an hour now, and Luke knew Reid was waiting for his text. Sean also seemed anxious to get rid of their mothers, and so they worked together to subtly push them out of the room. It still took almost a half hour for them to actually leave.

Neither Sean nor Luke said anything as they watched their mothers disappear down the hall. Both held their breath, hoping neither woman turned back with one final instruction or comment or reminder. Finally, finally, they were out of sight, and Luke turned to Sean.

“Were you planning on going to this movie thing in the den?” Sean asked before Luke could say anything. “Or I think I heard a couple other people talk about going to find a party or something.”

“Ah, I think I’m going to pass on both. Actually – ”

“Crap.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “Excuse me?”

Sean held out his hand. “No, sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. I just…I’m trying to get rid of you.”

“What?” Luke asked, confused.

“My girlfriend’s gonna be a sophomore here, and she’s got an apartment and everything, and I figured if you went out or something and didn’t _know_ I wasn’t here the whole time, then you wouldn’t accidentally say anything about it to my mom tomorrow or something. I really don’t need the lecture again, you know?”

Luke burst into laughter.

“What? Come on, man. I know that we’re supposed to be adults now or whatever, but you’re telling me you’re just cool with your parents knowing the details of your sex life.”

“No, it’s not that,” Luke said as he ran his hands quickly down his face. “I just – I was going to ask you to cover for me.”

Sean jerked his head back quickly in surprise. “You’ve got a girl here too?”

“Ah, no,” Luke answered slowly. Then he continued, in a rush, “A boyfriend, actually.”

“Oh. What year’s he?”

Luke tried not to be startled by Sean’s complete lack of discomfort or even awkwardness. He blinked once before continuing, “He’s…not. He’s a bit older.”

Sean laughed loudly and clapped a hand against Luke’s shoulder. “No wonder you don’t want your mom to find out.”

Luke smiled.

**

_I'm ready._

**Where are you?**

_Waiting for you outside Austin Hall._

**I know where that is. Be there 15-20.**

Luke grinned, then turned his head to the side so he could rest it against his knees. He was sitting on the curb in the drop-off zone for the dorm, enjoying the cooling-but-still-ungodly-warm night air. His eyes drifted closed as he inhaled slowly.

Luke floated in a state of half-dozing for the next several minutes, and the sound of a car pulling up almost shocked him. The car slowed to a stop right next to him, and Luke smiled. He lifted his head and quickly stood, then he sauntered over to the car. Bending over to lean in through the open window, he smirked at Reid.

“Nice car, mister,” he said saucily.

Reid snorted, then quickly took on the role. “Wanna go for a ride?”

“What’d you have in mind?” Luke asked, rocking his hips slightly towards the car as he pressed his tongue to his upper teeth.

“Get in the damn car.”

Luke laughed as he pulled open the door and slid into the passenger seat. Almost immediately, Reid wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him close. Luke went willingly into the kiss, opening his mouth for Reid’s tongue even as he slipped one hand up into Reid’s hair. Luke couldn’t quite believe it had been just over six months since the last time he felt Reid against him.

They pulled back a fraction, keeping their foreheads touching. Luke enjoyed the proximity and the heat coming off from Reid’s body. He swallowed, moving one hand along Reid’s neck and chest.

“Reid,” he whispered.

Reid replied with a soft and simple “Hi.”

Luke opened his eyes, smiling broadly. He looked Reid over; his appearance was the same as always – lean and long, rumpled clothes, a quiet but constant state of tired stress that Luke knew exactly how to get rid of, hair a little too long and curling at the neck, straggly little tooth. He was gorgeous.

“Have you eaten?” Reid asked, turning away and putting the car in gear.

Luke nodded and then looked at Reid, startled. “Oh my God, please don’t tell me you want to go get food.”

“No, believe it or not,” Reid said, laughing as he glanced over at Luke. “I ate earlier. I was just seeing if you were hungry.”

Luke collapsed back in his seat with relief. He really didn’t think he’d be able to sit in a restaurant across from Reid and _not_ knock everything off the table so he could pounce on him in front of everyone.

“No. Take me to your place and make world-rocking, sweet, romantic, meaningful, at-long-last – ”

“OK, enough.”

“candles-and-music, passionate love to me.”

“You’re not as cute as you think you are.”

“Yes, I am.”

Reid sent a heated gaze at Luke and then focused on the road again. “You talked with Benson today?”

“Yeah.” Luke nodded, accepting the change of subject. “She’s so awesome. Most of her stuff is in social work – studying and figuring out how to improve child or teen programs and services, right? So she does stuff with kids with all sorts of issues: at-risk, LGBT, health problems, eating disorders, abuse and bullying, drug and alcohol prevention. And then she also teaches quarter-time in the English department, because she writes young adult novels dealing with some of those issues as well. I mean, I don’t even know where to start, she’s so awesome.”

Reid nodded, grinning at Luke’s enthusiasm. Luke continued to talk, his hands and arms flying around the small car, until Reid pulled into a driveway. Luke immediately stopped, bending slightly and craning his neck to look out the window at the condos.

“This is you?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“They’re nice!”

“Why, thank you,” Reid said as he pulled into a garage. He turned off the car and faced Luke with a sly expression. “Want to come up?”

Luke grinned.


	29. Chapter 29

“How long have you lived here?” Luke asked, looking around at the fairly _simply_ decorated living room.

Reid shrugged as he tossed his keys into a bowl on a little table by the door. “Couple years.”

Luke shot Reid a look and walked farther into the room.

“What?”

“Love what you’ve done with the place,” Luke said sarcastically.

“Why do I have this feeling that you’re making a mental list of how to redecorate?”

“I’m not,” Luke called over his shoulder, laughing as he walked into the kitchen. “But just so you know, _re_ decorate implies the place was decorated to begin with.”

Reid followed him, leaning against the doorframe and watching in amusement as Luke explored. He opened a couple cupboards, rolling his eyes at the things Reid called food. Luke turned back to Reid and walked slowly over. He pressed one palm against Reid’s chest and looked into his eyes.

“Give me the tour.”

Reid smiled lightly and pushed off the door. As he turned away, he grabbed Luke’s hand and pulled him down the hall. He stopped at the first door and flipped on a light.

“Bathroom,” he said simply. He was about to turn off the light, but Luke pushed past him and entered the room.

“You have a Jacuzzi tub?!”

“Oh. Yeah. I never use it.”

Luke turned to Reid, gaping.

“I’m not really a bath person,” Reid defended himself.

Luke smirked. “I think we’ll find ways to enjoy it.”

Reid stared, and Luke began to walk again. He almost made it past the sink when he stopped suddenly. Reaching out, he picked up an unopened toothbrush and held it up at Reid questioningly. Reid shrugged.

“Thought you might like to keep one here.”

Luke grinned.

“Mine goes in the slot on the left,” Reid said. “Got it?”

Luke shook his head in amusement as he put the toothbrush back down and walked out of the bathroom. Reid turned off the light and led him to the next room in the hall.

“Office. I’ve, um, I’ve cleaned off a row on that bookshelf, if you want to use it for anything. I figured you can come over here and work whenever, if you need peace and quiet.”

Luke slowly rocked his arm out until his fingers bumped against the back of Reid’s hand. “It’s not completely empty, the shelf,” he pointed out.

Reid nodded slowly.

“You kept those books?” Luke asked, his voice wobbly.

“Don’t get all emotional,” Reid said, grabbing Luke’s hand again and pulling him farther down the hall. “The last and most important stop on our grand tour…”

Luke snickered as they entered the bedroom. “Let me guess, you’ve cleared a drawer in the dresser for me.”

“And some space in the closet.”

“Thought of everything.”

Reid turned to face him and smiled impishly. “It’s completely selfish. The more welcome you feel here, the more time you’ll spend here. And the more sex I’ll get.”

“Devious.”

“Is it working?”

“Like you wouldn’t even believe.”

Reid smirked and reached his hand out, grabbing Luke’s hand and pulling him closer. Luke fake-resisted for a moment before shuffling up to Reid.

“Where are my candles?” he asked quietly.

“Shut _up_ ,” Reid ordered.

Luke closed his eyes as Reid closed the last inch between them. Reid wrapped his arm around Luke’s lower back, pulling him flush against his own body. Sharp exhalations escaped from both of them as they finally made contact. Luke raised his hands to the sides of Reid’s face, holding him steady as he inhaled a long, trembling breath.

They lowered onto the bed, pushing and pulling each other down gracelessly. Luke leaned back immediately, stretching out on the mattress as Reid straightened his legs and covered Luke’s body with his own. He bent his head down, latching his wet, open mouth onto Luke’s neck.

“Oh God, I missed you,” Luke whispered, holding one hand to the back of Reid’s head so he couldn’t lift away.

Reid’s only reply was a muffled moan, his words unintelligible. He reached down blindly, grabbing the hem of Luke’s shirt and pulling it up. It bunched underneath Luke’s arms, and Reid dropped low again. Wrapping his lips around Luke’s nipple, he bit lightly. Luke hissed, arching his back against the painful pleasure, and Reid circled the nub with his tongue, soothing the sharp sting.

Reid slid back up Luke’s body until their mouths were even, and their sighs and moans overlapped in the air between them. Reid opened his eyes, waiting for Luke to notice the pause and look back. Finally, Luke responded, gazing at Reid through eyelids heavy with desire. They stared at each other for a long moment. The streetlight shining in through the window threw everything into shadow, making it difficult for them to catch all the details of each other's faces. But Reid had memorized Luke’s features ages ago, and so he simply moved again, seizing Luke’s mouth in a suddenly passionate kiss.

He sunk down onto Luke, who shifted and adjusted his own body to accommodate Reid’s weight. Luke hooked his ankles around Reid’s calves, pressing up and rotating his hips slightly, feeling the hard ridge of Reid’s cock push back against him. Reid slid his hand down Luke’s side, scratching his fingernails over the bumps of Luke’s ribs, causing Luke to gasp into Reid’s mouth. Then Reid unexpectedly changed directions, slipping a hand under Luke’s back and hoisting him into a half-sitting position. Reid pulled on Luke’s shirt, stripping it off him completely, while Luke moved his own hands down to Reid’s pants.

They worked together quickly, taking every stitch of clothing off each other, even while doing their best to touch and kiss and suck and lick every single inch of revealed skin. Reid sighed, pressing hard as he rubbed his hand up Luke’s inner thigh, grazing past his cock and up over his stomach. Then he bent away, stretching out towards the nightstand and returning to Luke with the condom and lube.

Luke put out a hand, taking the condom from Reid. He lifted it to his mouth and bit off an edge of the wrapper. Reid focused on drizzling lube onto his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it up. Luke moved closer, smiling up at Reid teasingly as he rolled the condom onto him. The smile disappeared and Luke shivered in pleasure when Reid hooked his arm around Luke’s ass and lifted him. Slightly off-balance, Luke held desperately onto Reid’s shoulder, his grip tightening as Reid pressed two digits inside him.

Reid breathed out a laugh. “What a team,” he whispered.

Luke didn’t reply. He merely let go and fell back onto the pillow. He lifted one leg, hooking it over Reid’s shoulder to open himself up further.

Reid looked to the side, glancing out of his peripheral vision at Luke’s knee. “So young and flexible,” he teased.

“Come on, you geezer,” Luke said, laughing breathlessly. He bit his lip, waiting until Reid looked back at him. When they made eye contact again, Luke ordered in a whisper, “Show me you still got it.”

**

Luke breathed heavily, a small moan escaping his lips every few moments. His leg was lower now, but still wrapped tightly around Reid, who flopped boneless on top of him, his face buried in the pillow next to Luke’s neck. Luke felt his heartbeat start to slow as he trailed his fingers up and down Reid’s back. The breeze from the ceiling fan over his cooling, sweat-damp skin caused goose bumps to rise. Luke smiled; it was the first time that day he wasn’t overwhelmed with the summer heat.

“It’s hot here,” he mumbled.

Reid groaned, finally pulling out of Luke and rolling to his back. Luke went with him, shifting to his side as he wrapped his arm around Reid’s chest and hooked his knee over Reid’s thigh.

“Welcome to Texas,” Reid said, laughing. "And Oakdale can get just as bad, I'm sure."

"Doesn't _feel_ like it."

"Get used to it," Reid murmured as he stretched his legs out over the smooth sheets. "I'm not letting you change your mind now."

Luke grinned, nuzzling his cheek against Reid’s chest for a moment. He flexed his hand, dragging his fingernails over Reid’s skin, scratching over a nipple just so he could hear Reid inhale sharply.

“That was nice,” Luke observed softly. “ _Really_ nice.”

After an almost unnoticeable pause, Reid said, “Could do that every night, you know.”

Luke chuckled, finding the energy to prop himself up on his elbows and glance at the clock. He collapsed back onto the bed with an _oof_.

“Dr. Oliver, I was not expecting you to wait that long.”

Reid didn’t respond, and Luke grinned. “I can feel you pouting,” he told Reid. “For the eight millionth time, moving in together’s a big step; let’s not rush things. Besides, I _want_ to live in the dorms.”

“ _Why?_ ” Reid asked, weakly protesting.

“I can’t believe you. You’re the one who’s always talking about me getting the full college experience, just like any other person my age.”

Reid sighed, repositioning himself on the bed. “Dorm life is certainly an experience. Sharing a concrete prison cell with a total stranger, communal bathrooms – ”

“Sounds fun,” Luke interrupted, half-sarcastically. “Besides, what am I going to say to my parents? ‘Nope, I don’t need to apply for university housing, because my secret boyfriend has a condo.’”

“If I weren’t a secret – ”

Luke sighed. “Please. Please, I don’t want to fight tonight.”

Reid sat up suddenly, pushing himself back until he was leaning against the headboard. “I don’t want to fight either,” he said, gesturing for Luke to sit back against him. Once Luke was situated, Reid wrapped his arms around him. “I want you to explain to me why you don’t want to tell them.”

Luke exhaled. He reached down and picked up one of Reid’s hands, playing with it as he began to speak. “They’ll refuse to let me come here. They’ll ground me until I’m 40.”

“You’re 18,” Reid pointed out. “You’re an adult.”

“Technically,” Luke agreed, nodding. “But they’re still my parents.”

“We aren’t – we haven’t done anything illegal.”

“You think that’s going to stop my grandmother from ruining you?”

“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

Luke shook his head. “Have you told _your_ parents about your 18-year-old boyfriend?”

“I…talk to my parents once a year,” Reid deflected.

Luke sighed, then gave a quick shrug. “I don’t want that to be how it is with me and my family. I don’t want to… _defy_ them or have to make a choice or anything, and I think it would come down to that.”

Reid stroked his hand over Luke’s bare stomach. “I don’t think you’re giving them enough credit. They knew about you and Noah, right? You said that you liked that they knew.”

Luke nodded, but he didn’t answer.

“You didn’t lose them when you came out,” Reid continued.

Luke turned his head quickly towards Reid. “But I almost did, Reid. I _almost_ did. It was how we met, remember? And that was just them,” Luke lifted a hand towards his head, “intellectually knowing I was gay. And Noah – Noah was this young high school kid and my parents could…monitor us and our so-sweet, so-innocent relationship. This isn’t hypothetical, Reid. This is me moving to another state for college _in part_ because my 30-year-old boyfriend lives there. This is very much not hypothetical.”

There was a long moment of silence, and then Luke sighed. “Besides, my family’s rich; I’m not, personally. I told you I want to try to graduate in three years, and I can’t do a full course load and summer classes without their help. Even with scholarships, even if I can establish residency here. I can’t do it. I know that sounds mercenary, but it’s the truth.”

“ _If_ your parents cut you off, then your grandmother would help you. And if she didn’t, then I – ”

“Oh my God, don’t even finish that sentence.”

Reid lifted a hand, gesturing in slight shock. “So you’d rather lie to your parents about your personal life while taking their money than let me help?”

Luke nodded. “I’m sure I’m hardly the first or only college student who’s done that.”

“You know what else people do all the time? Support their partners through school.”

Luke, perhaps in an attempt to change the subject, glanced at Reid. “N’awwww,” he said, leaning close to peck Reid’s cheek. “You just called me your partner.”

“Shut up.”

“Only if you shut up.”

“Luke – ”

“Reid, we already know there’s a bit of a power imbalance in this relationship because of…age and experience. I don’t want to add to that by being dependent on you for tuition or something.”

Reid sighed. “OK.”

“Thank you for offering.”

“You’re welcome,” Reid said softly.

Luke sat up quickly, turning around on the bed to face Reid. He leaned forward and grabbed Reid’s hands again. “And I just – I don’t want to tell them yet. Reid, we’ve never spent more than, I don’t know, 24 hours in the same state since we started this thing. I want to get used to actually being with you. I want to enjoy that and work through the kinks of adjusting to that, and I want to worry about passing my first semester classes. I don’t want to have to deal with my parents on top of that.”

Reid looked at Luke for a long moment. Then he nodded. “OK.”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve convinced me.”

Luke threw his hands in the air with a soft, victorious cheer. Then he leaned forward, kissing Reid deeply.

“Enough talk,” he murmured upon pulling away. “Time for round two.”


	30. Chapter 30

By the time hints of sunlight began to sneak into the room, Luke didn’t have the mental power to count what round they were on. All he knew was that, with almost his entire torso bending over the side of the mattress, he was dangerously close to falling off the bed – and he didn’t care. He had one hand gripping the sharp bottom edge of the frame and the other wrapped around the top of the mattress. His cheek was pressed against the side of the bed, rubbing uncomfortably against the sheet, and what little blood wasn’t pooled in his throbbing cock was rushing to his face from gravity.

He bit his lip, quickly releasing it as it was now sore and bruised from holding back shouts all night long despite Reid’s entreaties to let him hear what he did to Luke. Luke opened his eyes, staring blankly at the floor, then turned slightly to press his dry, open mouth against the sheet. Reid was plastered against his back, moving at an unremitting pace, thrusting into him with short, sharp jerks of his hips and hitting the perfect spot every time.

Luke took a gasping breath, letting go of the frame and sliding his palm up the side of the bed. He pushed back against Reid, lifting his hips as he tried to fit his hand underneath his body. He needed some kind of relief – the bunched-up pillow beneath him wasn’t enough anymore. But Reid stopped him, grabbing his hand quickly and holding it against the mattress near Luke’s hip.

“Please,” Luke moaned brokenly. “Reid, please.”

“No,” Reid growled in his ear, pausing for a second and then driving into Luke again. “No touching.”

Luke whimpered, closing his eyes again. He couldn’t resist grinding down into the pillow, then pushing back and squeezing around Reid. Reid’s movement faltered, and Luke smirked, somewhat relieved at the sign of vulnerability. He repeated the action, and Reid’s rhythm fell apart. He dug the fingers of one hand into Luke’s hip as he pushed in erratically, entering Luke twice more before shaking in release. He dropped his head, mouthing the muscle of Luke’s neck as he pulsed deep inside him, and Luke finally lost control himself.

Reid collapsed onto Luke’s back, his weight crushing Luke against the edge of the mattress. Luke groaned in protest, and with great effort, Reid moved away, rolling onto his back.

“Romantic enough for ya?” Reid asked between heaving breaths. Luke’s only reply was to break into slightly incredulous laughter as he lifted a hand and rubbed at his eye.

Luke then tried to move, without much success, and he made a small noise of alarm as he slipped further over the side of the bed. The bed shifted as Reid moved, reached around Luke again and wrapped an arm around his waist. He pulled Luke back, turning them both until Reid was on his back and Luke sprawled on top of him.

Luke lifted an arm, bending it backwards at the elbow and hooking his hand around Reid’s head behind him. He turned his own head and planted a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on Reid’s cheekbone. Reid smiled.

“Time is it?” Luke mumbled.

Reid turned his head, narrowing his eyes as he read the glowing digital numbers. “Just after six,” he answered with a sigh. “When’s your mom picking you up?”

Luke closed his eyes for a brief moment. “Eightish.”

Neither man spoke nor moved, and then Reid nodded. “Kay,” he grunted. “Up.”

Reid pushed a grumbling Luke off him for half a second so he could slip out from underneath him. Luke collapsed back onto the bed, folding an arm underneath his head as he watched a naked Reid walk out of the room.

“Where are you going?” he called.

There was no response, but Reid was back within a few moments. He walked over, bending a leg as he sat down on the bed in front of Luke. He had both hands behind his back. Luke smiled at him curiously.

“Pick one,” Reid instructed.

Luke grinned mischievously and reached out, sliding his palm down the length of Reid’s spent and sensitive cock. Despite a slight twitch of response, Reid simply laughed.

“Yeah, sorry. You’re not getting anything more out of that today, unfortunately. Pick a _hand_.”

Luke tapped Reid’s right elbow. He held out his left hand, prompting Luke to roll his eyes. Reid turned his hand over, opening it to reveal a key sitting on his palm. Luke reached out and picked it up. He stared at it for a beat, thumbing over the ridges of metal.

“What’s this?” he asked unnecessarily.

“Birthday present,” Reid teased before turning serious. “You’re always welcome here. Come over whenever you want to or need to, even if I’m not home.”

Luke swallowed, then looked up at Reid with a small smile. Before he could say anything, Reid moved his right arm forward, opening the hand to reveal another key. Luke laughed in surprise, flashing Reid a confused glance.

“Graduation present,” Reid explained. “Best way to make friends freshman year is to have access to a car. I mean, you can’t just use it whenever you want, because I might get paged or something, but if I’m not on call and you and your little chums want to go to a movie or something…”

“Awwwww,” Luke said, unable to maintain sincerity and laughing halfway through the sound of appreciation. He propped himself up on his elbow, leaning forward to kiss Reid. “Thank you.”

Reid shrugged.

“Will you hang onto these?” Luke asked softly. “Until I get back? I don’t want to lose them or my parents to find them or something.”

Reid nodded and held out his hand again. Luke returned the keys, deliberately running his fingers along Reid’s palm as he pulled his own hand away. Reid looked up at Luke and pressed his tongue to his canine as he tried to decide if he _did_ have the energy and time for one more…Reid shook his head and leaned forward to kiss Luke relatively chastely.

“I love you,” he murmured against Luke’s lips.

Luke’s eyes flew open and he yanked his head back to stare at Reid. Reid himself sat up, feeling strangely relieved. His shoulders dropped as he exhaled.

“There! I said it.”

Luke broke into laughter. “Wow,” he joked, hiding behind the humor as he tried to process Reid’s declaration. “’There, I said it.’ That was – that was everything I dreamed it would be.”

Reid reached out to pinch him, and Luke angled away, snickering.

“That’s all you have to say?” Reid asked.

Luke made a thoughtful face and hummed. “Mm-hmm,” he finally said, nodding.

Reid moved to pinch him again. Luke contorted his body, trying to escape. “I love you, I love you,” he shouted, laughing breathlessly.

Reid stopped, and Luke’s humor faded. He wrapped his arm around Reid’s neck and stared into his eyes. “I love you,” Luke said one more time, serious and soft, and then he pulled Reid down into another kiss.

**

No one could really blame them, Luke felt, for getting caught up in each other after that. They spent the next half hour kissing slowly, repeating their confessions in quiet whispers and silent gasps. Reid mumbled it into Luke’s skin, lips brushing over the dip between his clavicles. Luke’s fingers wrote the words across Reid’s lower back before sliding into the crease of his ass. Luke sucked Reid’s earlobe into his mouth, letting go to sigh soundlessly and to tell Reid the depths of his feelings again and again and again. Reid groaned, threading his fingers into Luke’s hair and staring into his eyes as he rotated his hips on top of Luke, feeling them both start to respond.

But it was too late. It was too late. Reid needed to take Luke back to the dorm, and Luke would be in Illinois several hours later. As much as they fought it, it was inevitable.

Luke took a quick shower, resisting Reid’s obvious hints to join him. He smiled in the mirror as he brushed his teeth, putting the brand new brush into the right-hand slot when he finished. Turning away and leaning against the sink counter, he looked at the tub and made a promise to himself that they would use it as soon as possible when he came back in the fall.

And then everything happened in a rush. Luke dressed and walked into the kitchen. Reid stuck half a bagel in Luke’s mouth and dragged him out the door. And much too soon after that, Reid was slowing to a stop in the drop-off zone. They kissed once, twice, three times, before Luke finally pulled himself away. He hurried inside, not allowing himself to look back.

When he arrived at the room, Sean was already there. He raised one eyebrow at Luke and checked his watch with pointed exaggeration.

“Cutting it close,” he observed.

Luke nodded, laughing in acknowledgement. “Yeah,” was his only reply.

Sean tilted his head towards the beds. The sheets were messed up and both pillows had dents in them that vaguely resembled head impressions.

“Thought they should look slept in,” Sean explained.

“You’re a pro at this,” Luke said, laughing.

Before he could respond, there was a knock on the door and Sean’s mother walked in. Everyone said their goodbyes and as Sean was leaving, he turned to Luke one more time.

“I don’t know if it’s too late or not to request specific roommates, but do you want to see if they’ll assign us to the same dorm?”

Luke lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “Yeah, absolutely!” he agreed, pleased with Sean’s suggestion. He would never have thought of it, but it seemed like a perfect arrangement.

“Cool. If not, I have your number so we’ll catch each other somehow. See you in the fall, Luke.”

Luke waved after them, and then he shook his head, turning back to the room. Luke sat on the bed, immediately falling down onto the mattress and pulling his duffle bag closer to use as a pillow. He closed his eyes, thinking longingly of the seat in the plane that he would be napping in shortly.

“Morning, Luke!” his mother said, stepping through the open door.

Luke sat up, startled, but before he could reply, he yawned widely.

“Oh!” Lily said sympathetically. “You look exhausted. No wonder, with these tiny beds. Did you sleep at all? I don’t think they’re even standard twins.”

Luke shook his head in amused exasperation. He stood, grabbing his bag with one hand and his mother’s elbow with the other. He guided her out of the room.

“Not too late,” Lily reminded him, only half in jest. “You could go to Oakdale and live at home.”

Luke smiled, trying not to reveal too much. “I think I’ll like it here,” he said.

**

Luke could barely keep his eyes open that night. He excused himself to bed far too early. The girls were still up even, but he simply had no more energy left in him. He closed the door to his room behind him and pulled a t-shirt out of his duffle bag, changing into it while keeping his boxers on as the lower half of his pajamas. Then he fell onto his bed, landing on the pillow with a moan. Despite all that, however, he still reached a hand out to the nightstand and grabbed his phone. He dialed by feel and held the phone up to his ear.

Reid answered on the last ring before it would have gone to voicemail. His voice was soft with sleep, and Luke smiled.

“Hi,” he said.

“Luke.”

“Did I wake you?”

“’s OK.”

“We’re back in Oakdale.”

“Mmm. Good.”

“I miss you already,” Luke confessed, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“Miss you too.”

“G’night.”

There was a pause, and Luke could hear Reid’s deep breaths start to slow. He tried to force himself to hang up, but he couldn’t. Then Reid inhaled quick and sharp, following it up with a small moan. Luke smiled.

“Oh,” Reid suddenly said. “This is stupid. Did you happen to see a t-shirt here at all?”

Luke paused. “What kind of shirt?”

“Gray. University logo. Should be with the rest of my gym stuff but I can’t find it.”

Luke rolled to his side, waking up a little as he ran his hand down the stomach of his shirt. “Does it maybe look like something I could pass off to my parents as a souvenir, even though it’s a little faded and worn?”

There was a long pause. “You took my shirt?” Reid finally asked, now clearly awake.

“Umm.”

“You _stole_ my shirt?”

“It smells like you,” Luke said softly.

Reid snorted. “That’s because it’s my gross gym shirt. I can’t believe you stole my shirt.”

“Stole is a strong word,” Luke said, grinning. “I simply borrowed it…for an indefinite length of time…without your knowledge.”

“Oh my God, you’re gonna stretch it all out and make it completely unwearable.”

Luke smirked. “Mmm. Yes, I am. I’m gonna stretch it out over my _broad_ , muscular shoulders.” There was no response from the other end, and Luke grinned. “’Kay. Good night.”

“Wait!”

“Nope,” Luke said quickly. “Time for bed. We don’t want to accidentally _settle_ for anything.”

Reid made a weak protesting noise.

“Love you!” Luke said cheerfully before hanging up the phone.

A few moments later, the phone buzzed with a text message.

**You suck, shirt-stealer**

Luke grinned, rubbing his thumb over the screen. _Yes. I do. And I will, next time I see you._

 **Can’t wait. Love you** came back seconds later.

Luke sighed, returned his phone to the nightstand, and fell onto his pillow with a groan.


	31. Chapter 31

Luke was officially moving on August 20th. It wasn’t until the first of the month, however, that that started to sink in. That he started to realize high school was over and his life was changing. He was leaving home in just under three weeks. It was exciting and scary, and he was beginning to get a little nervous.

Noah had been the first of their group to leave; he moved shortly after Luke got back from Texas, as he had a chance to take an accelerated summer course. Luke had tried one more time for some sort of reconciliation, but Noah had just stared at him before giving him a small, sad smile. Luke felt awful that entire night, and then he deliberately put it behind him. Reid was right; he couldn’t make Noah forgive him, so he’d just have to accept the consequences, learn from it and move on.

Will and Gwen left for Carbondale at the end of July. Luke was the least worried about them out of all his friends. They worked well together, and they were excited for their future. Luke was pretty sure they’d survive anything thrown at them.

Casey and Maddie were a little bit worrisome, however. Maddie had been accepted to Wesleyan and it took all of them encouraging her and convincing her and finally ordering her to go there before she decided to enroll. The day she got on a plane, Luke and Casey were there, hanging back as she said goodbye to Henry. Then Luke said his own goodbye, hugging Maddie as tightly as he possibly could. After that, the other two left Casey and Maddie alone, and for the sake of Casey’s pride, Luke pretended not to notice the emotion in his eyes when they finally left the airport.

Casey was planning on attending Oakdale U, at least until he really figured out what he wanted to do. And so, the last week, it was just the two of them. As Luke’s moving date approached, he found himself spending more and more time with Casey. They reverted back to their junior high selves pretty easily, with hours spent playing video games and eating junk and Casey talking about which actresses he thought were hot. Instead of simply ignoring him or mildly agreeing with him, like he had done when they were younger, Luke tormented Casey by coming back with lists of actors he’d do in a heartbeat. Mostly, though, they just spent a lot of time laughing and trying to pretend nothing was going to change.

The last free night Luke had, they went for dinner at Al’s. As if they couldn’t deny the reality of the situation any longer, neither one said much. Luke felt vaguely guilty, like he was abandoning Casey and his other friends (not to mention his family). And yet he knew that he’d make the same decision every single time it was presented to him. Honestly, that almost made him feel a little guiltier.

Casey cleared his throat as he pushed a fry around in the puddle of ketchup on his plate. “So you’re all packed and everything?”

Luke nodded. “More or less.”

“And you’re sure about this?”

Luke looked up, concerned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…what if you go out there and you two just break up again?”

“I’m not going out there just for him,” Luke reminded Casey, dropping his voice low.

“I know,” Casey said, waving his hand dismissively. “But…worst case scenario, you’ll be alone. I just want to make sure you won’t…”

“Start drinking?” Luke asked, arching an eyebrow.

Casey shrugged. “Or something.”

“No, I don’t think so. I hope I’ve, well, not gotten past that, because I don’t know if you ever do, but found new ways to deal with things or that my happiness isn’t completely tied up in him and I’ve got enough stuff going right in my life not to… Anyway, I won’t be alone. My roommate and I seem like we’ll get along pretty well.”

“Sean, right?”

“Yeah. But I shall call him my Texas Casey.”

Casey lifted a hand to his chest in mock offense. “I am not that replaceable!”

Luke stared at him for a moment. “No. You aren’t,” he said seriously.

Casey made a gagging noise, pretending to stick his finger down his throat. Luke lightly kicked his shin.

**

Reid was reading an article that was interesting and intelligent and wasn’t written by him. This was so unusual and downright exciting that he didn’t even glance at the cell phone as he answered it. He mumbled a hello and then suddenly felt a little afraid at Katie’s disgustingly smug “Hello Reid!”

“What do you want?”

“Nice to talk to you too.”

“I’m busy.”

Katie sighed long-sufferingly. “I haven’t really _talked_ to you in almost a month. You can’t even give me 20 minutes?”

“Nope.”

“So, today,” Katie continued on as if he hadn’t said anything, “Brad and I went out to the Snyder farm for Luke’s going-away-to-college dinner.”

“Hmmm,” Reid replied noncommittally.

“You knew he’s going to college in Dallas, right?”

“No,” Reid lied.

Katie remained pointedly silent for a long beat. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”

“Why do Mr. Snyder’s university plans concern me?”

“OK,” Katie said suspiciously. “Just checking.”

**

Luke looked around his mostly empty room, nodding to himself. The majority of his things were already packed in boxes and stowed away in the cargo area of his grandmother’s jet. There was one last suitcase sitting in the corner of the room for last-minute stuff. Anything else would be staying there, for now at least.

There was a small noise at the door and Luke turned around. Faith was leaning against the frame, one hand holding onto Ethan’s pudgy right hand (his left one was gripping his bear). Natalie was standing next to them, pulling down hard on her nightgown, probably stretching out the neck hole beyond repair. Luke smiled and waved them into his room.

Natalie ran inside, jumping onto his bed and landing on her knees with a small bounce. Faith followed behind, slowed down by Ethan’s short legs. When they made it to the bed, Luke bent and picked up Ethan, pulling him into his lap. Faith climbed onto the bed next to Natalie.

“Hey guys,” Luke said softly.

Faith looked at her lap, twisting her hands together.

“So…things probably seem kind of weird and maybe a little scary with me leaving, huh?”

Natalie nodded before turning around and lying down on the bed. “Is it very far away?” she asked quietly, looking up backwards at Luke.

Luke shook his head. “No. Nope. I won’t be able to see you every day, of course, but it would only take a very short plane ride for me to get home. And you guys and mom and dad will come visit me, too.”

“Can we call you?” Faith nearly whispered.

“Absolutely,” Luke promised, snickering slightly as Ethan rocked quickly back into him, nearly bumping his head on Luke’s chin. “Anytime. And I’ll call you, and send you letters, if you want.”

“With our name on the envelope?” Natalie asked excitedly.

Luke nodded. “Mm-hmm. And you don’t have to show them to Mom or Dad or each other, if you don’t want to. It will be _your_ mail.”

No one said anything for a moment, and then Faith sighed. “I’m gonna miss you, Luke.”

“Aw, I’m going to miss you guys too. More than anything.”

“Hey! What are you all doing in here? You in particular, young man, should be asleep.”

Luke and the girls all looked up at their father, surprised by the interruption. Ethan just giggled, twisting around in Luke’s lap.

“Me?” Luke asked, smirking.

“No, smarta – smarty pants. That one in your lap.”

Luke grinned, burying his face in Ethan’s hair for a moment as he gave him a tight hug.

“Night, Eth,” Luke murmured before lifting him and putting him on the ground. “Go on to bed.”

“Say night-night, Ethan.”

The toddler turned around, waving at Luke in that little kid way where he completely opened and closed his hand. Luke couldn’t stop his smile, even as he blinked rapidly against the sudden tears.

“Say good night, girls,” Holden continued. “Go on. I’ll come tuck you in in a moment.”

They all leaned closer, Luke taking them both into a hug at the same time. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent from the bubble baths they had soaked in earlier. After a long moment, he released them and they both climbed off the bed. Faith grabbed Ethan’s hand again, leading him and Natalie out of the room. And then Luke looked up at Holden.

Holden cleared his throat, but when he spoke, his voice was still rough. “You better get some sleep too. Long day tomorrow.”

“Gonna tuck me in?” Luke teased.

Holden gave him a small smile, walking farther into the room and sitting on the foot of Luke’s bed. “Not nice to make fun of your old man.”

Luke closed his eyes, fighting the emotion bubbling up in him. He didn’t think it would be this hard.

“Be good,” Holden said. “Study hard. Stay out of trouble. Take care of yourself.”

“Dad – ”

“Indulge me, please,” Holden said, laughing awkwardly.

Luke swallowed, looking up at Holden. After a moment, his dad reached out, cupping the back of his head with his palm. Luke felt like a little kid again.

“I’m so proud of you,” Holden concluded softly.

“Dad, I – “ Luke started. He took a deep breath. “I’m – ”

Holden nodded, and Luke leaned forward to give him a hug.

**

It was touch and go for a while, but Luke finally managed to convince everyone to just let him leave and move on his own. Up until the very last minute, his mother was still making noises about flying out with him again, and his dad was getting concerned that Luke wouldn’t be able to carry things up to the room on his own (conveniently forgetting the fact that Lucinda was paying the pilots double-overtime to help cart his belongings to the dorm). Lucinda started to hint that she hadn’t been to Dallas in ages, while Emma worried that, if left on his own, Luke would stock the dorm room with nothing but junk food.

But, eventually, Luke managed to talk them all down. After about a dozen hugs from each of them, he boarded the plane by himself. For the first twenty or thirty minutes, he was too excited to do much of anything besides stare out the window as his leg bounced incessantly. And then he promptly fell asleep.

The pilot’s announcement about their imminent arrival woke him up, and Luke straightened in his seat, wiping drool from the corner of his mouth. He glanced out the window again, taking in the sights of the city as they started the descent.

Luke fought a grin even as he battled butterflies in his stomach. As much as he felt like he had just left home, a part of him knew he was coming home as well.


	32. Chapter 32

Luke kept one eye on his phone as he unpacked, waiting for Reid to get back to him. He had sent him a text as soon as he and the pilots had finished bringing everything up to his room and he was alone again. Luke had definitely overestimated the size of the dorm room and how much he could reasonably fit in there. But he was pretty sure if he got a few more organizational trinkets – boxes and plastic shelves and whatnot – and maybe if Reid let him keep a few things that weren’t strictly necessary at his place instead, then he’d probably be OK.

Sean clearly had arrived earlier that day. Half of the room was already covered in semi-unpacked things, but Luke had yet to see their owner. There were other people milling around the halls, though, and Luke kept the door to the room open in case anyone wanted to say hi. Luke was sure that keeping the door ajar except for when they were studying or sleeping or whatever would make Sean and him seem welcoming and approachable. Luke kind of had this fantasy that they’d be the most popular people on the floor. When he had told Reid that, he had just laughed for a good five minutes and then asked why Luke would even _want_ that. (“You were the one who was all ‘you need to have a car to make friends,’” Luke had reminded him. “That’s because I know it’s important to you,” Reid had allowed.)

It was. Luke liked having friends.

He turned back to his suitcase and looked over the stuff he still had to unpack and organize. He had just finished putting away the last of his clothes, and so he decided to work on various health and bath stuff next. That’s another thing he’d need, a caddy or something to carry everything in. (He should probably start keeping a list of stuff he had to buy.) For the moment, Luke simply put everything on top of his dresser.

“Hey! You’re here!”

Luke turned to the sound, a smile on his face already as Sean walked into the room.

“Yeah! Just got here.”

“Man, I wish I knew that. I just went for lunch; I would have waited.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Luke brushed off the concern. He was just about to continue talking when Sean stopped and stared at Luke’s dresser, a bewildered expression on his face.

“You opening a pharmacy?”

“Huh?” Luke turned to see what he was talking about. Then he blushed, not really sure why he was finding this embarrassing. “Uh, no. It’s just – I had a kidney transplant when I was younger, so I have to take all these different drugs so I don’t reject it.”

Sean gave a low whistle. “That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a moment, and Luke racked his brain for a response or a new subject or something. And then, thankfully, his phone buzzed.

“Finally!” he exclaimed, reaching out for his cell.

**Me: 29 this year alone, accidental brain trauma: 0. Well, 7. But I’m still winning.**

Luke smiled and quickly typed, _Of course you are. You’re the best_.

“That your boyfriend?” Sean asked.

Luke nodded, about to speak when his phone buzzed again.

**I love it when you stroke my ego. Among other things.**

_Love it enough to take me shopping for room stuff?_ , Luke sent back.

He looked up at Sean. “Do you need anything from the store? He’ll drive us around, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, awesome,” Sean said, glancing over his belongings. “I can’t believe with all of this, there’s still stuff I forgot.”

 **Be there in half an hour or so** , came the reply.

“Hmm,” Luke mumbled to himself. “OK. I meant later. He didn’t have to leave work.”

“What’s he do?” Sean asked.

“Ah, he’s a surgeon,” Luke replied with forced casualness, turning slightly away from Sean as he continued to unpack stuff.

Sean didn’t say anything for a moment, and Luke glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

“So,” Sean finally spoke. “When you said he was a bit older, how much are we talking about?”

Luke mumbled an answer as he bent over his suitcase.

“Excuse me?”

Luke straightened, taking a breath as he turned to Sean. “Thirteen years. Almost. He’s 30.”

“ _Thirty?!_ My God, no wonder you didn’t want your mom to know.”

Luke shrugged.

**

Reid looked around the hall as he walked down it. It was the annoying mix of noise and frenzied, chaotic activity and frustrated parents and kids too excited about almost being on their own to behave normally that Reid remembered from his own (thankfully over) dorm days. Reid shook his head as he stepped quickly to the side to avoid an empty cart careening down the hall.

“Sorry!” a random voice yelled out.

Reid kept walking, speeding up slightly as he neared Luke’s room number. From a few feet away, Reid could already see the door was open. And then he heard Luke’s laughter, and his heart beat just a little faster. God, he had it bad.

What the hell was wrong with him?

When he reached the room, all he could see at first was a strange kid putting socks in a drawer. The door blocked the other side of the room, and Reid rapped lightly on it. The kid turned at the noise, looking up at Reid. A barely-concealed smirk appeared on his face.

“Dr. Robinson, I presume.”

Reid hated him already.

But he didn’t have any time to respond in any real way. The door opened further and Luke was grinning at him, his face openly, blindingly happy, and God _damn_ it, Reid could feel the dopey smile coming to his own face.

“Reid!”

Luke reached out, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the room. His other hand flew up to Reid’s neck, palm wrapping around the nape almost involuntarily. They stopped only inches from each other, and then Luke inhaled, glanced at his roommate and fell back slightly.

Reid looked at the kid, who raised his eyebrows and made a show of turning around and focusing on unpacking. Luke laughed self-consciously and looked at Reid again. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, and yet Reid found that he physically could not move. The kid obviously knew about them. This was OK. This was fine. But they had never –

And then Luke’s lips were on his. It wasn’t a long kiss, or particularly passionate. But it was the first one they’d ever shared in a semi-public place without having to worry about who might see them. Reid tried to pretend that didn’t mean as much to him as it did.

“Hi,” Luke said when he pulled away.

Reid opened his eyes. He smiled quickly, then broke eye contact so as not to reveal too much to Luke. He looked curiously around the room instead. Luke was half-unpacked, and Reid could already tell the room was beginning to feel like _Luke's_.

“Getting settled?”

“Yeah. You didn’t have to leave work, though. I didn’t mean you had to leave work.”

“Wanted to,” Reid said casually, stepping farther into the room and bending to look at the framed family pictures Luke had already placed on the desk.

“Sean, did you – this is Sean. Sean, Reid. Did you want to go to the store now or…?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sean said, dropping the pretense that he wasn’t listening to their conversation.

**

The three of them walked down the aisle of a nearby convenience store, with Sean darting off to grab things every once in a while, and Luke kind of forgetting to actually put anything in the cart at all. That was because shortly after they entered the store, Luke’s and Reid’s hands bumped twice before they linked fingers. And now they were holding hands. They were actually holding hands, and Reid couldn’t help but feel like he was back in senior year of high school or something. Of course, he never actually held anyone’s hand in high school. But he had definitely wanted to. Unfortunately, he had been 16 and Matthew Harrison had been a month shy of 18 and, although he was friendly to Reid, it was just because Matthew Harrison was nice to _everyone_. Also, he was straight.

When Reid first turned his hand enough to allow Luke’s palm to slip into his, he had glanced at Luke at the same time. Luke had stared straight ahead, his mouth just slightly open as his breath turned shallow and fast. He was flushing, pink spots appearing high on his cheekbones and climbing up his neck from underneath the open collar of his shirt. He looked quickly back at Reid, smiling and swallowing once before looking forward again.

“Do you like kettle corn or movie-theater-buttery popcorn?” Sean yelled from an aisle ahead, breaking through Reid’s thoughts.

“Ah…butter!”

“He’s cute,” Reid said, his voice creaky from having stayed silent so long. “Should I be worried?”

Luke snorted, turning to face Reid as he walked backwards in front of him. “He’s straight,” he pointed out, “and I’m taken.”

Reid pulled him closer, pecking him quickly on the lips. Luke breathed out an embarrassed laugh, and his smile burst out brighter on his face.

“This is getting easier,” Luke observed.

“What is?”

“Being…you know, being public.”

“Yeah,” Reid agreed. He was about to continue when Luke was distracted by the items they walked past. He threw a hand up, pressing his palm to his forehead.

“Binders!” he exclaimed. “I need school supplies! Focus, Luke!”

He dropped Reid’s hand then and turned down the aisle. “Notebooks,” he mumbled to himself. “Pens.”

Reid watched him, amused and far too disgustingly happy.

**

Sean thanked Reid for the ride, slipping in another subtly obnoxious comment about his age, and climbed out of the backseat. Luke didn’t move for a long moment, finally facing Reid once the door closed and they were more or less alone. He glanced over to see Reid already staring at him.

“Want to drop off your stuff and come over for a while?”

Luke opened and closed his mouth for a while, fighting the urge to just tell Reid to start driving. It wasn’t like his purchases were going anywhere. But at the same time…

“There’s a dorm icebreaker tonight,” he nearly whispered. “And I can’t just leave the room a mess.”

Reid swallowed, dropping his eyes away. “OK.”

“Don’t be mad,” Luke said.

“I’m not mad,” Reid replied quickly. He looked at Luke again. “I’m not. It’s just…it’s been weeks, and I wanted to – it’s your first night here. I wanted to welcome you properly.”

Luke smiled, his eyes still apologetic. “It is my first night here; that’s why I can’t miss this thing. I’d much rather be with you, but – ”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“No. But I didn’t have any friends in college.”

This time, Luke’s smile went all the way to his eyes. He leaned forward, grabbing the sides of Reid’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. Reid immediately snuck his tongue past Luke’s lips and deep into his mouth. He buried a hand in Luke’s hair and pressed against him until Luke fell back against the door with a muffled moan.

And that’s when they had to end the kiss, because Reid had never put the car in park and his foot slipped off the brake. He managed to stop again right away and then shifted into park. He looked back at Luke who was still leaning against the door, his appearance somewhere between shocked amusement and debauched temptation.

“Tomorrow,” Luke promised.

“Tomorrow.”


	33. Chapter 33

“And there’s one guy on the floor from Canada. That’s pretty cool, _eh_?”

“Mmm,” Reid barely responded.

Luke smiled, ducking his head and rubbing his nose against Reid’s damp shoulder. “You even listening to me?”

“Mmm.”

“What did I just say?”

Reid inhaled slowly. “You just asked if I was listening to you?”

“Don’t be a jerk.”

Reid grinned, his eyes still closed. He shifted slightly, and Luke’s hard, hard, _hard_ cock twitched. He was nestled in the groove of Reid’s ass, sliding back and forth with every small movement. The water lapped around them, frothing and bubbling from the jets in the tub.

For the last ten minutes, Luke had been running a washcloth up and down Reid’s torso while the fingers of his other hand pressed into Reid’s hip. There was a nice level of steam in the room now, and the parts of them not under the water were covered in a light sheen of sweat.

“Can’t help it,” Reid murmured. “Who I am.”

“This is true,” Luke replied, bending down to place an open-mouthed kiss on Reid’s shoulder.

“You ever gonna move that washcloth lower?” Reid mumbled.

Luke released his hold on Reid’s hip, instead reaching further around him and placing his palm flat against Reid’s lower stomach. He dragged the washcloth down again with his other hand, just barely zigzagging as he traveled across Reid’s sternum and abs. He stopped when he reached his other hand, and then slowly moved back up again. Reid moaned.

“You want me to wash your legs?” Luke asked faux-innocently.

“Yes,” Reid said with an equal amount of mock sincerity. “Yes, that’s exactly what I meant by that.”

Luke smirked as he hooked his right leg underneath Reid’s. He lifted both of them, resting their calves on the edge of the tub. The change in position turned them slightly, lining them up perfectly with one of the jets.

“I have this fear of getting, you know, _caught_ in there somehow,” Reid observed casually.

“You’re not going to get caught,” Luke replied, chuckling. “We’re gonna get _just_ close enough – ” and with that he slid them a little closer. Reid moaned at the sensation of the water churning around his cock; Luke tried to control himself when Reid tightened the muscles of his ass and caused the crease enveloping Luke to become momentarily tighter. “Just close enough,” he continued, his voice hitching, “to feel it.”

Reid didn’t reply verbally. Instead he leaned back against Luke’s chest again, turning slightly to kiss at his jaw.

“You’ve really never done this before?” Luke asked softly.

“Mm-mmm. You are my first Jacuzzi tub sex partner,” Reid muttered.

That made Luke bizarrely happy. And turned him on more than he cared to admit. He finally slid his hand all the way down, wrapping the sudsy washcloth in his hand around Reid’s cock. Reid moaned, thrusting his hips up and then driving back down against Luke. Luke gasped, then groaned at the feel of Reid’s ass sliding along his bare cock. He secretly wondered if Reid had ever…if he could be Reid’s first without…Luke imperceptibly shook his head. He wasn’t really ready for that himself. And they couldn’t decide something like that in the heat of the moment, anyway. But maybe someday…maybe someday.

For now, Luke continued to stroke slowly, letting the end of the washcloth trail lower and lower, drape over Reid’s balls and tease even further down. The bubbles from the jet stole between his fingers and pooled around the tip of Reid’s cock peeking over the surface of the water. Reid was speechless at this point, moaning as he rubbed his whole body up and down, back and forth over Luke.

“Reid,” Luke whispered, mouth dry. “Want…want inside you.”

Reid nodded, throwing a hand out, knocking various things over on the shelf until he found the condom and the waterproof lube they had grabbed out of the shower on their way to the tub. Reid pushed against the edges of the tub, balancing and lifting himself to give Luke room to move. Luke raised himself just above the surface, the buoyancy of the water helping him, and he reached down blindly to roll the condom on. Once Luke was ready, Reid’s hand came down, sneaking between his own legs to slick Luke’s cock liberally.

Luke lost his strength, falling back into the water with a splash. Reid settled again a moment later, pushing tantalizingly against Luke.

“You don’t want – ”

“This is fine, the water and everything,” Reid interrupted. “Just go slow.”

Luke exhaled, his breath shuddering. He swallowed as he hooked his arms underneath Reid’s, holding him flat against his chest as he pressed in. What felt like an unbearably long time later, he was fully sheathed inside Reid. Neither man moved for a moment, and then they returned to their previous rhythm, with Luke stroking Reid and Reid moving himself along the length of Luke’s body.

Luke breathed heavily, panting into Reid’s ear, pausing once to lick his lips. He planted his other foot against the far wall of the tub, using it to push against, to thrust inside Reid, to prevent himself from slipping too far down.

“Don’t drown,” Reid warned, as if he could read Luke’s mind.

“What a way to go,” Luke mumbled, choking slightly in pleasure when Reid squeezed around him.

Reid turned his head towards Luke again. He lifted his hand, dripping bubbles back into the tub as he hooked his palm around the back of Luke’s head. Holding him in place, Reid kissed Luke deeply, his tongue sliding into Luke’s mouth at the same slow pace the rest of their bodies were using.

Luke’s free hand wrapped around Reid’s chest, and he grazed his thumb over Reid’s nipple. They never stopped kissing, not once, as their movement grew faster and faster. Water splashed over the side, falling onto the tiles of the floor, and it rocked up and over their shoulders, streaming into Luke’s hair where his head rested against the top edge of the tub. Finally, everything was too much, and they were groaning into each other’s mouths as they both came.

**

The first day of class, even Luke was willing to admit he was being a little anal. Sean had stared in amusement as Luke organized his desk the night before, putting the color-coded binders and notebooks on the shelf reflecting his weekly schedule. His newly-purchased textbooks were already put away on the other shelf, organized by hardcover vs. paperback binding and height of the books themselves. His pens were in a plastic desktop organizer, with the various colors in the different slots.

“Wow. Just…wow, man,” Sean had said.

“I like order,” Luke had replied, somewhat sheepishly. It wasn’t like he didn’t know it was a little freaky. “It’s nice to have a little bit of control over things sometimes, you know?”

Sean had slid him a glance. “I can’t wait until the day you snap, man. It’s gonna be epic.”

Luke had snorted. “Please. I snap at least once a year. At least.”

Sean had broken into laughter then. “Thanks for the warning.”

And now, Luke was sitting in the room for his first class. He was feeling a little confident, as it was a sociology class with Dr. Benson, but at the same time, he still wanted to do well. She hadn’t arrived yet, and Luke spent the last few minutes before class sneaking peeks out of the corner of his eye at the rest of the class. Most of them seemed to have the same attitude of overwhelming fear but trying to hide it, and Luke assumed they were freshmen like him.

Dr. Benson walked into the room, smiling at Luke when she saw him, and Luke relaxed – momentarily.

“Here, Luke,” she said, dropping a stack of papers on his desk as she walked past. “Hand out the syllabus.”

Luke laughed shortly, grabbing the stack as he stood up and turned to face the class. Now they were all staring at him, and he felt suddenly self-conscious.

**

Dr. Benson caught Luke’s attention before he left the room, so he hung around, super-aware of all the other students glancing at him on the way out. Luke supposed being singled out by the teacher on the first day of class was one way to become well-known. Honestly, he decided he didn’t really care. Maybe it sounded nerdily academic, but he was there for a reason, and he wasn’t going to pretend that didn’t have a lot to do with Dr. Benson’s support.

“How was the rest of your summer?” she asked as she packed up her laptop.

Luke nodded. “Good! How was yours?”

“Excellent. I finished a book, and then my husband and I spent three celebratory weeks in Europe.”

“Congratulations,” Luke said. “Where did you go?”

“Oh, all over. France, Spain, Greece, Italy and _Malta_ , which is this island – ”

“I know,” Luke interrupted, laughing. “My biological father’s from there.”

“No kidding! Beautiful place. Have you been?”

“When I was little. I don’t remember,” Luke said, deciding not to expand on that story. _I was taken hostage by my uncle_ fell into the area of things he didn’t want everyone at school to know about. Nerdily academic was one thing. Tangled family tree drama and participation in shoot-outs and explosions was something else entirely.

“Anyway,” Dr. Benson said as they walked down the hall. “I wanted to let you know that there’s a student org for people interested in social work. They’re having their first meeting of the semester this Friday, if you’re interested. I know it’s not exactly your scene, but I think you’d enjoy it. The members are from all years, including grad students, and I’m the faculty advisor.”

“Yeah! Sure.” Luke nodded. “Sounds like fun.”

“I’ll forward the e-mail with the meeting details to you,” she said, slowing to a stop just outside of her office.

“Thanks, Dr. Benson!”

She pointed a finger at Luke. “What did I say? Outside of class – ”

“Claire,” Luke forced out, feeling awkward. He had never called a teacher by their first name. Never.

**

_I’m sitting on the grassy mall, enjoying the weather, reading my lit class book and feeling all collegiate._

Luke grinned as he sent the text message, then picked up his book again. He wasn’t _really_ reading, to be honest. He was instead realizing that maybe the Texas heat wasn’t that bad. Because there were four guys several yards away playing Frisbee. Shirtless. And sweating.

Luke was going to like college.

**The mall, huh? I have a feeling you’re surrounded by half-naked undergrads.**

Luke snorted as he replied with a _:D_ , somewhat surprised that Reid could read between his lines so well. Or else, that he knew so well how college campuses worked.

**I demand that you leave right now. Hole yourself up in a library. If I have to compete with guys your age, I either have to start going to the gym more or eating fewer donuts. Neither of these are acceptable options.**

Luke grinned, sliding his thumb across the screen before he typed out a reply. _Don’t worry. You’re hotter than all of them. Combined._

**Flatterer. We still on for end-of-first-week dinner on Friday?**

_Yes. Can we push it to 8? I have a student org meeting._

**SIGH. OK. But you’re blowing me after to make up for the horrible inconvenience.**

Luke barked in laughter. _Seems like a fair trade._


	34. Chapter 34

Luke grinned smugly as he flopped down next to a heavily-breathing Reid. Propping his head on an elbow, he watched as Reid recovered from the blowjob. Luke pressed his lips together and swallowed. Traces of Reid’s release lingered, and Luke quickly licked his lips and swallowed again. He smiled then, admiring Reid’s profile and his slack mouth and his Adam’s apple that bobbed up and down in his throat as he tried to speak.

“Wow,” Reid finally breathed out, sliding one foot along the sheets slowly and absent-mindedly.

“Mmm?” Luke responded, reaching his free hand out and drawing a small circle on Reid’s sternum with his index and middle fingers.

“That was definitely worth a pizza.”

Luke chuckled, hiding his face in Reid’s neck for a moment. He lifted his head then, rolling towards Reid to bite his chin lightly in response.

“Think what I would have done if you had sprung for a steak dinner,” he murmured.

Reid grinned as he turned towards Luke. He bent the arm that was underneath Luke, using it to pull him into a kiss. With the other hand, he reached down and took Luke’s cock into his loose fist. Luke panted into Reid’s mouth, groaning loudly. His hips began to move, thrusting into Reid’s grip. Luke’s hand slid down to Reid’s waist. He squeezed rhythmically in time to the movement of his hips and Reid’s hand. It didn’t take long until he was shaking apart and spilling into Reid’s palm.

Reid lifted his hand to his mouth and stared at Luke as he dragged the broad, flat surface of his tongue up and across his skin, ending by sticking two fingers in his mouth and pulling them out slowly. Luke flushed, mostly aroused and a very small part of him almost embarrassed.

The arousal won out and Luke rolled on top of Reid, pushing him completely to his back. He put his hands on either side of Reid’s face and straddled his waist. When their lips met, Luke didn’t even pretend to take it slow. He pried Reid’s mouth open with his tongue, and tasted himself as soon as Reid’s tongue wrapped around his own.

Reid’s hand buried in Luke's hair and held him close. Soft moans filled the room, and Luke thought it might have been him making them, but he couldn’t be sure anymore. Everything was just a haze of postcoital bliss.

Luke ended the kiss with a quick dart of his tongue against Reid’s lips, and then he licked down the side of his cheek. He breathed out slowly, losing some of his fire, before pushing back just far enough so he could turn his head to the side and lean down to rest against Reid’s chest.

“Kinda like being here with you,” he mumbled.

There was no response, and Luke tilted his head to stare up at Reid. Reid’s eyes were closed and a small smile drifted over his lips.

“Kinda like it too,” he finally replied.

**

“Reid?”

There was no answer, and Luke grumbled to himself as he continued to flip through papers on the desk.

“Reid!”

“What?”

Luke half-turned to see Reid leaning against the frame. He had a bowl of cereal in his hand, but Luke was much more focused on his clothes. Or rather, his lack of them. Reid had just pulled on some loose-fitting boxers, and Luke could see the lines of his abdomen and the very light trail of hair below his navel and…Luke swallowed.

It had been weeks now. Just over a month since he had arrived in Dallas. He spent virtually every weekend at Reid’s, working on homework during the day when Reid was at the hospital and skipping out on several social events he probably should have gone to. He’d stay at least for dinner and making out on the couch two or three evenings during the week, and still, _still_ just Reid in his boxers could make his brain shut down. He couldn’t get enough of him. He had thought that, with time, they might have become used to being able to touch each other whenever they wanted. Instead, it was like it just fueled their desire and demanded more.

But that didn’t mean there weren’t little annoying things that had started to become noticeable.

“What?” Reid repeated.

“Uh,” Luke turned away, focusing on the mess on the desk again. “Have you seen my lit essay? I printed it out last night, but your desk appears to have eaten it.”

Reid swallowed his bite of cereal, then pointed with his spoon. “Try that pile over there.”

Luke took one step over, flipping through the first few top sheets and rolling his eyes when he found his assignment. “I don’t know how you can work like this.”

Reid shrugged, focusing on his cereal again. “I know where everything is,” he said, his mouth full which just made Luke roll his eyes again.

Luke stuffed the assignment into his backpack and then gestured near his head. “Still, you’re a neurosurgeon. I would have thought you’d be…organized. And it’s beyond me that you freak out if your toothbrush is on the wrong side or if I put the little spoons in the big spoon slot in the drawer, but then your office looks like…this. And don’t get me started on the wet towels on the bed or leaving the mayo out of the fridge like you’re trying to give both of us food poisoning.”

Reid snorted. “Just because you’re the most anal teenager who’s ever lived. I mean, seriously, Luke. Who color-codes their binders and notebooks? Who has their own _label-maker_?”

Luke stood straight, staring blankly ahead for a moment. He wasn’t quite sure how their snipping almost turned into a fight so fast. He exhaled and shook his head. Then he grabbed his backpack and walked over to Reid. Reid was watching him cautiously.

“You _love_ how anal I am,” Luke muttered suggestively, staring into Reid’s eyes. He bit his lip, releasing it quickly so it puffed up, red and wet. He left his mouth slightly open, and Reid’s gaze dropped, and then they were kissing.

Luke broke away after a beat, stepping quickly past Reid.

“Gotta go. Gonna miss the bus.”

“Want a ride?” Reid asked, following him down the hall.

Luke shook his head. “Eat your breakfast.”

“You coming over tonight?”

Luke stopped by the front door, turning to face Reid. “Probably not. I have a lot of work. And it seems like maybe we could use some…”

Reid raised his eyebrow.

“Alone time,” Luke concluded.

“Suit yourself,” Reid replied grumpily.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Luke threw over his shoulder, sing-song, as he walked out the door.

**

Several days later, Sean came into their room, immediately plopped down on the foot of Luke’s bed and looked at him expectantly. Luke put his pen down and leaned back in his desk chair.

“Yes?”

“You’re probably going to Reid’s this weekend, huh?”

Luke thought of the very terse text messages he got in response to his own olive branches this week.

“I’m thinking no.”

“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?”

Luke shook his head. “Not really. Just…adjusting, you know? Getting used to being around each other more and each other’s little idiosyncrasies.”

“Ah.”

“I think I might have hurt his feelings a bit. So now he’s trying to piss me off, it seems. I think a weekend off might do us good.”

“Well, good, because I heard about a party that sounds awesome. Wanna go?”

**

The party was pretty much every movie stereotype about college parties combined. After Sean and his girlfriend stole away to make out in the living room/dance floor, Luke holed himself up in a corner and just people-watched. He was feeling a little out of place, and frankly a little bored. And uncomfortable, as he had fended off three half-naked, drunk girls already. He was kind of thinking this was one aspect of the college experience he wouldn’t necessarily need to try again.

Really, he wanted to be with Reid. He hated that Reid was mad at him or hurt or whatever. He didn’t really know what Reid was feeling, because Reid wasn’t talking to him. He didn’t mean to cause any problems. He was actually trying to avoid problems. Everyone needed some downtime sometimes, Luke thought. But maybe Reid took Luke’s words as…

Luke sighed. He missed Reid. He wanted to leave and go to the condo. He didn’t even know if Reid was at home, though. He didn’t know if Reid would want to see him.

This party sucked.

A group of three guys came barreling into the room, two of them carrying in more beer and all of them yelling at the top of their lungs. The third guy was distributing the drinks, pushing the bottles into people’s hands. The next thing Luke knew, he was holding a cold beer.

He stared down at it. Suddenly, he had a bit of tunnel vision. All he could see was the bottle in front of him. The noises of the party faded, drowned out by the whooshing sensation in his ears.

Maybe if he had just a few sips. Just enough to forget about Reid for a few minutes. Just enough to have a _little_ bit of fun at this party. He wouldn’t need to get drunk or anything. Just a few sips.

Not even the whole bottle.

Luke slammed the bottle down on the table next to him and pushed his way through the crowd. He finally made it outside where he lifted his face to the sky and breathed in the night air. Without thinking, he pulled his phone out and called Reid.

“Pick up. Please pick up. Please, please, please,” he whispered as he listened to the ring.

“Hello,” Reid said breathlessly, answering the phone on the fourth ring.

“Reid!”

“Luke? What’s wrong?”

“Can you…can you please come pick me up?”

“Where are you?” Reid said immediately.

**

Luke hadn’t said anything the entire drive back to Reid’s condo. He didn’t say anything as Reid led him inside and guided him to the couch. And now they were stretched out, Luke on top of Reid and his arms wrapped tightly around Reid’s waist. He still was silent, taking comfort from the beating of Reid’s heart in his chest and Reid’s hand slowly carding through his hair and Reid’s deep, even breaths.

“Thank you,” Luke finally said.

“For what?”

“Coming to get me.”

“Always,” Reid murmured. After a moment, he added, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Tonight or – ?”

“Whatever.”

“I wanted to drink,” Luke confessed after a pause.

Reid was silent for a moment. “OK,” he hedged, allowing Luke to continue at his own pace.

“I thought I was…I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. I hoped I was…better.”

“I’m sorry,” Reid said quietly. “I know I’ve been acting like an idiot this week. I’m sure that didn’t help with any stress.”

“I shouldn’t have said what I did. I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to be with you,” Luke whispered.

“No, I know. Trust me, you were right. We’re still adjusting and figuring each other out, and I overreacted.”

Luke sighed, spreading his hand out over Reid’s chest, feeling the scrape of fabric underneath his fingers.

“You’ve lived by yourself for a while now,” Luke said firmly, refusing to let Reid take all the blame. “So I’m sure you’re used to things certain ways. Besides, this is your place. You can have it however you want.”

“But I don’t want to be by myself anymore,” Reid replied softly. “I want this to be your place too. Even if you don’t live here yet, it’s still your place.”

“Yet?” Luke asked, a slight teasing lilt in his voice.

“Well…maybe someday, right?”

Luke grinned and rubbed his cheek against Reid’s chest. “Maybe someday.”

They were silent again, simply enjoying each other’s company for the next few moments. And then Reid finally returned to their earlier topic.

“I don’t think people ever get _better_ ,” he said. “I think it might get easier, but I don’t think it goes completely away. The need, you know.”

“I guess,” Luke said, with a sigh. “I mean, I know that. I just thought…I don’t know.”

“And you didn’t drink,” Reid continued. “I think that’s the important thing. You were strong enough to walk away.”

“That’s because there’s…there’s you, and there’s school, and all these amazing things going on in my life right now. I didn’t want to lose them. I drink to – and I know this about myself – I drink to escape. And I don’t want to escape. Even when we’re fighting, and before when we were broken up for so long, I knew or at least felt there was this promise of something better. I can see outside my own – my own bubble, I guess, now.”

“When did you first start drinking?” Reid asked curiously.

Luke laughed self-deprecatingly. “Pretty young. My parents were splitting and everything just felt completely out of control. And not much later, I was in Mexico with a kidney infection and dying. And still, even after that, _still_ I – ”

“Because things seemed out of control and you needed an escape?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to be who I was.” Luke tilted his head and looked up at Reid. “You helped me realize that it was OK, though.”

“It’s more than OK. I think who you are is something pretty…amazing.”

Luke smiled, tilting his head to kiss Reid’s chest.

“So,” Reid continued after a moment, shifting slightly under Luke as he figured things out, “it’s comforting to you to have things you can control. Like color-coded school supplies.”

Luke snorted. “Or putting your toothbrush in the same spot every single day?”

Reid chuckled. “Yeah.” And then he sat up suddenly, forcing Luke up as well so he could look in his eyes. They stared at each other for a moment. “I promise to put the mayo away, and I’ll leave wet towels in the bathroom. I’ll try to remember, anyway. I might forget.”

Luke started to laugh.

“But I can’t…my office, I mean. It’s how I think, how I work. I need the mess there, because otherwise my brain is just like – ” Reid gestured near the side of his head, trying to find the words to describe the way his mind worked.

“All geniuses are just a little bit crazy?” Luke asked with a smile.

“Maybe.”

Luke nodded. “OK. Do I still get my shelf though?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then I’ll make sure to keep all of my stuff there, so we won’t have to worry about my assignments getting lost.”

Reid grinned. “So…is this a compromise? One of those things self-indulgent celebrity therapists are always going on about when talking about _healthy_ relationships?”

“I guess,” Luke said, laughing. “I think so.”


	35. Chapter 35

Reid opened the door to his condo, turning his neck to the side in the hopes of stretching out the tight muscles. Two surgeries that day, and a consult in between where he had to tell a mother of four that she had an inoperable tumor. Not a great day, really. And it seemed like it was about to get worse; Reid stopped walking abruptly as the smell of something burning hit his nose. Two seconds later, the smoke detector went off.

“What the…?” he muttered, hurrying into the kitchen.

Much to his surprise, Luke was in there, waving a towel frantically underneath the incessantly beeping device. Reid closed the distance between them in three large steps, flicking the stove fan on even as he reached past Luke and, stretching, pressed the reset button on the smoke detector.

“What is going on?” he asked.

Luke faced him with a sigh. Reid did his best not to burst into laughter when he saw the frazzled expression on his face and the dollop of…batter?...on his cheekbone. Reid reached out, swiping his thumb over the smudge before sticking it in his mouth.

“Mmm,” Reid murmured in approval.

“I was making you a cake,” Luke said quietly. “And then I was working on some homework in the other room, and I got distracted, and I didn’t hear the buzzer go off, and…” he concluded by tilting his head at the stove.

It was then that Reid noticed what could only charitably be described as a pan of charcoal sitting on top of the back burners. He couldn’t help himself; he started to laugh.

Luke pushed Reid away, attempting to walk out of the room. “It’s not funny,” he grumbled.

Reid caught him, pulling him into a hug. “It’s a good thing you have other talents,” Reid said softly, his lips brushing against Luke’s ear. “Because you’re not much of a housewife.”

“Shut up,” Luke mumbled.

“Why on earth were you making me a cake?” Reid asked, still dreadfully amused.

Luke pulled away from the hug, staring at Reid in disbelief. “You forgot again?!”

“Forgot – it’s my birthday,” Reid realized, nodding. “You know, I wrote the date something like 17 times today.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Luke said, shaking his head as he turned to clean up. He reached out for the pan, dropping it with a hiss as soon as he realized it was still hot.

Reid grabbed his arm, pulling Luke’s sizzled fingers into his mouth and soothing them with soft dabs of his tongue. He walked them over to the sink and moved Luke’s hand under the tap before turning on the cold water.

“It’s kind of new to me that someone wants to celebrate my birthday,” he confided. “I like it.”

“Surely you had parties when you were a kid.”

Reid scoffed. “With everything I’ve told you about my childhood, where would you have gotten that idea?”

“Not even when you were little?”

Reid shook his head.

“That’s so sad, Reid.”

Reid glanced at Luke, then leaned forward to kiss him quickly. “I survived.”

“Still – ” Luke began, only to be muffled by another kiss. When Reid pulled away, Luke looked at him dreamily for a moment and then shook his head to bring himself back to the conversation. “Sorry about your cake. Do you want to go out?”

Reid shook his head, reaching past Luke and grabbing the container of store-bought frosting off the counter. “I think we’ll make do.”

“With frosting?” Luke asked, laughing. “Healthy.”

Reid grinned, bowing his head and looking at the container as he pulled off the lid. He stuck two fingers in, scooping out some frosting and holding it out for Luke. Luke made eye contact, staring at him for a moment before leaning forward and wrapping his mouth around Reid’s fingers. Reid slowly pulled them out, feeling Luke’s tongue scrape the sweet, chocolate substance off him, feeling the warm suction as Luke hollowed his cheeks. There was a slight _pop_ as Reid’s fingers broke free.

They stared at each other for a moment more, and then Reid leaned in for another kiss, chasing after the chocolate inside Luke’s mouth with his own tongue.

Sometime later, they were sprawled out on the hard linoleum, clothes scattered around the kitchen and chocolate frosting in their hair and, as Luke put it, possibly every orifice of their bodies. Reid laughed in slight disbelief, lifting one sort-of-clean hand to rub at his face.

“Happy birthday,” Luke mumbled breathlessly.

**

Reid sighed, pulling the CT scans for a patient up on his computer. He enhanced the image, trying to see how extensive the aneurysm was. He was distracted almost immediately, though, by a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called out, barely looking up from his computer.

The door opened, and Luke slipped inside. He closed the door behind him, turning to face Reid with a grin. Reid smiled in response, minimizing the program on his computer and leaning back in his chair.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had a meeting.”

“I did,” Luke confirmed, walking over and planting a kiss on Reid’s lips. He sat on the edge of the desk and smiled down at him. “It’s over. But I’m here because of it. Hey, how come this office is immaculate?”

“Because patients come in here. And my boss. And I don’t write any articles here.”

Luke shrugged, then continued with his original topic. “So, the group wants to do something for Halloween. And there are a couple of students who plan on going into hospital-based work – children’s health advocates and whatnot. They suggested organizing a Halloween party for the pediatric ward.”

“Well, that certainly sounds right up your alley.”

Luke laughed, lifting his eyebrows and nodding in acknowledgement. “Yeah, so. I said I’d get the ball rolling on it, since I happened to know someone at the hospital.”

“What do you want me to do?” Reid asked, confused. “I’m not a pedia – ”

“I just need names,” Luke interrupted. “Who do I talk to?”

Reid lifted a hand, rubbing quickly at his face. He leaned forward and grabbed a staff directory. “Chief of pediatrics is…Anne Wagner. She’s the first person to go to. And you’ll need the nurses to agree to it, probably. They’re pretty much all dragons, but there’s an aide that’s tolerable. Susan or Suzette.”

“Which one is it?”

Reid shook his head. “I don’t know,” he replied, writing Anne Wagner’s phone number down on a slip of paper and handing it to Luke.

Luke took it from him, fighting a smile at Reid’s total lack of people skills. “Should I drop your name, or would that only hurt my case?”

“Ha ha.”

Luke grinned, then reached his hand out and ran it through Reid's hair. “You look tired. How late are you working?” he asked.

A brief smile flashed across Reid’s face as he bent into Luke's caress. "Not much longer."

**

Reid slipped inside the arts and crafts room of the pediatrics wing. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his lab coat as he looked around, trying not to draw attention to himself. There was a mix of kids and hospital personnel and college-aged people, all involved in various Halloweeny activities. Reid cringed at a shriek and glanced over in the direction it came from. A girl, maybe 10 or 11, was blindfolded as some guy put her hand in a bowl of spaghetti. Reid looked away again, trying to spot Luke.

“Doc. You don’t have a patient here, do you?”

Reid quickly faced Su-whatever. “No,” he said awkwardly. “No, I just…came to see how it was going.”

She looked suspiciously at Reid. “OK,” she replied slowly before walking away.

Reid didn’t spend much time thinking about her reaction, because he finally spotted Luke. His green Frankenstein make-up had started to fade ( _“’s monster, Reid. Frankenstein was the doctor.”_ ) and his black wig was askew, little blond strands peeking out beneath it. Reid was a little disturbed by how hot that made him. (He also had been a little disturbed that Luke didn’t get his joke about the head nurse in pediatrics being named Frau Blücher.)

Luke sat at a table in the far corner, the same table, Reid remembered suddenly, he had watched months ago as Annie and her little boyfriend played a game together. Now, there was a little girl, no more than 3 or 4, on Luke’s lap, and they were both laughing as they finger-painted.

Luke glanced up then, as if he felt eyes on him. Reid offered him a quick smile, and Luke’s grin broke out. He waved at Reid, indicating he should come over, but unfortunately – or perhaps fortunately for his hospital reputation – Reid’s beeper went off. He looked down and read it quickly. He needed to get back to work. With an apologetic tilt of his head at Luke, he left the room again.

**

Luke was the last one of the students who stuck around cleaning up and chatting with the nurses. Finally, he realized he needed to go and he thanked Suzette one more time for all her help in planning the event.

“No, Luke, _thank you_ ,” she said emphatically.

Luke gave her a slightly confused look at the forcefulness of her gratitude, and then he walked away. He had made it just around the corner when he heard another woman ask Suzette what she had meant by that. At Suzette’s answering laugh, Luke stopped suddenly, backing against the wall and feeling a little guilty about eavesdropping.

“Nothing,” Suzette said. “I just think I’ve figured out why Dr. Oliver has actually been _smiling_ every once in a while these last couple months.”

“Oh, that. It’s kind of creepy, isn’t – wait, what? No.”

“Pretty sure.”

“Noooo. He’s a _baby_. If he were in the hospital, he’d be in the peds wing.”

“Oh, I think he’s old enough,” Suzette insinuated.

Luke walked away then, blushing horribly but unable to stop the grin that came to his face.


	36. Chapter 36

The condo was dark and quiet and empty when Reid walked in shortly after 1:00 Saturday morning. Luke had been gone since Wednesday, and he wouldn’t be back until late Sunday. Reid had been working like crazy, and then that night he went out for a drink. As he sat at the bar, he wondered how he used to think he was OK with that kind of life. Oddly, they could go that long apart if Luke was busy with school or when Reid was on call or something, no problem. They could and had gone longer without even seeing each other. But for some reason, this time, knowing Luke was all the way in Illinois seemed somehow unbearable.

And this was just the long Thanksgiving weekend. Reid didn’t really want to think about the month the dorms would be closed over Christmas break.

He walked into the bedroom, trying to decide if he wanted to take a shower or just go straight to bed. And then he stopped abruptly when he realized his bed wasn’t empty. Luke was on what Reid had started to think of as _his_ side of the bed, asleep. Reid fought a quick smile, walked over and sat down on the edge of the mattress. He reached out, smoothing a hand over Luke’s side, and then he leaned down and kissed Luke’s shoulder.

Luke inhaled sharply, rolling to his back as he blinked blearily at Reid. “Hi,” he murmured.

“I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” Reid observed quietly.

“Missed you,” Luke replied, his eyes drifting closed again.

Reid grinned, bending down to kiss him again, this time on the lips. “Did you cut your squash at least?”

Luke snickered even as he fought a yawn. “Yeah. Grandma sent me home with leftovers, by the way. They’re in the fridge.”

“Oh my God, I love you.”

“Prove it,” Luke ordered sleepily.

“I would,” Reid said with a chuckle, as he bent down and kissed Luke’s forehead. “But I’m afraid you’d fall asleep in the middle and damage my ego.”

“Your ego’s indestructible,” Luke murmured.

“True,” Reid agreed quietly.

He kicked off his shoes, not bothering to undress further. He was still in scrubs; they could serve as pajamas in a pinch. And then he climbed over Luke, falling down onto his side of the bed with a sharp sigh. He wrapped his arm around Luke’s waist, smiling as he closed his eyes and spooned up behind him.

They spent the next day on the couch. Luke made a half-hearted attempt to work on school term projects while Reid inhaled Emma’s leftovers, moaning quietly and somewhat lewdly.

“What do you love more?” Luke had asked at one point. “Me or my leftovers?”

“It’s a close call.”

**

Unfortunately, even though Luke was back in town, they still didn’t see much of each other over the next couple weeks. Reid was busy at work and was finishing a research article, and Luke needed to study for finals. They were back to talking over IM every couple nights and random text messages during the day. Finally, it was the weekend before exams started, and then Luke would be going home immediately after his last test, and they were getting quite desperate to see each other. Which may have been why it was relatively easy for Luke to talk Reid into it.

**You want to do what now?**

Luke glanced up, watching Sean for a second. Then he focused on the laptop balancing on his thighs.

_Just…do you think you’d be interested?_   
**Don’t you have to study?**   
_Everyone needs a break._   
**What about Sean?**   
_Bastard only has one final. He’s going home on Tuesday. My final after that isn’t until Thursday, so I’d have all day Wednesday to cram._   
**Do you realize how small those beds are?**   
_Why are you putting up such a fight about this? You’ve never turned me down on anything.  
Anything._   
**And I’ve never regretted it. But you’re the one who said your RA is kind of a dick.**   
_So we just won’t let him catch us._

There was no answer.

_Reid, please. I used to dream about going to college and having the freedom to have crazy hot dorm room sex._   
**Fine. You’re leaving immediately after your last final, so this will be our last chance to be together for a MONTH, but I will forego my giant king-sized bed to sneak into your dorm room and have sex.**   
_Yay!_   
**The things I do for you.**   
_I will make it worth your while._   
**You better.**

Luke snorted, and Sean lowered his book to stare at him for a moment.

“Studying hard?”

“Mmm,” Luke replied noncommittally.

_Does it get you off to pretend to resist me just so you can say to yourself that your 18-year-old boyfriend begs you for “kinky” sex?_   
**Little bit.**   
_Thought so._

**

Reid had barely finished knocking on the door before it opened and Luke pulled him inside the room. He stumbled, then turned to see Luke stick his head out into the hall and look quickly in both directions. Then he closed and locked the door and faced Reid with a smile.

“Should we use code names?” Reid asked, grinning.

“Oh, be quiet.”

“He’s an RA. What’s he gonna do?”

“You don’t even know,” Luke said seriously, sidling up to Reid and wrapping his arms around Reid’s neck. “Ben Tierney’s brother slept over one night – his brother – and Matt wrote him up.”

“Oh my God, no. Wrote him up,” Reid deadpanned.

“Power-tripping dictator.”

Reid opened his mouth to reply, only to find himself with Luke’s tongue down his throat. They kissed passionately, stumbling back towards Luke’s tiny bed. Luke pushed Reid down until he was sitting on the mattress, and then Luke straddled him. Reid broke the kiss, laughing silently.

“Are we under some kind of time constraint here?”

“Reid,” Luke muttered, trying not to whine. “It’s been, like, _ten_ days or something.”

Reid paused. “You make a good point,” he allowed, bringing one hand up to Luke’s neck and twisting them both as he pushed them down.

They held each other close, partly out of desire to feel everything they possibly could and partly because the bed just wasn’t that wide. Reid stretched his legs out as he attempted to slip his thigh between Luke’s. Instead he ended up kicking the dresser next to the foot of Luke’s bed. Reid lifted his head to glare at the offending furniture for a moment, and then Luke lifted a hand to his neck and pulled him back down.

Things progressed rather smoothly for a few minutes after that. Reid repositioned them so Luke was flat on his back and Reid was on top of him. They rubbed together fully clothed, the bed creaking quietly with their rocking movements. Reid pulled back several inches, slipping his hand in between them and reaching for the hem of Luke’s shirt. He lifted it, stripping it off Luke’s head, but when Luke bent his arms back far enough for Reid to pull the shirt off completely, he ended up knocking into his desk. The organizer full of pens toppled over.

They both turned, cringing as the pens clattered one-by-one to the floor. Finally the noise stopped, and Luke turned to look at Reid, his expression an equal mix of guilt and amusement.

“Leave ‘em,” Reid decided. “We can pick them up later.”

Luke nodded, propelling himself up slightly to catch Reid in another kiss. Reid groaned into his mouth, lowering back on to Luke even as he squeezed his hand between them and reached down to Luke’s belt. They worked together, shimmying out of the rest of their clothes without incident. And then Reid tried to pull the sheets down; he twisted to his side, his back to the wall, as he tugged at the material. Luke lifted himself so his weight was only pressing down at his shoulders and feet. Reid gave the sheets a hard yank, they slipped free, and his elbow went directly into the wall behind him.

Some noise between a moan and a yelp slipped out of him, and he buried his face in the pillow beneath Luke to muffle it. Luke moved quickly, turning toward Reid and putting a hand on his elbow.

“You OK?” he whispered urgently.

“Ulnar nerve,” Reid grumbled into the pillow.

“Huh?”

“Funny bone.”

Luke made a sympathetic noise and rubbed Reid’s elbow again. “This isn’t working,” he said with a sigh. “Is it?”

Reid lifted his head, shaking it slightly as he stared at Luke. “This is your admittedly-sad, little fantasy. And the idea certainly has its appeal. We’re doing this.”

Luke grinned. “Regardless of the risk to life and limb?”

“A little pain,” Reid teased, before bending down to suck on Luke’s neck, “can be a good thing.”

He finally got the sheets down, and they both contorted to slide underneath them. Luke reached down, pulling the blankets back up and over their naked bodies. Reid backed away for a moment.

“What is the thread count on these, 25?”

“Luxurious, aren’t they?” Luke agreed, smiling. “Now stop complaining and fuck me.”

Reid chuckled as he leaned over the side of the bed, digging around in his discarded jeans until he found the condom in his back pocket. Luke arched his back, reaching behind himself and awkwardly pulling his desk drawer open with two fingers. He made a small noise as he tried to stretch just a little further.

“I can’t – ”

Reid pushed up, angling past Luke and digging around in the drawer until he found a tube of lube. He settled back on top of Luke, one eyebrow raised.

“Enjoy yourself when Sean’s not around, huh?”

“Shh,” Luke replied, blushing slightly.

“Unless I’m not the only person you’ve had up here,” Reid teased, sliding two fingers inside Luke. “How many guys have fallen for this ‘I dreamed of hot dorm room sex’ thing?”

“Oh my God,” Luke breathed out, his eyes rolling back. His response was half-mocking, half-pleasure. “You wouldn’t believe how well that works.”

Reid snorted, adding a third finger and stroking them over Luke’s prostate. “I bet.”

Luke ignored him, his hands moving lower as he scrambled to push the condom over Reid’s erection. “In me,” he whispered. “Please.”

After that, Reid stopped talking, focused entirely on getting and giving as much pleasure as he could, despite the limitations of the situation. The bed squeaked and the sheets scratched and Reid was desperately afraid he’d bump his head on something and end up with a concussion. But Luke was moving beneath him, mouth open in silent ecstasy, one leg hooked around Reid’s hip. And despite everything, it _worked_. Luke jerked unexpectedly, burying his face in Reid’s neck and panting quietly through his orgasm. Reid came a few moments later, and Luke lifted a hand to his mouth, attempting to silence Reid’s shout.


	37. Chapter 37

By the next morning, they had figured out the dorm sex thing and were basically pros, if Luke did say so himself. It was early still, but they were spent, and now were just enjoying each other’s company. Reid sat up, his back wedged in the corner between the wall and the bookshelf of Luke’s desk, Luke’s pillow serving as a cushion. _Reid_ was Luke’s cushion. Their hands were entangled in Luke’s lap, and their eyes were closed, and Luke was insanely happy.

“So,” Reid broke the silence. “I got you a present, but I forgot it at home.”

Luke opened his eyes, sighing in sudden but mild annoyance. “We agreed we weren’t going to do presents.”

“I lied. It’s nothing big.”

Luke didn’t reply.

“Why are you so – ”

“Because," Luke said softly. "Because you know it just, it highlights that we’re in different situations and it makes me feel…you know, I let you sleep with me; you buy me nice things.”

“ _Let_ me sleep with you?”

Luke shook his head. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. This is new to me. I’ve never _wanted_ to buy gifts for someone before. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. And besides, one day you’ll be my sugar…daddy or something. Consider this a long-term investment for maximum payout. I want a Bentley.”

Luke burst into laughter.

“For my weekend car. During the week, I’ll be driven around by my private chauffeur in – ”

“Shut _up_.”

Reid chuckled, bending down to kiss the top of Luke’s head. Luke sighed again, twisting to look at his alarm clock and then falling back against Reid’s chest. Neither man spoke for a moment.

“I’m going to miss you,” Luke finally admitted.

Reid inhaled slowly. “It’ll only be a month. We’ve gone longer.”

Luke nodded, but didn’t answer.

“And we can call and e-mail.”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed, fighting emotion as he tightened his grip on Reid’s hand.

“And…I could come visit for a weekend or something.”

Luke stiffened.

“Say hello to the family,” Reid continued quietly.

“Reid,” Luke exhaled, slightly aggravated.

Tense silence filled the room for a moment, and then Reid went for the joke. “You’re ashamed of me, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Luke replied, forcing a teasing tone to his voice.

“The Snyder-Walsh-Grimaldi heir should be with a Rockefeller or a Kennedy or something. Not slumming with a peon, a serf like me.”

Luke laughed, twisting his head to look up at Reid. “Oh my God, is there a gay Kennedy in my age bracket? They’re hot.”

“They’re also prone to early deaths. And what are you talking about, age bracket? Ted Kennedy would be in your age bracket.”

Luke smirked, settling again. “I can’t help it if I like older men.”

“I’m not complaining about _that_.”

“Just being my dirty little secret.”

“Think about it, Luke,” Reid said, walking his fingers along Luke’s forearm. “We’ve never spent a holiday together. We’ve never kissed under the mistletoe or at midnight on New Year’s Eve. I’ve never cut the damn squash.”

Luke laughed loudly. “You would _bitch_ every single minute you’d have to spend with my family doing traditional stuff.”

Reid nodded. “Yes, I would. I would hate it. But you’d have that big dopey grin on your face, and I _really_ like putting that there.”

Luke sighed, bending his head to the side as Reid began to kiss his neck. “You don’t understand what it’s like. My whole life, everyone in town – just – I want something that’s _mine_ , that my family doesn’t get a vote on. This is the first time this subject has come up in _months_ , Reid, and that’s because they’re there, and I’m here, and it doesn’t concern them. It’s none of their business, and I don’t want to hear all the reasons they’ll have for why this is wrong. And I don’t want to spend Christmas fighting with my family and defending you and – ”

“OK,” Reid interrupted. “OK. Never mind.”

Luke turned his head, looking up at Reid with a sigh. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“That’s not what this is about.”

“I know.”

Luke lifted a hand, wrapped it around Reid’s head and pulled him in for a slow, sweet kiss. “Good. Now get out.”

Reid furrowed his brow.

“I have to study.”

“Wow,” Reid said, pushing Luke forward so he could climb out from behind him. “Now who’s only being kept around for fucking purposes? I feel so used.”

Luke chuckled, falling back onto the bed as he watched Reid get dressed.

“You only want me for my body, don’t you?” Reid asked, walking to the door. He turned and faced Luke, who made a show of checking him out lasciviously.

“Mm-hmm.”

Reid turned the knob.

“Check for Matt!” Luke ordered urgently.

“Yeah, he might write you up or something,” Reid mocked as he glanced up and down the hall.

With one more look and a wave thrown over his shoulder, Reid walked out of the room.

“Merry Christmas!” Luke called after him.

As soon as the door closed, Luke’s grin faded. He told himself that the sick, nervous feeling in his stomach only had to do with his upcoming final and the month away from Reid.

**

He hadn't even noticed it, really, the few days he was home for Thanksgiving. But now, it was obvious - and scary, in a way - how different he felt at home and how very much the same everything there seemed. Luke felt like he was back in high school, what with at least pretending to honor bedtimes, and his parents reminding him to call if he was going to be out late (and sneaking phone calls to Reid when he was alone). He, Casey, Will and Gwen hung out most of the time, slightly awkward around each other at first until they finally fell back into their groove.

Luke spent time with his family, of course. He played games with his sisters, and marveled at how much Ethan had changed just since Thanksgiving. He worked at the farm with his dad, Jack and Brad, secretly happy that he seemed to be included with the Snyder _men_ now. He avoided Katie’s suspicious glances like the plague. He ate his grandma’s cooking, amusing himself by thinking about how much Reid would love it. And then feeling bad that Reid was all alone and working on Christmas and New Year’s.

And at the same time, he felt like he was constantly putting on some kind of act, being the Luke they remembered and expected, rather than the Luke he was now. This was nothing new, he admitted to himself even as he felt guilty and ashamed of his less-than-charitable thoughts. He was always trying to be what his family needed.

He loved them, and he missed them, and he’d do anything for them. But he wanted to go back to Dallas where he belonged.

Finally, it was the last day before he was taking his grandmother’s plane back to Texas. Luke was trying to say goodbye to everyone, and so he was running around the whole town. At the moment, he was in the Worldwide offices, catching up with Maeve and telling her all about his first semester. They were chatting animatedly and Luke didn’t even hear Lucinda walk in behind him. The first moment he realized she was there was when she wrapped her arm around him from behind and pulled him back into a chokehold-like hug.

“Ah!” he exclaimed.

“Tell him that this is all very interesting, Maeve, but we want to know the important stuff,” Lucinda jokingly ordered.

“What important stuff?” Luke asked, breaking away and smoothing out his hair as he turned to face her.

“Boys!” Lucinda exclaimed. “Dating. Your _love life_ , darling.”

Luke opened and closed his mouth a few times, the urge to tell the truth almost unbearable but still overwhelmed by the fear. “I don’t want to talk about that with my grandmother,” he finally said.

Lucinda shot him an unnervingly penetrating glance and then shrugged.

**

Luke opened the door to the condo slowly. Reid _should_ be home, and he wanted to surprise him. He slipped inside, closing the door behind him and slowly putting his suitcase down on the floor. He had only made it two or three feet into the room before he stopped suddenly. Reid was in the living room, sound asleep on the couch, a journal lying open on his stomach.

Luke tiptoed closer and knelt down next to Reid, taking in the sight of him. It had only been a few weeks, and Luke knew he didn’t _really_ look any different. But he still took the time to examine him, to reacquaint himself with Reid’s features.

And then Reid jerked awake, inhaling sharply and nearly sitting up. He threw his arm out, trying to regain his balance or perhaps in defense, and Luke fell back onto the floor, holding up his hands in an attempt to calm Reid down.

“It’s me. It’s just me.”

Reid turned to Luke, still breathing heavily and his eyes flashing as he recovered from the shock.

“Luke?” he asked incredulously.

“Hi,” Luke whispered. Then he began to laugh. “Sorry.”

Reid lifted a hand to his face, rubbed at his eye and swallowed. “’s OK.” He focused on Luke again then. “You’re back.”

Luke smiled and nodded. “I’m back.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I introduce one of my favorite OCs of all time. Of All Time.

“Well, when’s his next available appointment?”

Reid glanced up as Luke walked into the kitchen, confused by the question until he realized Luke was on the phone. He returned to preparing the coffee, only half-listening to Luke’s end of the conversation.

“Not until then, huh? Is there anyway – I don’t know, if someone cancels, do you have a waiting list or something?”

Luke walked past Reid, opening the fridge and pulling out a carton of juice. Reid handed him a glass, which Luke took without even looking.

“No. No, I don’t want to see anyone else. My doctor said I should go to Baker.” Luke sighed loudly. “Well, is there any way he could just write me a prescription without a consult? Wants to see new patients first. OK. No. Thank you.”

Luke hung up, tossing his phone on the counter with a small sound of frustrated annoyance.

“What’s going on?” Reid asked.

Luke shook his head. “I have to go for my six-month check-up, but Baker’s waiting list is, like, a mile long. I knew I should have gone when I was home for Christmas.”

“How long until you can get in?”

“Two months,” Luke answered quietly, turning away from Reid.

“ _How_ long?”

Luke faced him again. “Two months,” he said succinctly. “It’s fine. I really just need a refill on my meds anyway. I’m not sure if the pharmacies here will take an out-of-state prescription, so I’ll just have my doctor at home write one and my parents can mail – ”

“Stop talking,” Reid said. “You’re not waiting two months beyond when you’re supposed to get your tests done.”

“What am I supposed to do, Reid? Camp outside his office until he agrees to see me? Or maybe pull a Grimaldi and bribe or blackmail him?”

“Why not?”

Luke rolled his eyes, finished his juice in one long gulp, and pushed off the counter. He walked over to the dishwasher and put his dirty glass in the top rack.

“Look, I know him. Sort of.” Reid continued, ignoring Luke’s attitude. “I’ll take a little stroll down to nephrology today.”

“Reid.”

Reid gestured disbelievingly. “What? Professional courtesy.”

“What’s it called – triage? I’m not using my personal connections to bump up spots on his waiting list. I’m sure there are a lot of people in much more serious condition than me.”

“Yeah, but nobody I care about.”

“Reid. You're a _doctor_.”

“Luke. I don't care.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Luke sighed, walking out of the room again.

**

Reid didn’t need to find an excuse to visit the nephrology department, it turned out. Instead, he saw Baker in the cafeteria around lunch and so just _casually_ got into line behind him. Baker glanced back at him and gave him a small nod. They knew each other, simply because they were both the young(ish) hotshots in their respective departments, but beyond that, Reid only knew the basics. Baker had been married to the same woman since he was two years old or something, although Reid had never met her. (Mostly because Reid never went to staff social events.) Baker went to them, though. Every single one, and half the time he was hosting them. All the nurses loved him, Reid knew. Patients adored him. He had no professional enemies, as far as Reid was aware. He was, simply, _nice_.

Frankly, Reid never had much use for him. Now he did, and he was going to use that niceness for all it was worth.

“Baker,” Reid greeted him awkwardly, reaching around him to grab a bowl of Jell-O with whipped cream on top.

“Hello, Reid,” Baker replied. He took a small container of yogurt.

Reid looked down at their trays. The amount of food and the level of nutritional value on each couldn’t have been more different. Of course Baker was diet-conscious. Of course he was. He probably worked out everyday too.

Reid was starting to feel a little inferior. This was new.

 _You mean you can be the world’s greatest doctor in your specialty and_ not _neglect all other aspects of your life?_ the voice inside his head said. The voice, over time, had become this uncomfortable combination of Katie and Luke. Reid hated the voice inside his head.

“So,” Reid began, and Baker turned to look at him, a shocked eyebrow raised high on his forehead.

And then Reid was at a loss. How did you actually ask for a favor from someone, rather than just demand they did what you wanted them to?

“Can I do something for you, Reid?” Baker asked, somewhat amused. Bastard.

“I – do you happen to have an hour or so free, to squeeze in an appointment? Eighteen years old, had a kidney transplant a few years ago. Just needs a follow-up and a new scrip for his meds. I can probably get his records faxed to you today.”

Baker furrowed his brow as he paid for his lunch. “One of your patients?”

“No,” Reid said. Then he added, in a hurry, “A personal…you know, acquaintance. Or whatever.”

Baker couldn’t hold back a laugh. “This the kid all the nurses were chatting about around Halloween?”

Reid felt all the blood drain from his face. “What?”

Baker turned away. “Give him my direct line. We’ll set something up.”

Reid didn’t respond. He was too busy wondering who _exactly_ he’d have to torment until the nurses got the message not to talk about his private life.

**

Luke shook Baker’s hand before picking up his backpack and following the man out of the exam room. On the way out, he began to apologize for at least the tenth time.

“Honestly, I hope I didn’t inconvenience you. Reid can be…goal-oriented.”

Baker laughed as he led Luke out into the waiting area of the nephrology department. “That’s one way to put it. Don’t worry about it, Luke. Really.”

Luke nodded, glancing around the room, half-expecting Reid to “just happen” to be nearby, waiting for Luke. He wasn’t, though, and Luke faced the doctor again.

“Well, thanks.”

“You can fill those prescriptions at the first floor pharmacy, if you want. And I’ll see you in six months, but call me if you have any concerns before then.”

Luke nodded, gave him a smile and turned around. He immediately ran into someone walking closer.

“Luke!”

Luke shook his head in surprise. “Dr. B – Claire. What – ?”

She gave him a quick smile before focusing on Dr. Baker. They leaned closer and Claire kissed him quickly on the cheek.

“You two know each other?” Baker asked curiously.

“Luke’s one of my new students this year. The one with his custom-made major?”

“Oh, oh, oh! Right.”

“I don’t – “

“Dan is my husband, Luke,” Claire explained.

Luke laughed once, in shock. “Uh, small world,” he finally said.

**

Luke immediately went up to Reid’s office after the appointment. There was no sign of him and a passing nurse said he was called into surgery. Luke sighed, at least realizing why Reid hadn’t been staking out Baker’s office earlier. He couldn’t stay any longer, though. He was meeting Sean for lunch and then he had to get to class.

Luke actually didn’t see Reid until the _next_ day, and while Reid wanted all the details of his appointment, Luke just wanted to gossip.

“She has to be, like, ten years older than him or something, Reid.”

“So she’s smart enough to know that a younger man is the only way to go,” Reid observed.

Luke rolled his eyes at the comment, and then he opened his mouth to speak again. Reid leaned forward, reaching out to grab Luke’s hand over the table.

“I don’t care,” Reid said. “She could be 20 years older than him, and I wouldn’t care. What did he say about your kidney?”

Luke tilted his head, smiling fondly at Reid. “No problems. I’m fine. Just like I told you I was.”

“Good,” Reid said, drawing his hand back and returning to his dinner. “Keep it that way.”

**

Luke was still dreadfully curious about Claire and Dr. Baker. He knew why too, but he couldn’t put it into words to explain to Reid. Well, he _could_ , but Reid might take it the wrong way. Because here was this relationship between these two people who were relatively far apart in age and whose careers were very different and yet it worked. They were married, presumably for a while now. Luke needed the knowledge of that. He needed to know that, despite the niggling worries he'd been trying to ignore, two people in a similar situation to his with Reid – or two people in a relationship in general – could survive.

He was actually in Claire’s office at the moment, ostensibly discussing his lit paper but really trying to work up the courage to ask her about her private life. The only problem was he knew it was entirely inappropriate. He had dragged the visit out as long as he could, and now he was packing up his stuff, and still he couldn’t find a good way to bring it up.

“Luke,” Claire said awkwardly. “I hope you don’t mind me asking you this, but…are you OK?”

Luke furrowed his brow. “Yeah. Why?”

“It’s just,” she cleared her throat and leaned across her desk. “People your age don’t usually have appointments with my husband. You don’t need to tell me anything, of course, but if you need some additional time or help with schoolwork or something – ”

“No,” Luke interrupted, blushing even as he laughed. “It’s nothing – just a check-up. I, uh, I had a kidney transplant when I was younger. Long story. I’m OK now.”

“Well, I’m happy to hear that. That you’re OK, I mean.”

Luke smiled, nodded in understanding and appreciation. He licked his lips. “I – I didn’t realize he was your husband,” he said, his hands feeling kind of clammy.

“Yes, I go by maiden name professionally.”

“How long have you been married?”

“Oh my...18 years this fall. I snapped him up when he was just a baby. He could barely drink legally at our ceremony.” Claire laughed, shaking her head at herself.

“So, you’re…uh…”

She tilted her head, looking at Luke in slight confusion.

“Sorry. I just…my boyfriend’s quite a bit older than me,” Luke admitted in a rush. “So I was just kind of…”

Claire laughed again, tilting her head back for a moment. “I see,” she said, amused. “Yeah, I was 27 when we met and he was, wow, he was 19, which even now, saying that out loud... We met at an AIDS charity walk and he kept pace with me the entire time. I resisted him for about four kilometers, and then finally agreed to dinner on the fifth, just to get him off my back. And here we are.”

Luke grinned. “That’s – encouraging.”


	39. Chapter 39

The shrill beeping startled Luke awake. He sat up immediately, staring around the dark room in shock. It took him a second to realize what was happening, and by the time he looked over at Reid, he was already dialing his cell phone.

Luke collapsed back onto his pillow, half-listening as Reid spoke with the desk nurse in the E.R. Reid climbed out of bed, talking even as he searched for his clothes where they had been thrown earlier in the night. He put on his jeans, bouncing slightly as he pulled them up to his waist and buttoned them. He hung up the phone and then put his shirt on.

Reid sat on the bed, leaning forward to put on and tie his shoes. Luke rolled closer, reached out, ran his hand lightly down Reid’s back. Reid didn’t respond until after he was completely dressed. Then he twisted to face Luke, bending over him to quickly kiss him on the lips.

“Go back to bed,” Reid told him.

Luke sighed, his eyes already drifting closed. Reid kissed him again, before standing and walking out the door.

Luke woke up again an hour or so later. He was somewhat surprised, and a little wary, to hear noises coming from the living room. Reid should not be back already. Luke climbed out of bed, and padded down the hall softly. He wiped the sleep from his eyes as he turned the corner and stopped in his tracks.

“Reid? What are you doing?”

“Yoga,” Reid replied in a quiet mumble.

“It’s 3 in the morning,” Luke observed.

“I know.”

Luke tilted his head as he watched Reid for a moment. He walked farther into the room, eventually dropping to the floor and sitting cross-legged next to Reid.

“How come I didn’t know you were this flexible?”

Reid chuckled, opening his eyes to stare at Luke. “Don’t really do it that much anymore. Much better forms of stress relief.”

Luke smiled softly at the innuendo before focusing on Reid again. “What happened at the hospital?”

Reid shrugged. “Died before I got there.”

“Nothing you could do about it, then,” Luke said, lifting a hand and playing with the curls at the nape of Reid’s neck. Reid needed a haircut.

Reid sighed, stretched out his legs and dropped his head forward. “Could have gotten there faster.”

“Mmm. Maybe killed yourself trying. Oh, next time they could flash a big brain-shaped light in the sky and you could fly there like Superman.”

“You’re mixing up your superheroes.”

“You can’t save them all, Reid,” Luke said softly, seriously.

Reid turned to face Luke. He inhaled shakily as he lifted a hand to Luke’s cheek. “He was…he was young. 19. Blond. Freshman. Drunk off his ass.”

Luke smiled sadly. “Come to bed,” he said, standing and holding a hand out to pull Reid to his feet.

**

Luke bought Reid _seven_ small heart-shaped boxes of chocolates their first Valentine’s Day together.

Reid rolled his eyes but ate until he got sick.

He pretended for almost two hours he completely forgot to get Luke something, inwardly smirking at Luke’s attempts to act like he was OK with that, since he was the one who was always “no gifts” all the time, anyway. Then he thoroughly enjoyed Luke’s “punishment” at the practical joke.

**

“Stop looking at me,” Luke demanded. “It’s distracting.”

Reid didn’t respond or look away, and Luke sighed. He tried to focus again on the practice problems. He had two more steps to finish, then he could compare his answers to the correct ones, and then he’d switch over to flash cards. Seemed like a good strategy.

If only Reid would let him work without interruption. He had gone past staring and was now wiggling the toes of his foot underneath and against Luke’s thigh. Luke reached out, wrapped his hand around Reid’s ankle and pulled his foot away.

“Stop it.”

“Can’t help it,” Reid finally said. “You’re so hot, all studious like this.”

“I need to study. This exam is worth 40 percent of the grade, and he doesn’t curve.”

“Don’t you think you would benefit from a little study break, though?”

Luke couldn’t stop the tiny smile that came to his face. Maybe a few minutes wouldn’t hurt. At his expression, Reid leaned forward and kissed him softly. Luke exhaled and deepened the kiss for a moment. Reid pressed closer; Luke moaned, and then he weakly pushed Reid away.

“Reid,” he mumbled. “ _Come on!_ ”

The last part of his rebuke was directed at his ringing phone, however. Luke sighed and leaned forward, grabbing his cell from the coffee table. He looked at the screen and hesitated for a moment, and then he answered.

“Hello Grandmother. I can’t really – ”

Lucinda ignored him as she launched into a story about the latest family drama. Reid ignored him as he started to suck softly at Luke’s neck. Luke braced one arm against Reid’s chest, trying to push him away. He hummed noncommittally, pretending he was paying attention to his grandmother. Neither response was particularly effective. Reid lifted a hand to Luke’s shirt, unbuttoning the top buttons and kissing the skin underneath.

“Stop,” Luke sighed.

“And then your mother said – excuse me, darling?”

“Not you. Not you,” Luke said quickly.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Luke said, his voice rising involuntarily as Reid’s hand went wandering. “I just – I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now.”

“Well, I’ll just let you get back to whatever you were doing, then.”

“Studying,” Luke said, hiding the catch in his throat with a cough. “Just studying.”

“Mm-hmm,” Lucinda said skeptically.

Luke hung up the phone and glared half-heartedly at Reid. Reid’s smug response was just too irresistible, and Luke pulled him into a kiss.

“Don’t…” Luke ordered between quick nips, “do things like that.”

Reid snickered, leaning into Luke again. Their actions were cut short, however, by Luke’s textbook crashing to the floor. It was enough to cut through the haze in Luke’s mind.

“OK, stop now. I have to study.”

Reid made a slight protesting noise and leaned in again. Luke shook his head, grinning softly. He bent around Reid to pick up his book and stuff it into his backpack. Then he turned back to Reid and gave him a quick kiss before standing up.

“See you after midterms,” he said firmly, and then he walked to the front door.

The last thing he saw before he left the apartment was Reid collapsing onto the couch with a frustrated moan.

**

Luke walked into his dorm room after his last midterm, shaking his head in exhaustion as he collapsed onto the bed. Sean was there already, curled up in his desk chair and typing at his laptop.

“Hey!”

Luke grunted into his pillow.

“You OK?”

Luke grunted again.

“Is that a yes?”

Luke rolled over finally, sighing. “That’s a yes.”

“Cool, because I wanted to ask you something.”

Sean turned to face him fully, and Luke raised an eyebrow. He knew Sean well enough by now to recognize his salesman-pitch attitude.

“What?” Luke asked warily.

“You know Sara’s crazy hippie roommates?”

“Star and Moon? How could I forget?”

“They’re moving out once the semester is over to, I don’t know, to live on a commune or something. You were planning on taking classes this summer anyway, right?”

“Right,” Luke said, dragging the word out hesitantly.

“Well, the dorms are closed. And I know you were probably just planning on staying with Reid or something, but if not…we could take over their lease, I thought. Sara and I could move into the bigger room, and then you’d have your own room, and we’d be out of the dorms for good!”

Luke watched Sean for a moment. Sean lifted his eyebrows and nodded enthusiastically. Luke bit his lip. He thought about how tired he was, and how he was pretty sure he failed his exam, and how he thought that maybe –

“OK,” he agreed.

“ _Awesome_. New topic: pizza and Mario Kart tonight?”

Luke shook his head, staring up at the ceiling. “Sorry. I was planning on going over to Reid’s now that my exams are done. This weekend?”

Sean sighed. “Fine.”

**

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How’d your midterms go?”

“Good.”

“Good.”

That was the extent of their conversation before they were in each other’s arms, stumbling down the hall as they tried to remove every last stitch of clothing by the time they fell onto the bed.

**

_Lub dub. Lub dub. Lubdub. Lubdub lubdub lubdub._

Luke stared into Reid’s eyes, listening through the stethoscope as Reid’s heart rate increased. Luke sat, straddled across his thighs, and he stroked Reid’s erection slowly. Reid hissed, trying to thrust but unable to with the angle and Luke’s weight. Luke licked his lips, took a deep breath. When he had seen the stethoscope sitting on the coffee table, Luke had thought this would be a sexy thing to try, fun maybe.

It turned out to be a lot more intense than he was expecting. And he had forgotten all about the bus he really needed to catch if he was going to try and make his business professor’s open office hours like he had planned. Oh well, he had some scheduled later in the week too. Luke could probably miss his class that morning too. This was far, far more important, at the moment. This was more important than _anything_.

Reid’s mouth fell open as his eyes closed. He looked like maybe he was trying to say something but could no longer find words. Luke swiped his thumb over the tip of Reid’s leaking cock, and he _swore_ Reid’s heart literally skipped a beat. He was pretty sure that was not medically possible, though.

Reid exhaled, and it sounded overwhelmingly loud in Luke’s ears. Reid opened his eyes again, looking back at Luke. The emotion in his eyes made Luke feel oddly uncertain, and he knew his own expression was just as open.

He had started to wonder if it was possible to become addicted to another person. The idea scared him a little ( _a lot_ ).

He leaned forward, kissing Reid deeply; he tightened his grip and sped up the motion of his hands. Reid trembled underneath him as he came apart, and Luke could hear his heart racing for a moment before his hand holding the stethoscope slipped down.

Reid fell back onto the couch, pulling Luke with him. Neither man spoke for a long moment.

“I’m getting an apartment with Sean and Sara,” Luke said then.

Reid immediately stiffened, and Luke closed his eyes. He had been sitting on that particular news for about two weeks now, unsure how to tell Reid. He was pretty certain this was not the right moment.

Reid pushed them both until Luke was off Reid’s lap and they were sitting up again, facing each other. Luke watched him warily for a moment, but ultimately Reid didn’t say anything. He merely stood and walked away. Luke’s shoulders fell and he stared at the floor.

He reached down and picked up his clothes from where they had been dropped. He pulled them on, and then ran a hand through his hair. He listened to Reid moving around in the bedroom. Luke wanted to follow him, go in there and try to explain, but he couldn’t force his body to move.

Finally, finally, he stood. And just as he started to take a step, there was a knock on the door. Luke turned to it, startled.

“Do you want me to get that?” he called.

“Whatever,” came the distant reply.

Luke walked over and grabbed the doorknob. He wasn’t really sure who he was expecting – the UPS guy, maybe, or Reid’s building manager, or a Girl Scout or something. He was _not_ expecting the person who actually was there. Luke’s mouth dropped open, and he felt suddenly light-headed.

“Luke!”

Luke fumbled for a moment, struggling to reply.

“Katie!”


	40. Chapter 40

Katie inhaled, her mouth dropping wide open and a happy scream bubbling up her throat. And then Luke covered her mouth with his hand and yanked her inside the condo. He closed the door behind her and then turned to face her, both hands on the sides of his head in distress.

“What are you doing here?” he exclaimed.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Katie shot back.

“What on earth is – Katie?!”

Reid had just appeared down the hall, and he stopped immediately upon seeing Katie and Luke standing in the living room. The three of them spent the next few seconds staring back and forth at each other. And then Katie broke into peals of disbelieving laughter.

“Surprise!” she choked out.

She walked over and pulled a startled Luke into a big hug. Just as he started to respond and bring his arms up, she let him go. Reid got a hug too and then Katie eventually settled. Five or so minutes after she arrived, she found herself sitting in the corner chair, watching in amusement as Luke tried to make his escape. The poor boy looked beyond frazzled as Reid walked him to the door. Luke turned to face Reid just before he left, and said something quietly about needing to talk about…something. It was too low, and Katie’s amusement turned into burning curiosity at the sudden shift in their moods.

Reid shrugged. “Nothing to talk about,” he said.

Katie’s eyebrow rose at his passive-aggressive tone.

“Reid,” Luke nearly whispered.

“Luke, go to class. It’s OK.”

Luke glanced at Katie, and she immediately turned her eyes away, glancing up at the ceiling in the corner of the room as if it were endlessly interesting.

“Ask her not to – ”

“I know.”

Then, finally, with a quick wave at her, Luke walked out of the condo. Katie focused on Reid again; he kept his back to her for a moment, staring at the now-closed door. He finally faced Katie, and she gave him a large grin.

“Well, well, well. No wonder you haven’t had much time to talk on the phone these last few months. I knew it. I mean, I didn’t know it, but I _knew_ it.”

Reid actually blushed, and Katie nearly fell off her chair at the rather unexpected response. He stepped closer, awkwardly, and then he sat down on the couch a few feet away from her.

“I imagine we’ll be talking about this pretty much the entire time you’re here,” Reid said with a sigh. “So you better go first. Why _are_ you here?”

“I can’t surprise you with a visit? We’ve talked about it before, you know.”

“You’ve talked about it before. And I never really thought you’d actually – not that I’m not happy to see you. It’s just…why now?”

Katie shrugged coyly. “It has to be now. Pretty soon, I won’t be able to do much traveling.”

Reid tilted his head.

“I’m pregnant! I shouldn’t really say anything yet, but you’re practically family, so.”

“Katie, that’s – ” Reid shook his head, leaning in close to hug her carefully.

“I’m not going to break,” she muttered, “and you can’t squeeze it out.

Reid laughed and tightened the hug.

**

Katie was exploring the hospital, waiting for Reid. He had cancelled his entire day, except for one patient consult he didn’t want to reschedule. Katie, of course, was more than willing to wait, considering she had descended on Reid with no warning. She couldn’t help but notice, however, that Reid remembered he had to be at the hospital as soon as the conversation turned back to Luke.

Katie smirked.

Just then she got a text from Reid - he was finished and wondering where she was. She glanced around, smiling at her subconscious when she realized she was just outside the nursery. Katie replied, then stepped closer to the window, one hand drifting absent-mindedly to her own stomach.

Ten, fifteen minutes later, Katie jumped when Reid suddenly appeared next to her. They stood side-by-side. Katie watched the seven or eight little babies sleeping, while Reid focused on the one wide awake and screaming his tiny head off.

“You really want one of these? I can’t even imagine living with one.”

Katie turned to look at him, a teasing expression on her face.

“Don’t say it,” Reid said. He turned around and leaned against the window, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Besides, we’re not living together.”

Katie noted the dash of bitterness but didn’t comment on it. Instead, she simply said, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you two are together.”

Reid lifted his head. Before he could speak, two nurses walked by and glanced at him and Katie.

“We’re not talking about this here,” Reid said.

**

They sat next to each other on the couch. Reid held a pillow in his lap and stared ahead, chewing on his lower lip. Katie finally broke the silence.

“So…is it serious?”

Reid nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He wanted to keep it quiet.” Reid looked at her. “Don’t tell his parents, by the way.”

Katie scoffed loudly. “Right. Like I’m going to volunteer myself to be the bearer of that news.”

“And also,” Reid continued, sighing, “I didn’t tell you because it’s not exactly…he’s 18.”

“Oh, Reid!” Katie exclaimed, exasperated. “I told you before, I’m in no place to judge. And I was the one that was encouraging you on this, remember? It was obvious how much you cared about him, even back when you first met.”

Reid tilted his head in acknowledgement, then exhaled.

“You care about him even more now, don’t you? You’re in love with him.”

“Yes,” Reid said simply.

Katie grinned. “Isn’t it amazing?”

“No!”

Katie burst into laughter. “OK, _what_ is going on?”

“Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? Because if so, then the sappy greeting cards have it all wrong.”

“Ohhh,” Katie said, lifting a hand to rub soothingly at the back of Reid’s neck. “Spill. What did I walk in on?”

Reid sighed. “He’s getting an apartment with some friends.”

“Well, that’s great!” Katie said, shaking her head. “How exciting for him!”

Reid turned to her, narrowing his eyes questioningly. “Exciting?”

“Yes! Wasn’t it exciting when you got your first apartment?”

Reid shook his head quickly, turning to face Katie fully. “You don’t understand. I want him to move in here. I like having him here; he’s here all the time anyway. We can’t…we can’t get enough of each other. I thought he felt the same way.”

“Are you kidding me? I saw you two together for five minutes and even I can tell he’s clearly crazy about you.”

“Sure has a funny way of showing it.”

Katie groaned, falling back against the couch. “You two are like the blind leading the blind.”

“This isn’t my first relationship, you know!”

“Sure. How many of them survived your work hours or your winning personality or the first fight? How many of them even lasted until the first fight? You’re as new to this as he is.”

“So now you’re going to give me your _expert_ advice?”

“Hey! People learn from their mistakes, you know.”

Reid sighed, leaning back against the couch so their shoulders bumped. “Go.”

“You have a bit of a crush.”

Reid rolled his eyes, laughing. “I’m 31 years old. And we’ve been together for…a while now.”

“Oh, don’t think we aren’t going back to that detail.”

“I’m just saying, there’s no need to downplay our relationship.”

“I’m not! I’m very sure you two are madly in love. But you _also_ have a crush on him. Or if it makes you feel better, we can say ‘you’re still in the honeymoon period.’ And it’s not the smartest thing in the world to make a decision like living together because you can’t get enough of each other. Maybe you should take a step back and make sure you’re ready for this.”

“I’m ready!”

“That was the plural you.”

Reid sighed. He lifted a hand to his face and rubbed vigorously. “Explain.”

“When you were 18, would you have been ready to move in with your boyfriend?”

Reid didn’t say anything.

“Reid?”

“No. But I didn’t have a boyfriend then either. I wouldn’t have wanted one. I was all about school and – ”

“Pursuing your career?”

“Yeah. Obviously.”

“OK. We’ll get back to that too. You’re right, though. There are different circumstances. Did Luke tell you Holden’s moved out?”

Reid turned his head sharply and stared at Katie. “What?”

“Yep. He’s been spending more and more time at the farm, and at some point, the living arrangements became official.”

“He didn’t say anything,” Reid said softly. “Maybe he doesn’t know.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure he does. He actually finds the time to stay in touch with the people he loves in Oakdale.”

“I got it. I will call more often.”

Katie snickered, then turned serious again. “OK, so now imagine back to when you were 18, well on your way to becoming the world’s greatest neurosurgeon and not even thinking about being distracted by a boyfriend. And now, _instead_ , imagine that you’re 18, and the only experience with long-term relationships you’ve ever had involves fights and separations and divorces and remarriages and infidelity and three parents, all wanting something different from you. Imagine that you’re really hesitant to trust your own judgment, because in the past, whenever you’ve really let yourself go with things that made you feel _good_ and things that seemed _easy_ , you’ve, say, ended up in the hospital, needing a kidney transplant.”

Reid swallowed and then inhaled slowly.

“You think you’d be ready?” Katie asked softly.


	41. Chapter 41

“So,” Reid began as he handed Katie a bottle of water.

She pulled two slices of the recently-delivered pizza onto a plate and gave the plate to Reid, then pulled three slices onto her own plate. He stared at her for a moment.

“Wow.”

“I’m eating for two! What’s your excuse?”

Reid smirked, then returned to his earlier question. “So. You’re saying I shouldn’t want this.”

Katie shook her head, swallowing her bite quickly. “Not at all; of course, you should.” She held a hand to her heart. “And I’m so, so happy that you do. All I’m saying is…don’t push him. Don’t guilt him. I have a feeling he wants this too, or he will someday. But just give him time to get there on his own.”

“What am I supposed to do in the meantime?” Reid asked around his mouthful of pizza.

“Uh, chew?”

Reid rolled his eyes, and Katie laughed.

“You’re supposed to do what you have been doing, with maybe a little more…time apart. Live your own life, let him focus on school more, I don’t know.”

“I am always – when he needs to study, I stay away.”

“School is more than just classes and studying, although I expect you didn’t know any different. You know, I bet he never complains about you getting paged, or missing something, or forgetting something. But I bet you, in your own little _darling_ way, let him know when you wish he wouldn’t – ”

“OK. I get it.”

“It’s not just you, Reid. Everyone does the same thing when they fall for someone. And you two had, I mean, you’re making up for a lot of time already spent apart, right?”

Reid nodded, looking down at the table.

“When you fall for someone, you fall for them as a person, an individual. Their interests and sense of humor and experiences and stuff. But you run the risk, especially in those early stages, of losing your individual identities and becoming, you know, an Us. Even Brad and me, we need to take the time to hang out with friends, or do something we like that the other one doesn’t or whatever. He’s got his own plans this weekend too. I think you’d resist that urge to just be _consumed_ , and you have, more or less. You want Luke around, but not because you don’t know who you are without him. You’ve always known you who are, since you were, like, 10. You were the unapologetically gay, super-brilliant, future neurosurgeon.”

Reid leaned back against the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table. “I’m – ”

“Shh. I’m talking. Luke…Luke is a work in progress. And I’ve known him a lot longer than you. He needs to be needed. He will put everyone else first, and he will take the responsibility for everything and everyone around him. If he loses himself in a relationship now, then that’s how he’ll define himself for the rest of his life. He needs to figure out who he is besides Lily and Holden’s son, and Lucinda’s grandson, and _also_ who he is besides Reid Oliver’s boyfriend. So, just because you’re ready to settle down and get married and have babies – ”

Reid shot her a look.

“OK, maybe I took that a little too far. I’m just saying, he’s 18 and in his first real relationship and living away from home for the first time and maybe finally starting to think about himself instead of all the other drama that used to surround him at home. Let him get his first goddamn apartment.”

Reid tilted his head back with a groan. “Now I feel really guilty. Like I’m – I’ve convinced myself that this is OK, because he’s old enough to make the decision to be with me and – ”

“Oh, no, no, no. I’m not saying that you’re…stunting him or something. You have been _marvelous_ for him. Over Christmas, I was just – he’s so different now. So confident and mature, and I really do think that’s because of you. And also, heh, being free of the Oakdale crazy. It’s so funny, because in the past, he would never willingly have done something that he knew would hurt someone. It’s easy to focus on your hurt feelings and freak out that he doesn’t want to live with you, I know, but…the old Luke would have _died_ before doing something for himself, if it meant disappointing or possibly losing someone he loved. I think it actually shows how relatively secure he feels in you and your relationship.”

Reid cleared his throat. “You done now? I can talk?”

Katie lightly pinched his arm, and Reid pulled away.

“OK, so…don’t push. Give him space and time, and let him figure out who he is.”

Katie nodded firmly.

“I think I can do that.”

“I have faith in you, Oliver.”

“How’d you get so good at this?”

“Told you,” Katie said, laughing. “Learned from my mistakes. And now, I think I’m finally getting it right.”

“Seems like it,” Reid said, looking at her with a smile. “Married, bun in the oven.”

Katie laughed cheerily. “I’m so excited. The three of us, a little happy family. It’s going to be amazing.”

**

They had finished the pizza and had moved onto ice cream sundaes. Katie gave Reid all the gossip on Oakdale life, and at the moment, they were discussing what they were going to do during Katie’s visit.

“I can’t believe,” Katie was saying, “you’ve lived here for God knows how long, and thirty take-out menus are still the extent of your knowledge of things to do in Dallas.”

“You’ll have to talk to Luke. He had a whole list of tourist traps.”

“You haven’t done them?”

“We made it to one music thing at Fair Park. We spend most of the time here,” Reid admitted with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Katie rolled her eyes. “Men.”

Before Reid could answer, his cell rang. He leaned forward, hesitated when he read the screen, and finally answered.

“Hello Luke.”

There was a pause before Luke spoke, his voice hesitant and unsure. “Hi. Um, I just wanted to see how you…what was going on.”

Reid glanced up at Katie, who nodded encouragingly back at him.

“Everything’s fine,” Reid said. “We’re just hanging out here right now. Come over.”

Katie kicked Reid’s shin lightly, and Reid grimaced. “If you can,” he clarified. “If you want to.”

“It’s OK?” Luke asked quietly.

“Luke,” Reid repeated, “everything’s fine.”

**

Katie was kind of speechless. To be fair, some of that had to do with the fact that she was stuffed to the brim with pizza and ice cream, and exhausted from the trip and just being pregnant. But the majority of her “what the hell?” feelings were coming from watching Luke and Reid together. When Luke had first arrived, hands stuck in his pockets as he bashfully greeted Katie again, Reid had immediately stood, walked over, and kissed Luke’s cheek lightly. Luke blushed deep red, glancing at Katie and quickly away again.

But Katie had made no secret about how happy she was for the two of them, and Luke had gotten over his embarrassment pretty early on. Now they were curled up on the couch – Luke was leaning into Reid’s shoulder, and Reid actually had his arm around Luke. Reid Oliver, cuddling. Really, the only thing that made sense about the whole scene was Reid occasionally reaching out and stealing pepperoni slices from Luke, who was eating the last of their pizza from earlier. The rest of it – the domesticity, the easy affection, all of it – was just too… _what?_

“How long are you in – ” Luke began.

“How long has this been going on?” Katie interrupted.

Luke bobbed his head in surprise. He looked uncertainly at Reid, who gazed down at Luke. Katie could read the _it’s up to you_ look in Reid’s eyes. She watched as Luke steeled himself and faced Katie again, one of his hands dropping to Reid’s thigh.

“Almost,” he stopped and cleared his throat. “Almost two years. Sort of.”

“Two…” Katie’s voice gave out with a small, sharp breath. Then she quickly shook her head. “I don’t understand. How do you keep something like this a secret for so long? In Oakdale?”

Luke shrugged.

**

Katie yawned, immediately smiling an apology. “Ugh, I’m sorry,” she said. “Who knew getting fat took so much energy?”

Luke shook his head. “Katie, you’re not getting fat!” he said emphatically.

Katie snorted, waving her hand dismissively. “No, I am. That’s OK, though. I forgot you don’t know yet. I’m – ” Katie mimed a large bump over her still-flat belly.

Luke’s mouth dropped open with a gasp of excitement. He looked at Reid and then back at Katie. “Oh my God! Katie, congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”

And then after that, everything moved fairly quickly. Luke declared that Katie should be sure to get a good night’s rest, and Katie made noises about going to find a hotel room. Reid said “absolutely not” and pointed out that the couch was a pull-out, and Luke nearly had an apoplectic fit at the idea of Reid making Katie sleep on something so uncomfortable. So instead, Reid went to change the sheets on the bed and get extra blankets and pillows for him to use in the living room. And then Katie said good night and excused herself, only to immediately press herself against the door so she could listen to Luke and Reid talk. They were quiet, but if Katie strained, she could make out the majority of their words.

“Well…I suppose…good night,” Luke said.

After a long beat, Reid finally spoke. “The pull-out’s big enough for two, you know. If you wanted to stay.”

More silence. “Do you want me to stay?”

Katie rolled her eyes and tried not to groan out loud. How had they survived almost two years together? How?

“Yeah. Yes,” Reid finally admitted.

“OK,” Luke replied, his voice almost entirely too quiet now for Katie to hear. She smiled and stepped away from the door.

**

An hour later, Luke was still awake. He was curled up on his side, his head resting on top of Reid’s shoulder and one arm thrown around Reid’s waist. Reid’s fingers pressed lightly against Luke’s own back, and Luke knew he was awake. He was trying to pretend, Luke could tell, but he knew how Reid breathed when he was asleep. ( _Was that creepy?_ , Luke wondered.)

“Reid?” he whispered unnecessarily. “Are you awake?”

Reid inhaled deeply. “Hmm?”

Luke tapped his fingers twice against Reid’s chest, then drew small patterns with them on Reid’s skin.

“That was nice, don’t you think? Hanging out with Katie like that? I thought it was nice.”

Reid stiffened almost imperceptibly. “Mmm,” was his only response.

“I thought it would be…awful and uncomfortable and embarrassing. But – it was nice.”

“Mmm.”

Luke smiled softly at Reid’s noncommittal reply. He could almost feel Reid forcing himself not to say anything, not to push him towards anything, not to say something like "maybe that’s how it would be if other people knew too". Luke had started to _wonder_ that himself, but he still didn’t want Reid to point it out. And besides, Katie was most definitely not other people.

Three or four minutes passed before Luke spoke again, this time changing the subject.

“Reid, we have to talk about – ”

“Not now,” Reid murmured quickly.

“Reid, we have to.”

“I know. But not now. We need more privacy, and we need to be fully awake, and – ”

“OK,” Luke agreed. “Not now. But soon.”

“Soon.”

Luke pushed himself up and kissed Reid’s chin. “I love you,” he whispered into the dark.

“Mmm,” Reid replied, the tone indicating he was clearly fighting a sarcastic smirk.

Luke laughed at that, dropping his head to hide his smile in Reid’s neck.


	42. Chapter 42

Katie plodded into the living room, wiping sleep from her eyes. She grinned when she saw Luke alone, sprawled out and still asleep on the pull-out couch. Katie paused, listening for a second and nodding when she heard the sound of the shower running. She walked over quickly, bending down to shake Luke awake.

He rolled into his pillow. “Five more minutes, Mom,” he mumbled into the fabric.

Katie burst into laughter, and Luke sat up quickly, startled.

“I’m not your mother,” Katie pointed out needlessly.

Luke rubbed his eye. “What?”

“Nothing. Good morning, sweetie.”

“Morning,” Luke replied. He looked around, confused. “Where’s Reid?”

“Shower. Which means you have to help me with breakfast. Please tell me there’s decaf in this condo.”

“Um,” Luke replied as he rolled off the couch. “I don’t think so.”

Katie followed him into the kitchen, hiding her smile at Luke’s obvious familiarity with and comfort in the room. Intellectually, she had accepted they’d been together a while now, and it was serious. But it was still fun, and a little surprising, to see the proof of that.

Luke opened and closed a couple cupboards futilely in his search for decaf coffee. Finally, he turned to Katie with a disappointed shrug. “Just regular. There’s a Starbucks on the corner; I could run around – ”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous; I’ll survive.”

Luke smiled. “Juice?”

“Juice!”

Luke spun around, opening the fridge and pulling out the carton. “What do you want to eat?” Luke asked. “I bought some fruit, yogurt, and cereal the other day. Reid, I’m sure, has frozen waffles of some kind.”

“Uh, yep. Sounds good.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “What – ”

“All of it.”

“This eating for two excuse is only going to work for so long,” Luke pointed out, laughing.

Katie shrugged, then they were both silent for a few moments as they prepared breakfast side-by-side. Luke glanced at Katie a few times out of the corner of his eye, and Katie tried not to smirk as he worked up the nerve to say whatever he was planning on.

“Katie?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being cool with this. And for whatever you said to Reid yesterday.”

Katie laughed and nodded. She turned towards Luke, placed a hand around his far cheek and pulled him close enough to kiss the near one.

“One, Reid is a brilliant neurosurgeon, but I’m the expert on Oakdale and its citizens. And two, of course I’m cool with it. I’m _thrilled_ with it.”

Luke laughed, embarrassed. “You don’t think it’s…weird?”

Katie shook her head, focusing on her breakfast again. “The age difference, you mean?”

Luke nodded.

“Luke, you’ve lived through more than most 30 year olds. Hell, most 50 year olds. And Reid, God love him, has the emotional maturity of a teenager. You two kind of balance each other out. You complement each other.”

Luke smiled at Katie.

“He’s all brain, you’re all heart. It’s like the Wizard of Oz around here.”

Luke’s smile turned into a teasing frown. “Did you just call me stupid?”

Katie barked a laugh. “No!” She turned toward Luke, leaning back against the counter. “Seriously, though. I’m switching hats, OK? I’m being Reid’s best friend now.”

Luke tilted his head, looking at Katie curiously. She took a deep breath and reached out to hold his hands.

“Please be careful with him,” she finally said, shaking her head in emphasis. “This is the first time he’s ever fallen in love too, and I don’t think you realize how much that means you two can hurt each other without even trying.”

Luke nodded, his expression serious. Katie worried that – despite everything he had seen happen in relationships around him, despite the problems she knew he and Reid must have faced already – her warning for caution still seemed impossibly abstract to him. She pushed that concern down and said the one remaining thing she wanted to make sure Luke heard.

As she lifted her hands to Luke’s cheeks and looked into his eyes, she whispered, “Thank you for making my friend so happy.”

Luke’s irrepressible grin returned, a short laugh accompanying it. He blinked quickly against the sudden moisture in his eyes.

“He makes me happy too,” he replied.

“Why do I feel like I just walked in on an episode of Oprah?”

Both Katie and Luke broke contact, laughing at the interruption. Luke turned, wiping quickly at his eyes, while Katie faced Reid and smacked his arm lightly.

**

While Katie was there, neither Luke nor Reid pushed the issue of Luke's future living arrangements. Instead, the three of them simply hung out at the condo or went out for fun. Although neither would admit it, it was nice to have an excuse to avoid the discussion and a reason not to rock the boat too much. And allowing time for the initial, emotional reactions to fade _should_ have been to their advantage. Unfortunately, a couple days after Katie returned to Oakdale, when the topic finally came up, it was on the worst possible day.

Reid hadn’t been expecting Luke, at least not that early, as they were both busy that evening – Luke had a meeting for his student organization and Reid had just arrived home after a late staff meeting. So, when Luke walked in, talking on his phone, Reid looked up, startled.

Luke nodded at him and held up one finger. “OK, Faith, I have to – what? Faith, I already told you, you know Mom – look, we’ll talk about this later, OK? Love you too.” Luke hung up the phone with a long-suffering sigh. “Hey,” he said to Reid quickly as he walked past him.

“Hey. Family drama?”

Luke was already out of sight, but he shouted back, “When isn’t there?”

A few moments later, Luke appeared again. He leaned against the wall, tilting his head slightly as he watched Reid. He looked extraordinarily tired and stressed. Reid wanted to hug him and do other disgustingly sweet things he’d never admit to.

After a beat, Luke held up a book before stuffing it in his backpack. “Needed my textbook.”

“Ah. What about your meeting?”

“Cancelled.” Luke pushed off the wall and started walking again. “OK, gotta go.”

“What?” Reid twisted around, following Luke with his eyes. “Wait!”

Luke spun, a questioning look on his face. Reid floundered for a bit, suddenly feeling like he shouldn’t ask Luke to stay if he wanted to go. Space and time and all that.

“What’s going on with Faith?” he finally asked.

Luke shrugged. “Puberty. She and my mom are like – ” Luke made a quick gesture of his hands attacking each other, accompanied by a cat-like screech.

“Do you think it has something to do with your dad moving out?”

Luke’s eyes widened. “How did you know about – Katie.”

“Of course.” Reid knew he should have continued to express concern about Faith, maybe ask Luke if he were OK. But he needed to know. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Luke laughed sarcastically. “Because conversations about my parents never end well.” Before Reid could respond to that, Luke forged ahead with forced nonchalance. “Besides it’s not like it’s anything new or unusual. This is what they do. I don’t even really care anymore; I’m just worried about Ethan and the girls. This is the first time they’ve had to go through this without me.”

“How are they doing?”

“Good, I guess. Him being out of the house or the fights and horrible silences with him in the house – six of one, you know.” Luke paused, then added quietly, “I knew it was coming since I was home for Christmas. I could see the signs.”

Reid was silent for a moment. “I don’t know what to say.”

Luke shrugged, looking away. “There’s nothing to say. Like I said, it’s what they do. It’s the Sny – Oakdale way.”

Reid tilted his head and stared at Luke for a moment. Luke looked back, unflinching.

“Good thing we’re not in Oakdale,” Reid observed.

Luke gave him a half-smile. Then he turned around, reaching for the doorknob again.

“Luke,” Reid said quickly. “Why do you feel like you can’t tell me things?” Luke’s back stiffened, and Reid forced himself to continue. “Your parents, the apartment – ”

“That’s what this is about,” Luke muttered.

“No, I – ”

Luke faced Reid again. He looked like he was at a loss for words, and then he shook his head. “I can’t talk about this right now. I have to study.”

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“So study here.”

Luke scoffed. “Yeah. Because that’s worked so well in the past.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luke lifted a hand and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “It means…I’m tired, and I should go – ”

“Luke.”

“It means I stay here, five minutes in you’re distracting me, we’ll probably have sex and I won’t get any work done, and then I’ll fail another exam.”

Reid shook his head. “Another?” he asked.

Luke sighed, falling back against the door. “We got the intro to finance midterms back today. I got a C,” he admitted.

“A C is not failing,” Reid pointed out.

Luke gestured wildly. “It was worth 40 percent of my grade! I told you I had to study and you wouldn’t – not all of us are genius neurosurgeons with photographic memories, OK? I don’t get good grades because I’m smart; I get good grades because I work hard.”

“You’re very smart,” Reid objected.

Luke exhaled, shaking his head. When he spoke again, his voice was flat and resigned. “Claire says that with an interdisciplinary major, people are going to be a lot more curious about the actual classes you took and the grades you got. It’s not like a regular major where there’s a fairly standard curriculum and assessments. And this is business math, Reid. You think anyone’s going to hire someone who can’t pass the basics?”

Reid finally stood up and took a few steps closer. “OK, I know you’re worried, but trust me on this. You can come back from a midterm grade your freshman year of college.”

Luke tilted his head back, blinking rapidly. “I haven’t got a C,” he said quietly, “since – since high school when…when my mom was hurt.”

Reid reached out, placing one hand on Luke’s arm. “That’s – Luke, you were worried about her and – ”

“That wasn’t why, though. It was because of…I was totally obsessed with…”

“Me,” Reid finally realized.

Luke looked forward again and met Reid’s eyes. He was breathing heavily, and he had a slight trapped-wild-animal expression on his face. “I think I’m addicted to you,” he whispered.


	43. Chapter 43

Reid immediately stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Luke and pulling him into a hug. He fought an admittedly inappropriate snicker, not wanting to further upset Luke. Luke went into the embrace easily, almost mechanically. He lifted his own arms around Reid’s shoulders and buried his face in Reid’s neck.

“You’re not,” Reid said firmly, and something resembling a muffled sob escaped Luke.

“You don’t understand,” Luke argued, barely intelligible. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

“Tell me,” Reid murmured.

“I – I can’t stop thinking about you. I feel like I can’t get enough of you. I just abandoned my siblings, and I still…I’d still rather be here with you.” As Luke talked, his voice grew faster and higher-pitched, catching with emotion every few sentences. “I’m not getting any sleep, and obviously my grades could be better, and I’m always blowing off my friends to come here instead and I’m – I’m scared, Reid.”

“Of what?”

“Of…we feel, especially when we’re _together_ , everything just feels so intense. And every relationship I know that’s as – as passionate as ours just crashes and burns all the time. I’m scared of what will happen or what I’ll do if we – ”

“Shhh,” Reid said quietly. “Shh shh shh.”

After a pause, Luke shook his head. “I know what addiction feels like, Reid,” he said, his voice almost creepily calm now. “What would _you_ call that?”

Reid pulled back for a moment. He slid his hand along Luke’s neck and ran his thumb up over Luke’s jaw. He smiled, leaned in for a quick and comforting kiss, and then hugged Luke fully again.

“Love.” After a pause, he added, “And infatuation.”

“Don’t do that,” Luke said, suddenly angry. He tried to push Reid away, but Reid planted his feet and refused to move. “Don’t act like I’m just some stupid kid with a crush. I – ”

“No, no,” Reid said quickly. He backed away then, grabbing Luke’s hand and pulling him over to sit on the couch. He looked at Luke for a moment, waiting for him to calm down a little. Then he lifted his hands to wipe at Luke’s damp cheekbones before saying, “It’s me too. It’s both of us.”

“What do you mean?” Luke asked quietly.

“I mean I – look, I’m always trying to get you to stay here even when you need or want to leave, right? I want you around me all the time. And if I’m being completely honest, it’s affecting me too. I haven’t sent any publications in for review in…far too long. I never stay late at work anymore, if I don’t have to. I _daydream_ , Luke.”

Reid glanced up and became confused at Luke’s dismayed expression.

“Reid, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to cause you any problems at work,” Luke said gravely.

Reid stared at Luke for a second and then couldn’t stop his laughter. Luke blinked.

“It’s OK,” Reid assured him. “I could stand to be a little less…all I’m saying is, it’s not just you. You’re better at it than me, even. Remember last fall, you were the one who knew when we needed a, um, time-out, I guess. And you can stay away when you need to. You have no problem prioritizing during exams and stuff.”

“By cutting off from you cold turkey,” Luke pointed out. “Don’t you think that’s weird? That it’s all or nothing with us?”

“No. Maybe a little.”

Luke sighed. “Other couples don’t have to put _everything_ on hold periodically just to take care of other responsibilities.”

“We’re not other couples,” Reid declared. “We’re us. We’ll just find our own way of making things work.”

“Like what?” Luke asked forlornly.

“Like we maybe…make a conscious effort to even things out more. We’ve been all crazy about each other for a while now, and maybe it’s time to go back to our regular lives. We have to learn to be a little more independent and maybe take some more alone time.”

Luke tilted his head. “Like a separation?”

“No, not really.”

“It sounds like you’re breaking up with me,” Luke said, sounding panicky. “This is what people always…”

Reid shook his head and leaned forward to place his hands on both of Luke’s cheeks. “We’re not in Oakdale, remember? I’m not breaking up with you; I’m saying we have to remember who we are as individuals.”

“What does that mean, though?”

Reid sighed. He looked down at his lap and then back up at Luke. “Well, for one thing, it means you can borrow my car to haul things, but I’m not helping you or Sean carry anything. Gotta protect the hands.”

Luke blinked. “Reid,” he began.

Reid shook his head. “I’m…disappointed,” he admitted. “I’m not trying to guilt you or anything, but I can’t pretend I’m not. But it’s for the best.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered.

“Don’t be.” Reid was silent for a moment. “I think, more than anything, I was upset that you didn’t talk to me about it at all. You always used to tell me everything and – ”

“Things feel so different now,” Luke admitted after a pause. “More real, somehow, especially compared to when we just would talk on the phone and stuff before. And I don’t want to…hurt you, or for you to think that I don’t – ”

“Love me?”

“Yeah,” Luke breathed.

“I don’t doubt it for a second. And I’m not going to stop loving you, OK? Even if I’m disappointed, I’m not going to…I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid. Not very Oakdale-like behavior, I know, but it’s the truth.”

Luke exhaled in shaky relief. “Can I be totally honest?”

“Of course.”

“The apartment thing, it’s not just because I was feeling scared. I just – I thought it’d be fun too.”

Reid was silent for a moment, then he nodded. “Sure. I mean, I hated living with roommates, but I can see where you’d like it.”

Luke smiled broadly, turning away as he shook his head at Reid.

“I’ve been a horrible hypocrite,” Reid admitted. “As soon as you got here, I just got so enamored with the idea of being around you all the time that I forgot how important it was that you, you know, do all that college stuff. I’m sorry if I’ve been making you feel like you had to choose.”

Luke pressed his lips together and swallowed. He moved quickly then, lifting his arms and wrapping them around Reid’s neck again. Reid fought a grin as his own hand found its way to Luke’s lower back.

“I guess I better get that experience now,” Luke murmured.

“Hmm?”

Luke shook his head slowly. “When I do move in with you, Reid, I’m not planning on ever moving out.”

Reid gave him a quick smile. “I’m holding you to that.”

Luke closed the distance then, pulling Reid into a fast, hard kiss. It quickly turned passionate and Luke pushed Reid backwards onto the couch. As his hand moved down and began to rub insistently at the bulge in Reid’s jeans, Reid broke the kiss with a laugh.

“What are you doing?” he asked breathlessly.

“What does it look like?” Luke muttered, working at Reid’s belt even as he continued to kiss him with short, little pecks. “’s OK, though. I don’t _need_ this. I just want it. Really bad.”

Reid groaned and pushed Luke up until they were both sitting again. “Unfortunately, there’s something you do need to do.”

Luke shook his head quickly. “I don’t really have to study _right now_. I just said that because I didn’t want to talk.”

“Yeah, I figured that out because you suck at lying,” Reid said, laughing. “I meant you need to sleep. You’re absolutely exhausted, in case you didn’t realize.”

Luke pouted. Reid sighed long-sufferingly.

“I’ll bring my work into the bedroom and stay with you.”

Luke grinned mischievously.

“But you’ll keep your hands to yourself,” Reid ordered sternly.

“Of course.”

“Wow, you suck at lying,” Reid repeated as he stood.

Luke couldn't stop his laughter as Reid grabbed his hand, pulled him to his feet and guided him to the bedroom.

**

Reid, feeling pleasantly relaxed after his mind-blowing orgasm, was having a hard time concentrating. His body wanted him to rest, and his heart wanted him to curl up next to Luke and just hold him as he slept. But, in his mind, he saw this as something of a test, a way to prove to himself that he could do both – be with Luke and take care of other things at the same time. And so he needed to finish these surgical reports.

Reid sighed, rubbed his face briskly, pinched the bridge of his nose, and shook his head quickly. He could do this.

And then Luke shifted in his sleep, softly mumbling something unintelligible. Reid watched him for several seconds. The lines of stress and exhaustion on Luke’s face had faded, at least momentarily, which Reid was happy to see. Reid’s eyes then traveled downward, along Luke’s chest and stomach, until Luke’s smooth skin and developed muscles and the barely-visible line of hair disappeared underneath the sheet resting low across his waist. Reid could see the bump there, could remember how Luke tasted some thirty, forty minutes earlier, how he filled Reid’s mouth and –

Reid shook his head, making a soft noise of frustrated anger at himself. He straightened the papers in his hand and began to read again, making notes in the margins with renewed determination.

**

Reid was relieved when he finally finished his work. He quickly tossed the papers onto the bedside table and slid down a bit. Just as he stretched out alongside Luke and wrapped his arm around him, Luke stirred and woke up. Reid tried not to whimper.

Luke made a small noise as he turned toward Reid. He nuzzled Reid’s neck and slid his thigh in between Reid’s legs. He was sleepy and warm and just melted into Reid.

“Mmm, hi,” he moaned.

Reid lifted a hand and ran it through Luke’s hair. “Sleep well?”

Luke hummed affirmatively. After a moment, he added, “I hate you sometimes.”

“What?” Reid asked, laughing at the unexpected comment.

“You just…always know the right thing to say and how to fix things when I’m being neurotic. It’s very frustrating. Just once I wanna talk you off the ledge.”

Reid laughed louder then. “Good. I have you fooled then.”

“I’m being serious,” Luke grumbled.

“So am I! I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m figuring things out here too, just like you.”

“Well, you’re doing it a lot better than I am.”

Reid shook his head. “No. And come on, most of the time, you're the one who's first to really open up and face the issue head-on. I think the only real difference is there are some things I can look at from another perspective, just because I’ve been there and I’m removed from it now. But there are some things that I’m totally out of my depth with.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“Trust me. Katie had to explain things to me, so...”

Luke finally opened his eyes, and they stared silently at each other for a moment. Reid gave Luke a small smile.

“Really?” Luke finally asked.

“It’s not just you,” Reid confirmed, in an echo of his earlier statements.

Luke smiled softly, then inhaled. He propped himself up to look at the clock even as he pointlessly asked what time it was. After he read the clock, he flopped back down onto the bed.

“I suppose I should go back to the dorms.”

They stared at each other again.

“Stay tonight,” Reid finally said. “We can start this ‘being more independent’ thing tomorrow.”

“Twist my arm,” Luke agreed, his eyes already drifting shut again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. This story has such drastic mood swings. I blame it on the teenage hormones. It can't possibly be bad writing. *shifty eyes*


	44. Chapter 44

In the beginning, it was surprisingly easy to take a step back from each other and focus on other aspects of their lives. It didn’t hurt, of course, that Reid had years of experience of living just for himself. On top of that, Reid’s work got insane, and Luke was apparently dealing with his siblings or parents or grandmothers on the phone just about every day, in addition to his school stuff. It wasn’t until things calmed down (relatively speaking) that they had to actually test their resolve. Reid’s mantra became _space and time, space and time_. And on Mondays, when Luke was leaving for the week, their make-out sessions were becoming marginally shorter and beginning to feel less like painful goodbyes before long separations.

The morning after Luke’s freak-out, they had made a plan. Their first strategy was to see each other on the weekends only, and stick with text messages and e-mails during the week. Over time, they could add phone calls and then mid-week visits as well, as they learned how to balance things better.

They discovered the first weekend that, if nothing else, the sex after so many days apart was fantastic. Reid (naked and two feet from the door, which was all the farther they got) declared that absence really did make the heart grow fonder. Luke mumbled that he apparently meant cock, not heart.

Monday of the second week, Reid had to put his money where his mouth was, as far as expanding their personal lives beyond just each other. He had been eating lunch at his usual corner table, and he _thought_ he had been sending out the same unapproachable vibes he always did. Until Dan Baker sat down across from him. “Mind if I join you?” he had said, obviously not waiting for an answer. Reid simply stared in confusion as Baker proceeded to have an entirely one-sided conversation about various goings-on at the hospital. Reid was scared to ponder the possibility that he now had a sort-of-friend at work.

By the end of the third week, some pretty good changes were taking effect. Luke was a lot more relaxed (Reid suspected, he argued with a smirk, that it mostly had to do with the darn-near-acrobatic sex). His business professor walked him through the stuff he had bombed, until Luke understood it thoroughly. His social org group had elections for the following year, and Luke was the new community relations and publicity officer. And Sean and Luke had found a pick-up basketball team on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Reid would have preferred that Luke slowed down and paced himself more, but at least he was focusing on things that were important to him and he was benefiting from new experiences.

Reid, meanwhile, had finally finished one paper and submitted it for publication and was working on two more. He performed five successful surgeries in the previous eight days. Unfortunately, though, various people had apparently mistaken his lunches with Baker as an indication it was OK to spew pleasantries at him in the hall. Reid was pretty sure he killed that with his intense glare and a few well-placed comments. Pretending to care when Baker blithered on was one thing – it was important for Luke’s health and medical care not to piss off his doctor. But Reid wasn’t about to put up with everybody acting like he suddenly cared about their inane chitchat.

So, all in all, quite successful. Their infrequent contact even became easier to handle over time. The first real problem came right before Luke was about to start finals. He wasn’t totally stressed out, because he only had one actual exam. Every other class only required papers, and he was mostly finished with them already. So, the Sunday night before finals week, Luke felt totally comfortable about going over for dinner to celebrate the end of the semester.

He became a little less comfortable when he saw a suitcase sitting on the floor.

“Are you going somewhere?” he called out as he placed his backpack on the ground next to it. He tried with everything he had not to sound too clingy when he asked the question.

“Patient consult,” Reid said, startling Luke as he walked from the hall back into the kitchen.

“Oh,” Luke said, following him into the other room. He sniffed quickly. “Spaghetti?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You’re such a gourmet,” Luke teased.

“At least it’s homemade,” Reid pointed out.

Luke smiled as he plastered himself against Reid’s back and gave him a hug. Reid’s left hand – he continued to stir the sauce with his right – came down and rested on top of Luke’s arms.

“When you leaving?” Luke asked.

“Flight out’s tomorrow night.”

“Where?”

“Boston.”

“I hope the patient doesn’t have a 16-year-old son. You might trade me in for a newer model.”

Reid laughed sarcastically as he turned and kissed Luke. He turned again, shooing Luke back a few steps so he could open the oven and pull out the foil-wrapped garlic bread. Luke walked a few steps away and pulled himself up onto the counter. He swung his legs a little as he reached into the salad bowl for a piece of tomato.

“So, Boston, huh? That could be fun. Going back to all your old stomping grounds.”

Reid glanced up and gave Luke an unreadable look, then returned to preparing dinner. “Maybe. I won’t have much time for fun. I’ll be working most of the time.”

“Oh.”

Reid looked up again. They stared at each other for a moment. Luke almost held his breath, but he didn’t really want to be obvious about it. This was Reid’s job. Luke himself had finals ( _just the one tomorrow morning. He could email his papers…_ ). Reid would only be gone a couple days, probably, and this certainly didn’t fit with their “living independent lives” resolution. And who would pay for his travel expenses anyway?

And then Reid handed him a plate wordlessly, and Luke hopped down from the counter. He turned quickly to start filling it, not wanting Reid to see the disappointment on his face.

“How long are you going to be gone?” he asked, forcing his voice to be upbeat, simply curious.

Reid shrugged as he filled his own plate. “If it turns out surgery is required, I’ll probably do it and then stay for the immediate recovery. So, at least a week and a half, two weeks.”

“Oh,” Luke repeated, suddenly feeling a lot more upset.

Reid paused for a long time. Finally, he said, “Yeah, so…anyway, you won’t notice I’m gone. You and your friends will celebrate the end of the year, and then you gotta pack up and – ”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed quickly. “Time will just fly.”

The dinner did not go well. Luke was pretty sure he would have preferred absolute silence to the stilted conversation they forced themselves through. And the food itself tasted pretty odd to him, considering he was fighting so many emotions as he tried to swallow each bite.

Reid himself only had one helping.

**

Two hours after Luke left to return to the dorms, Reid was still awake. He was lying in the center of the bed, staring through the dark at the ceiling. The difficult part of this space-and-time plan was Luke wore his heart completely on his sleeve, and it was hard to stay committed to their agreement when he was watching the hope and disappointment warring on Luke’s face (alongside the futile attempt to appear unaffected). Reid knew what Luke was hinting at immediately. Hell, he’d be lying if he said the idea hadn’t occurred to him as well.

But it absolutely was not “living their own lives.”

So, at most, it was two weeks apart. They certainly could handle that. And Luke had much more important things to be focusing on – moving into his apartment, and of course his exam and term papers. Not to mention, he knew Luke wouldn’t feel comfortable with Reid paying for a last-minute plane ticket and other expenses.

But he really wanted Luke to come with him. He wanted Luke to be there when he finished at the hospital each day. He wanted to bring Luke to Harvard Square to play chess and watch him get more and more frustrated with every loss. He wanted to cheer him up and tell him he did other things a lot better than he played chess. He wanted to hold his hand as they walked through the campus and Reid pointed out buildings he had spent hours in when he was a college student. He wanted to show Luke his childhood home (his parents spent half the year in Arizona now, thank God, because he didn’t want to deal with them at all).

Reid sighed and turned his head to look at the clock. He needed to sleep; he had a ton of things to do the next day before he left. He hoped Luke was at least sleeping, because Reid didn’t want him to do poorly on his exam.

It would be two weeks. Two weeks, if nothing went wrong. From May –

“Shit,” Reid said soundlessly. He lifted his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes.

Luke’s birthday.

Before Reid could stop himself, he grabbed his phone and dialed Luke’s number.

**

Despite the hour, Luke was not asleep when his phone buzzed. Sean was, though, and Luke quickly grabbed his phone, pressing it against the mattress to muffle the sound. Sean grumbled in his sleep, turning away from Luke. When he showed no further sign of waking, Luke sighed in relief, glanced at his phone, and immediately tensed again when he read Reid’s name on the screen.

Dinner had been so uncomfortable, and Luke really didn’t think he could handle another conversation like that. But he also knew that he’d spend the rest of the night thinking about everything and he’d fail his exam. Luke sighed, then brought the phone to his ear as he answered it.

“Hold on,” he whispered.

He slipped out of bed and snuck out of the dorm room. The hall was completely empty and Luke only stepped a few feet away before he slid down the wall and sat on the floor. He probably should have grabbed a blanket or something, because he was absolutely freezing in just his t-shirt and boxers.

“Luke?” Reid’s tinny voice traveled up to him, and Luke brought the phone up to his ear again.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“I am really sorry for calling you so late.”

“I was awake,” Luke reassured him.

“Oh.” They were both silent for a long time, and then Reid took a breath and continued, “So, I was thinking, um…”

Luke felt his heart rate increase. He knew, he _knew_ , that if Reid asked him what he was pretty sure he was going to ask him, that he _should_ say no.

“I haven’t got you a birthday present yet, so how about I buy you a plane ticket?”

Luke laughed shortly. He bent his head down and watched his finger as he scratched at his knee. “How come you always remember my birthday when you can’t remember your own?”

“Your birthday is a very important date for me. And for us,” Reid reminded him suggestively.

Luke smiled and shook his head. “Reid,” he began. “We shouldn’t. You’ve got to concentrate on your work, and there’s the whole independent lives thing, don’t forget.”

“Yeah. And you’ve got finals and moving in and whatnot,” Reid added, resigned.

“Just the one,” Luke said softly, against his better judgment. “I probably can e-mail my papers. And we can’t actually move until the first of June anyway.”

Another long silence, as they both waited to see who’d be the first to actually break. Luke listened to Reid breathe, feeling nervous. After another few seconds, Luke inhaled and prepared to talk.

“So come with me,” Reid said first.

“It’s a lot of money,” Luke protested weakly. “And I don’t want to distract you or anything.”

“Come with me,” Reid repeated firmly. “I think we’ve earned a little reward.”

“OK.”


	45. Chapter 45

“This is fun,” Luke announced.

Reid glanced over and gave him a small, quick smile before returning to the surgical protocol he was reading in preparation for the consult. Luke bounced his legs a couple times as he looked around the cabin.

“I don’t even remember the last time I flew commercial.”

Reid snorted.

“Yes, yes. Richie Rich,” Luke said before Reid could.

Reid didn’t reply. He merely slid one hand over to cover Luke’s.

**

Back when he booked the room Reid decided that, if he had to stay in a hotel, he was going to stay in a _nice_ hotel. In a suite. Luke didn’t even seem to notice the above-average accommodations, which made Reid wonder what kind of hotel rooms Luke was used to staying in. He didn’t wonder that for long, though, because Luke was moving around the room. Luke put his suitcase down and walked next to the bed, bending slightly to test the firmness of the mattress. That gave Reid _ideas_.

“Think I need a shower. To wash off the grime of the airport.”

“OK,” Luke said casually.

“Think you need a shower too.”

Luke turned to him, his giant grin forming on his face.

**

The following morning, they were up well before the alarm, taking advantage of being alone with each other. Reid was propped on an elbow and leaning down to make out with Luke. They kissed slowly, deeply, hands moving over each other’s skin. Reid couldn’t remember how long it had been since they spent this much consecutive time together. He loved it.

“Love you,” he murmured.

Luke moaned in response.

Reid broke the kiss then, pulling back just far enough so he could tilt his head and rest his forehead against Luke’s.

“I should get ready.”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed, one hand gripping Reid’s upper arm and preventing him from actually backing away.

“Should only be a couple hours.”

“Yeah.”

“Then we can explore Boston.”

“Yeah.”

“Or…we’ll have days here and can do that later. Maybe we should just hang around here for one night.”

Luke nodded. “Yeah.”

Reid leaned down and kissed him again.

**

The second full day they were there, Luke managed to get out of bed after Reid left. He worked on his lit paper all day and had just sent it as an attachment to Claire. With a relieved sigh, he walked over to the couch and turned on the TV.

That was when Reid came back to the room.

“Hey!” Luke said, turning off the TV again.

“Get your paper done?”

“Just now.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

“Where we going?”

“Cambridge.”

Reid gave Luke a slightly rambling tour of the Harvard campus and was thoroughly amused by Luke’s awed reaction to the old buildings and grounds. They wandered hand-in-hand aimlessly, and Reid told Luke stories from his undergrad days. Things he hadn’t thought about in years, things he had never told anyone. He pointed out the tree he had been standing under when he had his first kiss with Will Garrison. He nodded at the library where he ended up losing his virginity one night as he and Tony Parker were supposed to be studying for a midterm. He told stories about how he used to argue with his professors who just couldn’t accept they were wrong and Reid was right. And he told Luke about the rush he felt when he was a new med student, going on rounds with the others in his year for the first time.

They eventually ended up in Harvard Square, and Reid led Luke over to one of the small tables.

“Chess?” he asked casually.

“Oh God,” Luke said. “We both know I’m just going to lose.”

“Maybe not this time.”

But he did, of course. Partly because Reid was better at the game, but mostly because Luke was too enthralled with Reid’s tales of coming here as a child, and the elderly men he befriended, and the loss of some of his childhood as a result of his skill.

“I still feel like there’s so much I don’t know about you,” Luke said softly.

Reid shrugged. He looked up at Luke then, and the expression in his eyes told Luke he knew all he needed to. Luke glanced down at the table then, smiling softly.

“Let’s make our next game more interesting,” he said, the tone of his voice indicating the change in his mood.

“What’d you have in mind?” Reid teased.

“Back to the hotel,” Luke ordered. “Strip chess.”

Reid laughed.

**

Two days later, Luke was finishing his second and last term paper when his cell rang.

“Hello?” he answered, not bothering to read the screen.

“Hi baby.”

“Mom!”

“Are you enjoying your last day as an 18-year-old?”

Luke laughed. “I’m writing a term paper. It may be my best birthday _ever_.”

“Well, I have a surprise for you that might cheer you up.”

“What?”

“Your grandmother and the kids and I are all packed up. We’re going to fly out tomorrow to come visit you for the weekend.”

Luke jumped to his feet and he looked around the hotel room in shock.

“Wh – what?!”

“Surprise!”

“Uh, uh, um. No, Mom! I can’t. I – have finals.”

“I thought this paper was the last thing you had to do.”

“It…is. But I – I mean, school-wise, it is, but I have other things to take care of. Meetings and stuff,” Luke lied, covering his eyes with his hand. “It’s just really not a good time.”

“Oh,” Lily said, disappointed. “OK.”

“Besides!” Luke continued. “You should wait until it’s officially summer, and I’m moved into the apartment and you can see it.”

“Well, if that’s what you prefer.”

“Please. Thank you, Mom.”

Luke got her off the phone shortly thereafter, then collapsed back onto the hotel bed with a relieved sigh. He decided not to tell Reid about the scare.

**

“Good morning,” Reid murmured as he kissed Luke awake.

Eyes still closed, Luke smiled and raised his arms to wrap them around Reid’s neck. “Hi.”

Reid touched his thumb to Luke’s chin before bending down to kiss him again.

“I feel old,” Luke groaned in complaint. “I’m sore all over.”

“I think that’s from last night,” Reid pointed out with a grin.

Luke laughed, but his good mood quickly faded as Reid stopped kissing him and pulled away. He finally opened his eyes and noticed his boyfriend was fully dressed. Luke propped himself up on his elbows and watched Reid move around the room.

“Off to the hospital?”

“Yeah. Everything looks good so far, so we’ll do the pre-op stuff today, and the operation tomorrow. Then another week or so here, and we can go home.”

“’Kay.”

Reid walked over to him again. He gazed down at Luke as he cupped his cheek. Before he could say anything, though, there was a knock on the door.

“Ah, good!”

Reid disappeared then, and Luke could hear him talking with the person at the door. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see anything. But he figured it out moments later when Reid returned to him carrying a room service tray.

“Happy birthday,” Reid said. “Breakfast in bed.”

Luke sat up quickly. He took the tray but immediately put it on the bed next to him. Then he surged forward and held Reid still as he kissed him enthusiastically.

“I love you so much,” he mumbled against Reid’s lips.

**

“Are you sure they’re gone?”

“Yes. I even bit the bullet to call them and make sure.”

“I feel like we’re breaking in.”

Reid laughed. “They asked me to stop by and check on the place.”

“I know, it’s just – ”

Luke didn’t finish as Reid unlocked the door and led him inside the small brick house. Luke looked around curiously, trying to imagine Reid as a kid (Luke had never actually seen pictures, so in his head, he just looked like he always did, only shorter) growing up in this house. It was hard to picture, though. Luke tried to convince himself that the place seemed cold and empty and _distant_ somehow only because its owners had been absent for months. But considering some of the things Reid had hinted at about his childhood, and some of Reid’s more _charming_ personality traits, and some of the things he read in the private investigator’s file his grandmother had ordered, Luke had a sneaking suspicion that it was always like this.

“Give me the tour,” Luke requested. “Please.”

So Reid did, ending somewhat predictably with his old bedroom. It was entirely redecorated now, with no remaining traces of the boy who had lived there. Reid described what it had looked like, though, and Luke could picture it clearly. And then Reid stopped talking and simply stared into the room for a moment. Before the silence could grow uncomfortable, Luke turned to him with a grin. He reached down to grab his hand and pull him into the room.

“What did you use to dream about up here?”

“Moving out,” Reid replied honestly.

“Reid.”

“What?”

“I meant, you know, boys. Did you ever have anyone up here?”

Reid snorted. “No.”

“But you must have imagined what it’d be like.”

Reid finally smiled, getting into Luke’s little game. “Sometimes,” he admitted.

Luke smirked, then pulled Reid against him with a quick movement. They were both already growing hard, and Reid exhaled sharply. Luke slid his hands up and over Reid’s shoulders, staring steadily in his eyes.

“I’m gonna make all your dreams come true,” he whispered.

Reid moaned, accepting the kiss and giving back with equal passion for several moments. And then he pulled back.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?” Luke asked, sitting down on the bed and pulling Reid down on top of him.

“Too much clean-up,” Reid argued weakly, grinding his hips in small circles and feeling Luke respond. “No protection.”

Luke reached down and began to unbuckle Reid’s belt. “So, we’ll do laundry. And I think handjobs are sufficiently high-school enough to fit with the fantasy.”

Reid groaned as Luke’s hand slipped into his now-open fly.

**

Luke was staring at pictures above the fireplace in the living room when Reid came back from checking on the dryer. Reid pushed his sleeves up to his elbows, and then he stepped closer until he was hugging Luke from behind.

“That you?” Luke asked, nodding at a framed photo.

“Mmm.”

“You were adorable.”

“Shut up.”

Luke laughed. After a moment, he quietly added, “Is that your sister?”

Reid nodded.

“You were really young, weren’t you? Do you remember her much?”

Reid shrugged, and then he froze. “Wait. How do you know about that? I don’t remember telling you about her.”

Luke’s eyes shifted quickly side-to-side. And then he decided to just tell the truth. “I may have read it…somewhere.”

“Where?”

“A…private investigator’s report.”

Reid didn’t answer for a while. Then he said, “Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

Reid nodded. “Most of it’s faded, but I remember…flashes. Little moments. I remember the sadness more than anything.”

“Is she why you became a doctor?”

“I’m sure it’s part of it. But I don’t want to be psychoanalyzed.”

Luke took a deep breath. “I can’t imagine.”

More silence, and then Luke tried to change the subject. He nodded at another framed photo. “Your parents?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You look like your dad.”

“Better than looking like the milkman.”

“Oh, shut up. You know what I mean.”

Reid didn’t say anything, but Luke could feel him smirking. Luke lifted a hand and angled it behind him so he could bury it into Reid’s hair.

“I’m just glad he has a full head of hair.”

“Ha ha. Ha.”

Luke smiled. “What are they like?”

Reid pulled away. “I don’t really want to talk about my family.”

Luke turned quickly, watching Reid for a moment.

“Reid?”

“Let’s clean up and get out of here,” he replied, walking out of the living room.


	46. Chapter 46

“What are you going to do today?” Reid asked as he pulled on his shoes.

“There’s still some tourist things I want to go to,” Luke replied. The fact that he was still lounging on the bed, making no effort to even start getting cleaned up, suggested that those activities wouldn’t be accomplished until much later in the day.

“Seriously? I would have thought you’d done everything possible now.”

“This is a big city, Reid. With a fascinating history. I’ve been able to fill my days since I finished my school stuff.”

“Well, good,” Reid said. “I’m glad you weren’t bored.”

Luke smiled. “Even if I was, the nonstop sex-a-thon when you were here definitely made the trip worth it.”

Reid winked at him, then stood up and prepared to leave. “This should be the last day. If all goes well, I’ll book us return flights home for tomorrow.”

Luke’s smile fell. “Really? Tomorrow?”

“Back to the real world, I’m afraid.”

Luke shrugged. “I just would have thought one more day. Do you really want to spend all day tomorrow in airports?”

“Why not? What’s special about tomorrow?”

Luke flinched. After a moment, he climbed out of bed. “Nothing, I guess,” he said as he walked into the bathroom.

**

By the time Reid returned to the hotel later that afternoon, Luke had already packed both their suitcases and was then simply sitting on the bed and watching TV.

“Hey,” he said, not looking over at Reid. “Everything go OK?”

“Of course.”

Luke smiled lightly, almost against his will. “It’s you, after all,” he murmured.

Reid sat on the bed next to him, sighing as he relaxed. After a moment, he glanced at Luke. Then he reached inside his coat pocket and handed him a sheet of paper.

“Here.”

“What’s this?” Luke asked, looking down at it.

“Flight itinerary.”

“For…the day after tomorrow,” Luke said softly. He faced Reid, his broad smile appearing.

“Now will you _please_ tell me why it was so important to you?”

“Oh my God, Reid,” Luke said, laughing as he shook his head and stared at the ceiling. “It’s our anniversary.”

“Huh?”

Luke turned towards him, pushing him to the mattress as he wrapped an arm and leg over Reid’s body. His next sentence was said in a low voice and interrupted by several small kisses. “Two years ago tomorrow, you _made me a man_.”

Reid laughed at the way he put it. “Ah. Yes. I remember it vividly.”

“Just not the date, apparently.”

Reid shook his head. “If you expect me to remember every single milestone in our relationship, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.”

“’s OK,” Luke said, rolling fully on top of Reid and beginning to rock his hips slowly. “I’ll remember for the both of us.”

Reid sighed. He dragged one hand up Luke’s back, pulling his shirt up with it. He slid his hand back down, feeling Luke’s warm skin beneath his palm. Luke bit Reid’s lower lip, and Reid hissed, feeling himself grow suddenly, achingly hard.

“How do you want to celebrate?” Reid groaned.

Luke pulled back slightly. He stared down at Reid with a seductive smile. He thrust once, forcefully, against Reid, and both men moaned at the sensation. “I figured we’d just spend all day in bed, talking and making love.”

“You’re such a cheap date,” Reid said, sitting up quickly and meeting Luke in a kiss.

Luke laughed. “And easy.”

**

They did exactly that, and by the next evening, they were almost completely spent. Luke stared at Reid’s body stretched out on the mattress in front of him. He was buried inside Reid, sitting on his knees with Reid’s ass in his lap. With the angle and Reid’s weight, Luke could barely move at all. Instead, Reid writhed on top of him, tightening repeatedly around Luke as their hands tangled while they jerked Reid off together. With a moan, Reid finally came, and the sensation around Luke’s cock was almost overwhelming. He fell to the side slightly, transferring his own weight to his hand against the mattress. He breathed heavily, trying to hang on and last.

And when Reid began to relax, Luke found renewed control. He hooked Reid’s knees over his shoulders and lifted Reid’s lower body off the bed as he raised himself to his knees. Luke’s fingers dug into Reid’s hips as he tried to support his weight and balance him. He thrust hard, fast, driving into Reid and drawing out sharp groans from him.

It didn’t take long, and Luke practically yelled as he spilled his release. Two more weak thrusts, and then Reid’s legs fell off Luke’s shoulders, and Luke collapsed on top of him. Reid, breathing heavily, lifted one arm and lazily wrapped it around Luke.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, please,” Reid said, pausing to swallow. “But you’ve learned a lot in two years.”

Luke’s entire body shook with exhausted laughter, and Reid’s breath hitched as Luke moved inside him as a result. Luke flicked his tongue out, pressing it against Reid’s nipple.

“Had a good teacher.”

After a few moments of peaceful silence, Luke backed away just long and far enough to pull out of Reid and take care of the condom. Then he took his place on top of Reid again, sighing as he fought sleep.

“Back to Texas tomorrow,” Reid murmured.

“Mmm.”

“And our weekend visits only.”

Luke opened his eyes and stared blankly ahead. “Living independent lives,” he added, somewhat tonelessly.

**

“Oh God,” Luke said, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “I can’t move.”

“I think I’m going to die.”

“That was – ”

“Holy fuck.”

Sara snorted. “It was a queen-sized bed that you carried inside. A little perspective.”

Sean propped himself up on his elbows and stared at his girlfriend. “Yeah. After a dozen boxes and three other pieces of furniture.”

“And by carried inside, you mean up two flights of stairs,” Luke added from where he was still sprawled on the floor.

“In 100-degree weather.”

“Whine, whine, whine.”

Sean moved quickly, tackling Sara and falling to the ground in a heap on top of Luke. Luke _oofed_.

“I didn’t sign up for an orgy,” came a dryly amused voice. “But I could be talked into it.”

Luke contorted, bending his head back as far as he could to stare up at the man standing in the doorway. A smile sprung to his face.

“Hi! What are you doing here?”

“Came to see the place,” Reid replied, stepping farther into the apartment. “Actually to get my car, but whatever.”

Luke pushed the other two off him and jumped to his feet, finding hidden stores of energy. He bounded over to Reid and kissed him hello.

“I would have dropped it off.”

Reid shrugged. “I was on this end of campus anyway.”

“You must be Reid,” Sara said pointedly.

Luke turned around, remembering the others in the room. “Have you met – this is Sara. You know Sean.”

Reid nodded politely at Sara.

“He’s not as old as you said,” she observed to her boyfriend.

Reid glared at Sean.

**

“Fffff – yes. Just like – _ngh_.”

“Shh-shh-shh,” Luke replied, somewhat nervously.

But it was hard to be too concerned. They were in his room at the new apartment, “christening it” as Reid put it. It wasn’t quite set up the way Luke wanted it yet, even a couple weeks later, but the bed was obviously all put together. Although it wasn’t as big as Reid’s bed, it was much more spacious than the dorm room bed and Luke was taking advantage of that. At the moment, he had Reid on his back, and he was pinning Reid’s arms above his head as he lifted himself up and down on top of Reid. Reid’s head was thrown back, exposing his neck and it was all Luke could do not to bend down and suck on his Adam’s apple. Instead he licked his lips and squeezed his knees slightly together, pressing against Reid’s sides.

Luke increased his speed and pulled farther off Reid with every lift, coming down forcefully. He felt Reid’s legs move behind him as he planted his feet on the mattress and began to thrust up and meet Luke’s movements. Reid moaned loudly.

Luke quickly let go of one of Reid’s hands, moving his palm to cover Reid’s mouth. Reid’s protests were muffled, and Luke grinned. He bent down, covering Reid’s mouth with his own instead. Reid’s free hand went to Luke’s waist, holding him, guiding him as they moved together. Moments later, Luke was shaking as he came, and before he even stopped, Reid flipped him around, hooking one leg by his elbow and pounding into Luke until he climaxed himself.

When he was able to form coherent sentences, Reid laughed shortly and then said, “If we’re going to do breath play, we need a safe word or signal or something.”

Luke slapped him weakly. “Just didn’t want to wake up Sean and Sara.”

“Why not? We can have a contest.”

“Reid.”

Reid smirked, and Luke repositioned himself next to him. He sighed softly.

“What?” Reid asked.

“Hmm?”

“I know that sigh.”

“Nothing, it’s just – ”

“Yes?” Reid asked, drawing out the word.

“This wasn’t so bad, was it? I mean, the bed’s a little smaller and we had to be quiet and – ”

“It was fine. Great. It’s always great.”

Luke sat up, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant. I mean…staying here instead of your place.”

Reid furrowed his brow. “Sure,” he said cautiously.

“So…you wouldn’t mind doing it again?”

“Luke, what – ”

Luke sighed. “I was just thinking that, maybe…OK, I know we’re supposed to be doing the whole individual lives thing, but maybe we should try integrating them a little more. Maybe…you could stay over here some weekends, and get to know my friends more, and then it wouldn’t feel so much like a – split. Or whatever.”

Reid stared up at Luke, their eyes meeting in the dark. Reid remained expressionless for a long time.

“Do I have to play Mario Kart?”

Luke snickered. “Don’t you mean ‘do I _get_ to play Mario Kart?’”

“No.”

Luke stretched out next to Reid again, a small smile on his face. He exhaled slowly as he got comfortable.

“Overall, though,” Reid said carefully, “do you think this is working? Do you think we’ve found a good balance, I mean?”

Luke inhaled. After a moment, he replied honestly, “I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“But you’ve accomplished a lot at work, I know.”

“And you aced your finals.”

“So I guess we’re doing something right.”

Reid sighed. “I guess. You seem a lot less stressed too.”

“I’ve only got the one class right now, though. And most of my friends are gone. What about in the fall, when things go back to normal?”

Reid shook his head. “We’ll deal with that when it gets here. For the moment, I guess we just keep doing what we’ve been doing. Weekends only.”

Luke tried not to feel disappointed or frustrated. He knew that Reid was probably right and it was probably for the best for both of them. “OK, fine,” he agreed.


	47. Chapter 47

“Hey. What are you doing? Weekends are Us Time, unless previously arranged. No work,” Reid scolded, trying to take Luke’s laptop away from him.

“I know, I know!” Luke said, gripping it tightly. “But my class enrollment window for the fall starts right now, and I have to enroll right away, because some of these classes will fill up otherwise.”

Reid sighed mock-long-sufferingly. “Fine.”

“It will take me five damn minutes,” Luke said, before pouting at Reid theatrically.

“You taking that government policy class?”

“Mm-hmm. And a creative writing one. And the second in the business finance series. And a science of some kind, but I haven’t decided what yet.”

Reid looked at him.

“What?” Luke asked.

“No one’s holding a gun to your head to finish in three years.”

“I know. But I want to.”

“Why?”

“Why not? I don’t have to work, so there’s no reason not to take a full course load.”

Reid shrugged and sat on the couch next to Luke. He put an arm around him and sighed as he dug his chin into Luke’s shoulder.

“Ow,” Luke protested insincerely.

“What science?”

Luke shook his head. “I need a bio credit for my gen ed requirements. There’s human biology, which has a lab, or a general bio which is only lecture, but includes zoology and botany and…ugh.”

“If you take human bio,” Reid pointed out, turning his head to kiss Luke’s cheek, “I can help you study, if you catch my drift, and I think you do.”

“Sold.”

**

“Heading home?”

Reid glanced quickly at Baker, then down to himself. He was in his regular clothes and signing out at the nurses’ desk.

“Your powers of observation astound me.”

Baker gave him an amused smirk and patted his shoulder once as he kept walking.

“See you this weekend?”

“I am not working,” Reid said succinctly, clicking the pen and putting it down on the clipboard.

He started to walk in the same direction as Baker, who glanced over his shoulder at Reid.

“I meant the barbecue.”

Reid stared at him.

“Claire says Luke’s coming. I figured you – ”

“Oh, right,” Reid lied. “That’s this weekend. I – don’t know yet.”

“Well, hope to see you there,” Baker said, before cutting away from Reid and heading down another hall.

Reid blinked once, and then he began walking again. He couldn’t quite put into words why this was bothering him, but it really, really was. He pulled out his phone without even thinking about it and dialed Luke’s number as he made his way towards his car. Luke picked up on the second ring.

“Dr. Oliver, sneaking a mid-week phone call. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Are you going to a party this weekend?”

There was a pause, and when Luke spoke again, his flirtatious teasing was replaced by slight confusion. “Yeah. End-of-the-summer barbecue at Claire’s.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“Um, because I don’t have to tell you everything I do? It’s on Friday afternoon, anyway, so it won’t cut into our – ”

“No, I mean…why didn’t you invite me along?”

Luke laughed once in surprise. “Social events aren’t exactly your thing, Reid. I assumed you wouldn’t want to come.”

“These are my colleagues too.”

Luke spluttered for a moment. “That’s never stopped you from being antisocial before. I thought I was being nice by not putting you on the spot, but for God’s sake, come if you want to.”

“Well, I do.”

“Fine. Why are we fighting about this?”

Reid paused. “I don’t know.”

Luke didn’t say anything. And then he started laughing. “I’ll see you on Friday,” he said, then he hung up the phone.

**

The party turned out to be somewhat awkward. Reid, predictably, made his way straight for the food table. Luke simply rolled his eyes and went to say hello and thanks to Claire and Dan. After that, he got sucked into a conversation with some of the kids from the social work organization. He was just beginning to really have fun when he realized Reid hadn’t rejoined him.

Luke looked around quickly, spotting Reid still by the food table. He appeared to be on his second or third plate already. Baker had joined him, along with a couple other people Luke guessed were also doctors. Luke thought for a moment about going over there instead, joining in their conversation and – that probably wouldn’t be a good idea, though. He probably wouldn’t understand what they were talking about anyway, and he didn’t want Reid to feel… Anyway, they didn’t have to cling to each other.

Luke turned back to his friends, inhaling deeply before forcing his attention back to the conversation.

**

Reid was trying to decide if his plastic knife could inflict any real damage. Not necessarily on others, but maybe he could take out his own eardrums and then he wouldn’t have to listen to this idiotic conversation anymore. Reynolds from cardiology and Bernard from podiatry ( _podiatry!_ ) were monopolizing the conversation, and Reid had long stopped listening. Every once in a while, Baker glanced at him with this little amused twinkle in his eye that suggested he knew exactly what Reid was thinking. Reid didn’t really care.

He glanced over at Luke and tried not to sigh. Luke looked like he was having fun, and Reid wasn’t going to drag him away, not after the fuss he made about coming. He entertained the notion of joining Luke and his friends, but he imagined a 30-something hanging around them with a sullen expression on his face would bring down the mood. Besides, Luke probably was used to the divide-and-conquer approach to social interactions.

It’d only be a few more hours. He could handle this. Reid tried not to cross his eyes as he refocused on the others.

**

Luke hadn’t meant to overhear. He was simply bringing an empty tray into the kitchen at Claire’s request. The other two obviously didn’t even know he was there, and it would have been even more awkward to announce his presence, Luke felt. And so, when he heard someone say Reid’s name, Luke simply backed quickly against the hallway wall and tried not to eavesdrop.

He didn’t try very hard.

“I simply cannot believe he’s actually here,” a man was saying. Luke was pretty sure it was one of the doctors Reid had been talking to earlier.

“You know why, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah. His little blond trophy dragged him, didn’t he?”

Luke’s mouth dropped open in offense.

The other man laughed. “I’m surprised that’s lasted this long. You’d think Oliver wouldn’t settle for someone that far off his intellectual level.”

“Right, well, kid’s in his sexual prime. I doubt they talk that much.”

“Heh. True. But that’s not what I meant, anyway. You haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?”

“Rumor is Swenson’s retiring by the end of the year.”

“ _Really?_ ”

“Mmm. I’d say we better get used to Oliver glowering around at social events.”

“It’s not going to do him a lick of good.”

“You never know.”

**

“Reid?” Luke finally asked when they were halfway back to the condo.

“Hmm?”

“Who’s Swenson?”

Reid furrowed his brow. “Swenson who?”

“I just heard – someone at the hospital, I guess.”

“Oh. Alan Swenson, probably. He’s the chief of neurology.”

“Is he retiring?”

Reid indicated a turn and didn’t respond until after he completed it. “That’s the rumor.”

Luke stared straight ahead. “So…what does that mean for you?”

Reid shrugged and shook his head simultaneously. “Nothing. I just have to deal with a new boss.”

“That’s it?”

Reid turned to look at him. “What are you getting at?”

“Nothing, I guess,” Luke said softly.

“Oh God, I’m so happy that’s over,” Reid said, a slight groan in his voice. “I’m pulling you into bed and not dealing with another person for the entire weekend.”

“Yeah,” Luke said, trying not to feel lied to. And definitely trying not to feel a little used.


	48. Chapter 48

Reid took a sip of his coffee as he flipped the page of the morning newspaper. He still had some time before he needed to leave for the hospital, but he woke up to see Luke off to class. They were three weeks into the semester, and he could tell Luke was already starting to feel the strain. Of course, he wouldn’t even listen to Reid’s suggestion that he drop one of his classes. And Reid supposed it would be fine if he could really focus on supporting Luke (especially if it meant Reid’s personal favorite forms of stress relief), but he had his own things to worry about. Like this stupid department crap and – the phone rang. Reid sighed and looked at the screen. He narrowed his eyes in confusion when he saw it was Luke.

“Hello?”

He could barely hear Luke over the sounds of the bus and the other passengers. “Hey, did I leave my bio book there?”

“Ah, let me check.” He stood and walked into the office, spotting the textbook on the desk immediately. “Yeah, it’s here.”

“Crap!”

“You need it today?”

“Yeah,” Luke grumbled. “And I’m not going to be able…do you think you could bring it to the office with you? I should have time to get to the hospital at least.”

“I could meet you somewhere.”

“No, no. That’s OK. I thought you have some kind of meeting this morning.”

Reid looked at the clock. “Yeah. I do. OK, I’ll take it in with me.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. It’ll probably be around 1.”

“See you then.”

**

Reid sat down at his desk, peeling the cling wrap from his sandwich. He took the first bite and flipped to the front page of the lab reports on his desk, relieved he could actually get some real work done. He couldn’t decide if the board meeting that morning had been insulting or just a ridiculous waste of his time.

And just then, there was a knock on the door. Reid sighed and checked the clock. A little too early to be Luke, but he still hoped it was him. Luke was the only person he really wanted to see.

“It’s open!”

The door opened, and a head peeked into his office. It wasn’t Luke. Reid tried (though not very hard) to hide his annoyed disappointment.

“Ah, Dr. Oliver. We weren’t formally introduced this morning.”

“Shame.”

The man didn’t seem to notice Reid’s sarcasm. He simply stepped farther into the room, hand outstretched to shake Reid’s and an entirely too broad smile on his face. Reid sighed, half-stood and shook his hand. Then he returned to his chair.

“Chris Taylor,” the other man said as he sat down in the guest chair. Reid raised his eyebrow in surprise. “I took over Ken’s spot on the board.”

“Mm-hmm,” Reid said noncommittally.

Taylor glanced over Reid’s desk, a small smile on his face. When he spotted Luke’s textbook, his own eyebrow lifted to match Reid’s expression. “Brushing up on the basics?” he asked.

Reid sighed. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“I wanted to speak to all the candidates,” Taylor said. Reid had a hard time believing him. “This is the first substantive vote I’ll be participating in. I want to make sure I make the right choice.”

“I’m not really a candidate,” Reid explained. “They just have to consider me out of respect to my reputation. Both George and Porter have been here at least a decade longer than me.”

Taylor formed a steeple with his fingers and rested his chin on the tip. He smiled at Reid. “If this hospital’s going to grow, you want the best people in the positions of influence, regardless of seniority.”

Reid scoffed but didn’t say anything.

“There’s something to be said for – ”

For what, Reid wouldn’t find out (but it was OK, since he didn’t really care). There was another knock on the door to his office, and the person on the other side opened it without waiting for a response.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Luke said as soon as he realized Reid wasn’t alone. He began to back out of the room, but Reid called his name.

Luke opened the door again, smiling apologetically as he stepped across the room towards Reid’s desk.

“Sorry,” he said again.

Reid handed him the book, and Luke gave him a grateful expression that just skirted the edge of flirtatious.

“Intro to human biology, huh?”

Luke turned, startled, to the other man in the room. He hadn’t expected him to say anything, and he felt kind of thrown. He looked down at the book in his hands.

“I remember taking that freshman year,” Taylor added.

“I’m a sophomore,” Luke said dumbly, feeling incredibly confused.

“Hmm.”

Taylor stood up, and Luke turned to shoot an uncertain look at Reid. Reid shook his head. They both watched Taylor walk towards the door.

“Let’s grab dinner sometime, Dr. Oliver. Reid. I’d love for you to fill me in – on your ideas.” He tapped twice on the doorframe as he stared at Reid. Then he left the office, closing the door behind him.

Luke stared after him for a moment. And then he did a double take and faced Reid again. He laughed shortly in disbelief. “What was that?!”

Reid shook his head. “Nothing.”

“I feel invisible.” Luke waved a hand in front of Reid’s face. “You can see me, right?”

Reid gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Reid!”

“Luke, you’re going to be late for your class.”

Luke sighed in exasperation as he checked the clock on Reid's desk. He gave Reid one more skeptical look, and then turned towards the door. He only made it two steps before he faced Reid again, returning to plant an enthusiastic and deep (and possessive) kiss on his mouth. And then he hurried out of the room.

**

_Independent lives, independent lives, independent lives._

It had become something of a mantra for Luke over the last couple weeks. Reid didn’t bother him about school or friends or things he did during the week, and he didn't expect any sort of explanation for the rare occasions Luke had to work on the weekend instead of come over. The least he could do was return the favor. And Reid was a doctor. An important, talented, successful doctor. Luke knew that things _came up_.

It’s just that they rarely came up that often. Since they started their weekends-only schedule, Luke could count on one hand the number of times Reid had to cancel. He arranged his schedule to make sure they had that time together, unless there was an emergency. But in the last month, he cancelled three weekends in a row. It’d be one thing if their phone conversations weren’t so strained, so heavy with unspoken _things_. And Luke wouldn’t mind, obviously, but…he needed an explanation. Because the weekends were supposed to be theirs, and he couldn’t help but feel that Reid didn’t have to work so much as it was a convenient excuse.

When Luke walked into the condo that Friday evening, he wasn’t too surprised to see the place was dark and quiet. He pressed his lips together and swallowed. Walking farther into the room, he spotted a piece of paper on the coffee table. Luke bent down and picked it up to read.

_Emergency surgery. Home 1ish???_

Luke sighed. For a very long moment, he considered just going back to his apartment. But he hadn’t slept in Reid’s bed in a month or so, and he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Luke looked around the room for a moment and then began to walk towards the kitchen, intent on finding something for dinner.

He stopped abruptly when he saw the message on Reid’s answering machine. It wasn’t blinking, which meant that Reid had already listened to it. But the weird thing was, no one ever, ever, _ever_ called Reid on his landline. Luke stared at it for a moment, and then before he could stop himself, he pressed play.

The mechanical voice told him it had been left an hour before, so Reid must have been called in only a little while ago. When the message began, Luke’s stomach flip-flopped and his whole body went cold. He knew that voice.

_Dr. Oliver. Reid. Chris Taylor. You had great points at this morning’s meeting. Let’s get together soon to discuss them. I’m free tonight, if you want to meet for drinks. You have my number._

Luke felt sick. He thought about leaving again, but his feet moved on their own accord. Soon, he was in the bedroom. He climbed on top of the bed, not bothering to undress or pull down the covers, and he curled into a fetal position. He brought Reid’s pillow to his face and inhaled, relaxing slightly at the traces of his scent.

This was stupid. So stupid. Reid would never, he would never.

But then why was he being so distant?

**

Luke wasn’t sure what time it was when he felt lips against his cheek and hands working at the buttons of his shirt. He groaned slightly as he woke up.

“Oh, sorry,” Reid said, his voice muffled by Luke’s skin. He didn’t sound very remorseful. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Luke smiled as he rolled to his back to give Reid more room to work.

“You’re home.”

“Mmm,” Reid said, bending down to press his tongue to Luke’s chin.

“Time is it?”

“2:00.”

“Late.”

“I stopped for a drink.”

Luke opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. When Reid noticed his lack of response, he pulled back.

“Everything OK?”

Luke pulled himself into a sitting position. “Surgery go bad?”

Reid shook his head. “No. I just wanted a drink.”

“What happened? Car accident?”

Reid stared at him for a moment. “You know I can’t talk to you about my patients.”

Luke searched Reid’s eyes. He didn’t seem like he was lying, but he was always much better at hiding his emotions than Luke was.

“Luke, what – ?”

Luke quickly closed the distance and pressed his lips hard against Reid’s. Reid made a small, stifled noise of surprise and began kissing Luke back. He wrapped his hand around Luke’s thigh, tugging him slightly back down to the mattress. Luke resisted and pushed against Reid instead. Pushed hard, in fact, ultimately flipping him to his stomach. Reid grunted. Luke straddled his lower back and reached out to pull down his scrub bottoms with one quick jerk.


	49. Chapter 49

The sex was, to put it mildly, sizzling hot. Reid was still missing in action quite a bit, but at least one day every weekend now, Luke had him face down on the bed or bent over the couch or kitchen table or pressed against the wall of the shower. He found that lately he only wanted to be in charge, on top, driving into Reid. He’d bite and suck at his neck, leaving marks, leaving _his_ mark, and he wouldn’t come – he definitely wouldn’t let Reid come, until Reid called out his name. Luke needed to hear his name.

Quite possibly, it was some of the best sex they’ve ever had. But Luke didn’t want to admit that, because there was something really depressing about that. Their relationship was probably at its lowest point ever – outside of the time they were broken up, obviously. Reid wasn’t talking to him at all (except to blissfully moan the occasional “What’s got into you lately?” as residual waves of pleasure made his body quiver). And he was having a really hard time talking to Reid too. Luke didn’t think it was fair that the sex could be so good when their relationship was so…not.

But, whatever. Independent lives and all that. Why did they need to talk?

Luke glared at the coffee machine as if it was responsible for everything feeling so messed up. While Luke was waiting for it to brew, Reid walked into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He stepped up behind Luke, hugging him and pressing against his ass. As Reid buried his nose in Luke’s hair and inhaled deeply, Luke simply closed his eyes. There was a time when this would have been more than enough incentive to risk being late to his morning class.

Maybe if he didn’t feel so angry with Reid right now. Maybe if he didn’t feel so left out of everything. And maybe if he didn’t know that Reid was hinting at being on top for a change – Luke wasn’t ready to give up that control yet and be submissive again. Because he couldn’t stop wondering if Reid had “filled in” that Taylor guy.

Reid had _never_ been this busy at work before.

But how could he accuse him of something like that?

And maybe some small, tiny, insecure part of Luke felt like he deserved it, if it were true. He couldn’t give Reid a real, full-time relationship right now, so why shouldn’t he find what he needed somewhere else?

“So I was thinking we should add a day together during the week,” Luke announced suddenly.

Reid sighed, taking the hint and backing away. He stepped over to the cupboard to get two coffee mugs.

“Really?” he asked. “This hasn’t been an easy semester for you. Or me, for that matter. I don’t know if we should push it yet.”

“But…five or six nights a week apart. Gets a little lonely.”

Reid watched him for a moment. Luke wanted to believe Reid looked really tempted, really torn. Then he shook his head.

“Luke, you wanted your own space and more time, remember? And you were right to. I just – I think not yet. Maybe next semester.”

Luke stared at the coffee machine again. “’Kay.”

After a pause, Reid spoke again, softly. “I’m going to get dressed.”

Luke didn’t reply. Once Reid left the room, he swallowed thickly and raised a hand to wipe quickly, angrily at his eyes.

**

“Hi!” Luke winced at himself. He sounded way too eager and chipper. But he had decided that he was going to surprise Reid and they were going to have a nice dinner and everything was going to go back to the way it should be.

Reid stared at him in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I know,” Luke allowed as he walked past Reid and into the condo. “We don’t normally get together on Friday nights. Uh, surprise!”

Reid gave him a small smile as he followed him into the kitchen.

“I thought I’d make you dinner,” Luke said, turning to face Reid as he put the grocery bags on the counter.

“Do you remember the birthday cake incident?” Reid teased.

Luke waggled his eyebrows. “Vividly.”

Reid’s eyes dropped to Luke’s lips, and Luke smiled mischievously.

“That was a while ago, you know,” Luke reminded him. “I have learned how to make a few things by now.”

“Are you treating me to Ramen noodles?” Reid asked, walking around the counter so he could wrap his arms around Luke from behind.

“Ha ha. Chicken breasts and mashed potatoes. I can handle that…I think.”

“Mmm,” Reid replied, snickering lightly as he turned Luke to face him. “Are you _really_ hungry though?”

Luke let himself be pulled into the kiss, moaning as he slipped his tongue into Reid’s mouth. And then he backed away, trailing one finger down Reid’s chest.

“Hold that thought.”

**

Luke took a tentative bite of his chicken. He held it in his mouth for a moment, chewing slowly before swallowing.

“I think it’s edible.”

He looked up at Reid, who had already polished off half his potatoes and a couple bites of his chicken. Luke rolled his eyes. Reid glanced up and gave him a quick smile.

“You might be a keeper after all, Mr. Snyder.”

Luke looked at Reid, feeling suddenly uncertain. He couldn’t keep doing this. The plan was to just get things behind them and back on track, but Luke had to know.

“Reid,” he said cautiously, turning his fork around in his fingers nervously.

The tone of his voice was clearly enough for Reid to realize something was up. He put his own fork down and gave Luke his full attention.

“What?”

“Um,” Luke began, pausing to look down at the table. He worked the muscles of his jaw for a moment.

_Are you sleeping with him?_

_Are you cheating on me?_

_Do you still want to be with me?_

“What’s going on?’

Reid narrowed his eyes briefly. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just,” Luke said, inhaling deeply. “You’ve been…you’ve been working a lot lately, and we haven’t really been talking much, if you haven’t noticed, and I – ”

“Work’s just really busy right now. Things will calm down.”

“Reid.”

“Luke, you have enough to worry about with school and everything, OK? This is my concern.”

Luke looked down at his plate and then back up at Reid quickly. “You not telling me is causing me even more worry, so don’t act like you're just trying – ”

Reid lifted his hands to his face and rubbed briskly as he sat back in his chair. “OK. I’m being considered for the job. The head of the department, I mean.”

Luke fell back in his chair. Despite his earlier suspicions, he hadn’t really been expecting that. “So what does that mean? How do we…adjust?”

Reid shook his head and stood up. “We don’t,” he said, disappearing into the kitchen.

Luke stared after him, confused.

“Reid!”

He came back, a bottle of beer in his hand. He sat down at the table again and looked up at Luke. “I’m not going to get it, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

“Because the other two guys have seniority. And because I’m never going to win a popularity contest. They just have to make a show of considering me because I’m good at what I do. Which is kind of insulting, because I _am_ good at what I do, so I should be a real candidate.”

“And that’s why you’ve had to work so much?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I’ve just had to find time to catch up on my real work, because I spend so much time going to all these meetings and things with the board and jumping through these ridiculous hoops and being social and shit. Waste of my time.”

Luke shifted in his seat. “You have to waste your time at things like…picnics?”

Reid looked at him, startled. “Huh?”

“Is that why you made such a big deal about the barbecue last summer? Because you could have just told me the truth.”

Reid put his bottle down on the table and stared at Luke. “That had nothing to do with it. I wanted to go out somewhere with you.”

Luke raised his eyebrows in challenge, but he didn’t reply.

Reid exhaled a sharp, disbelieving laugh. He shook his head, looking away. “Wow,” he muttered.

Then he stood up again, grabbing his plate and walking back into the kitchen.

“I don’t even want the job,” he called out.

Luke ran a hand down his face. “Why not?”

“Because! Because this isn’t some little mom-and-pop hospital like you’re used to, Luke. This is a bureaucratic machine. The head of the department has no autonomy, no authority. He’s a paper-pusher. He answers to the chief of staff, who answers to the board of directors and the university. I have better things to do with my time than useless admin stuff. I’m a surgeon, that’s it.”

“So why don’t you just tell them that and drop out of the running?” Luke asked.

“Because that wouldn’t look good either.”

“So – ”

“Luke, just drop it!” Reid said, exasperated, as he came back into the living room. “It’s a few more months of sucking up to the board and faking sincerity, and then we can go back to normal.”

Reid walked away again, down the hall towards the bedroom. Luke stared after him, and then quickly stood up and followed him.

“It would look bad because you _would_ want something like this, somewhere, someday,” he guessed.

Reid didn’t look up at him. He merely focused on the watch he was removing.

“Doesn’t matter. Like I said, those things are all about kissing the right asses, and that’s not a game I want to play.”

Luke paused for a moment. Then he began to speak again, his voice filled with quiet, soft hope. “I could…I mean, I’m good with that kind of stuff, you know? Networking and – and social skills and stuff. I could help you, if you want. Turn you into a…person.”

“Oh, thanks.”

Luke closed his eyes and swallowed. “That’s not what I meant. That came out wrong.”

“Just let me handle my own career, OK? You take care of your stuff, I take care of mine. That was the deal, remember?”

Luke exhaled, hating the feeling of being pushed away. “Right. Independent lives. Sorry.”

He turned around and started to walk away.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to my apartment, I guess.”

Reid didn’t respond for a long time. “Whatever you want.”


	50. Chapter 50

Reid sat alone on the couch in his living room, staring straight ahead but not looking at anything. He was thinking, remembering. Jane Woods, 37, foster mother to four special needs children, kindergarten teacher, wickedly sarcastic sense of humor, fantastic chocolate chip cookies, tumor the size of Texas.

Dead.

Her husband staggering back as Reid told him he did everything he could, that she had she seized and bled out and there was nothing that would have worked. Those kids, not quite understanding, not quite comprehending what had happened, that the only mom they knew wasn’t coming home.

Reid tilted his head back, sighing and closing his eyes. This shouldn’t bother him like this. He trained himself not to get – he dealt with life and death every day. He couldn’t be so bothered by things like this. It was just he was so tired. And then after the surgery, he still had to go the stupid board meeting and pretend to care about the position, all while ignoring Taylor’s less-than-subtle advances.

The door opened, and Luke bustled into the condo. Reid lifted his head and inhaled. Luke appeared to be in a good mood for a change, and Reid searched for the energy to deal with him. And since when did Reid need energy to deal with Luke?

“Hey,” Luke greeted him. He walked quickly past Reid, pausing to kiss the top of his head before disappearing down the hall to deposit his backpack in the office.

Luke came back into the room, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows as he leaned against the corner wall and smiled at Reid.

“Want to go out for dinner?”

Reid couldn’t even bear the thought of being out in public. “No,” he said tersely, shaking his head.

Luke’s smile faded. “You OK? You getting sick?”

“Are you a doctor now?” Reid asked, standing and walking into the kitchen as he added, “You can order something if you want.”

“Department stuff?” Luke asked, following Reid into the other room.

“No.”

“Patient stuff then.”

Reid lifted a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes. “Luke.”

“I’m just trying to help,” Luke said quietly.

Reid sighed. “Everything’s fine.”

“Maybe if you talked about – ”

“Luke! I can’t talk to you about my patients. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

Reid glanced up and saw Luke’s dismayed expression. His good mood was definitely gone, and to be honest, Reid didn’t feel as guilty about that as he probably should. It felt nice to direct his anger at someone else for a while.

“I’m not asking for details,” Luke said, his voice wobbling with emotion. “I just – you always give me advice, and you never ask for it. I don’t _feel_ like your partner anymore. I feel like…I don’t know, your ward or something.”

“My _ward_?” Reid asked, snorting. “Like Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson?”

“Reid.”

“Hey, do you think Batman and Robin were doing it? I mean, come on. Sliding down poles into caves? If that’s not – ”

“Reid!” Luke crossed his arms, an annoyed expression on his face. “I’m being serious. Why do you get to take care of me, but I can’t take care of you?”

Reid groaned and gave up on the idea of cooking dinner. He walked back into the living room, not bothering to check if Luke was following him.

“What could you possibly say?” he asked. “This isn’t what classes to take or how to deal with friends or parents, and your sunshine Pollyanna attitude won’t help at all. This stuff _matters_ , and you don’t – you can’t understand.”

Luke didn’t say anything for a long beat. Reid realized he went too far, that it was unfair to take his own failures out on Luke and –

“So, maybe I can’t understand or offer you any real advice,” Luke said, and the tone of his voice was painful to listen to. “But maybe just talking about it would – ”

Reid buried his face in his hands. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled. “Talking doesn’t change anything. When I’m with you, I just want to forget about all of that and be with you.”

“Fuck me, you mean,” Luke said, his voice suddenly cold.

Reid turned to face him, a confused expression on his face.

“That seems to be the only thing you want from me these days,” Luke pointed out. “And even then, we haven't even tou – ”

“Oh, give me a break,” Reid said, offended. “You’re the one who won’t move in here, who never wants to take this to any sort of real – you come over here and have sex with me and then you go back to your life until the next weekend.”

“ _What?_ You agreed, you were the one who said that we should – and a couple weeks ago, I suggested adding one damn day, and you wouldn’t even think about it! And _I’m_ the one who – God.”

Luke moved quickly, disappearing down the hall. He came back a few moments later, his backpack over his shoulder again. Reid intercepted him on his way to the door.

“Where are you – Luke, don’t go.”

“I’m not staying here.”

Reid grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. Luke didn’t move; he simply held himself stiffly while Reid wrapped his arms around him. Reid could feel Luke’s heart race and his breath hit against his neck in short, irregular huffs.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry. It’s been a really bad day.”

“Really bad couple of months,” Luke said softly.

“Yeah.”

“Reid, I – ”

“Please stay.”

Luke exhaled shakily.

“Please stay,” Reid repeated.

Luke nodded.

But it didn’t help all that much. They didn’t talk, and they certainly didn’t kiss or do anything else intimate. It was just one long, quiet, uncomfortable night.

**

Reid took several deep breaths, trying to psych himself up for the phone call he was about to make. This was absolutely ridiculous. He and Luke had been together for more than two years (minus a few months in the middle) by this point. Reid should not feel nervous about asking him out. And this dinner party was something Luke would probably really enjoy. Claire and Baker would be there, Luke could dress up and be social and make everyone fall in love with him, and Reid could make up for some of his recent bad mood.

So why did he feel like he was about to pass out?

Reid exhaled and closed his eyes. He shook his head and swallowed. And then he called Luke.

“Hello?” Luke answered on the third ring. “Reid? What’s up?”

“Hi,” Reid said, pausing to clear his throat. “Um…what are you doing on Friday?”

“Friday?” Luke hesitated for a moment. “There’s a study group and then Sean and Sara and I were going to a movie, and then I was going to put the final touches on a paper that’s due Monday.”

“Oh,” Reid said. “OK. Never mind.”

“No, Reid!” Luke said quickly. “What did you have in mind? I can – I can cancel and reschedule and – ”

“It’s not important. Don’t worry about it.”

“Reid – ”

“See you on Saturday, like usual.”

Reid hung up. _Shit_ , he thought to himself, not entirely sure he made the right choice there.

**

Reid, unfortunately, had been to his share of interminable dinner parties, especially since this department head business started. This one had to be the worst. He stood in the corner, nursing his fourth cocktail and congratulating himself on talking to just enough people where it looked like he had tried.

Reid spotted Chris Taylor making his way towards him, and he inwardly groaned as he glanced around for an escape. He wished he could just tell this guy off and be done with it, but it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to completely burn his bridges with the hospital board. Why the guy couldn’t take a completely unsubtle hint, Reid didn’t know. He finished off his cocktail with one large gulp and started to walk towards the bar.

“Reid!”

His name came from two directions – Taylor, as expected, and also, thankfully, Dan Baker. At that moment, Reid would have even been willing to admit he didn’t find Baker entirely annoying. Taylor glared at Baker who pretended not to notice.

“Luke didn’t come tonight?” Baker asked. Before Reid could respond, Baker focused on Taylor. “Reid’s boyfriend,” he continued, the slight emphasis on _boyfriend_ barely noticeable if you weren’t listening for it, “is my wife’s student.”

“Ah,” Taylor replied with insincere interest. “What’s his major?”

“Do-gooding,” Reid responded, and Baker snickered in fond agreement. It was possible Reid’s drinks were catching up to him faster than he thought they were.

“I beg your pardon?”

Reid sighed. “Interdisciplinary studies emphasizing business, social work and community relations. Do-gooding.”

“That’s…different,” Taylor replied.

“Fascinating stuff he’s involved in, really,” Baker said. “Luke can really see these big picture issues and get other people to care about them just as much. Going to be a dangerously formidable fundraiser someday.”

“Perhaps I should hire him at my firm,” Taylor said breezily.

“He’s got a study group tonight,” Reid said to Baker, answering his earlier question.

“Midterms are coming up soon, I suppose,” Baker said, nodding.

“Reid,” Taylor interrupted, apparently not willing to put up with conversation about Luke anymore. “I wanted to talk to you about those ideas you had for research at the hospital.”

Reid came very close to shooting a desperately imploring look at Baker, but in the end he let Taylor drag him away. The conversation was as short and professional as Reid could make it. But that didn’t stop Taylor from leaning closer as they wrapped up their discussion. He tugged lightly at Reid’s tie and dropped his voice low as he invaded Reid’s personal space.

“If you ever get tired of scheduling your social life around school exams…”

Reid must have drunk more than he thought. That was the only possible reason his body reacted the way it did. The only reason he couldn’t help but notice the rather pleasing scent of Taylor’s aftershave. The only reason he suddenly realized how long it’d been since he and Luke did anything besides fight.

Reid took a step back.

“Anything we need to discuss can be done at board meetings,” he said firmly.


	51. Chapter 51

As soon as Luke entered the condo late Saturday morning, Reid walked over to him and pulled him into a deep kiss. Luke _mmphed_ in surprise and then returned the kiss, letting Reid’s tongue into his mouth. As they pulled away, Reid gave him two additional pecks and slapped his cheek lightly. Luke smiled, a short laugh escaping from him.

“What was that for?”

“Do I need a reason?”

“Mmm, no.”

“How was the study group? And the movie?”

“Fine,” Luke said, walking farther into the room and dropping down on the couch. He gave Reid an inviting look, and Reid joined him, sitting close. “What were you doing last night?”

Reid shook his head. “Hospital thing. What about your paper; did you finish it?”

“Yeah,” Luke said slowly. “OK, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“You seem really jittery.” Luke tilted his head questioningly. “Did something happen?”

“No. What?”

“Reid?”

“Everything’s fine.” Reid stood up, walking into the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”

Luke stared after him for a moment. Then he stood and followed him into the other room.

“What kind of hospital thing?” he asked, somewhere between curiosity and suspicion.

“Hmm? Oh, a cocktail-dinner thing with the board and some of the big-name people in the other departments. Baker says hi. And Claire, of course, but you see her every day.”

“Oh, was it…was it a couple thing? Reid, I would have gone. I wish you would have – I mean, unless…”

“Unless what?” Reid said with a sigh, as if he felt the fight coming.

Luke shrugged. “I suppose your 19-year-old boyfriend wouldn’t make the best impression on the board.”

Reid gave him a look. “Don’t be ridiculous. You had other plans. Besides, it was boring as hell; you would have hated it.”

“No, _you_ hated it. I like things like that. So what’s the real reason you didn’t ask me?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at. You had things to do, and I wasn’t going to force you to deal with my stuff on top of it. What other reason do you think there is?”

“Was he there?”

“Who?” Reid asked, furrowing his brow.

“That – that guy from your office. Chris Taylor or whatever his name is,” Luke replied, startled at himself for actually saying it out loud.

Reid’s face blanched, and Luke suddenly realized that maybe his suspicions weren’t as crazy as he had tried to convince himself they were.

“Well, at least you had someone to alleviate your boredom,” Luke said, his throat closing up.

“How – what – how?”

“Well said. The guy’s calling here for you, asking you out for drinks. How stupid do you think I am?”

“It’s not what you – you’re listening to my messages?!”

“Just the one. It was enough.”

Reid stared at him in surprise.

“Are you sleeping with him?” Luke asked, feeling sick.

“No! I can’t believe you’d even ask me that!”

“You’re being _really_ defensive,” Luke pointed out.

“Because you’re accusing me of some pretty awful things.”

Luke put his hands to his face, inhaling and exhaling deeply. After a moment, he brought his hands down and gripped the edge of the counter he was leaning against. He spoke quietly and bitterly, “I know you went for drinks that night. It must be nice to have someone you can actually get a drink with, when your underage alcoholic boyfriend has to study.”

“Oh my God,” Reid groaned, turning away from Luke for a moment. He faced him again. “I went for _one_ drink that night. By myself. After a long and difficult surgery.”

“Really?”

“Yes, damn it!”

Luke breathed in and out, feeling hysterical. “You don’t even have a picture of me in your office,” he practically yelled, somewhat nonsensically.

“What?”

“I mean, all the other doctors have pictures of their partners or spouses, I’m sure. Even the trophy ones, like me.”

“ _Trophy?_ ”

“But you – you won’t even, it’s like you don’t want anyone there to know about me. Are you that – am I that…?”

“I don’t want the staff to gossip about my personal life. Why is that a bad thing?

“It’s not,” Luke said with forced indifference, shrugging and shaking his head quickly. “I guess that’s what you meant when you said we should just live our own separate lives, right?”

Reid threw his head back for a moment. He faced Luke then, more upset than Luke had ever seen him.

“I have bent over _backwards_ ,” he said, dangerously quiet, “trying to give you everything you need – space, time, everything. And now I get this? Yeah. Yeah, you know what? It would be nice not to worry about your exam schedule or your kidney or whatever.”

Luke flinched, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away.

“And it is damn flattering,” Reid continued, “to have someone actually want to flirt with me without getting into a fight. But _nothing happened_.”

Luke inhaled, looking at Reid, shaking slightly, eyes in begging-puppy mode.

“I don’t know what more I can do to show you I love you,” Reid said, voice breaking. “I don’t know how to prove to you that, no matter what you’re used to, not everybody cheats the first minute things get tough. If you don’t trust me by now, then what the hell are we even doing?”

They stared at each other for a long moment, the only sound in the room their harsh breathing. And then one of them – Luke wasn’t entirely sure which of them broke first – closed the distance between them. Reid’s hands moved from Luke’s face to his hair, to his neck, back to his face, to his shoulders, down to his ass, up to his waist. Luke simply kept his arms wrapped tightly around Reid’s torso, pressing his palms against Reid’s back to force him closer. Their mouths barely connected in a true kiss as their lips and tongues and teeth clashed. It had been too long, far too long. Weeks, maybe, and Luke felt like he was about to explode already.

“Reid,” Luke gasped, as he tried to pull himself impossibly closer.

Luke rocked his hips, thrashing wildly against Reid’s body, trying to find some kind of friction. Reid moaned, and he dug his fingers into Luke’s hips, crashing them both back against the counter. Reid lifted Luke up until he was sitting on the surface, and then he began to rub urgently at Luke’s cock through his jeans. Luke’s head fell back, smacking sharply against the cupboard. Tears sprung to his eyes from the contact, but he was too far gone to really notice the pain.

“Yeah. Yes. _Yes_ ,” he groaned while Reid sucked on his neck.

Reid’s other hand went wandering, and he pulled open a drawer that usually held miscellaneous crap. He felt around blindly in it, ultimately breaking the kiss so he could look inside.

“Fuck. Where – there’s nothing here. Where is the closest – ?”

“Living room,” Luke said, his voice unsteady. He pushed Reid forward so he could drop off the counter. “Coffee table drawer.”

He turned away from Reid, stumbling into the living room as he worked at the button and zipper of his jeans. He let his pants and boxers fall to the ground as soon as he reached the coffee table, and he bent down to open the drawer. Reid’s hand groped his ass, and Luke pushed back against him.

Luke grabbed a condom and the lube from the drawer, straightening to face Reid again. He looked down at himself, already tearing the wrapper and – Reid took it from him. Luke looked up, caught off-guard.

Reid shook his head. “Not this time,” he said, voice low and firm.

Luke inhaled. And then he nodded. The next thing he knew, Reid had pushed him all the way down to the floor, in between the couch and the coffee table, and his legs were spread wide. Reid slid two fingers in immediately, ignoring Luke’s grunt. It had been too, too long since they had been together, even longer since Reid had been inside Luke, and he didn’t know if he could handle – Reid added a third finger, and Luke threw his head back, moaning as he squirmed against Reid’s hand.

“Reid,” he choked out. “Reid, please.”

Reid’s fingers stroked his prostate, and Luke’s toes curled.

Reid leaned down, wrapping his free arm underneath Luke’s neck, supporting him as he bent down to kiss Luke passionately. Luke grabbed at Reid’s shoulders, digging his fingernails into the flesh there, panting around Reid’s lips as he tried to catch his breath.

“Say you trust me,” Reid ordered.

“I trust you,” Luke breathed out.

“Say you love me.”

“Yes, I lo – love you,” Luke groaned, his voice catching as Reid removed his fingers.

Reid moved quickly, putting on the condom then coating his cock with more lube. He lined up, pressing into Luke steadily. Luke didn’t breathe, or call out, or make any noise at all. He simply opened his mouth wide in a silent shout of pain and ecstasy, and he wrapped his arms and legs around Reid, pulling him even deeper inside.

They moved together roughly, quickly. Some back corner of Luke’s mind worried for a very brief, crazy moment about the rug burn they'd most likely get. And then he stopped caring, because Reid was lifting Luke’s knees over his own shoulders and driving in harder and harder and harder, and Luke was coming. Reid followed him a few thrusts later, collapsing on top of him and causing Luke’s legs to bend uncomfortably far back.

“I don’t want to go anywhere else,” Reid mumbled into Luke’s neck. “I don’t need anyone else.”

**

Eyes closed and half-asleep where he stood, Luke held onto the pole for balance as the bus turned a corner and brought him even closer to campus and his Monday morning class. There were empty seats, but Luke didn’t want to sit down. He didn’t think he could sit down.

Luke smiled, relishing the ache of his body as he remembered the past weekend. He and Reid had engaged in some sort of quest to make up for all the sex they didn’t have over the last few weeks, all in two days. It had been amazing, and it reminded Luke in a way of the nights they used to steal together back in Oakdale or the first night he had spent in Reid’s condo during his campus visit. The nights they had to put all their emotions and desires into just a few short hours of physical contact.

Part of Luke wanted to believe it was a sort of a new start for them, this callback to the early days of their relationship. Part of Luke wanted to believe a weekend of crazy hot sex had magically fixed everything.

Luke opened his eyes and stared dully out the bus window.

He knew it wasn’t true. He knew it felt too much like desperate clutching at a relationship falling apart.


	52. Chapter 52

Reid closed his eyes in relief when Katie answered her phone. He was feeling desperate, and he finally broke down and called her after Luke left. It was so easy to forget during that weekend, when he was buried inside Luke and Luke was begging him for more, that things weren’t _right_. But he couldn’t forget forever, and he needed help. He needed Katie to tell him that things weren’t as bad as they seemed, that he and Luke could fix whatever had gone wrong between them and go back to normal.

“Hi,” he said, exhaling.

“Reid! Oh my God, I’m so glad you called. I’m going crazy over here. I am soooo bored.”

Reid couldn’t stop his smile. “I can’t imagine Oakdale ever gets boring.”

“Oakdale? No. The inside of my bedroom? Absolutely. I’ve been thinking about tearing up my sheets and tying them into a rope so I can escape out the window.”

“What are you talking about?”

Katie groaned. “This baby is as impatient as his mother, I’m afraid. He wants out.”

Reid shook his head. “Mm-mm. Too early.”

“My doctor agrees with you. So here I am, on bed rest. Brad’s turned into this insane jailer. I’m not supposed to have any stress at all. He waits on me hand and foot, which ordinarily…”

“You gotta take care of yourself, Katie. And that baby.”

“I know,” Katie sighed. “But I need some entertainment. So fill me in – how’s life in Dallas? How are things with young Mr. Snyder?”

Reid opened his mouth and inhaled, about to respond. Then he paused. He knew Katie very well, and he knew she’d immediately try to comfort him and solve their problems and worry about them and maybe even come up with elaborate schemes to sneak on a plane to come help them in person. She didn’t need the stress.

“Great. Things are great.”

**

“When are you leaving, by the way?” Reid asked Luke one morning.

Luke looked up from his cereal, clearly not understanding Reid’s question.

“For Thanksgiving,” Reid clarified. “Turkey. Football. Squash.”

Luke shook his head. “I’m not. I’ve got that big portfolio project for my creative writing class due the week after. I can’t really afford to make the trip.”

“Oh.”

Luke suddenly met Reid’s eyes again. “But…you and I could – we could do something, just the two of us.”

Reid blinked. “I’m working,” he said.

“Of course,” Luke breathed out, focusing on his breakfast again.

“I wasn’t expecting you to – ”

“It’s OK. Like I said, I have work to do."

**

Luke ended up having Thanksgiving dinner with Sean and Sara at their apartment. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had more fun than he predicted he would. While the three of them clattered around in the kitchen, making a mess and barely-edible cranberry sauce, they also started to come up with a plan. It was more of a joke at first than anything, but Luke continued to mull it over in his head. Once he had the idea, he couldn’t get it out of his brain. It would be perfect. It was just what they needed.

He brought it up to Reid the first chance he could the weekend after Thanksgiving. He took Reid their leftovers, smiling as Reid immediately attacked them. He didn’t even seem to notice that it was certainly not on par with Emma Snyder’s turkey from previous years.

“Reid,” Luke began.

“Hmm?”

“Um, so the new department head gets picked…when, exactly?”

“Swenson’s pushed back his retirement until next year. The official vote will probably be in February.”

“So, you’ll be back to a normal work schedule by March.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Why don’t you take some time off then?”

Reid looked at him, surprised. “What do you mean?”

“Spring break. Sean and Sara and I were talking about going somewhere. Cancun or somewhere.”

Reid stood and brought his plate to the sink. “That sounds like fun. You should do that.”

“You’ll come?” Luke asked, surprised that it was so easy.

Reid turned to him. “No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, that sounds fun for you. It’s like a college rite of passage thing. You should go, but…” Reid shook his head. “It’s not really my – I don’t want to spend a week with thousands of drunk college kids.”

“How about just one sober one?” Luke asked quietly. “I think it will be good for us. Like Boston, you know? Just the two of us, recharging and focusing on each other for a while.”

Reid scratched a thumb across his eyebrow. “Maybe,” he said.

“Good,” Luke replied, not sounding at all convinced.

**

Luke blinked slowly several times. Reid was asleep, his head on Luke’s chest, and Luke was running his hand through Reid’s hair. It didn’t matter how much they fought, how very far apart they felt, their bodies always seemed to remember how to fit together. Not just sex (although, that too), but just like this. Just sleeping and waking up in each other’s arms.

Luke suspected that if they just did more of that, their brains and their hearts would remember how good things could be between them. But he was afraid to bring the subject up again. What if Reid still thought it was too soon or too much? What if Reid liked having more time to himself and his work? He was still under so much stress with this department head thing at the hospital. Maybe after the board voted…

Reid stirred and inhaled. He looked up at Luke and then backed away, breaking his contact with Luke’s bare chest.

“What are you thinking about?” Reid asked.

“Christmas,” Luke lied easily. “What do you want?”

Reid shook his head. “Nothing,” he said.

“Well,” Luke replied, as Reid checked the clock and rolled off him and out of bed. “I’m going to get you something so think about it.”

Reid, his back to Luke as he pulled his jeans up over his bare ass, nodded in response. Luke rolled to his side and propped his head on his hand as he watched Reid move around the room.

“When do you want to do our Christmas? I’m done with everything by…Wednesday, I think.”

Reid disappeared into the bathroom. “It will have to be that day then,” he called out. “I’ve picked up a few night shifts in the urgent care clinic that week for people going out of town.”

Luke collapsed back onto the bed. “Working during the holidays. Surprise, surprise,” he muttered.

He jumped when Reid replied; he hadn’t expected him to hear his comment, but Reid was leaning against the bathroom door and holding his toothbrush in his hand.

“It’s not like I have any other plans,” he said pointedly.

Luke sighed. He really didn’t want to fight again. And this one was all his fault, and yet _still_ he couldn’t stop himself from responding.

“Passive-aggressive does not look good on you,” he said as he sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. He reached out for his pants as he added, “Neither does hypocrisy.”

Reid snorted, heading back into the bathroom. “What is that supposed to mean?” he said loudly over the running faucet.

“It means…God,” Luke said, shaking his head as he pulled on his clothes, trying to convince himself to just stop talking and cool down for a while. “It means you haven’t told your family. You’ve never even told me anything about them. Why do you get away with not even talking about them to me but you want me to make you a part of my family traditions?”

“Because,” Reid said, coming back into the bedroom and going to the closet. “Because you have a relationship with your family. You want to continue to have one.”

“It scares me,” Luke admitted, “how little you value your family. How little they seem to mean to you and how easy it apparently is for you to completely turn your back on people you’re supposed to love.”

“You’re not the only one who had a shitty childhood, Luke.”

Luke shook his head, going into the bathroom himself as Reid continued.

“The only difference is I don’t want to put myself through that anymore. I’m not a masochist.”

Luke stared into the bathroom mirror for a while, gripping the edge of the sink. Then he caught a glimpse of Reid’s toothbrush, now back in its usual spot, and he exhaled slowly.

“ _Why_ is this so important to you? Why do you want them to know so badly?”

After a moment, Reid began speaking quietly. Luke turned to see him in the door again, and he leaned back against the bathroom counter.

“Because when you’re trying to make a life with someone, you tell people about it, and you deal with any consequences. It’s not supposed to be a secret. You have in-laws! You don’t have teenage bullshit sneaky high school relationships.”

Luke laughed humorlessly, pushed off the counter and squeezed out the door past Reid.

“Because if I choose to do something a certain way you don’t like, it’s because of my age. And if I don’t like something you do, it’s because of my age.”

“Yes, I see a definite pattern.”

“Don’t try to be cute,” Luke spit out, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door of the bedroom.

“I need this, Luke,” Reid said urgently. Luke stopped and turned to him. “I need to know that you’ll commit to us, that you’ll choose…”

Luke stared at him, waiting for Reid to continue. “Choose what?”

“Me! Us. I feel like you have this exit strategy all planned or something. As soon as you want out, all you’ll have to do is tell them and wait for the ultimatum and then it will be ‘Oh, Reid, how can I turn my back on my family? You know how much they mean to me!’”

Luke opened and closed his mouth, at a loss. Finally, he said, “How can you even say that to me? I left my family to come here, remember? I have been trying so hard to make this work and to – to protect us, and – why can’t you believe me when I tell you my reasons, no matter how silly they might be? I know it’s stupid. I know I should tell them and I have no _mature_ reason not to, but it’s my family and my decision, and it has _nothing_ to do with wanting an escape route!”

“Fine,” Reid said, shaking his head and turning away from Luke.

Luke stared at him for a beat, and then he nearly dropped his coat as he searched inside the pockets for his phone. “OK,” he muttered.

Reid turned to him again. “What are you doing?”

“I’m calling them. I’m telling Grandma to set an extra plate at the dinner table.”

Reid crossed the room in two steps and took the phone from him. “No.”

“Oh my God, make up your mind!”

Reid shook his head. “I don’t want you to tell them because I – I want you to tell them because _you_ want to.”

Luke fell back against the door, exhaling harshly. Then he shook his head. “I just – I can’t deal with this right now. I’ve got to study for my exams.”

“What else is new?” Reid said.

Luke reached out and took his phone from Reid. Then he turned and walked away. He didn’t stop moving until he closed the front door behind him. Falling back against the door, he lifted his hand to his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath, trying not to break down.


	53. Chapter 53

“Oh, Luke!”

Luke stopped suddenly, turning to the voice. The last student org meeting of the semester had finished, and he just wanted to get home. His stuff was all packed, the plane was coming the next day, and he’d be spending tonight with Reid. Luke was really looking forward to just hanging out with him, relaxing together, maybe some Christmas music and mistletoe. Hopefully since his semester was finally over and at least some of their combined stress was gone, they could just…Luke didn’t even know anymore.

Something had to give.

But first, he had to see what Claire wanted. He walked back over to her, and she indicated he should come inside her office. Luke tried not to feel too curious about what was going on as he sat in the guest chair.

“Luke,” Claire began, sitting down across from him. “I’ve been grading the creative writing projects and…Luke, is everything OK?”

A flush of worry rushed through Luke.

“What do you mean?”

“Luke, this is not your usual quality of work, I’m afraid to say. I’m concerned.”

“What are you saying? Are you saying I failed?”

“No, no. A C, maybe. Combined with the rest of the work this semester, it’s not going to drastically affect your overall grade. I’m more worried about you.”

Luke stared at the floor. He cleared his throat. “Everything’s fine,” he finally said. “It was just a – a rough semester. I promise in the spring, I’ll work harder.”

Claire looked at him for a long beat. “OK,” she said with a shrug. “Let me know if I can help with anything.”

Luke nodded quickly, then escaped the office. As soon as he was a few feet away, he exhaled roughly, closing his eyes for a moment.

**

Luke stared out the window of his grandmother’s car as the driver brought him to his mother's house. Everything in Oakdale looked exactly the same, and Luke smiled. He was surprised to realize that he missed it. It didn’t really feel like home anymore, but he wondered if any place else would ever really feel like home in _quite_ the same way. It was nice to be back, and see the familiar Christmas decorations and the businesses he remembered going to as a child.

He hadn’t seen Reid the night before, after all. Reid got paged to help deal with a four-car pile-up. Secretly, it wasn’t as disappointing as it probably should have been. Luke and Sean went to a movie and out for pizza, and then they dropped Reid’s present and some leftovers off in his office before heading home. Luke’s phone that morning had a brief text from Reid, a _Thanks, have a safe trip, love you_ that made Luke smile a little sadly.

The car pulled into his mother’s driveway then, and Luke stopped thinking about Reid and everything going on in Dallas. He helped the driver get his luggage and thanked him profusely. When he turned towards the front door, it was already opening and Natalie was running outside. Faith followed her, clearly excited but trying to act as cool as only a girl her age could.

“Luke! Luke! Luke!” Natalie yelled, flinging herself into his arms for a hug. “You’re home!”

“Oh my God, you guys! Come on, get inside. You don’t have any coats on,” Luke said, laughing as he tried to hug both of his sisters at the same time.

Natalie grabbed his hand and Luke picked up his suitcase, and they all made their way to the door. Lily was standing there, Ethan standing behind her and clutching her leg. Luke bent down as soon as he got close enough.

“Hi buddy!”

Ethan gave him a smile, then hid his face behind Lily’s leg. Luke glanced up, confused.

“What’s going on? Doesn’t he remember me?”

“Oh, he’s being shy with everyone these days. Don’t take it personally.”

Luke stood and grinned at Lily. She reached out, cupping his chin and turning his face side-to-side. She looked down at him.

“My God, you’ve lost weight. Aren’t you eating?”

Luke rolled his eyes, closing the distance between them to hug her. As soon as her arms wrapped around him, Luke suddenly could barely restrain his emotions. He hadn’t – he didn’t – there was something about her that... Luke blinked rapidly. She started to back away, and Luke tightened his embrace.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Lily asked.

Luke shook his head quickly. “It’s just…been a really long semester.”

If he thought Lily’s observations about his weight were overprotective, it was nothing compared to Emma’s reaction when he went over to the farm to see her and his father. She sat him down and fed him three helpings of dinner immediately. Holden asked him all about school, and Luke tried to act like everything was fine. He wasn’t sure how much he fooled him.

And he was pretty sure he didn’t fool Lucinda at all. She watched him like a hawk whenever they were together. She didn’t confront him, though, so Luke just pretended he didn’t notice.

**

The first day he was back in Dallas, Luke called both his parents and left messages on their voicemail services letting them know he had arrived safely. After that, he unpacked, then he fell back flat onto his bed and stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

The second day, he ran errands. He went to the grocery store and bought his textbooks for the next semester and paid bills.

The third day, he finally went to see Reid.

He knocked on the door out of courtesy, and then opened it with his key as usual. He closed the door softly, looking up as he heard Reid enter the room from the hallway. When Reid met his eyes, Luke gave him a small smile.

Reid paused for a moment before walking over to him.

“Did you have a good trip?”

“Mm-hmm.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, and Luke searched Reid’s eyes for…something. Reid finally reached out and put his hand to Luke’s cheek. Luke turned into it, nuzzling his palm, feeling his heart rate increase and his breathing get shallow. Reid took another step forward, leaning closer and closing his eyes as he prepared to – Reid’s beeper went off.

Luke’s eyes opened, and he exhaled.

“I have to go to the hospital,” Reid said regretfully.

Luke nodded in resignation. Reid kissed his cheek before backing away. He grabbed his jacket and his keys, and he left the apartment. Luke, still standing just inside the door, closed his eyes and sighed.

**

The next morning, Luke’s phone rang at an ungodly early hour. He stared at the screen, confused. It was his grandmother. Luke answered the phone, dropping his head back to his pillow with a sigh.

“Hello Grandmother.”

“Luke, darling, you need to come home,” Lucinda said.

Luke sat straight up, wiping at his eyes. “Huh?”

“There’s been…honey, I don’t know how to tell you this. Your cousin Brad is dead.”

“What?!”

“It’s – everything’s been insane here the last couple days. Katie went missing the same day you left for Texas. She was kidnapped, and Brad and Jack went to rescue her. There was lots of confusion. Jack accidentally shot Brad.”

“Oh my God,” Luke breathed out. “Is – is Katie OK?”

“Physically. She went into labor, but the baby’s fine.”

“Oh my God,” Luke repeated, climbing out of bed and looking around for his clothes.

“You can come home?”

“Yeah, yeah. School doesn’t start for another week.”

“Good,” Lucinda said quickly. Then she added, “Will you call Dr. Oliver? I think Katie could use all the support she can get right now, and there’s room enough on the plane for both of you, of course.”

Luke stopped moving abruptly. “Yeah, OK,” he said nervously. “I’ll – I’ll have to find his nu – ”

“Not now, Luke. You can lie to your parents, but not to me.”

Luke blinked. “When will the plane be here?”

“They’re fueling now. In a couple hours.”

“OK. See you soon, Grandmother.”

“Goodbye, darling.”

Luke hung up the phone and stared at it. He was in too much shock to be truly upset for Brad or Katie or Jack yet. And he was too confused to be truly worried that his grandmother knew about him and Reid. He looked up, glancing around the room for a moment, and then he focused on his phone again. He dialed Reid’s number and waited for him to answer.

**

Luke didn’t really know how to act or what to say, so he backed into the far corner of the farm’s living room and just watched the others talk after Brad’s funeral. He kept sneaking furtive glances at Katie and Reid. Katie looked exhausted and destroyed, and she was leaning against Reid. Reid held the sleeping baby ( _Jacob_ ), and just as Luke looked over, Reid caressed his nose with his index finger. Luke smiled. Reid was better with kids than he’d ever admit.

Lucinda appeared next to him unexpectedly, and Luke looked away, trying not to be obvious about moving his head.

“Who do you think you’re fooling?” Lucinda asked with a chuckle.

Luke focused on the glass of water in his hands.

“He is very good-looking,” Lucinda observed. “I can’t say as I bla – ”

“ _Grandmother._ ”

Lucinda held up her hand in mock surrender. Luke sighed.

“How long have you known?” Luke asked quietly.

Lucinda shrugged. “I started to suspect shortly after Katie’s wedding.” Luke’s head shot around as he stared at Lucinda in surprise. “I more or less knew when my grandson – _my_ grandson who could go to Yale or Harvard or Stanford or Oxford or anywhere in the world, decided to go to college in _Dallas, Texas_. And then I confirmed it after I got cell phone records for both of you.”

Luke blinked, his mouth wide open.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised,” Lucinda scoffed.

Luke searched for a response. “Why didn’t you…say anything?”

“Everyone’s allowed to make their own choices in life,” Lucinda explained. “It’s how we learn and grow. And I’m your grandmother. I love you, and nothing makes me happier than to see you happy.”

Luke nodded, glancing away for a moment.

“Luke,” Lucinda continued relentlessly. “You’re not happy.”

Luke stared at the ground. He just barely shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”

Lucinda took a step around until she was standing straight in front of Luke. She placed two fingers under his chin and lifted his head so he was looking at her.

“You are the bravest, strongest, most loving boy – man!” Lucinda gestured in emphasis, bracelets clinking loudly on her wrist. “Man I know. You will do what you have to.”


	54. Chapter 54

Luke said his goodbyes to everyone else earlier in the day, and only Katie and Jacob saw them off at the airport. Well, Jacob didn’t do much besides sleep in his car seat while the three of them said goodbye. Katie held him tightly, and then she hugged Reid even longer, fighting tears.

“Thank you both so much for – for everything.”

Reid bent his knees slightly so he could meet her eyes, and he ran his thumbs across her cheeks, clearing away the moisture. “Call me,” he said. “Come visit if you need to get out of town.”

Katie nodded. She backed away, turning to Luke again and kissing his cheek. She then stepped farther back and looked at them, a sad smile on her face.

“I’m just – I’m so happy you two…” she broke off, blinking rapidly as she shook her head. “Just – life is short, you guys. Enjoy every moment you can together, because you’ll regret every minute you spend apart.”

Luke smiled sadly, unable to look at Reid. Reid didn’t reply either; he simply bent forward to kiss Katie’s cheek.

**

Late that night, they were finally back in Texas. Through some unspoken agreement, Luke went back to the condo with Reid. They undressed in silence and climbed into bed. Luke sighed as his head hit the pillow. He closed his eyes, trying to relax, painfully aware of how Reid was only inches away from him and how the edges of their hands just barely touched.

For ten minutes, Luke attempted to fall asleep.

And then he sat up straight.

“Reid?”

He heard Reid shift on the bed. “Hmm?”

“Reid, one of us has to say it.”

There was a long pause, and then he felt Reid sit up behind him. “I…can’t. Please don’t make me be the one,” Reid said, his voice soft in Luke’s ear.

Luke nodded. “OK.” He inhaled shakily. “This isn’t working. We’re – broken, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

After a beat, Reid said, “I've been trying to figure it out, and...I don’t think there’s anything to _fix_.”

Luke turned quickly, leaning over to flip on the lamp. He stared at Reid incredulously. “How can you say that? You don’t think there’s something seriously wrong here?”

Reid maneuvered until he was sitting cross-legged. He ran his hands down his face. “That’s not what I mean. I mean…I think we’ve both made mistakes, me especially, and we’ve hurt each other, but fundamentally, I don’t think either of us is _wrong_. We both want the same thing – to be a part of each other’s lives.”

Luke furrowed his brow, waiting. Reid sighed.

“We just don’t know how to do that. We can’t figure out how to fit. I don’t want to rob you of any experiences, and I know you don’t feel like you belong in my world, and so maybe both of us are scared to push for too much. Luke, we never have dealt with the main issue between us. We just pushed it under the rug. And I think we got cocky, because something would come up, and we’d deal with the immediate issue, and we’d congratulate ourselves when all we really did was treat the symptoms. But you can put band-aids over gaping wounds for only so long.”

“That’s a lot of metaphors,” Luke observed quietly.

Reid laughed. “I’m not a writer, OK?”

Luke smiled sadly.

“You want to live in your first apartment and go on spring break trips and figure out your identity and what the rest of your life is going to be like, and I think you deserve someone who’s just as eager and _open_ about life and the world,” Reid continued softly. “And I wish I could be that for you, I do. But, God, I can’t believe I’m even _saying_ this, I want to settle down. I want routine and constancy, and I want someone who wants to live with me and introduce me to his parents. I don’t want to feel like my life’s on hold anymore. And neither one of us is wrong; we’re just – ”

“Thirteen years apart.”

“And we’re always going to be. Even beyond what others think or say, that’s going to cause us problems. I think the fact that neither one of us is really getting what we want or need here is causing this frustration. And it’s – it’s festered and led to things like jealousy and anger and making unfair, catty comments about immaturity.”

“Or me freaking out over little things and not telling you my fears out of insecurity. And you not willing to accept that I can help you as much as you can help me. Not letting me in, because you want to protect me or take care of me. And maybe both of us just, when things go wrong, pulling away and trying to deal with our own problems.”

Reid closed his eyes, exhaling.

“I don’t think we can go on like this anymore,” Luke said, his voice breaking. “And if you’re right, if it’s coming out of the fact that we’re in different places and – and there’s nothing to fix, then that means…”

“I think so,” Reid whispered.

Luke dropped his head forward for a moment, fighting a sob. “What about what Katie said? I don’t want any regrets.”

“I think I’ll regret it more if we ruin this completely, if I destroy everything about you that I love.”

“You still love me?” Luke asked, sniffing.

Reid reached out, placing his palms on Luke’s cheeks. “Of course. I love you so much I just want you to be happy. Are you happy?”

Luke looked down, his whole body shaking. “I want to be with you. I love you.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Reid said, his voice barely audible.

Luke shook his head.

Reid leaned forward quickly, pulling Luke in for a soft kiss. Luke clutched at him, not letting him go, kissing him again and again. Their hands moved over each other’s bodies, their rough breaths and the slide of skin against skin the only sounds in the deathly quiet room. It was slow and sad, and they blinked away tears as they committed every moment to memory. They came with strangled moans, their lips still pressed together tightly, and they ultimately fell asleep in each other’s arms one last time.

**

Reid was in the kitchen already when Luke walked into the room the next morning. Luke hesitated for a moment, unsure what he should say, what the protocol was for something like this. Should he leave immediately? Should he tell Reid he – what? He’ll miss him? Should he thank him for –

“You want some coffee?” Reid asked, his back still to Luke.

“Sure,” Luke said softly. He sat down by the counter.

Reid reached out, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and pouring a fresh cup. He added just the right amount of cream before facing Luke and handing him the mug. They met each other’s eyes, and after a moment, Luke offered Reid a grim smile.

“Are you hungry?”

Luke swallowed and shook his head. “No, I’m OK.”

Reid nodded slowly. There was a short, uncomfortable pause, and then Reid stepped closer, sitting in the seat next to Luke. He interlocked his fingers and stared down at his hands.

“Reid,” Luke said, feeling nervously hopeful. “Do you think that…maybe someday we’ll – ”

“I don’t think we should think like that,” Reid interrupted. He glanced up, making eye contact with Luke again. His expression was sad but firm. “I don’t think we can – cling to something that might never happen. Luke, you have to promise me.”

Luke momentarily furrowed his brow, and Reid turned closer to him.

“Promise me this will be worth it. That you’re going to actually live your life. Learn things, hang out with your friends, discover who you are and who you want to be, have fun. Don’t, _please_ don’t, shut yourself off to any experience, even…even love, if you meet someone you really like.”

Luke swallowed thickly. “I promise,” he said roughly.

Reid nodded, standing and turning away from Luke. Luke searched for words, finally finding them as Reid placed his empty mug in the sink.

“You too,” Luke said urgently.

Reid faced him, a confused expression on his face.

“Don’t go back to that guy I first met, who buried himself in his work and barely gave anyone the time of day, unless he could do it with an insult. Please. Promise me you’ll continue to – to grow and really let yourself feel things and – ”

“I promise,” Reid said, a sincere expression in his eyes.

“It’s funny,” Luke said in a near whisper. “I feel like we finally remembered how to talk honestly with each other and how to…listen.”

Reid gave Luke a sad smile. Luke pressed his lips together. And then he stood quickly, abandoning his full cup of coffee and walking into the bedroom. Reid followed him. He watched silently as Luke pulled on his shoes and grabbed his jacket. And then Luke turned, stopping abruptly when his eyes caught a glimpse of the closet.

“I – I have…”

Reid looked down at the ground.

“I have a lot to catch up on at work,” he said, struggling to sound casual. “I’ll probably be there until at least 6:30.”

Luke nodded, taking the hint. He inhaled deeply, and he started walking again. He brushed past Reid, who followed him again, this time to the front door. Luke paused, then faced Reid. They stared at each other for a long moment.

“May I kiss you?” Reid asked softly.

Luke blinked. “No.”

Reid didn’t say anything.

“If you do, I think it’ll be worse. I think I won’t be able to leave.”

Reid nodded, closing his eyes briefly. “OK.”

Luke stared at him for one more beat. Then he turned and walked out of the condo.

**

When Luke arrived back at his apartment, Sean was already there. He had returned earlier in the week, while Luke was in Oakdale for Brad’s funeral, and he came back with a crappy used car of his very own. He immediately asked if Luke wanted to drive around, just because they could. Luke shook his head, and instead he recruited him to go back to Reid’s condo.

A few hours later, they had boxed up Luke’s clothes and books and some healthy food that he knew Reid would never eat and his expensive shampoo that Reid always teased him about and his bag of medication he kept there. Luke couldn’t figure out how so much stuff had migrated to Reid’s condo over the last year and a half, considering they technically weren’t supposed to be living together.

Sean made stupid, inappropriate jokes the entire time, trying to keep Luke from crying. And then he carried the boxes downstairs to give Luke some time alone. Luke ended up in the bathroom, where he sat on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub and held Reid’s toothbrush tightly in his hand. He stared at the floor, working his jaw and blinking rapidly.

Sean appeared in the doorway, and he glanced at the toothbrush in confusion.

“Ready?”

After a moment, Luke nodded. He stood and stepped over to the counter. He placed the toothbrush in the left slot, and he turned it until it faced left. He walked past Sean and led him to the living room, where he reached into his pocket for Reid’s car key. He placed it on the coffee table and then started walking again. Sean followed him quietly.

Luke pulled the front door shut behind them. He locked it. And then he took a deep breath and removed the door key from his keychain. Crouching down, he opened the mail slot and pushed the key through. He heard a soft thump as it landed on the floor on the other side. He closed his eyes for a moment, stood up and turned to Sean.

“Let’s go home.”

**

At 7:30, Reid finally walked through the front door of his condo. He nearly tripped over his own feet when he saw the key on the floor. He bent down to pick it up, and then he walked slowly over to the coffee table, placing it next to the car key already there.

He inhaled deeply, looking around the room. Then he forced himself to walk through the other rooms, to face the truth, to make it real. There were so many things just gone, and the place was so empty.

Reid sat down on the foot of the bed. He closed his eyes and took several shuddering breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some not-so-small, sick, evil part of me wanted to end it here and say “Sorry! First loves rarely last!
> 
> But, *sigh*, I didn’t. Because I couldn’t leave them like this. And because I think _real_ love does last, even if it is first, even if that love is not enough by itself. And Luke and Reid do really love each other.
> 
> It’s kind of funny to me, because in comments (when I first posted this on LJ), so many readers seemed to see their relationship as perfectly happy with a few moments of angst. I never saw this as anything but periods of relative calm during an inevitable train wreck (ha ha ha). In my opinion, they didn’t have a stable foundation and they weren't on the same page, so it was never going to last. By the way, the Nuke-like behaviors were intentional, because I think that there were things Luke learned from that experience that made him a more confident, stronger person in terms of knowing what he wanted in a relationship and therefore in a better place to be an equal partner with Reid. I also think Reid, like Noah, had the tendency or predisposition to withdraw and isolate himself and go back to what he knows and feels comfortable with (himself and his career) and, let’s face it, be rather bluntly cruel when things went wrong or got uncertain; at least, he had that tendency before he saw how much better life _could_ be. There also were things Reid learned from his own experiences and other relationships, from living with Katie especially at that time in _her_ life, from being able to observe Luke’s unhealthier behaviors from an outsider’s perspective and recognize the things he’d never knowingly put Luke through (things he was too emotionally close to here, in this story).
> 
> My goal was to establish realistic, long-term-relationship patterns and dynamics that would break them down to the point of no return before I could start to build them up again. Which, because they do have _some_ relationship and communication skills and a great deal of love for each other, will happen sooner rather than later.


	55. Chapter 55

In January, Luke went in for a check-up with Dr. Baker. He was awake the entire night before, trying to decide if he hoped he’d _accidentally_ run into Reid or if he hoped to avoid him completely. That concern became unimportant, however, when Dr. Baker walked into the exam room and tossed several file folders down on the desk.

Luke glanced up at him, startled. He sank further and further into his chair as Dr. Baker scolded him. About his weight and diet, about his stress levels and the amount of sleep he was getting, about the test results that were far from optimal, about probabilities and risk factors and side effects and –

And Luke couldn’t take it anymore. Dr. Baker sat there, somewhat flabbergasted, as Luke broke into tears. He tried to explain, but he couldn’t really form coherent English sentences. Dr. Baker seemed to figure out what he was trying to say though, and he put a hand on Luke’s shoulder while he sobbed.

In January, Reid worked 15 to 20 hour shifts. He averaged two or three planned surgeries a week, and the occasional unplanned one. He finished a manuscript and sent it off for publication. He faked his way through a few board meetings. He snapped at idiotic patients and ignored colleagues and made nurses cry.

One day, he was sitting in the cafeteria, eating an extremely unhealthy lunch. He was exuding standoffishness as he read an article in the _Journal of Neurosurgery_. That didn’t stop Dan Baker from sitting across from him. Reid looked up, not even bothering to summon the energy to glare at him. Baker gave him a small smile.

“What?” Reid asked.

Baker shrugged. “I made a promise to someone today that I would keep an eye on you.”

Reid stared at his tray.

**

In February, Luke forced himself to go out. He went for dinners and movies with Sean and Sara. He played basketball at the student gym with some guys he knew from the dorms. He participated in every single event the social work org planned. He went to concerts and lecture series and art exhibits. He started going down the list of the tourist things he had planned back in his senior year of high school, things he and Reid never did get around to.

He went to class. He went to study groups. He went to review sessions. He spent hours holed up in the library, making up for his less-than-stellar grades of the previous semester.

He made up for other things too – like focusing on his diet and exercise and properly monitoring his health. He called his family more often; he talked with Casey on instant messenger.

He kept himself busy.

In February, the board appointed Porter to be chief of neurology. Reid and Porter didn’t actively detest each other, so it could have been worse.

Chris Taylor caught up to Reid in the hallway after the vote. Reid sighed as he turned to face Taylor. When the other man said something about dinner and consolation and how Reid deserved so much better, Reid finally snapped.

“How much clearer can I make it?” he had asked, his voice in a low hiss. “I’m not interested. Back off before I sue you for harassment.”

He walked away, leaving a speechless Taylor in his wake.

**

In March, Luke, Sean, Sara and two other friends went to Cancun.

Luke didn’t drink. He didn’t hook up with anyone.

He did learn to scuba dive. He went parasailing, and on tours of Mayan ruins. He sat out on beaches at night and talked with kids his age from all over the place. He danced. He tried all sorts of presumably authentic Mexican food. He watched the sun set over the water every night, and one day he even watched it rise.

In March, Reid flew to Arizona for a week. Each day, the conversations between him and his parents grew a little less awkward, a little less full of noticeable silences. He talked books and discussed Department of Education policy with his mother; he played chess and yelled at Fox News with his father. He went to antique shops with his mother, and he walked around the yard, staring at nothing, with his father.

The night before he left, he told them he had fallen in love for the first time. He told them it was over now, and he told them he wished he had introduced them both to Luke.

He took a convoluted way back, flying from Arizona to Texas by way of Boston. He was there for only a few hours, just long enough to stand in front of his sister’s grave. He didn’t say much at first; he simply closed his eyes and tried to remember her.

And then he began to talk. He talked to her for hours, rolling his eyes at himself for it but unable to stop. He told her the things she had missed while he was growing up, random things that had happened after she was gone. He told her about Annie Judd. He told her about Luke. He told her that he was angry as hell at her for leaving him, and he forgave her.

**

In April, a new kid joined the social work org, and after two meetings, Luke finally admitted he was a little smitten. He reminded himself of a promise he had made after Noah and had vowed again after he broke up with Reid: physical intimacy meant something to him. He would not go all the way unless and until he was in love. But, he reminded himself, there were a lot of things that someone could do that wasn’t “all the way.”

Not that it was really an issue. Because, and Luke realized this was such a pretentious college student cliché, but their connection was deep and intellectual, not physical. They’d go for coffee, and they’d sit in the shop for hours, talking philosophy, psychology, poetry, music, art, politics, history, anything they could think of. Adam was brilliant and funny, and Luke could listen to him talk for hours as his coffee grew cold.

Three weeks after they met, Adam finally kissed him. There was no spark whatsoever, and the appeal of just talking to someone began to fade.

In April, Reid still had lunch with Baker, where he was actually starting to participate in conversations more. He still worked long hours, taking in three new patients. One of them was in pediatrics, and he used the opportunity to secretly practice his small talk and pleases and thank yous with Suzette. (He finally remembered her name.) She seemed to know exactly what he was doing, but she didn’t say anything.

But he actually took time off too. When he wasn’t working, he left his condo. He started by doing things on Luke’s list of tourist traps. He expanded from it, checking out different restaurants and other places. He had lived in Dallas for years; he was finally getting to know it.

**

In May, Luke came dangerously close to breaking his promise to himself. He and Travis had absolutely nothing in common, evidenced by the fact that Travis was happy with grades just good enough to hang onto his wrestling scholarship. Luke certainly wasn’t in love with him. But he was hot like burning, and when he kissed Luke, Luke went weak in the knees. And damn, could he pin a guy to the ground in no time at all. It was a flash-in-the-pan affair, fizzling out almost as soon as it started, and going no further than frottage and handjobs and hot, hot, hot make-out sessions.

If nothing else, Luke learned he could be with someone physically without feeling like a dirty, guilty cheater. That realization made him almost as sad as it made him happy.

He also celebrated his birthday, and that morning, he stared in the mirror and told himself he was no longer a teenager. He was no longer a kid. And while he knew that wasn’t entirely true, he really did feel a new sort of strength and maturity these days. He had learned how to be on his own without feeling alone, how to make hard choices and live with them, how to learn from mistakes, how to love his family without dedicating his life to their drama, how to love himself without basing that on whether anyone else did.

In May, Reid went for coffee three times, for dinner twice, and to bed once with a pharmaceutical drug rep. On paper, they were perfect together, and Reid was rather fond of him. If he tried, he could see them doing all the little things couples did. He could see them living together someday, merging their lives and their homes. He could see himself content.

But he couldn’t see himself happy. He hadn’t lied to Luke; he wanted a mundane, shared, daily existence. But he wanted it with someone he loved.

**

Over the summer, Luke did a five-credit internship, working for the development office of the local LGBT youth center. On days he wasn’t working, he’d still go in and talk to the kids, counseling them in his own way. His actual project was to help the center raise funds for a new facility, and watching them break ground was one of the proudest days of his life.

He had a check-up with Dr. Baker, who was more or less happy with changes he had made and the new test results. He decided to change Luke’s prescription, though, which put Luke out of commission for a while as his body protested.

Casey came to visit for a week, before he moved to Carbondale, where he was transferring for their pre-law program. Luke had to hide his smirk as Sean and Casey subtly competed with each other for a few days. By the third day of Casey’s trip, though, they were suddenly totally cool with each other – and even ganging up on Luke.

Over the summer, Reid was invited to a conference in D.C. and co-authored a chapter in a book. A hospital in California and the Mayo Clinic both made subtle overtures. Reid seriously considered both of them, but there wasn’t enough reason yet to tempt him to make the move. He didn’t know what exactly he was waiting for, but he’d know the right offer when he saw it.

In the meantime, he started volunteering at a walk-in clinic for patients without insurance. It wasn’t neurosurgery, of course, just quick-and-dirty medicine. But Reid liked it that way, too. He didn't like the germ-infested waiting rooms quite so much. Stupid Luke and his do-gooding influence.

Katie and Jacob came to visit for a week. She was doing as well as could be, and they spent a lot of time talking quietly. Reid comforted her as best he could, and then he told her hard truths about grief and loss and moving on, truths he himself had needed to learn both professionally and personally. By the time she left, she seemed ready to face the world again, like she had just been waiting for someone to tell her it was OK to get up off the mat.

**

Late August, Luke was gearing up for his last year of school. He had a full course load, as usual, and he’d also need to figure out what he was going to do for his honors project. It was going to be busy, but he was pretty sure he had figured out how to balance work and play last semester, which he should be able to continue. At the very least, that weekend was Claire’s end-of-the-summer barbecue, and he was looking forward to one last weekend of simple fun.

Late August, Baker caught up to Reid in the hall and asked if he was coming to the barbecue. Reid hemmed and hawed until Baker finally said that Luke wouldn’t be there, that he’d gone home for a visit before school started. Reid ultimately agreed to come.

**

Claire greeted Reid enthusiastically when he arrived. Reid heard noises coming from the backyard, and while social events still weren’t his preferred way to spend a day, his practice had paid off and he didn’t dread joining the other guests either. He started to follow Claire through the house towards the patio door. And that’s when they ran into Luke. Both men stopped abruptly and stared at each other. Claire subtly kept walking.

“Reid!” Luke finally said.

“Hi,” Reid replied. He was supposed to be a genius and that was the best he could do?

Luke shook his head. “How – are you?”

“I’m good,” Reid said, nodding. He actually meant it. “You?”

“Yeah, good.”

They looked at each other again, the silence stretching out. Reid inhaled, needing to say something, anything, when someone called out Luke’s name. Luke half-turned, glancing over his shoulder.

“I gotta…”

Reid nodded.

Luke turned and walked outside. Reid followed him more slowly. He bypassed the food table to go directly to Baker. The other man greeted him, but Reid simply glared.

“What’s up?” Baker asked with fake-sounding innocence.

Reid tilted his head slightly in Luke’s direction.

“Oh. That. He must have changed his plans,” Baker said breezily, lifting a bottle of beer to his lips to hide his smile.

“I hate you.”

Reid walked away, ignoring Baker’s laugh. He grabbed a plate of food and made an effort to talk to some of the other people from the hospital. His eyes kept drifting over to where Luke was laughing happily and joking with friends.

Luke looked unbelievably good.

**

Luke tried to act normally. He probably was laughing just a little too loudly, though. And he wasn’t quite following the conversation around him.

That was because he could feel eyes on him. Intense, blue eyes that even now could make him start to hyperventilate and his heart race. Luke could feel the flush rising up his neck, and his whole body tingled.

At the end of the party, Luke casually began to help pick things up, maneuvering in such a way to end up by Reid.

“Hi again,” he said.

Reid smiled.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk,” Luke said sincerely and perhaps just a touch leadingly.

“Me too,” Reid murmured, looking straight into his eyes.

“Maybe…coffee sometime?” Luke felt absolutely breathless.

Reid smiled again. “I’ll call you.”

He wanted to call that night. He told himself to wait three days. He lasted two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. I said it would happen sooner rather than later! There is a real reason for this strategy, though, besides laziness. We've already done the several chapters apart, one chapter to get back together thing (remember what I said about an unstable foundation? :D ). Time to reverse that!


	56. Chapter 56

“The only reason,” Sara said, mouth dropping open with a yawn, “that I’m up this early is because my boss pays me to be. For what _possible_ reason could you be awake?”

Luke smiled as he sat down on the couch next to where she was curled up with her breakfast. He pulled on his shoes and bent over to tie them.

“Coffee thing,” he said.

Sara looked him over. “Who is he?”

Luke sat up, blushing lightly and scratching at his eyebrow. “Who?”

“The guy you’re meeting for coffee.”

“I…”

“Luke. You’re not exactly known for your fashion sense around here. And yet, right now, you look so good, I’d jump you and I’m neither single nor a gay man. Ooh, is it that guy you were telling me about from your – ”

“It’s Reid.”

There was a short pause. “Ah.”

“What?” Luke sighed.

“So, is this,” Sara gestured broadly at him, “an attempt for a little sex-with-the-ex or a look-what-you-gave-up thing?”

“Neither,” Luke said, laughing. “We’re just…catching up.”

“And what does that mean in gay man speak?”

Luke gave her a look and stood. “I’m going to be late.”

“Don’t do anything I’d do!” Sara called after him.

**

The coffee shop was really, really full. That was the excuse Luke gave himself as he led Reid to the tiny two-person table in the back corner. It had nothing to do with the fact that that table had a semblance of privacy. Nothing to do with the fact that their knees couldn’t help but bump and touch underneath the table. And it was because the shop was so full and noisy that Luke had to rest on his elbows and lean across the table closer to Reid, just to hear him. No other reason.

The conversation was stilted for maybe five or six minutes, and then they just nearly tripped over their own tongues with all the things they had to say to each other. There was so much they really had to catch up on. At the moment, Reid was making him laugh with a story about a chain-reaction klutz incident involving three patients at the walk-in clinic. Despite his outer appearance of amusement, however, the two main feelings Luke was experiencing were happiness that Reid was actually telling him _something_ about his work and, for lack of a better word, squishiness that Reid had started volunteering at such a place. He’d like to believe that was because of him, that an idea like that wouldn’t have even occurred to Reid before he met Luke.

Reid looked good. So good. And Luke would admit that he slipped into flirting more often than he probably should have. But he just couldn’t stop looking at Reid’s mouth. And when he caught Reid watching his finger as he slowly traced the rim of his coffee cup, well, he tried to make it as suggestive as possible.

This wasn’t smart. This wasn’t being careful.

Luke didn’t care.

They talked for almost an hour and a half before Reid sighed and said he really did need to get to the hospital. Luke nodded, following him to the garbage can to throw out their empty cups and then out the door of the shop. They walked next to each other, slowing down as they neared the corner where they’d have to go different directions.

Reid turned to face Luke, and he inhaled deeply. “This was fun.”

Luke nodded.

“We should do it again sometime.”

Luke beamed. “Grab some lunch maybe.”

**

“Hey. Hungry? Cafeteria’s doing mystery meat, which I know is your favorite.”

“I have other plans.”

Baker smirked.

“Shut up.”

Baker spread his hands out wide in a gesture of innocence. “I didn’t say anything.”

**

“Thanks for the ride,” Luke said, leaning against the door and twisting to face Reid. “Didn’t want to be late for class.”

Reid shook his head. “My fault for not noticing the time.”

“I’ve never been there before. Should have known you’d know where all the best sandwiches are.”

“Yeah,” Reid agreed with a laugh. “I discovered that place last summer. I actually found a couple new places.”

“Oh.” Luke said. _You should introduce me to them too_ , he thought but couldn’t say.

A car honked as it went around Reid’s parked car.

“I suppose we should stop blocking traffic,” Reid murmured.

Luke nodded. “Yeah.” He reached for the door handle, feeling somewhat frantic. If they didn’t make plans to meet again _now_ , then would they find the –

“So.”

Luke faced Reid again, but Reid seemed at a loss.

“My friend’s in a play,” Luke blurted. He immediately felt a blush rising on his neck. The more he tried to ignore it, the warmer he felt.

“OK,” Reid said slowly, confused.

Luke lifted a hand to his brow, pressing at the bone in between his eyes. “Just – I have an extra ticket if you wanted to go.”

“What play?”

“Um. Much Ado About Nothing.”

Reid made a face. “Shakespeare?”

“Yeah. Right. No.” Luke waved his hand dismissively. “Never mind.”

“No, let’s go,” Reid replied quickly.

“Really?”

“When?”

“Saturday. Matinee.”

“Can’t wait.”

Luke breathed in deeply. They stared at each other for a moment. He could have sworn that Reid started to lean forward then. And then another car honked, breaking the mood. Luke laughed.

“Bye,” Reid said with a soft smile.

“See you Saturday.”

Luke climbed out of the car. He waited until Reid drove away before he put his face in his hands, unsure if he was embarrassed or so happy he could die.

**

Luke stared into his closet late Saturday morning. What should he wear? What should he wear? He stopped worrying about it for a second when Sean came into his room. Sean flopped down on Luke’s bed and stared at him with one raised eyebrow.

“What?” Luke asked in annoyance.

“I feel like I should give you the safe sex lecture or something. When two boys really like each other – ”

Luke turned back to his closet, trying not to blush. “Shut up. We’re not going to have sex. This is simply – we’re hanging out.”

“Just friends?”

“Yeah.”

Sean snorted. “’Kay.”

“Bite me.”

“Not my type, Snyder.”

Luke laughed mockingly.

“So, Casey and I agree that you should be very, very careful,” Sean continued. Luke turned to gape at him in surprise. “But everyone knows that you’re going to get back together with him, so you should just stop pussyfooting around and, you know, go for it.”

“You were talking to Casey about this?”

“Dude, Casey and I IM all the time.”

“That really disturbs me.”

“He’s told me some fun little factoids about your high school days.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

“Stop trying to avoid the subject.”

Luke exhaled in frustration. “You know, I’m glad everyone has voted on what I should do with my love life, but it’s my choice and I’m not sure I want to…go there again.”

Luke didn’t have to look to know that Sean just rolled his eyes.

“That gray long-sleeve makes you look really hot,” Sean said, climbing off the bed and walking out of the room.

“Sure I’m not your type?” Luke called after him. He didn’t have to look to know that Sean flipped him off.

Luke stared into the closet for another minute. “We’re just hanging out,” he said to himself.

He grabbed the gray long-sleeve shirt.


	57. Chapter 57

“OK, you have to explain this to me.”

Reid’s comment barely registered with Luke at first. He was far more aware of Reid’s hand on the small of his back as he guided him through the door he was holding open for him. He turned to Reid, who followed him outside.

“Explain what?”

“Why we’re supposed to be happy for those two.”

Luke narrowed his eyes for a moment. “Beatrice and Benedick?”

“Yes! They were manipulated and tricked into a relationship.”

“No, they weren’t,” Luke objected, laughing once in shock.

“Power of suggestion,” Reid said firmly.

Luke shook his head. “Their friends merely gave them an opportunity to admit their true feelings to themselves and each other.”

“True feelings? All they did was fight.”

By that time, they were at the car. Luke crossed his arms over the roof on the passenger side and looked across to Reid.

“What’s more fun than bickering with your soul mate?”

Reid rolled his eyes and got in the car. As soon as Luke joined him, Reid glanced over. “Soul mate?”

Luke nodded in vaguely amused acceptance, staring out the window. “You don’t think soul mates exist.”

“No,” Reid said, shaking his head as he backed out of his parking space. “I think you can have people who come into your life and fill some need you didn’t realize you had. But to restrict it to one person who’s magically ‘the other half of one whole?’ To say that there can be only one love of your life?”

“Oh, come on. You can’t compare the two. Fine, so there’s no The One. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t one person you love more than anyone else you might be with.”

Reid shrugged. “OK, but have you noticed that people most often use that phrase to mourn a break-up? Oh, so-and-so _was_ the love of my life, whatever will I do now? Not very sincere to me. And really, you won’t know for sure who that person was until you’re on your death bed. It’s just a depressing concept.”

Luke made a frustrated noise. “You are so infuriating!” And that’s when he caught the barely-concealed smirk on Reid’s face. “ _And_ you’re messing with me,” he added.

“Little bit.”

“Ha ha ha. Tease the foolish romantic.”

Reid stopped at a red light. He looked over at Luke. “I don’t think it’s foolish,” he said softly. “I _do_ think that people throw those words around until they become meaningless. But that doesn’t mean that two people can’t really be that for each other.”

Luke stared at Reid for a long beat. He swallowed. And then he looked away. “Ah, light’s green.”

**

Luke hoped no one noticed that he was actually skipping down the library steps. He was in a stupidly good mood these days, and it was starting to show in bizarre ways. That morning, he actually started singing in the shower. Sean, who unfortunately had heard him, mocked him for a good ten minutes.

As he walked away from the building, Luke reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and turning the ringer back on. And then it actually rang in his hands. He was so startled, he nearly dropped it. Luke checked the screen, and his good mood got even better.

“Perfect timing,” he said as he brought the phone up to his ear. “I just left the library.”

“I know. I can see you right now.”

“What?” Luke asked, turning in a circle as he looked for Reid. “Where are you?”

“Just kidding,” Reid said, laughing.

“Ugh. Jerk.”

“So,” Reid said, changing the subject. Luke could hear the smile in his voice. “I was thinking of grabbing dinner out tonight. Care to keep me company?”

For half a second, Luke considered hesitating so he didn’t sound too eager. “Sure. Where do you want to meet?”

“I’ll pick you up.”

Luke stopped walking. He rested his free hand lightly over his stomach. His grin was starting to hurt his mouth. “Really?”

“7:30?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sounds good.”

“Great. I’m thinking somewhere nice. Dress up.”

“Oh – OK.”

**

“Soooo.”

Luke sighed. He tried valiantly to ignore Sean and Sara as he focused on tying his tie. “What?” he finally asked.

Sean shrugged teasingly.

“This is the big night, huh?” Sara asked with a grin.

“It’s dinner.”

“Mm-mm. Not just dinner. It’s the next step. This is how it works. It starts with coffee. Then a casual lunch. Something kind of fun and different, like, say, a play. And then a dinner. An _evening_ date. With nice clothes. This is the point of no return.”

“If you order something more than 20 bucks,” Sean added, “you better be prepared to put out.”

“You guys. Come on.”

“Why are you in such denial about this?” Sara asked, laughing.

“I just – don’t want to over-interpret anything.”

“Trust us, you’re not,” Sean told him. “He wants you. Bad. Guy’s probably stocked up on Viagra for tonight.”

“Oh, shut up!” Luke said.

“He’s not that old,” Sara added, laughing.

The doorbell rang. Luke hushed them both. He tried to fight the sudden nerves jangling throughout his body.

**

The dinner was, Luke would admit, quite romantic. They were seated at a back table for two. There were dim lights and candles and soft music. There were no prices listed on the menu at all, and Reid wouldn’t even let him glance at the bill. Luke was feeling a little swept off his feet. He needed a way to kind of bring the evening back to a point where he didn’t feel quite so off-balance in the face of Reid’s almost relentless charm.

And not that Luke had ever been too concerned about his lack of it, but when did Reid get charm?

“Pull over!” Luke said suddenly. “In here.”

Reid quickly complied, parking in the nearest spot and turning to Luke. “Are you OK? Are you ill?”

“No, it’s – ” Luke pointed at the sign above the rather seedy-looking bar-and-grill. “Mechanical bulls.”

Reid started laughing. “You've got to be kidding me.”

“Yippie-ki-yay.”

"No."

"Why not? It'll be fun."

“I'll have you know there are specific injuries associated with – ”

“Fine. Then just come watch me ride a bucking beast, if you’re too chicken to do it yourself,” Luke replied, a challenging glint in his eyes.

Reid watched him for a moment. Then he unhooked his seatbelt.

**

“Ah, crap!” Luke exclaimed as he nearly hit the wall of his apartment building.

Rather unexpectedly, it had been starting to sprinkle when they left the tavern after both successfully riding the bull. By the time they reached Luke’s apartment complex, it was raining. They practically raced each other to the awning by the front door.

Luke turned to face Reid, still breathing heavily. He lifted his hands and wiped his wet hair off his forehead, and he smiled broadly at Reid.

“Are you going to be OK to drive?” he asked. “You could wait it out here, you know. Come up for a while.”

His voice trailed off in embarrassment as he realized how his invitation sounded. Reid looked at him, and his eyes seemed to penetrate Luke.

“I’ll be fine,” Reid finally said.

“Oh. OK.” And then, bizarrely, Luke almost felt rejected.

Reid looked down at the ground for a moment, then back up to Luke. He gave Luke a small smile. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

Luke laughed, unable to stop his grin. “Well, thanks for inviting me. And thanks for walking me to the door.” He reached out, trying to be casual as he brushed some of the rain off Reid’s jacket. “You didn’t have to.”

“Of course I did,” Reid said, rocking closer to Luke. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m attempting to…”

Luke felt breathless, waiting for Reid to finish his sentence. When he didn’t, Luke tried not to sound too hopeful when he suggested, “Court me?”

Reid laughed. “What are you, some kind of Victorian romance heroine? I’m trying to seduce you.”

Luke couldn’t stop his own laughter. He stepped closer then, resting his palms high on Reid’s chest. “Oh, I see.”

“Mmm,” Reid responded, tilting his head slightly to look Luke in the eyes.

Luke licked his lips and inhaled. He tried to convince himself his body was shaking simply because his skin was cold and damp from the rain.

“It’s working,” he nearly whispered. Reid started to close the distance between them, pulling back when Luke added, “Should we be doing this?”

“I don’t know,” Reid said softly, honestly.

Luke slid his hands up, wrapping his arms around Reid’s neck. He pulled him close for a kiss. It was just starting to deepen when Reid broke away.

“OK, good night,” he said.

“Huh?”

Reid smiled briefly. “Good night,” he repeated.

He stepped away then, glancing one last time at Luke before sprinting through the rain again. When Luke heard the sound of the car starting, he finally snapped back to reality with a disbelieving laugh.


	58. Chapter 58

“Reid?”

“Hmm?”

Luke looked up dazedly at the roof of the car, sighing as Reid’s warm, wet mouth sucked at one side of his neck. The tips of Reid’s fingers grazed the skin on the other side and pressed softly against Luke’s racing pulse.

“Reid, what are we doing?”

“This is commonly known as making out,” Reid responded, his voice muffled by Luke’s skin.

With great effort, Luke pushed him away. He kept his hands on Reid’s shoulders to hold him back while he looked down and swallowed.

“I’m being serious. What’s going on here? Are we…”

Reid sighed. “I don’t know. I can’t predict the future. I just know I’ve missed you.”

Luke gave Reid a dopey smile. And then he shook his head quickly. “That’s exactly what I mean, though. It isn’t like we just met and we’re in the getting to know each other stage here or something. We have a very complicated history, and I think it’ll come back to bite us if we pretend we don’t. I can’t…I don’t want to let myself go here, just to lose you again.”

“And so, what?” Reid asked calmly, gesturing near his head. “You just want to end this now on the chance – ”

“No,” Luke shook his head. “No, but… I want to fight for you, I do. I want us to fight for each other. The thing is, though, we could make all these promises that we’ve changed and learned and we’re going to do things differently this time. But we don’t know that that’s true.”

Reid looked down, nodding slowly. “OK,” he said hesitantly. “So, we slow it down a bit. We show each other that it’s more than just words. We…”

“Court each other?”

“You have got to stop using that word.”

Luke smiled. And then he blurted, “I think we should hold off on sex.”

Reid looked up at him and blinked. “OK,” he finally agreed.

“I just think that we run the risk of – of – “

“Luke, I said OK.”

“OK. Good.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. Then Luke glanced away, blushing slightly. “That doesn’t mean that we can’t – ”

“Oh, thank God,” Reid breathed out, leaning forward to give Luke a relatively chaste kiss.

**

“Hello Luke.”

Luke turned to the voice even as he kept walking down the hall. “Hi Claire. How are you?”

“Good, good. I don’t need to ask you that.”

Luke shot her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you so cheerful, and that’s saying something,” Claire said knowingly. “This semester seems to be going really well for you.”

“Ah, yeah,” Luke agreed, looking ahead and fighting his blush. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Glad to hear. You had the top score in the class on the sociology assignment, by the way.”

“Really?”

“Yep!”

Luke threw his hands in the air in a mock victory celebration. Claire laughed. Then she pointed as she started to walk towards another hall.

“I’m going this way. Dan and I are on the committee for the university scholarships foundation, and there’s a meeting today.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Luke observed.

“Yeah, it’s great. It gives us a chance to work together on something, and we both feel strongly about education, obviously.”

Luke nodded. “That’s cool,” he said softly, watching her leave.

He tilted his head, thinking for a moment, and then he continued walking.

**

Luke hated to admit it, but he was feeling somewhat nervous as he waited for Reid to answer the door to the condo. It was the first time he had been there since the break-up, and he was kind of worried that there’d be uncomfortable memories there. He was also kind of worried that his whole “waiting-on-sex” plan would be demolished as soon as he had Reid behind closed doors. Those soft kisses goodnight were starting to get a little…inadequate.

All of his worries flitted away when Reid opened the door, a welcoming smile on his face. He wouldn’t let Luke into the condo until they kissed, and Luke didn’t even try to fight the happy grin that sprung to his face when he felt Reid’s warm palm wrap around his side and pull him closer.

“Hi,” Luke said softly, after they backed away.

“How was your day?” Reid murmured in reply.

“Excellent,” Luke said, walking past Reid into the living room.

The TV was already on, and on the coffee table, Luke could see the selection of movies they had decided on over text message earlier in the day. There were also popcorn and potato chips, a pizza, candy, and soda.

“Wow,” Luke said. “It is painfully obvious that you need me in your life.”

There was no answer at first, and Luke felt his heart start to pound.

“Ah,” he stammered, laughing lightly in embarrassment as he lifted his hand and scratched at his eyebrow. “I mean – ”

He felt Reid’s hand on his shoulder, and then Reid turned him around so they were looking at each other. The soft expression on Reid’s face made Luke relax, and he couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“You’re right,” Reid replied. “I really do.”

Luke’s grin grew wider, and Reid pulled him in for another kiss. Luke lifted his hands to Reid’s head, placing one palm on his cheek and sliding the other through Reid’s hair. They stood in the middle of the living room for several minutes, slowly kissing. Just when Luke felt his lower body start to respond predictably, Reid broke the kiss and stepped back slightly. Luke tilted his head down, and they rested their foreheads against each other.

“Movies?” Reid asked, his voice rough.

“Um. Yeah, movies,” Luke replied.

**

“Luke, it’s amazing,” Reid said while he held the door open for Luke as they walked out of the LGBT youth center.

Luke shrugged, a blush rising on his face. “I can’t really take credit for it. I didn’t do that much.”

Reid reached out and pulled Luke closer. “You played a very important role. Be proud of that; you should be.”

Luke beamed. “Thank you,” he said softly.

Reid flashed him a teasing grin as he started walking again.

“What?” Luke asked.

Reid glanced over at him, then shrugged. “There are about five teenage boys in there absolutely in love with you.”

Luke laughed, embarrassed. “Shut up.”

“Literally, hearts in their eyes. Except when they were looking at me. Then they were shooting daggers.”

Luke reached out and took Reid’s hand, trying to be casual about it. “Too bad for them I like older guys.”

Reid laughed lightly. He looked at the ground as they walked, and he tightened his grip on Luke’s hand. After a beat, he asked, “Do you have to get back?”

“No,” Luke said.

“You want to see the clinic?” Reid asked, looking over to Luke.

“Yes!”

**

“Talk about people absolutely in love,” Luke teased, laughing as they walked into one of the exam rooms at the clinic. He pulled himself onto the table.

“What? Who?”

“The receptionist.”

“Gretchen?”

“Ah, yeah,” Luke said, nodding.

Reid shook his head. “She hates me. I’ve made her cry.”

“Yeah, I bet she’s crying right now because you just introduced me as your boyfriend. She clearly wants to have your babies.”

Reid gave an exaggerated shudder.

“Reid,” Luke continued.

“Hmm?”

“You just introduced me as your boyfriend,” Luke said dreamily.

Reid glanced over at Luke. “Well, that’s what you are, right?”

Luke couldn’t stop his grin if he tried. He nodded happily. Reid stalked over to him, bending down to kiss Luke. Luke wrapped his foot around the back of Reid’s legs, locking him in place. Just as things were getting interesting, Reid pulled away. A dazed, panting Luke stared at him, confused for a moment. Then he licked his lips and swallowed.

“This is probably the wrong place and time,” Luke mumbled.

“Besides, we’re waiting, remember?”

“Right.”

Luke ran a hand through his hair, and he looked around the room, trying to bring himself under control. He furrowed his brow as he took in some of the equipment.

“Some of this stuff looks like it’s older than me.”

Reid nodded. “Yeah, this place is horribly underfunded.”

Luke tilted his head. “You know…the social work group hasn’t decided what our project is going to be this semester. We could do a fundraiser. I mean – if you wouldn’t mind. I don’t want to – ”

“I think that’s a great idea. But I don’t know how much bake sales and car washes are going to get us,” Reid teased.

Luke laughed. “We’re not in junior high, Reid. Think big.”


	59. Chapter 59

“Bought tickets for Claire and me today,” Baker observed as he and Reid moved slowly through the line in the cafeteria. “There aren’t that many left.”

“Yeah, Luke said they’re selling like hotcakes. Always fun to appeal to _noblesse oblige_.”

Baker snorted. “Only Luke. Only Luke could come up with the idea to guilt all the doctors in this hospital and all the bigwigs in the city to fork over a grand per ticket for a charity Halloween masquerade.”

“That’s my boyfriend,” Reid said. The sarcasm in his voice failed to hide his very real pride.

**

“Are you free this afternoon?”

Reid looked over the papers on his desk, hesitating for a moment. Nothing there was urgent. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’m meeting with the caterers to finalize the hors d’oeuvres menu. There will be taste-testing.”

Reid was already standing. “I’m there.”

**

The look of pure bliss on Reid’s face as they walked out of the catering company’s office made Luke laugh. Reid glanced over at the sound and gave Luke a grin. He wrapped his arm around Luke’s back and pulled him closer as they walked to the car.

“You know,” Reid said, “you don’t have to bribe me with food. I’m happy to help.”

Luke beamed at him, lifting a hand to tweak Reid’s collar. “I know.”

Before either man could speak again, they arrived at the car. Luke was about to climb inside when his phone buzzed. He sighed as he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. Then he stood still and in shock as he read the text.

“Everything OK?” Reid asked over the roof of the car.

Luke shook his head. “Yeah,” he said, slightly distracted. He opened the door and climbed inside. “Yeah,” he repeated.

Reid sat down as well and they both closed their doors. Reid looked over at him skeptically. “What’s going on?”

“It’s from Faith,” Luke said. “She, um, she just saw my parents kissing. I guess they’re getting back together.”

Reid nodded slowly. He looked out the windshield and then back to Luke. “How do you feel about that?”

Luke made eye contact. “I – don’t know.”

“That’s OK,” Reid pointed out. “You don’t have to know.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them said anything again until Reid pulled to a stop outside Luke’s apartment. Luke faced him then, inhaling deeply.

“I hope they can make it work this time,” he said softly. “I think – I think that they really do love each other, despite everything.”

Reid stared into his eyes. Finally, he replied, “I think as long as they remember that, they can work through anything.”

**

Later that same night, Reid was almost asleep when his phone rang. He fumbled around for it, already organizing his thoughts for the questions he’d have to ask – what kind of trauma, vital signs, how long ago, age – and then he read the screen. It was Luke.

“Luke?” he asked, softly curious. He sat up, reaching over to flick on the lamp.

“Sorry, hi. Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No, it’s OK. What’s going on?”

“Look, these last several weeks have been – just amazing, but we can’t pretend it didn’t happen or that we suddenly no longer have the same issues.” Luke was talking extremely fast.

“I know,” Reid said, rubbing his eye in slight confusion. “I thought that’s why we were taking it slow.”

“It is,” Luke agreed. “But we have to talk about it, too. I don’t want it to happen again. And we can’t work through things unless we talk about them.”

“OK.” After a moment, Reid added, “Right now?”

“Yes,” Luke said urgently. He took a deep breath. “I’ve been practicing this all afternoon, so just – just let me say it.”

“O…K.”

“I…was obsessed with you when I was 16, and maybe a lot of it was a crush, or puppy love, or something, although I don’t believe it was completely that, and certainly not as much as you seemed to sometimes be worried that it was, at least in the beginning. But...whatever it was, or whatever it became, I wasn’t ready, I don’t think. I wasn’t ready for the kind of commitment I _wanted_ to give you. But I hope you realize I’m making this decision as an adult now. You are who I want to be with, and I think we _can_ make it work. But I need you to see me as an adult too. I don’t want you to think you have to protect me or give into me all the time – I know I made a lot of the rules before, which wasn’t fair – and I don’t want you to decide what you think is best for me or what I can and can’t handle. I want a partner, and I want to be a partner. I don’t want independent lives.”

Reid listened to Luke’s breathing for several moments, trying to backtrack through and catch everything he just said.

“Reid?”

“You’re done? I can say something now?”

“Um, yeah.”

Reid cleared his throat, and he played with the edge of his blanket. “I think,” he began slowly. “Part of me, before, had it in my head that this was something I could control. I’m not used to being…powerless against something. It’s hard for me to rely on people; I never have before. And for so long, I could be there for you, and that was easy, and I just lived my life. But when I – when I needed your support, I didn’t know how to ask for it. I was raised by example to believe it was the worst form of weakness, asking for help.”

“It’s not,” Luke interjected quietly.

“I couldn’t handle my own stuff,” Reid continued, “and I couldn’t be there for you. And maybe – I think I was trying to punish you a bit, for wanting to have your own life, by not including you in mine. That was…immature and selfish. I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK. I’m sorry for not trusting you or us, and for being such a…touchy, insecure asshole all the time.”

Reid exhaled, smiling. “That’s OK. Um, I think also, and God, I’m sorry, but it’s like I can’t stop talking. I _do_ think that I was trying to give you what you wanted and needed. I didn’t want to smother you. You had so many other things to worry about.”

Reid could hear the emotion in Luke’s voice as he replied. “I want to be involved. It doesn’t make me feel smothered. I can handle it. I’ve learned that; I can handle any strain, as long as we’re honest with each other. As long as we don’t push each other away. I just wanted to find a _balance_ , not compartmentalize our lives completely.”

“I am never listening to Katie again,” Reid vowed.

“Our first mistake!”

Reid chuckled softly, listening to Luke laugh on the other end.

“It’s funny,” Luke said once he calmed down. “I never wanted a relationship like my parents', with the drama and the constant breaking up and getting back together. I guess you can take the boy out of Oakdale…”

Reid smiled. “I meant what I said…back then. We’re going to have problems, things we cause ourselves and things that come in from the outside. But it’s not a lost cause. I think we just need to face them together, talk and work through whatever happens.”

“No more break-ups?”

“Is that a question?”

“No more break-ups.”

“Deal.”

Reid fell back onto his pillow then. Neither one spoke for a moment, and Reid could feel them both wanting to say more. He didn’t think it was the right time though. Not over the phone, at the very least. And it was still, like Luke had said once, just words. They were still trying to prove it to each other.

“I guess…good night,” Luke finally said.

“G’night.”

Reid was just about to hang up again, when Luke called out his name.

“Hmm?”

“Um, I saw you bought a ticket to the masquerade the other day.”

“…Yeah.”

“Well, I’m going too, obviously. I’m going to have to schmooze a lot, thank people for coming, you know, so I probably won’t be the best company, but…um, would you like to be my date?”

Reid grinned up at the ceiling, shaking his head. “You’re such a – yes, I’d be delighted.”

**

“Thank you so much,” Luke said, shaking the hands of the people in the small group he was talking to. He hoped they couldn’t tell that his heart was racing and there was a trickle of sweat sliding down his back underneath his tux.

He smiled politely and gave one final nod, before walking away. He took a direct path toward Reid, who had never moved too far away from the food table, and Claire and Dan, who were talking to him. Luke had just chatted with five different groups of guests. He deserved a break.

“Hi,” he said, smiling widely at the other three.

Reid turned to him, swallowing a bite of his appetizer. He glanced at Luke and then over his shoulder at the group of people Luke had just been talking to.

“Is that the mayor?”

Luke nodded, still a little stunned. “And a state senator.”

“Rubbing elbows with the who’s who of Dallas, Texas. Just your typical day in the life of Luke Snyder.”

Luke laughed once, in shocked agreement.

“Luke, don’t listen to him,” Claire said, and Reid spread his hands out in mock protest. “You’ve done an amazing job with this event.”

Baker nodded, agreeing with his wife.

“You have,” Reid confirmed. “But you haven’t been having nearly enough fun.”

Luke shrugged, looking around the room. “Wasn’t planning on having any, really.”

“As your date, I’m going to pretend I didn’t take offense to that.”

Luke turned back to Reid, smiling and shaking his head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” Reid said, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the dance floor. “Come on.”

Luke was too surprised to resist, and by the time he was able to speak, they were in the center of the dance floor. Reid’s arm was around his waist, and his other hand was clasping Luke’s against his chest. They were staring at each other and swaying back and forth slowly.

“Reid,” Luke said softly.

Reid didn’t bother responding. He simply pulled Luke closer, until Luke’s cheek was resting against his and their torsos were just barely touching. He couldn’t see it, but he knew Luke’s expression was downright elated.


	60. Chapter 60

Luke’s head lolled on the passenger seat headrest as he grinned over at Reid. “Tonight was the best night.”

Reid smiled, focused on his driving. A few moments later, his hand crept across the console between them and covered Luke’s fingers.

“You know what it reminded me of?” Luke continued softly. “The night of Katie’s wedding. You and me dancing in her living room.”

“Ah, yes. As I recall, you dumped me in the morning.”

Luke snickered. “So, we won’t try to recreate it completely.”

“We could recreate the hours in between the dancing and dumping,” Reid pointed out suggestively.

“We could,” Luke agreed, his tone more hypothetical than anything else.

Reid slowed to a stop at a light. A left turn would take him to Luke’s apartment, a right to his own condo. He glanced at Luke.

“Stay with me tonight,” Reid requested softly.

“Reid, I want to,” Luke said sincerely, even as he shook his head in apology, “but I’ve gotten maybe five hours of sleep every night this week. I was in social butterfly mode this entire evening. I’m so tired.”

“OK,” Reid said, undeterred. “So…stay with me tonight. Just to sleep.”

Luke hesitated for just a moment. At his barely perceptible nod, Reid turned right.

Less than a half hour later, Luke was stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers. He inhaled deeply, staring at the bed. Reid wasn’t in the room yet; he was locking the door and checking messages. Luke suspected he was mostly giving him time, though. Time to relax and – Luke shook his head at his tendency to overthink things. He climbed into bed, settling against the pillows with a sigh and closing his eyes.

A few minutes later, Luke heard Reid walk into the room. He tensed momentarily, calming again as Reid slipped under the sheets on the other side of the bed. Reid scooted closer and wrapped his arm around Luke.

“Good night,” he murmured in Luke’s ear.

“Mmmm,” Luke responded. After a moment, he added, “Thank you for tonight.”

“Why are you thanking me? You did a fantastic job.”

“It meant a lot to me that you were there.”

“Well, it meant a lot to me that you wanted to do something for the clinic.”

Luke rolled towards Reid. He placed one palm high on his chest and slid a leg between Reid’s. Reid dropped his hand to Luke’s hip and nudged him slightly closer.

“Part of the idea came from this conversation I had with Claire a while back.”

“What do you mean?” Reid asked softly.

“Just…the clinic is important to you. Helping people, especially helping them get good health care, is something I care about. It was something we could work on together, kind of a common purpose.”

“Hmm.”

“I think we went about this all wrong. It’s not about independent lives; it’s about complementary ones.”

Reid was silent for a moment. “I think I can do that.”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “I think so too.”

He leaned forward then and gave Reid a soft, slow goodnight kiss. He backed away before Reid could get any ideas, and he turned around instead. Reid spooned up behind him again, and Luke sighed, half in pleasure and half in exhaustion, as they settled.

**

Luke woke up when the mattress dipped and slightly-cracked lips pressed against his cheek. He smiled, shifting slightly to stretch without losing contact from Reid. He slept very well, and he was pretty sure he could now give this the energy it deserved.

“Morning,” he murmured.

“You look so good in my bed,” Reid said, his low voice rumbling next to Luke’s ear.

“It feels good to be in your bed,” Luke replied.

He finally opened his eyes, twisting around to look up at Reid. Reid sat on the side of the bed, and he was fully dressed, but Luke was confident he could remedy that. He lifted a hand, burying it in Reid’s shower-damp hair, and he pulled him down. The kiss started chaste, but it didn’t stay that way long. Luke started to turn to his back, dropping one hand low to try and push the covers off him without dislodging Reid. He spread his legs so Reid could fall into the notch they formed, and he felt himself growing harder. And then Reid broke the kiss. He buried his head in the pillow next to Luke’s neck, and his breathing was loud in Luke’s ear.

Luke lifted a hand and rested it on Reid’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” he asked nervously.

Reid’s whimpered reply was unintelligible.

“Huh?”

Reid lifted his head and gave Luke an apologetic look. “I have an appointment with a patient at 10.”

Luke turned his head to look at the clock. His entire body deflated with disappointment when he saw the time.

“Oh,” he said.

“We don’t want to be rushed,” Reid pointed out regretfully.

Luke looked back to him and shook his head. He lifted his hands and wrapped his arms around Reid’s neck. Playing with the hair at the nape of Reid’s neck, Luke asked, “When can I see you again?”

“Whenever you want,” Reid said immediately.

Luke smiled. “I have three midterms in three days next week. Maybe Monday night before it really gets crazy?”

“Come over for dinner.”

“OK.”

Neither man moved; they just continued to stare into each other’s eyes. Luke slid one hand down until it rested just above Reid’s heart. Reid started to lean forward for another kiss, and Luke pressed back against him, preventing him from moving.

“Better not,” he whispered.

Reid closed his eyes and nodded. “You want a ride home?” he asked.

“Um…do I have time for a shower?” Luke asked, a blush rising high on his cheeks.

Reid glanced at the clock again. “Quick one,” he said.

Luke stared at him, one eyebrow raised, until Reid took the hint and left the room. Reid walked directly into the kitchen. He fell against the counter, bending down to bury his head in his arms. He tried very, very hard not to think about what Luke might be doing in the shower, tried hard not to remember what he himself had done in the shower earlier that morning while he let Luke sleep.

Luke tried very, very hard to be quick and quiet.

**

Baker was leaning against the nurses’ desk near Reid’s office, sipping a mug of coffee. He smiled at Reid as he walked past him.

“Don’t you ever work?” Reid asked.

“Someone’s grumpy this morning,” Baker said, grinning.

“What do you want?”

“Just thought I’d let you know that it’s all over the hospital that you and your teenage – ”

“He’s 20.”

“ _Luvah_ were dirty-dancing last night.”

“Dirty – we were just – you know what?” Reid said, stopping by his door and turning to face Baker. He waved at him, both to dismiss any concerns about the rumors and to imply Baker should be on his merry way. “Let ‘em say whatever they want. I don’t care.”

Baker winked at him and kept walking down the corridor.

**

On Monday night, Luke hadn’t even finished knocking before Reid opened the door. They grinned widely at each other.

“Hi.”

“You all set for your exams?”

“As I’m going to be.”

“Good,” Reid said, backing away to let Luke into the condo.

He reached his free hand out as Luke walked past him. He intended to just brush his curled fingers along Luke’s hand, but Luke had different ideas. He snagged Reid’s hand, not letting go. Reid quickly closed the door and faced Luke, letting him pull him forward a few steps.

“Hi,” Luke said again, his grin irrepressible by that point.

Reid stepped even closer, removing his hand from Luke’s grasp so he could wrap both of his hands around Luke’s hips. They rocked slightly back and forth as they awkwardly made their way to the couch.

“You hungry?” Reid asked. “I was going to make something, but I couldn’t bear the thought of cooking. We can order whatever you want.”

Luke shook his head. “I’m not really hungry,” he said as he snuck his index fingers through the belt loops on Reid’s jeans.

“Oh thank God,” Reid barely had time to say before they were kissing.

Luke made the most delicious noises of want and need as they finally reached the couch. His hands were all over the place, sliding over Reid as if he were trying to prove the other man was really there. Reid regretted backing away for just a moment as he sat down on the couch, but he didn’t regret it for long. Luke practically pounced on him, straddling him even as he kissed him again.

Reid groaned, opening his mouth wide while Luke clasped his hands on either side of Reid’s face. His fingers threaded through Reid’s hair and his thumbs stroked Reid’s jaws just in front of his ears. Reid dropped his own hands until they were resting high on Luke’s ass, running over and fondling the denim-clad muscles as Luke moved.

He ground down on Reid’s cock, then lifted himself up and forward, pressing his own erection against Reid’s stomach before repeating the move over and over, faster and faster. Reid’s own hips rocked up, and he pushed down on Luke, trying to get him to stay snug against him. Reid could feel Luke’s knees pressing into his sides, and the muscles of his thighs flexing rhythmically as he moved.

Reid grunted, and Luke broke the kiss, pulling Reid’s lower lip with his teeth for a moment before releasing it. And then Luke bent in again, angling around so he could nibble at Reid’s ear instead. He snuck the hand on that side down between Reid’s shoulder and the couch, pressing against Reid so they could somehow come into even closer contact.

“Yes,” Reid moaned. “Yes, yes…No!”

Luke backed away, completely startled and staring at Reid with wide eyes. “What?”

But Reid was already removing the vibrating phone from its clip on his pants. Luke breathed heavily, finally realizing what was happening. And then Luke fell to the side, collapsing onto the couch with a frustrated groan.

Reid refused to admit defeat, and he began to rub at the rock-hard bulge in Luke’s pants even as he answered the call. He tried valiantly to focus on his conversation while Luke gyrated his hips and pressed his cock against Reid’s palm and turned into the couch to muffle his cries of pleasure. Eventually, though, Reid had to stop, even when Luke dug his fingernails into Reid’s forearm and tried to get him to move again.

“I have to go,” Reid mumbled. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to summon the most disgusting mental images he could muster. “It’s an emergency.”

Luke whimpered pitifully. And then he sat up, finally removing his leg from Reid’s lap. Reid looked over at him and smiled at his messed-up hair and red cheeks and swollen lips and dilated eyes.

“To be continued?” Reid asked softly.

Luke nodded, resigned. He licked his lips and exhaled. “To be continued.”


	61. Chapter 61

Unfortunately, their plans to continue didn’t happen as expected. The night before Luke’s last exam that week, he felt sick to his stomach. He chalked it up to nerves, since it was a difficult course, but he barely made it through the test before he was losing his breakfast in the bathroom two doors down from the classroom. He managed to woozily walk his way home, and he climbed onto his bed with everything except his shoes still on.

His ringing cell woke him up a couple hours later.

“Hello,” he mumbled into the phone.

“Luke?”

Luke swallowed a couple times, trying to get the taste of bile out of his mouth. “What?”

Reid paused for a moment. “I thought you were coming over.”

“’m sick.”

“Something you ate? Stomach bug?”

“Dunno.”

“You want me to come over?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

Luke nodded, closing his eyes as the room spun. “Don’t wanna get you sick.”

“If you're infectious, I’m sure I’ve already been exposed,” Reid countered.

“Mm-mm. Your patients,” Luke tried to argue.

Reid sighed. “OK,” he said, sounding hesitant. “Drink lots of fluids.”

“’Kay,” Luke mumbled before pressing the button to end the call. He fumbled the phone as he tried to return it to the bedside table, and it fell to the floor with a thud instead.

**

A few hours later, Luke was feeling slightly better. He trudged out into the living room to see Sean and Sara snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. Luke fell into the armchair.

“You look like death warmed over,” Sean observed casually.

“Thanks,” Luke replied, equally nonchalant.

“You want some soup or something?” Sara asked.

Luke made a face and shook his head.

“A package came for you today,” Sara added, blindly gesturing at the box on the coffee table.

“Oh, yay!” Luke said, although his voice lacked the enthusiasm he was aiming for, considering his stomach cramped just as he spoke.

Nonetheless, Luke leaned forward and grabbed the box. After a few false starts, he finally ripped the tape off one edge and tore open the cardboard flaps. He pulled out the smaller container and looked at the contents fondly.

“What is it?” Sean asked.

Luke turned the object so Sean could see it.

“…A knife?” Sean asked.

“It’s for Reid’s birthday.”

“How romantic.”

Luke smiled at the glimmering edge of the blade. “It’s for carving squash.”

Sean shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

“Reid will.”

**

A few hours later, after Luke tried to eat dinner and failed to keep it down, he went back to bed. And a couple days later, he was still sick.

“I don’t remember the last time I felt this bad,” he moaned into his phone.

Reid’s voice was soft and soothing. “You’ll be OK.”

“Mm-mm,” Luke disagreed. “I’m dying.”

“You’ve just been really stressed out, with the party and then your exams. A certain amount of stress will keep you from getting sick for a while, but then it’s usually going to hit you harder when your body finally gives in. And you’re already immunosuppressed, remember.”

“I want to be better by your birthday,” Luke said, a weak cough punctuating his statement.

“Don’t worry about that right now.”

“I miss you,” Luke whined softly.

“I miss you too. Which is why I’m taking a few days off, and focusing on just one patient.”

“Huh?”

“I have to go in tomorrow morning, and then I’m picking you up and taking you back here so I can take care of you.”

“Reid – ”

“I don’t want to hear it. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“OK,” Luke agreed, smiling softly.

**

Reid was in the process of shutting down his computer when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the screen and smiled when he saw Luke’s name. He answered the call and brought the phone up to his ear.

“Hi,” he said. “I’m on my way. Do you need me to – ”

“It’s Sean.”

“What’s going on?” Reid asked, feeling his stomach drop.

“I just got home, and I went to check on Luke. There’s something wrong. I can’t get him to wake up. He’s sweating, like, a lot, and mumbling in his sleep, and he’s burning up. Reid, I don’t know what to do.”

Reid stood, rubbing a hand down his face. Something fell off his desk and clattered to the floor, but Reid didn’t even notice. “Call an ambulance. Tell them he’s been sick, describe his symptoms. Tell them he’s had a kidney transplant and he’s on – never mind, don’t try to remember the names. Give them his medication so they know. Tell them to bring him here; Baker and I will meet them in the ER.”

Reid hung up, not even waiting for Sean to respond. He nearly ran out of his office. What felt like mere moments later, he burst into Baker’s office, not bothering to wait for a response to his perfunctory knock. Baker looked up at him, surprised.

“Paramedics are bringing Luke in,” he said breathlessly.

Baker stood and followed him out of the office. They made their way to the ER in record time, and Reid spent the next several minutes pacing back and forth by the ambulance bay and running a hand through his hair. Baker was speaking with the chief resident, preparing for the tests he’d want to run as soon as they could stabilize Luke and determine his state.

And then commotion. Paramedics talking a mile a minute as they wheeled the gurney in; Luke’s pale, pale face; Baker and the other doctor shouting orders, asking questions, taking control; Sean running in behind them, clearly unsure where to stand or what to do. They pushed Luke into an exam room, and Reid was two steps behind them, and then Baker’s hand landed on his chest and stopped him.

“Reid, no. Stay out here.”

“Don’t even – ”

“Stay out here.”

**

Reid spent some unknown length of time – it may have been 50 seconds or 500 years; he didn’t know – leaning against the wall at the far end of the corridor. Sean came and went, getting him coffee that he didn’t drink and food that he didn’t eat, and eventually wandering the nearby halls when Reid finally snapped at him to leave him alone.

Finally Baker came out of the room. Reid immediately pushed off the wall, stepping closer and meeting him in the middle of the hallway. Baker sighed.

“He’s…OK. I won’t know for sure until the lab reports come back, but my guess is he picked up an infection. I’m admitting him to the ICU and I’ll go as aggressive as I dare in treating it. Reid, I’m not that optimistic, I’m afraid.”

Reid didn’t say anything for a long moment. He stared over Baker’s shoulder, exhaling.

“I can’t believe how stupid I am,” he finally said. “He’s been sick. For days. He’s not keeping anything down, which I imagine even includes his meds. And all I tell him is to drink fluids and rest? I should have had him in here days ago. What kind of doctor am I?”

“Reid,” Baker said seriously. “Second-guessing isn’t going to do any good right now.”

Reid shifted, and shook his head. “So, what do you think is the first – ”

“I’m sorry, Reid. I’ve already told you everything I feel comfortable with.”

Reid did a double take, staring at Baker in shock. “What?”

“Reid,” Baker said softly. “He’s in the ICU. You’re not domestic partners or spouses. There’s no power of attorney or living will. You’re not even his doctor, and you certainly won’t be allowed to treat him. My hands are pretty tied here.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“You know me. You know I’d be saying that if it was your girlfriend in there too. Legally, I need to deal with his family here.”

“I’ll just go in there and read his file, anyway.”

“And risk your license while you’re at it.”

“You think I care about that?” Reid all but shouted, turning away from Baker in frustration.

“Reid,” Baker said again.

Reid pressed his hands against the wall, leaning forward and staring at the ground as he exhaled very slowly. Finally, he pushed off and stood up straight.

“You better call his parents.”

Baker furrowed his brow. “It’ll probably be better coming from you,” he pointed out.

Reid shook his head. “The only thing they know about me,” he said monotonously, “is that I operated on his mom a few years ago. That’s the way Luke wants it, so keep it that way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. Things were going too sickeningly well (pun intended) for my tastes. We needed (at least) one more big crisis before the end!
> 
> I did a little research into medical and legal aspects, but at the same time, I needed things to work a certain way for the story. So, think of it like soap opera medicine and law – enough to sound vaguely plausible, but extreme and probably inaccurate!


	62. Chapter 62

It had been three days since Luke was admitted, and two and a half days since Luke’s parents and grandmother descended on the hospital. Reid hadn’t gone home at all, but he was avoiding Luke’s room during the day so he didn’t run into the Snyders. It had become something of a mission for him, almost, making sure they didn’t find out. He couldn’t explain it; it was like he wanted to prove that Luke still had a say in what happened to him.

Baker would go out of his way to walk past Reid in the halls, giving him the barest of nods or shakes of his head to indicate how things were going. And he’d force Luke’s family to leave each night at the end of visiting hours, so Reid could stand guard outside Luke’s room and look through the window at him.

He had yet to wake up.

Porter had taken Reid off the roster as soon as he’d heard about Luke’s condition, and despite Reid raging at him for close to an hour, he knew deep down that he was in no place to be messing around inside anyone’s brain. And so, Reid would sit in his office, staring at the computer screen or the files in front of him, or he’d wander the halls, or occasionally, he would get a few minutes sleep on the couch in his office. Periodically, he’d return or wake up to discover lunch or a fresh cup of coffee on his desk, and if he cared at all about anything besides Luke, he’d try to figure out who was leaving them.

At the moment, he was in the elevator, going down to Luke’s floor from his own. He leaned against the side of the car, eyes closed and breathing in and out slowly. The ding of the door opening alerted him that he had arrived, and Reid opened his eyes and pushed off the wall. He stepped out into the hall, and he turned directly into Lucinda Walsh.

“Ah, Dr. Oliver. There you are, at last.”

“Ms. Walsh,” he said, unable to find any other words.

“Come,” she replied. “I’ll walk you to Luke’s room before I leave.”

Reid was speechless as she looped her arm around Reid’s elbow and turned the way she had come.

“My spies tell me you haven’t been in there,” Lucinda said

“Your…what? No,” Reid’s answer jumped all over the place in his confusion. “ICU. Family only.”

Lucinda yanked hard on his arm. “That’s you too, of course. I’ll tell Lily and Holden in the morning that I ran into you and asked you to consult with Baker. You’ll be free to come and go as you please.”

“I’m sorry. You know?”

“Why, yes!” Lucinda looked at him in surprise. “Didn’t Luke tell you that?”

“No, I – but they still don’t?”

And Lucinda shook her head. “No, no. Luke is an adult; it’s his place to tell.” Lucinda sighed. “We all need to learn from our own mistakes.”

Reid nodded slowly.

“Besides, Dr. Oliver, I had no reason to object or warn them,” Lucinda added, with a coy wink.

And then they arrived outside Luke’s room. They stood side-by-side, staring in at Luke’s unconscious form.

“How is he?” Reid asked softly.

“The infection has started to clear, but it did enough damage. He needs a new transplant, the sooner the better.”

Reid swallowed. Having his suspicions confirmed didn’t make him feel any better or any more in control.

“He was awake and lucid for a few minutes today,” Lucinda said softly, ignoring Reid as he whipped his head towards her in shock. “Usually, his condition and the drugs keep him out of it. He was awake long enough to demand a promise from us that we wouldn’t do anything questionable.”

“What do you mean?” Reid asked.

Lucinda shrugged in false innocence. “It’s possible his previous transplant didn’t come through appropriate channels.”

Reid stared at her.

“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my grandson. And today he made me promise, tried to make me believe that it wasn’t fair to bump him up the list past ‘someone who deserved it more, someone who didn’t do this to himself, someone who had a family or something.’”

“Inappropriately noble idiot.”

“Exactly. But you see my dilemma, Dr. Oliver – ”

“I think you should call me Reid.”

“Reid. I couldn’t say no to my grandson, and we have too many important pacts between us for me to go back on my word now. But I won’t sit by and do nothing.”

“I have no power with the transplant team.”

“I know. But no one can find his phone. His roommate says he brought it in with him, but it’s not with the rest of Luke’s personal effects.”

“He gave it to me,” Reid confirmed.

“I need you to check to see if he has a number for Damian Grimaldi,” Lucinda said urgently. “The number Lily knows has been disconnected. If I know Damian, he’d want to make sure Luke can contact him, and if I know Luke, he’d keep that number up-to-date, even if he never called it and hates himself for even having it.”

“I’m not following you.”

“I thought you were a genius. Our best hope is a living donor. We already know from last time that no one from Lily’s side is a match. Damian was never tested.”

Reid stared at her for a moment. And then he turned and walked back towards the elevator. Lucinda followed him.

**

Reid stood behind his desk, Luke’s phone to his ear. Lucinda stood on the other side, watching him as they waited. Luke did indeed have a different number in his contacts under the entry “DG” but there was no way to know for certain whether that number was correct either. Reid swallowed as the phone rang for the fourth time.

And went to voicemail.

Reid nearly collapsed as he listened to Damian’s distinctive voice give him instructions for leaving a message. Reid never thought he’d be happy to hear that accent again. He nodded at Lucinda, who lifted a hand to her heart.

“Mr. Grimaldi,” Reid said after the message service beeped. “This is Reid Oliver. You may not remember me, but I have a feeling you do. You need to come to Dallas as soon as possible. Luke needs another transplant. I don’t know if there’s anything I can say to convince you; I hope you wouldn’t even need convincing, but… Look, you were right, OK? I never touched him then, but you were right, and you can do anything you want to me, I don’t care. Just get to Dallas.”

He hung up and looked at Lucinda, not even daring to hope. She stared back, and Reid imperceptibly nodded.

“Now what?”

“Now we wait.”

“Patience is not my best event.”

Lucinda shrugged in agreement. After a moment, she asked, “You’re in love with him, aren’t you? Deeply.”

Reid stared, unblinking, into her eyes. “Yes, I am.”

“Good. He deserves it.”

**

After Lucinda left, Reid went inside Luke’s room for the first time. He stared at Luke as he walked slowly over, and he never looked away, even as he blindly felt for the guest chair and pulled it closer. Sitting down, he reached over for Luke’s hand and took it into his own. He swallowed.

“Just hang on for a little while longer,” he whispered. “Or I’ll never forgive you.”

He sat there for hours, finally moving when sunlight began to peek into the room and the hustle and bustle of the hospital began to increase out in the halls. Finally, he stood, bent over to kiss Luke’s forehead, and slipped out of the room.

He moved easily through the halls, his attitude clearly unwelcoming any sort of inquiry or interruption. But when he opened the door, he quickly and unexpectedly lost his negative mood. Suzette was leaning over his desk, placing a cup of coffee in the center, and the _busted_ expression on her face caused Reid to burst into laughter.

It actually felt amazing.

He walked closer to her, and he pressed his lips to the top of her head in something he would never admit was a kiss.

“Get back to work,” he said in his best hard-ass tone.

Reid waited until she left the room before he blew into the cup to cool down the liquid and then took a sip. He stared around the room for a while and then glanced at his clock. He supposed it was late enough. Reid picked up his cell, held down a speed dial button and brought the phone to his ear. Katie answered before the second ring.

“How is he?” she asked without so much as a hello. “Any news?”

Reid shook his head. “Not really. Grasping at straws. Waiting to see what happens next, I guess.”

Katie exhaled. “OK. Next question – how are you holding up?”

Reid didn’t say anything for a long moment.

“Reid?”

“I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin.”

“Yeah,” Katie said softly.

Reid leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his tired, burning eyes. “I’ve never felt worse in my life. If I ever doubted the downside of love, I’m seeing it now. This whole people caring about people business, it’s insane.”

“Well,” Katie replied. “It has its good points too.”

“And if I lose him now, after everything? Is it worth it?”

Katie sighed. “I loved my husband with all my heart and soul. I’m telling you it’s worth it. I don’t think we’re at the worst case scenario yet, but…like you told me once, loss is a part of life, and we can learn to deal with it and overcome it. One way to cope is to just be grateful that you have that in your life, for as long as you have it.”

Reid tapped his fingers against the top of his desk. “Remember after Brad’s…you told us that life was short and we should… You were right. I regret it. If this is it, then all I can think about now is those months apart, those months we _could_ have had. I think about the hours even now I’m not at his bedside and – ” Reid broke off, shaking his head.

After a pause, Katie said, for the fifth or sixth time since Luke was admitted, “Tell Lily and Holden, Reid. Tell them.”

Reid shook his head quickly. “No. No. When Luke wakes up, the only thing I want him to worry about is getting better. I don’t want him angry with me for telling them. I don’t want him wondering how his parents are dealing with the news, or trying to defuse any tension.”

“I think – ”

“Katie.”

“Ugh, fine. You’re so infuriating.”

**

Reid was surprised (and a little embarrassed) about how much apprehension he was feeling as he walked back down to Luke’s room later that day. He kind of felt like he had “I’m dating your son” written on his forehead. And, as much as he really did want to respect Luke’s wishes, a small part of him wanted them to figure it out. He wanted them to know. He wanted to officially meet the parents, screw the consequences. He wanted to be there as Luke’s partner, not a doctor or some random acquaintance.

He turned the corner and saw Holden Snyder leaning against the wall opposite Luke’s room. Reid hesitated a moment and then kept walking. Holden looked up as the sound of Reid’s footsteps grew louder.

“Oh, Dr. Oliver,” he said.

Reid nodded. “Mr. Snyder, how are you?”

Holden just shook his head. Reid didn’t reply; he turned to lean next to Holden, and he stared inside the room. Baker and a couple nurses were in with Luke at the moment.

“My mother-in-law said she spoke with you last night.”

“Mm-hmm,” Reid confirmed noncommittally.

“I’m not really sure what a neurosurgeon can do to help. No offense.”

“None taken,” Reid said.

Holden sighed and tilted his head back against the wall. “Of course, there’s nothing any of us can do, I suppose. I love him more than anything in the world, and I can’t save him.”

Reid nodded slowly. _I know how you feel_ , Reid thought. He had begged Baker repeatedly to test him until Baker finally reminded him they didn’t have the same blood type and he wasn't allowed to donate organs anyway. Reid had nearly punched him.

The two men stood side-by-side for a few minutes. Neither one spoke, and Reid could feel confessions and declarations bubbling up his throat. He resisted, reminding himself that it was Luke’s choice, Luke’s responsibility to tell his parents about his love life.

Just before he almost lost his inner battle, everything happened all at once. Baker walked back into the hall, a grim expression on his face. Reid steeled himself for bad news, but before Baker could say anything, Lucinda and Lily turned the far corner, and everyone turned to wait for them.

They were chatting quietly, and Lily held an extra coffee cup in her hand for Holden. She glanced up and saw the others in the hall, and the two women immediately stopped talking. Concerned expressions appeared on both their faces.

And then Lily looked past the others. The full cup of coffee slipped out of her loose grip and crashed to the floor with a splash. Reid turned, following her line of sight.

Damian Grimaldi was at the other end of the hall, walking closer to them.


	63. Chapter 63

The others gathered around Damian in the small exam room as the technician began the tests to see if he was in good health and a match. Holden and Reid stood on either side of the door. It was like they shared an unspoken worry that, despite Damian coming on his own free will, he still might decide to back out and escape.

“I don’t understand,” Lily said suddenly. “How did you know – I couldn’t get a hold of you at all. Who…?”

Damian slid a glance in Reid’s direction, and Reid could see the momentary confusion in his eyes. At Reid’s minute shake of his head, the confusion turned into amusement.

“I have my ways,” he said.

After the tests were completed and samples rushed off to the lab and they all were making their way back towards Luke’s room, Damian dropped behind to walk in back with Reid. They let the others get some distance ahead of them, and then Damian smirked at Reid.

“They don’t know?”

“Lucinda does.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Really?”

Damian tipped his head in acknowledgment. “No, not really.”

“It was Luke’s decision. Please respect that.”

Damian shrugged. “On one condition.”

Reid glared.

“I get to be around when they do find out,” Damian continued, chuckling.

“This isn’t a joke,” Reid replied, staring ahead in anger.

Damian didn’t answer, and Reid looked at him again.

“Why are you…You seem to have no problem with this,” Reid said.

“My son is an adult now,” Damian pointed out. “And this time, the only thing I want is for him to be well. As you want the same thing, there is no need for threats. On either of our sides.”

Reid nodded, still somewhat suspicious but willing to believe Damian was telling the truth.

**

Reid sat in the waiting room the next afternoon, somewhat stunned by how quickly everything had happened. A few hours after Damian’s tests were sent down to the lab, a grinning Baker came up to them and said he couldn’t have hoped for a better match. Damian was admitted to the hospital and immediately underwent pre-op preps. The timing was nothing short of miraculous, considering how fast Luke was going downhill.

And then this morning, they were both brought into the operating rooms. Reid checked his watch. It had been just over five hours. Claire, Sean and Sara had been in and out of the room all day, but at the moment it was only him and Luke’s family. If all was going according to plan, it wouldn’t be much longer before Baker walked into the room again. Reid sighed and ran a hand down his face.

He stood up, pushing his hands into his pockets as he began to pace the small waiting room. After two laps, he turned to see Baker enter. Lily, Holden and Lucinda all stood quickly, and Reid hurried over to join them.

Baker smiled. “Beautiful surgery from start to finish. My prognosis is excellent. They’ll move Luke out of the recovery room soon, and then you can see him.”

Reid nearly collapsed. Thankfully the others were too distracted by their own happiness to see his reaction.

But half an hour later, when Luke’s family left the waiting room to go see him, Reid was alone and able to really absorb the knowledge that he was going to be OK. Baker sat next to him with a sigh. Reid swallowed and looked over at him.

“Thanks Dan,” he said softly.

Dan shrugged. “Didn’t have anything better to do today.”

Reid laughed. He pulled himself to his feet – and swayed on his unsteady legs. Dan quickly stood and put a hand to his elbow.

“Right. I know you won’t go home, but at least get to your office. Get some sleep.”

Reid opened his mouth to protest.

“Do it now, or I’ll sedate you. I’ll get you if anything changes with Luke.”

**

Luke was blissfully happy. There were some things he couldn’t explain – like where exactly they were, because it wasn’t any room he recognized; or what the odd, quiet, vaguely mechanical noise was and where it was coming from – but mostly he didn’t care. Because he and Reid were in bed, naked, lying on their sides and facing each other, loosely holding hands on the mattress between them. They weren’t saying anything, really, just smiling and leaning forward to kiss every once in a while.

Luke moaned happily as he backed away from a kiss. Reid blinked and failed to suppress a smile. Luke sighed. And then Reid shook his head sadly.

“It’s time to wake up,” he murmured.

And then Luke was alone in a small bed in a dark room. He inhaled quickly, cringing at the pain it caused. The noise was louder now, and he realized it was hospital equipment, monitoring him. He looked around, confused and somewhat scared.

He saw someone sitting in the far corner, and he exhaled.

“Reid?” he mumbled.

The man looked up and, despite the surgical mask and hat, Luke knew who it was.

“Damian,” he said. He tried to sit up, feeling somewhat panicky. “What’s going on? Where am I?”

Damian stood, holding his side with a hiss as he moved. He walked closer and placed one calming hand on Luke’s shoulder as he sat again in the closer visitor’s chair.

“Calm down, son. Everything’s fine.”

“Where am I?” Luke repeated, falling back against the pillow weakly.

“The hospital in Dallas. You had an infection. Don’t you remember?”

Luke shook his head.

“You’ve woken up a couple times now, but you were never very aware of your surroundings. You’re going to be OK, though.”

“Why are you here?”

“You needed a new kidney, Luciano.”

Luke stared up at him. “You? Yours?”

Damian nodded. Luke swallowed and looked away.

“How did you – ”

“Dr. Oliver called me.”

“Reid? So…you know?”

“That you two are involved, yes.”

Luke faced Damian again. “I’m in love with him,” he said firmly. And then he exhaled slowly. “I haven’t even told him that yet, since we got back together. But I – I am.”

“I’m happy for you, Luciano.”

Luke looked startled. “You are?”

“Yes.”

“Because last time – I didn’t think you’d ever want to see me with a man.”

“Lots of things went wrong between us last time. I hope I can prove to you that I’ve changed.”

Luke swallowed, and he licked his lips. “Where are my mom and dad?”

“They’re at the hotel. It’s the middle of the night.”

“And Reid?”

“Asleep in his office, I believe. I can call him, if you’d like.”

Luke nodded absent-mindedly. Damian put his hand out, running it over Luke’s head.

“Luciano…Luke. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so thankful you’re healthy again.”

**

Damian left then, promising to call up to Reid’s office. Luke was almost asleep again by the time Reid made it down to his room. He woke up quickly, though, and attempted to push himself up to a seating position. Reid hurried across the room, putting a hand out to stop him.

“Are you trying to pop your stitches?” he scolded.

“Reid,” Luke breathed out.

Reid sat on the side of the bed, scooping Luke into as tight a hug as he dared. They held each other, felt each other’s uneven breaths and fast heartbeats. Reid pulled back then, moving one hand up to the base of Luke’s skull, holding him as he kissed him twice and then rested his forehead against Luke’s.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry.

“What? Why?” Luke asked softly, as he threaded his hand through Reid’s hair.

“I should have – ” Reid shook his head. “I should have realized. I didn’t even know you changed your meds. I should have taken better care of you.”

Luke laughed once. “Of course you didn’t know; I didn’t think to tell you. And, Reid, it’s my job to take care of myself. Don’t blame yourself. It happened; it’s over.”

Reid opened his eyes and stared into Luke’s. He held Luke’s head still as he said firmly, “It better not happen again. If I’m gonna put myself out there, fall in love with you, I'm not going to lose you.”

“Meaning?” Luke asked, his grin wide.

“Meaning you take care of this kidney, do you hear me? I want you around for a long, long time. I want the whole enchilada.”

“So...you planning on falling in love with me then?” Luke teasingly asked.

“Too late,” Reid said. “Already happened a long time ago.”

Luke broke eye contact for a moment, looking down and then back up. “I love you,” he whispered.

**

Luke woke up again a few hours later. He looked around for Reid, but he only spotted Dr. Baker at the foot of his bed, reading his file.

“Hi,” he muttered.

Dr. Baker looked up. “Ah, Luke. I heard you were back among the conscious.”

Luke smiled weakly. “Yeah, I guess.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Well, sort of,” Luke said, shaking his head to avoid getting distracted over his own condition. Instead, he asked urgently, “How’s Reid? He seemed really tired earlier, and Damian said he was sleeping in his office. Is he taking care of himself?”

Dr. Baker looked towards the ceiling as if asking for divine guidance. “You two,” he grumbled.

“What?” Luke asked, confused.

“You two!” Dr. Baker repeated. “You just got out of surgery and should be focused on your recovery, not your boyfriend who, by the way, is a grown-ass adult, although you wouldn’t realize it with the way he’s been behaving, of course. He hasn’t left the hospital since you’ve been admitted. He hasn’t been eating or sleeping. He’s just running around, worried about you and worried that your parents are going to find out about your relationship and – “

“What?” Luke asked again, startled.

Dr. Baker stopped speaking. He made a confused expression as he went back through his rant, trying to figure out what surprised Luke.

“They don’t know? About us?”

“Uh, Reid said that’s how you wanted it.”

“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “No, no. Where are they? My mom and dad? Where – ”

And just then, Lily and Holden entered the room.

“Mom! Dad!” Luke exclaimed.

They rushed forward, and in the commotion, Dr. Baker slipped out of the room. Luke kept trying to get their attention as they hugged him and asked him questions without waiting for answers.

“Mom. Mom!” Luke finally said loudly.

Lily sat back, fighting tears as she ran a hand over Luke’s head. “Oh, honey. I’m so glad you’re OK. I can’t wait to take you home.”

Luke stared at her in surprise. “What?”

“When you’re ready to travel, of course.”

“I’m not going back to Oakdale,” Luke said, confused.

“Luke, of course you are. You’ll have to spend some time recovering and getting healthy again.”

“Fine, but I’ll do that here.”

“Don’t worry about school, honey. You can make up your work.”

“I know. I’m not – Mom, I want to stay here.”

Lily looked confused and hurt. “You need someone to take care of you.”

“I have someone!”

Luke looked back and forth between his parents. Lily still looked uncertain, but Luke suspected his dad knew.

“Honey,” Lily said calmly, as if to a child. “You can’t expect Sean and Sara – ”

“I meant my boyfriend,” Luke said determinedly.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yes!”

“What boyfriend? If he’s so concerned about you, where has he been?”

Luke laughed shortly and uncomfortably. He shook his head briefly and bit his lower lip.

“Lily,” Holden said softly. “I suspect he’s been here the whole time.”

Luke looked up at Holden, and then he nodded. He looked back at his mother, who still looked confused.

“Mom,” Luke said, trying not to roll his eyes. “It’s Reid.”

**

Reid hadn’t been able to stay too far away from Luke’s room that day. He still wasn’t working, of course, but he planned to get back into the operating room soon and get rid of some of his built-up frustrated, nervous energy, now that he knew Luke was going to be OK. At the moment, though, he was standing by the nurse’s desk, half-reading some files as he surreptitiously watched Luke’s room. Luke’s parents had just arrived and Dan walked out seconds later. They nodded at each other before Dan went to the next room on his rounds.

And a few moments later, the sound of heels clacking on the floor caused him to look up again. Lily Snyder was walking towards him quickly, a furious expression on her face. Holden was right behind her, reaching out for her arm. He didn’t reach her in time, though, and Reid nearly saw stars when her palm smacked his cheekbone.

“How dare you?” she nearly screamed. “You sick – he’s a boy. He was just – ”

Holden grabbed her then, pulling her back and away. Reid put his hand to his cheek and stared after them for a moment. Then he glanced over at the nurse next to him.

“What are you looking at?” he said. “Get back to work.”

The woman quickly looked away and pretended to be busy. Reid walked off, heading for his office.


	64. Chapter 64

Luke sat up in his hospital bed, pulling his blankets through his hand as he thought. Or rather, as he worried. His mother had stormed out of the room earlier, his dad right behind her, and he hadn’t seen either one of them since. He hadn’t seen Reid since early that morning. He had no idea what was going on, and he was so very close to sneaking out of his room to find the others.

Before he could, though, the door to his room opened, and Luke looked up hopefully. It wasn’t Reid or his parents, but he couldn’t be disappointed by who appeared.

“Suzette!”

“Hi sweetie,” she replied. “I heard you were up and thought I’d come say hi. How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Luke said, leaning in to hug her. “Well, OK.”

“Glad to hear. We were all pulling for you.”

Luke smiled. “You just didn’t want to deal with Reid without my calming influence.”

“You should know you are quite the subject of gossip around here,” Suzette said slyly.

Luke sighed, his shoulders falling. “I figured. What happened?”

“I wasn’t there, but the story I heard was your mom punched Dr. Oliver in the nose and called him a pedophile.”

Luke stared at her, mouth open in shock.

“It’s probably been exaggerated.”

“With my mom?” Luke asked, lifting a hand to rub at his eye. “I doubt it.” He shook his head. “I’ve messed up everything.”

Suzette gave Luke a sideways hug and kissed the top of his head. “No, you haven’t. You know how I know? You have all those people out there who love you like crazy and want what’s best for you. And now you simply need to tell them you know what that is, and they just need to support those decisions.”

Luke pressed his lips together and gave Suzette a small smile. “Hey, do you know where Reid is?”

Suzette shrugged. “Probably hiding in his office. Want me to get him?”

“Would you?”

“Anything for you, honey.”

**

Luke looked up at the sound of his door opening again. He was unable to stop his nervous yet relieved smile as Reid appeared and leaned against the doorframe as he put his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

“Hi,” Luke said softly.

“So,” Reid said, pushing off the door and walking closer to Luke. Luke shifted over on the bed and patted the mattress next to him. Reid hesitated momentarily before sitting down.

“You told your parents,” he observed dryly.

Luke nodded. He found he couldn’t quite meet Reid’s eye as he replied, his voice rough, “I should have before. I should have a long time ago. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

There was no answer at first, and then Reid cleared his throat. Luke felt the bed shift and then Reid’s lips press against his temple.

“Thank you,” Reid murmured.

Luke turned to look at Reid then, adding in a whisper, “I’m sorry about my mom.”

Reid shook his head. “Don’t be.”

“How can you even say that? She – ”

“She’s worried about you; she loves you. Although I can sort of see now why you didn’t want to say anything.”

Luke couldn’t stop his laughter, and Reid chuckled as well. After a moment, Luke began to calm down. He licked his lips thoughtfully.

“Something else’s bothering you,” Reid observed.

Luke exhaled slowly. “I don’t know. It’s…all this family stuff, you know. Being around them and…seeing Damian.”

Reid made a noncommittal noise.

“Having his kidney _inside me_ ,” Luke added quietly.

“Ah.”

“I – I worry sometimes about becoming like him, and…what if it infects me somehow?”

“That’s not how transplants work. It’s just a bundle of tissues that saved your life.”

“And then that!”

Reid cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“He saved my life. So does that make up for before? Am I supposed to forgive him now? Am I supposed to…love him? Do I call him _dad_ now or something?”

Reid shrugged. “You’re not supposed to do anything. You’re allowed to feel how you feel, regardless of anything he did for you.”

“I don’t know what I feel,” Luke said.

“That’s OK too.”

Luke sighed and rested his head against Reid’s shoulder. They remained silent for a few minutes, and then Reid quietly spoke.

“I told my parents too.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “I told them I had fallen in love, and I told them all about you.”

“When?” Luke asked, and Reid could hear the smile on his face. “When I was unconscious?”

“No,” Reid answered, shaking his head. “Last spring. I went to visit them.”

“You did?” Luke asked excitedly, and Reid nodded. “How was that?”

“Really awkward.”

Luke laughed. He bit his lip for a moment. “Reid, tell me about your family. What was it like for you growing up?”

Reid ran his tongue over his lower lip. And then he leaned back against the bed again. He wrapped an arm around Luke’s shoulders, and Luke rested against him.

“People always said,” Reid began, “that with my sister, my mom was this fun, loving person. I’ve seen pictures, and I’ve heard stories, and it must have been true. They looked really happy, the three of them. But she was already older when she had my sister, and I was really a surprise. Or an accident is maybe the more accurate way to put it. And by the time I remember anything, she was Susan Oliver, Ph.D. and Ed.D. She had all these theories and books and ideas about how to raise a Gifted Child instead of a sad, lonely, little boy. Between her and my uncle, I just…felt like a research subject or a trained seal more than anything. My only purpose was to… And my dad, after my sister died, he just – shut down.”

Reid sat quietly for a moment, and Luke looked at him. “I’m sorry, Reid.”

Reid shrugged. “It was what it was. And I think now that we did all love each other, but none of us felt safe or secure in it. Our family was just one disappointment or dashed dream away from splitting entirely. It wasn’t until I met you that I realized love was supposed to make you feel stronger, more confident, and wow, I need to stop talking now.”

Luke put his hand in Reid’s, squeezing his fingers lightly. “No, you don’t.”

“I don’t know how you can turn me into such a sap.”

“It’s my secret power.”

Reid chuckled and kissed the top of Luke’s head. Luke inhaled suddenly.

“What day is it, by the way? Did I miss your birthday?”

“No,” Reid said, “but you already gave me the only thing – oh my God, see? You turn me into a walking Hallmark card.”

Luke smirked. “I have a present for you, although now it’s not really...anyway, I’ll ask Sean to bring it in next time he comes to visit.”

“Well, good. Because my birthday present is really the thing I’m worried about most right now.”

“Shut up.”

**

Reid stared down at Luke, a soft smile on his face. Luke had drifted off to sleep during their earlier conversation, and Reid hadn’t felt like moving. He didn’t want to wake up Luke, and he _did_ want to enjoy Luke’s healthy, peaceful appearance while he slept.

God, he hated himself sometimes.

The door opened and he glanced up, hoping for Dan or Suzette. No such luck, and Reid tried not to tense when Luke’s parents and grandmother walked into the room. He lifted a hand, placing his fingers lightly against his lips to indicate Luke was asleep, but it was pointless. Luke shifted as he woke up, and then he sat up quickly when he realized there were more people in the room. He winced, reaching a hand to his side at the abrupt motion.

Reid turned to him, placing his own hand on top of Luke’s. “What are you doing? Just – ”

“Dr. Oliver, if you wouldn’t mind, we’d like to speak with Luke alone,” Lily interrupted.

Lucinda rolled her eyes as Reid faced them in surprise.

“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “No, there’s nothing – I don’t want him to leave.”

Halfway to his feet, Reid froze, looking back and forth between Luke and his mother.

“Fine. Luke, when you’re released, you need to come home.”

Luke shook his head, blinking quickly as he looked up to the corner of the ceiling. “I’ve already told you – ”

“Luke – ”

“Lily,” Holden interrupted.

“ _Paging Reid Oliver to the ER. Dr. Oliver to the ER._ ”

“God,” Reid exhaled, tilting his head back in frustration.

He stood completely and looked at Luke. Luke swallowed, nodding at him.

“Saved by the bell,” Luke joked half-heartedly.

Reid gave him a quick smile. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, he leaned forward and softly kissed the top of Luke’s head. Avoiding looking directly at the others, he slipped out of the room, reluctant and yet still somewhat relieved to escape the conversation.

Once he left, Luke faced his parents again. He took a deep breath and began to speak.

“I’m staying here, Mom. I’m staying with Reid. I’m an adult; I can make my own decisions.”

“You weren’t an adult _then_ ,” Lily pointed out. “And adults don’t lie to their families for years. Just because you can make decisions doesn’t mean you make _good_ ones.”


	65. Chapter 65

“This coming from you!” Luke exclaimed. “How old were you when you – ”

Luke broke off quickly. He shook his head as he exhaled and then inhaled slowly.

“I know you’re – ” he continued in a steady voice.

“OK, enough,” Lucinda interrupted. “Luke just had surgery. This isn’t the time to have this argument.”

“No, Grandmother, I’m fine,” Luke replied.

“Luke,” Lily said, stepping forward to sit on the foot of his bed. She took his hands in hers and took a deep breath. “He’s so much older than you. It’s not…it’s not… He took advantage of you.”

Luke shook his head. “No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, honey. You were so young, _too_ young, and – what kind of man would go after a teenage boy whose mother was in a coma and whose father was spread too thin to notice? Don’t you see that isn’t – ?”

“I went after him, Mother.”

“Maybe you think you did.”

“No. I did. Reid held me off for the longest time – we didn’t even do anything until after…well, after. Besides, that was years ago. We’ve been together, off and on, for a while now. You think we don’t realize the age thing is a problem? It’s our biggest problem, but…I love him. And he loves me. We’ve worked hard to deal with things and build a strong, real relationship. Trust me. This isn’t some – ”

“Of course it isn’t. Do you think I’d sit by, if I thought there was something inappropriate about this relationship?” Lucinda chimed in.

Lily faced her. “Mother!” she gasped.

“What?”

“You knew?”

Lucinda waved her hand. “Of course, darling. For ages.”

“And you never said anything?!”

Lucinda shrugged. “It was Luke’s responsibility.”

“Mother!”

“Besides,” Lucinda continued haughtily. “I think Luke has, on the whole, made very good decisions in regards to this relationship.”

Luke beamed gratefully at his grandmother. Lily stood and crossed her arms as she glared at Lucinda.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, before Reid, Luke was out of control. He nearly drank himself to death, he was – I’m sorry, dear – he wasn’t entirely stable emotionally, he didn’t know how to deal with problems. Since he met Dr. Oliver, he’s completely turned that around. He’s sober, successful, strong and driven. He’s nearly finished his degree. I think that has a lot to do with Dr. Oliver.”

“And before him, what? That was my fault? I was a bad mother or – ”

“For God’s sake, Lily, it’s not about you!”

“Mom,” Luke tried to interrupt, but Lucinda continued over him.

“Your son was desperate to be loved. You should be thankful that the right man came along and fell in love with him. I, for one, am happy that Luke benefited from the interest and support of a confident, mature, successful man. At such an influential time, who knows what might have happened if it had been someone else?”

Holden finally stepped forward, and Luke turned to him, swallowing in apprehension.

“OK,” Holden said. “I think we should probably calm down a bit and maybe put off this conversation for a while.”

Luke stared for a moment. “What are you thinking?” he asked quietly.

After a slight pause, his father simply said, “What’s done is done.”

Luke wasn’t entirely sure he felt encouraged or comforted by that answer.

**

Even though they tried to talk about something else for a while, things were extremely tense after that. Luke was grateful when the others left to get some coffee from the cafeteria. Meanwhile, Luke tried to get his mind off the issue by getting a hold of people back home. He spent 15 minutes trying to convince Casey not to ditch his classes and hitchhike out to Texas, and now, he was on the phone with Emma and listening to the kids yell messages to him in the background.

“No, I’m fine, I’m fine,” he reassured his grandma for the umpteenth time.

“I can’t wait to see you,” Emma said. “We all want to come out, but the girls have school.”

“I know. I’ll see you all soon, I’m sure,” Luke promised.

At the sound of the door opening, he looked up nervously. He mentally prepared himself for more time defending Reid and their relationship. When Sean poked his head around the door, Luke let out a sigh of relief. He quickly explained to his grandma he had to hang up, said goodbye, and then focused on Sean again.

“Hey!”

“Hey, how you feelin’?”

“I’ve been better, but you know. I'll live, thanks to you.”

“Yeah, I'm a regular superhero.”

Luke smiled, and Sean walked farther into the room. He held up the present Luke had wrapped for Reid before everything went to hell.

“Thanks,” Luke said as he took it from him.

“Don’t really need it now, do you?”

“I’m just glad he still wants it.”

Sean smirked as he sat down in the visitor’s chair. “Dude, if he’s seen you like this and he still wants to be with you, you know it’s true love.”

Luke looked up at him, slightly concerned. He lifted his hand absent-mindedly, and it hovered near his head. “Bad?” he asked.

“When was the last time you looked in a mirror?”

“I don’t remember.”

Sean nodded. “You’ve looked healthier. And your hair’s out of control.”

Luke laughed. “What else is new?”

**

Luke was dozing lightly by the time his mother came back to the room. He woke up with a start as the door closed. His disorientation quickly turned to wariness as she slowly walked over to him.

“Hi,” he said slowly.

Lily gestured, and Luke scooted over so she could sit next to him on the bed.

“I’ve asked your father and grandmother to give us some time alone,” she explained as she settled.

“Mom, I don’t – ” Luke began, shaking his head.

“Just…let me talk for a moment.”

Luke sighed, his shoulders dropping. He ran his tongue over his lower lip, then nodded in resignation.

Lily paused. She took a deep breath and then said, “I’m sorry about before.”

Luke turned to look at her, a shocked expression on his face. Lily glanced away with a sigh.

“The others made me realize,” she explained, “that I…overreacted. And I should hear you out.”

“Oh.” It was the only thing Luke could say.

“But I would like you to try to see it from my perspective here.”

“I do,” Luke said.

“You kept this a secret for years.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re much, much younger than him.”

“I…am.”

“You were extraordinarily vulnerable.”

Luke paused. After a beat, he shook his head and faced Lily again. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Luke – ”

“No. I wasn’t, Mom. Yeah, when I first met him, I was. I was in probably the lowest place of my life. But I think Grandmother was right. I mean, that’s why it was so good for me to meet him. He didn’t take advantage of me, Mom; you have to believe that. He really helped me a lot, and by the time we actually started something, I was more than strong enough to know what I was doing. Knowing him and being with him, I learned so much about myself and the kind of person I want to be.”

Lily sighed and fell back against the bed. Luke leaned next to her and reached for her hand. She stared at their entwined fingers for a moment.

“I – maybe – if that’s true, then…”

“Mom?”

“I hate that he was there for you when I wasn’t. I’m your mother; I should always be there when you need someone.”

Luke narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Mom, you were in a coma,” he pointed out.

“Not the whole time,” Lily countered, shaking her head. “Not when you needed me the most. I know that I didn’t make that time easier for you.”

“Mom.”

“It’s hard enough for me to know that. And to think that I might lose you forever because of him, when things I’ve done probably – ”

“Mom, you’re not going to lose me.”

Lily wrapped her arm around Luke’s shoulders and rested her forehead against his neck.

“But I’m not breaking up with Reid,” Luke added softly.

“He isn’t a very nice person,” Lily muttered against his skin, barely intelligible.

Luke broke into laughter. “No, he isn’t,” he agreed. “But he’s nice to me. And he’s a very _good_ man, which is more important. Anyone can fake nice.”

Lily sat up, inhaling slowly. “That’s true, I suppose.” She glanced at Luke. “And he is very cute.”

Luke fought a blush. “Yes, he is.”

Lily smirked, and they were both quiet for a few minutes.

“I’m still not entirely comfortable with this,” Lily finally admitted. “I’m going to need some time, but I’m going to work at it.”

Luke nodded. “OK,” he agreed. “I know I’m going to have to earn your trust again and prove to you that – that I can make good decisions.”

“Promise to talk to me more. I think that will be the way to get us both through this.”

“I will. I’ve missed talking to you. Really talking to you, I mean. About things that matter. I’ve missed you.”

Lily hugged Luke again. “Oh, honey. I love you so much.”

**

Reid’s ability to compartmentalize allowed him to forget about the crisis with Luke and his family enough to concentrate on the operation he needed to perform, but it all came rushing back as he walked across the courtyard towards Luke’s room.

“So what do you think I should do?” he asked, putting a hand to his free ear so he could hear Katie’s response over the weak connection.

“You took their baby away from them, literally and figuratively,” Katie reminded him. “You’re just going to have to take your lumps.”

“And what does that entail?”

“Do whatever it takes to stay with Luke.”

“You’re so helpful.”

Katie laughed. “I try.”

Reid hung up as he walked back inside the building. He sidestepped a nurse and turned the corner. He’d never admit the relief he felt as he came in sight of Luke’s room. He hadn’t realized until just that moment how hard it really had been to spend so much time out of contact with him that day, not knowing if he was still OK. What was he going to do when Luke was released and they both went back to their day-to-day lives?

He opened the door slowly, in case Luke was sleeping. He wasn’t, and the smile on his face when he saw Reid was enough to make Reid forget about his worries.

“How’d things go?” Reid asked softly.

“Fine.”

“Are you lying?” Reid asked, sitting down in the visitor’s chair next to the bed.

“Nope. I mean, it’s not like we’re all hunky-dory but…” Luke shrugged.

“Did you just say ‘hunky-dory?’”

Luke smiled, reaching a hand out and running it through Reid’s hair. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Mock you mercilessly?”

“You look too exhausted to come up with one decent insult.”

Reid nodded, turning his head into Luke’s caress. “Long surgery.”

“Everything turn out OK?”

“Guy will live.”

“Good,” Luke said, pulling Reid’s head closer and bending down to kiss the top of it. “Now do me a favor.”

“Hmm?”

“Go home.”

Reid lifted his head and stared at Luke. “What?”

“Go home. I know you’ve been crashing in your office. Have you slept in your bed even once since I was admitted?”

“Luke.”

“I mean it. Get one decent night’s sleep.”

“I don’t – ”

“I’ll be fine. There are dozens of people here, all taking care of me. Please, please let me take care of you.”

Reid stared at him, but Luke merely raised his eyebrows and returned the look with one of his own. Finally, Reid nodded.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.”

Reid stood, patting his pockets for his keys. He knew he was delaying his departure, even though he had agreed to Luke’s order-request. Eventually, he sighed and began to move away from the bed.

“Hey!” Luke objected.

Reid turned to look at him again.

“I don’t get a goodnight kiss?”

“You are so demanding tonight,” Reid teased as he leaned down.

Luke took that as a challenge to kiss the hell out of Reid and then end the kiss just when Reid tried to take control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a bit longer than expected to get this chapter, because I was having problems with the Lily scenes. I know most people would not consider or care about her POV at all (;P) but she did have some good reasons to be upset and/or protective – alongside the typical overbearing mother issues that come with your baby falling in love. This Lily is inspired by the Martha Byrne-Lily, who – at least in the stuff I’ve seen – could be judgmental and overreact, but ultimately really cared about Luke and wanted him to be happy. I combined that with this idea that they hadn’t had much in-depth contact in recent years due to Luke keeping things secret and being in another state, and the idea that she probably had residual guilt about the circumstances surrounding Luke and Reid meeting in the first place. OMG, all this long rambling is to say that these scenes were deceptively hard to write and I don’t know if I did them justice.


	66. Chapter 66

Luke glanced at the clock as Reid walked into his hospital room early the next morning.

“It’s technically not visiting hours yet, you know,” he said archly. “But I’m surprised you managed to wait this long.”

“Good morning,” Reid replied, ignoring Luke’s comment. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

Luke tilted his head up to meet Reid for a quick, chaste kiss. He then watched as Reid picked up Luke’s medical chart and read through the notes left there by the overnight nurses.

“Your kidney’s almost functioning at normal levels,” Reid observed. “Keep this up, and they might release you soon.”

Luke shook his head in amusement, and then he stared at Reid expectantly. It took Reid a moment to notice.

“What?”

“Are you messing with me?”

“No. What?”

Luke sighed, lifting his eyes to the ceiling long-sufferingly. He reached over to the bedside table, stifling a small noise from the exertion. It was still loud enough for Reid to hear, though, and he stepped forward.

“What are you doing? What do you need? Just relax.”

Luke straightened again, resting the wrapped present in his lap.

“One, I’m not going to break. I have to stretch and move my muscles to get better. You know that. Two…happy birthday.”

He held the present out, and Reid stared at it. A moment later, he slapped his hand to his face.

“You are the only person I’ve ever met who forgets his own birthday,” Luke said. “It cracks me up.”

Reid smiled softly as he sat down in the chair next to Luke’s bed. He took the present from Luke and swallowed.

“Sean picked this up for you?”

Luke shook his head. “No, he just brought it here. I already had it, wrapped and everything.”

“I can’t believe you’re in the hospital, and this is what you’re worried about.”

“Just open it.”

Reid did. He furrowed his brow as he removed the boxed knife from the wrapping paper. After a beat, he inhaled, not yet meeting Luke’s eyes.

“I don’t…it’s too big to use for surgery, and the hospital provides me with scalpels anyway,” he said sarcastically.

“Very funny.”

Reid finally looked at Luke. “What is this? I don’t understand.”

“It’s, um,” Luke said, pressing down against the mattress as he shifted his weight. “It was supposed to be for you to cut the squash at Thanksgiving, but I guess we’re not going to get out there this year, after all.”

“Luke,” Reid breathed out.

“I had it before,” Luke repeated. “I want you to know that. Reid, it – I wasn’t forced into telling them, OK? I was planning to. I didn’t want it to be like it was before.”

Reid, staring at the knife again, simply shook his head quickly. “Just shut up,” he muttered before surging forward and nearly tackling Luke.

Luke grunted softly again, but this time Reid didn’t fret unnecessarily. He just closed the final inches between them and kissed Luke deeply. Luke brought his hands up to Reid’s hair and clutched at the back of his head.

**

Later that morning, Reid had to meet with Porter to discuss taking on a full caseload again, and so Luke was alone when Damian walked into the room wearing street clothes. He was holding himself stiffly and seemed tired, but otherwise looked healthy.

“Hi,” Luke said. “You’ve been sprung?”

“Yes,” Damian said simply.

Luke nodded, trying to figure out how he felt. Even days later, he still didn’t know. He looked down at his lap for a moment, as Damian sat in the visitor’s chair.

“I’m afraid I should get back,” Damian said.

Luke nodded again, still not making eye contact. Finally, he said, “I’m – I’m not sure what to say.”

Damian was silent for a long time. When he did speak, Luke was surprised by the topic. “You’ve told your mother and Holden about your relationship with Dr. Oliver.”

“Uh…yeah,” Luke confirmed.

Damian nodded. “Good strategy. With you in the hospital, they can’t react too badly.”

Luke snorted. “Well, it wasn’t planned that way. And I’d be afraid to see how they’d react if this was the toned-down version.”

Damian shook his head. “I really wanted to see their faces,” he said regretfully.

Luke broke into laughter, and then he immediately cringed, holding a hand to his side. Damian leaned forward but stopped suddenly as soon as Luke held out his free hand in reassurance.

“You’re evil,” Luke finally said, straightening again.

“No, I just know how to make my own fun.”

Luke swallowed. “You’re really OK with it?” he asked softly. “Reid and me?”

Damian stared at him. “Would it make a difference if I weren’t?”

“No,” Luke said immediately.

Damian pointed two fingers at Luke as he stood up. “That’s the answer I wanted to hear.”

Luke tilted his head questioningly.

“You are a Grimaldi. That means you stand by your decisions, no matter who approves.”

Luke swallowed, then smiled weakly. A part of him still didn’t want to acknowledge that side of him. He sighed, staring at his lap for a moment before looking up and making eye contact with Damian again.

“Thank you,” he said. He laughed shortly and shook his head. “That sounds so…you saved my life. Thank you isn’t enough.”

Damian stepped forward and bent down to kiss Luke’s forehead. Luke closed his eyes and exhaled.

“Luciano,” Damian replied.

He walked away then, but before he could reach the knob, the door opened. Holden walked in, and Luke’s fathers angled around each other. Luke could feel the tension return to the room. And his feeling of apprehension grew when Damian winked at him.

“Goodbye, son,” Damian said. “Stay in touch. And thank Reid for calling me. We’ve had our difficulties but we’ll always agree on you.”

Luke nodded, somewhere between annoyed and amused. Holden stared after Damian as he walked out of the room, and then he faced Luke.

“He knew?” Holden asked.

Luke sighed.

**

Luke was waiting for Holden to say something. After Damian left, he’d merely asked how Luke was doing and then sat quietly, flipping through the morning newspaper. Luke kept throwing him small glances, but his dad wasn’t breaking. Finally, Luke couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I didn’t tell him; he figured it out on his own.”

Holden glanced up momentarily. “OK,” he said, returning to the paper.

“Dad!”

Holden looked up again. Luke took a deep breath and shook his head.

“He – he took my feelings for Reid and my confusion over…everything, and he manipulated them to his advantage, to keep you and me apart, to keep me so... He used what Reid and I had to try and – and kidnap me basically, just so he could get my money. Don’t act like him knowing means he won some kind of dad contest.”

Holden sighed. He tossed the paper onto the bedside table and focused on Luke. “I’m not. I know…I’m not.”

“Then what?” Luke asked. “I thought…I thought you were OK with this.”

“I’m not OK with it,” Holden admitted. “But I can’t close the barn door. The milk is spilled. Whatever cliché you want to use.”

“Oh,” Luke said. After a pause, he added, “Well, I hope I can…Reid – ”

Holden shook his head. “I have no problem with Dr. Oliver. He seems like a fine man, and even relationships that start out under questionable circumstances can be strong and healthy.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “Then…what?”

Holden stood, stepping away from Luke. “I’m not OK with you lying. I’m not OK with you keeping secrets. I thought there was more trust between us.” Holden sighed. “I’m probably to blame too. I knew. Deep down, I knew or suspected as much. I just didn’t push. I wasn’t ready to admit you were growing up. And…I wanted to believe you would talk to me about it.”

Luke glanced away. “What was I supposed to do? I was 17 years old. I was in high school, and I – ”

“I can understand that,” Holden said. He turned to face Luke again, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall. “I was a teenager at one point. But we’re talking years now, Luke. Years. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Oh my God, I don’t know anymore,” Luke moaned as he buried his face in his hands. After a beat, he lifted his head again, inhaling deeply. “And after a while, it had just been going on so long, that I didn’t know _how_ to tell you.”

Silence filled the room for a long moment. Then Luke continued, “I think that – I just didn’t want to disappoint you. I knew it would make problems, and I’ve caused enough pain and disappointment and fights. I didn’t want to add to it. And I didn’t want to ruin what Reid and I have by making it...and then I did anyway. I made it a shameful thing, and I hurt Reid so much, and I upset you all, just like I always do.”

Holden stepped forward while Luke wiped at his eyes. He took his seat next to Luke again and sighed. Before he could reply, though, Luke began talking again.

“And see! That’s another thing! Why should it – I don’t know, why should that matter? My love life has nothing to do with you, really, right? I made it all about you, and how you all would react. I always did that, my entire life. Worried so much about you or the girls and Ethan or – and yeah, I mean, I love you guys. You’re my family. But I deserve something in my life that’s not about you. I deserve to feel like you’d just be happy that I found someone to love, who loved me.”

“Yes, you do,” Holden agreed.

Luke fell back against the bed, exhaling sharply. “And then for a while, there, Reid and I, we…my not telling you was this way I could hold my ground on something when everything else was falling apart. I wanted to, to assert myself and maintain some kind of control. And then when everything did fall apart, there wasn’t anything to tell, not for a long time.”

Holden shook his head. “I’m not following you.”

Luke shrugged. “Reid and I broke up earlier this year. We’ve only fairly recently got back together.”

“Why?”

“Why’d we break up?”

“Mmm.”

“Lots of reasons. Really, it probably was the best thing that could have happened to us.”

Holden hesitated. “Are you sure you want this, then? To be with him.”

Luke nodded. “Yes.”

“I don’t want you throwing away your life on some dysfunctional relationship.”

Luke couldn’t stop his grin. He raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, be quiet,” Holden said.

Luke laughed. “Trust me on this.”

**

“Good news,” Dan Baker said by way of greeting the next afternoon. He led Reid into Luke’s hospital room, and all of Luke’s family turned to them in expectation.

“Get dressed,” Reid added, walking towards the closet that held Luke’s personal effects.

Luke looked back and forth between his boyfriend and his doctor. “What?”

“I’m kicking you out of here.”

“Already?” Lily asked, surprised.

“Yep,” Dan said.

“Really?” Luke asked Reid.

Reid tossed Luke’s clothes on his lap. “We can’t justify keeping you in a hospital bed when there are sick people who need it.”


	67. Chapter 67

Lily and Holden both looked around the condo, but the expressions on their faces suggested very different thoughts were going through their heads. Lucinda, meanwhile, ignored them both and simply entered notes on her PDA. Luke and Reid were oblivious to all this. They were both in the bedroom. Even though Luke had been given a good bill of health, the simple car ride – first to Luke’s apartment to get some more of his things and then to Reid’s – wore him out. Reid was getting him settled in the bedroom for a nap. (“You just don’t want to be out there with them.” “It’s not that. These sheets should be changed.” “Liar.”)

“Hmm,” Lily finally remarked.

“What is it, darling?” Lucinda asked, still not looking up from her device.

“It’s just…there’s no sign of him here. That actually concerns me a little.”

“Oh, that. That’s probably because they were broken up for a while,” Lucinda explained.

“What? Really?”

“Earlier this year,” Holden added, his eyes now glued on the hall leading to the bedroom.

“Well, I guess that explains it. I didn’t know that.” Lily said thoughtfully. After a moment, she added, “What are you looking at?”

“They’ve been taking a long time in there,” Holden pointed out.

Lily stared at him, then she stifled a laugh. “You can’t be serious.”

“Well, I just – ”

“You were the one who was all ‘Luke’s an adult now. We have to respect his choices.’”

“I know,” Holden agreed. “I was a lot more comfortable with this when he was sleeping in a hospital bed.”

“Oh my God, both of you,” Lucinda interrupted. “Stop it.”

Reid returned to the room then. All four of them stood awkwardly, looking around at each other. Reid cleared his throat.

“Can I get anyone anything?” he asked. “Drink?”

“Yes, please!” Lucinda agreed.

**

“Oh my God,” Luke sighed in relief a couple days later. “I can’t believe they’re finally gone. Even with them in a hotel, that was just…it was too much.”

Reid chuckled from where he was sitting next to Luke on the couch. He didn’t bother opening his eyes.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love them. I’m happy they came out here. But come on! I’m 20 years old. I don’t need to be coddled so much.”

“Who do you think you’re kidding?”

Luke didn’t say anything.

“Hmm?” Reid asked leadingly.

After a short pause, Luke quietly said, “Maybe we could invite everyone out here for Christmas.”

“Mmm,” Reid said, nodding in triumph over being right.

“No, it’s just,” Luke said, laughing as he put a hand on Reid’s shoulder and turned to face him, resting his elbow on the back of the couch. “I don’t like them worrying and fussing, but…it was nice seeing them all. It was nice talking to them. And I miss the kids and my other Grandma, and I really shouldn’t travel for a while yet. Besides, I imagine I’ll be busy making up school stuff.”

“Slow down,” Reid said. “Just…slow down.”

Luke stopped talking. Reid opened his eyes and turned to look at him. “Invite all of Oakdale for all I care. But your Christmas break is going to be just that, a break.”

“Reid!” Luke argued. “I can’t just – I have so many incompletes to make up. If I’m going to graduate on schedule, I need to – ”

“So take another semester! What’s the big deal? I don’t want you putting yourself in the hospital again right away.”

Luke bit his lip. “My plan – ”

“Plans can change,” Reid reminded him softly. “There’s no rush, you know.”

Luke sighed, clearly unconvinced.

“Why did you get it in your head that you had to graduate in three years anyway?”

Luke looked away. After a beat, he shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I said before, there was no real reason to stretch it out. And I just…I didn’t want you have to put anything on hold or wait for me, I guess.”

Reid furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Wait for you to do what?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know. To start our lives.”

Reid stared at him for a moment, and then barked a disbelieving laugh. He shook his head, glancing away before turning back to Luke. He lifted a hand and cupped it to Luke’s cheek.

“Don’t be so…” he said, still laughing lightly. “We started our lives together on your 17th birthday.” Reid’s smile drifted away as he stared into Luke’s eyes. “Before that, really,” he added.

Luke swallowed, then licked his lips. Reid leaned in and kissed him softly.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Reid said as he pulled back.

“Hmm?”

“You can ease back into school stuff over break, if you agree to at least finish over the summer instead.”

Luke thought for a moment. “OK,” he agreed.

**

_I’m sooooo bored._  
 **Wow. Five os. This is serious.**  
 _Don’t mock. Entertain._  
 **I have school stuff! I have to read!**  
 _Caaaaaaaaaaseeeeey_  
 **Luuuuuuuuuuke**  
 _I’m actually excited about going to a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, just because that means Reid will let me leave the house. Do you realize how sad that is?_  
 **Isn’t he at work all day? How would he know if you, I don’t know, went for a walk?**  
 _HE’D KNOW! He’s turned into this insane jailer. If he had his way, I’d be sleeping in a plastic bubble and handcuffed to the furniture so I couldn’t leave._  
 **Look, I don’t want to hear about your kinky love life, OK?**

**

“Did you hear what he said?” Luke asked as they walked into the apartment.

“Hmm?”

“Dr. Baker.”

“What about it?”

“'Start doing things as you feel ready for them.’”

“He also said ‘take it slow and don’t overdo anything.’”

“Reid, I’m setting up an appointment with Claire.”

Reid frowned as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen to start dinner.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to go to campus. Your immune system is still…recovering.”

“Reid.”

Reid scowled.

“Let me try to convince you.”

“Convince me of what?”

“That I’m ready to return to…a normal life.”

“How are you going to do that?”

Luke smirked and sidled up to Reid. He smoothed his hand across Reid’s lower stomach. Reid laughed sharply, almost strangely embarrassed.

“Oh, really?”

Luke waggled his eyebrows.

Reid stared back at him

“I don’t think you’re up for it. You know you’re still not 100 percent.”

“Wanna bet?”

Reid lifted his head, inhaling slightly. “If I win, you take another few days. Until Friday at least.”

“OK.” Luke agreed readily. He grabbed Reid’s hand and started to lead him to the bedroom.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Reid said, stopping in his tracks. “You go get undressed and lie down. In 15 minutes, I’ll come in there. If you still want to, then we’ll _do it_.”

Luke tilted his head as he stared at Reid in slight confusion. “OK. Weirdo.”

Reid tried to convince himself that he wasn’t disappointed when he peeked his head in the room ten minutes later and saw Luke sound asleep.

**

“You tricked me,” Luke mumbled as he shuffled into the living room later that evening.

Reid didn’t look up. He merely smiled as Luke sat next to him. He lifted an arm and wrapped it around his shoulders, and Luke melted into him, his body still warm and sleepy. He flipped the page of the article he was reading before answering Luke.

“I’m a doctor, you know. Just because you won’t listen to your body doesn’t mean I can’t see what it’s trying to tell you.”

“You’re a cheat,” Luke maintained.

Reid breathed out a laugh, then turned to kiss the top of Luke’s head. “How are you feeling?”

Luke shrugged.

“Hmm. Need a pill?”

Luke shook his head. They were both silent for a moment.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Reid asked.

“For taking such good care of me.”

“Of course.”

Luke paused. He bit his lip for a moment. “I want it to always be you.”

“What do you mean?”

“To take care of me if I’m…I know it wasn’t simply because of my parents that you weren’t – I mean, I know there were legal things too, reasons why you couldn’t – I’m not saying this right.”

Reid removed his arm, sat up and turned to look at Luke. “What are you trying to say?”

“Just…I think I should make a power of attorney and a living will and whatnot, just in case. And I want you to be the one. You know, in charge of what happens to me. You, uh,” Luke hesitated, blushing a bit. “You hold my whole life and my future in your hands. May as well make it official.”

Reid started to smile. “All right. Then I’m going to redo mine.”

Luke shook his head. “I’m not trying to – I mean, don’t feel obligated.”

“I don’t. I want to. We can set up an appointment with my lawyer, if you want, maybe after the holidays. He can draw something up for you too.”

Luke beamed at him, and they both leaned forward into a kiss. Luke, however, pulled back almost immediately.

“First things first,” he said as he reached around Reid and groped around for his back pocket. “If I get to make decisions about your health…”

Reid squirmed. “What the hell are you doing?”

Luke pulled out Reid’s wallet, holding it up triumphantly. Then he opened it and flipped through the cards quickly, removing one.

“My…do not resuscitate card?”

“Mm-hmm,” Luke confirmed. Then he tore it.

“Luke!”

“What?” Luke asked casually.

Reid stared at him for a moment. Then he began to laugh. “That’s just for, I don’t know, if I get hit by a train or something equally ridiculous.”

“I don’t care,” Luke said. “I want any doctors to take as many extraordinary measures as possible. You’re not just going to give up on me without a fight.”

**

“God _damn_ it.”

Reid walked into the bathroom, a concerned expression on his face. “Everything OK?”

“No!” Luke exclaimed. “I’m trying to change this gauze pad and this stupid – this tape is just – ugh!”

Reid snickered. “Here,” he said, holding out his hand.

Luke pushed the pad and the surgical tape into Reid’s palm with a frustrated curse. Reid walked around him and sat on the toilet. He pulled Luke closer, until he was standing sideways in between Reid’s legs. Reid pulled off the piece Luke had been trying – and failing – to put on and started over.

Then he paused. He stared at the still-red, still-raised scar on Luke’s skin. He licked his lips and swallowed, then he reached one hand out. He lightly traced two fingers over the skin to the side of the scar. Luke flinched and turned to gaze down at Reid.

“Reid?”

“Is it still sensitive?” Reid asked.

“Um…yeah.”

Reid exhaled sharply.

“Reid?” Luke asked again, softly.

Reid shook his head, blinking quickly. Then he leaned in and kissed the skin under his fingers. Luke shivered.

And then Reid carefully placed the pad on the scar, securing it with expertly-applied pieces of tape. He skimmed his hands down, refusing to break contact with Luke until the last possible moment. Then he glanced up. Luke was still staring at him, an expression on his face that was full of emotion.

“Reid,” he said again, in a whisper.

Reid didn’t reply.

“I’m ready.”

Reid stood up, meeting Luke in a kiss.


	68. Chapter 68

Reid nearly tripped over his own feet as they made their way back into the bedroom. He was busy trying to unbutton his shirt, and Luke had already unbuckled his belt and opened his fly, his hand slipping down to cup Reid’s rapidly-hardening cock. Finally, finally, his shirt was open and he all but tore it off before focusing on Luke’s pants. Through it all, they never stopped kissing. Small, whimpered, impatient moans escaped from between their lips.

They toppled onto the bed, and Luke couldn’t stop his exclamation of surprise and slight pain. Reid pulled back.

“No, no, no,” Luke objected, wrapping an arm around Reid’s neck and dragging him back into the kiss.

“Luke,” Reid muttered.

“I’m good; I’m ready,” Luke managed to reply.

“’Kay,” Reid said, blindly pushing Luke’s pants off his hips. Luke shimmied, helping to push the fabric down faster. “Just want to do this so there’s not too much strain.”

Luke broke away, breathing heavily. After a moment, he nodded. “Um, on my side maybe?”

“Let’s try it,” Reid agreed readily.

Luke couldn’t stop his laugh as Reid wrapped his arms underneath Luke’s and dragged him fully onto the bed. He rolled to his side, even as he looked over his shoulder at Reid. Reid, meanwhile, reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the drawer handle. He pulled it out – much too hard and fast, and the drawer came out of the table completely, spilling its contents on the floor.

“Fuck!”

Luke laughed again.

“Slow down,” he said, still chuckling.

“Easy for you to say,” Reid muttered.

Luke grinned. He rolled over again so he was facing Reid, and he placed a hand on Reid’s chest. “Slow down,” he repeated, staring into Reid’s eyes. “We have time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Reid looked at him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Luke said again, in a low, steady voice.

Reid leaned forward to kiss Luke soundly. He pulled back and exhaled. After a moment, he turned away and bent over the side of the bed. He pushed things around on the floor until he found what he was looking for. Then Reid returned to Luke, who gave him one more blinding smile before turning away from him. Reid spooned close behind him and wrapped an arm around Luke’s waist to tug him even closer. Luke reached down, grabbing the hand in his own and pulling it up to his mouth.

Luke spread Reid’s fingers out, then bent the others down as he stuck two digits in his mouth. Luke sucked softly, stroking his tongue along the length of the fingers as he moistened them.

“Luke,” Reid breathed in his ear.

Luke pulled Reid’s hand out of his mouth, the wet _pop_ unexpectedly loud in the room. Reid took his hand away, bringing it around again and pressing his fingers in one by one. He moved slowly, as Luke had requested, preparing Luke and himself and then entering him with deliberate, determined motions. He dragged the pleasure out, listening to Luke moan with every slow, forceful thrust.

His arm was around Luke’s waist again, and Luke grabbed his hand. He gripped tightly, interlacing their fingers and bending his head down to kiss them. Reid could feel the sharp, short puffs of air Luke groaned out, could feel his lips move against Reid’s knuckles as he whispered his name and _I love you_. And then Luke moved their hands down again, wrapping both around his cock.

Luke pushed his head back, and Reid tilted his own, straining to kiss Luke's hair. And then he couldn’t hold back. He lost his careful, controlled rhythm, and Luke began contorting in pleasure as Reid chased after release. Luke wrapped his hand up in the sheet, tugging so hard it came completely off the corner of the mattress. He shouted once, the noise echoing in Reid's ears just before he blacked out.

**

“It looks like the North Pole threw up in here,” Reid observed from the front door. “Christmas isn’t for another, what, week and half, you know.”

Luke turned to him, a smile already forming on his face. “How was work, dear?”

“I feel like if you’re going to ask me that question like that, you should be vacuuming in pearls, not throwing tinsel everywhere. God, Luke, do you know how hard that stuff is to clean up?”

“Yes. I do. And for your information, Scrooge, I’m done with this one little strand of lights on the garage door crap.”

“That’s more than I did before you, you know. That is me making an effort,” Reid pointed out, kissing Luke quickly as he passed him on the way to the kitchen.

“Well, my family is coming, Grinch. I want this place to look like – like a Christmas wonderland.”

Reid’s snort carried through to the living room, and he followed it a few moments later, a bottle of water in his hand. “You think that will make this little get-together go smoothly? If our love shack is decorated nicely?”

“It couldn’t hurt…” Luke trailed off.

Reid smirked. “Can’t think of another holiday villain, can you?”

“Abominable Snowman?”

“Bumble. Nice one.”

“You think it’s gonna be bad?”

Reid shrugged. “What’s Christmas without family squabbling?”

“It’s not too late to cancel,” Luke offered.

Reid tilted his head, smiling at Luke for even making the suggestion.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Luke raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“I am!”

Luke turned back to his decorations.

“Your grandma’s going to cook, right?”

**

Luke sighed as he threw his backpack down and collapsed on the couch next to Reid.

“Well? What’s it look like?”

“I talked to all my professors. We came up with schedules for me to complete the readings and review key points from lectures and then take the finals. All goes well, I’ll be finished before school starts again in January.”

“OK. And then next semester, you’re back on track?”

“Mm-hmm,” Luke said, nodding. “I planned it out all along so I’d just be taking a couple courses, and then most of my credits will be independent study so I can work on my honors project. Which I won’t finish until the summer, just like I promised you.”

“What are you going to do for that? Do you know yet?”

Luke sat up, excited again. He turned to Reid.

“OK, hear me out.”

Reid suddenly turned wary. “OK,” he said slowly.

“This is going to be a huge project. It’s going to take a lot of my time.”

“I know.”

“And we’ve learned in the past that it’s not good if we kind of break off into our own little worlds.”

“Sure.”

“So, I thought I’d do something you could help me with, if you wanted. You know, be a part of.”

Reid shook his head, relieved that was all Luke was hinting at. “Luke, of course.”

“I mean, not if you don’t have time, or anything, but…”

“Luke,” Reid interrupted. “I want to help. What’s the project?”

Luke grinned. “OK, I’ve been thinking about this. You know our whole ‘integrate our lives’ thing? Complementary interests and all? So, based on that, I thought I’d do a mock development project focusing on hospital construction or expansion. You know, like building a neuro wing or something. I’d make a portfolio – all the specifications and equipment and staff needed, the grants and fundraising that would have to be done, the permits and zoning stuff, fake floorplans, budgets, everything.”

Reid stared at him, blinking once. After a moment, Luke’s shoulders fell.

“You think it sucks.”

“No!” Reid said quickly. “No, I think it’s a fantastic idea.”

“You’ll help?”

“Yes,” Reid said again. “Let’s fake-build a neuro wing.”

Luke leaned forward and briefly kissed him.

“I like the sound of the Reid Oliver Neurology Center,” Reid added teasingly.

Luke snorted. “I was thinking the Snyder Pavilion.”

**

Luke woke up to one of Reid’s hands in his hair and the other wrapped around his cock, and Reid’s mouth softly sucking on his collar bone. He smiled, hummed appreciatively, and shifted closer to Reid. He was just about to reach out and take hold of him, return the favor as it were, when his eyes flew open.

“It’s Thursday,” he said.

“Mm-hmm,” Reid murmured into his skin.

Luke pushed Reid off him and sat straight up. Reid stared at him, shocked and slightly offended.

“My family’s coming today,” Luke said. “Gotta clean, gotta – ”

Reid fell against the pillows, as Luke climbed out of bed while continuing to mumble to himself.

“Why do you think I wanted to do this now?” Reid called after him, trying not to whine.

Luke had taken Reid at his word and invited, while not all of Oakdale, a large portion of it. They had reserved basically a whole floor at a nearby hotel, and all of them – Luke’s parents and siblings and grandmothers, his aunt Meg, Jack and Carly and their kids, Katie, Jacob and Casey – were flying in that afternoon. They were staying for five days. Reid had been psyching himself up for it for some time now, but he was still feeling overwhelmed.

He couldn’t remember the last time he saw Luke so neurotically excited.

**

Reid had done his duty. He greeted everyone, went around to the different groups and talked to all of them for at least five minutes. Now, he was rewarding himself. He was sitting apart from everyone else in a corner of the living room in Luke’s apartment, where everyone had gathered for Christmas dinner, since Sean and Sara were gone and it had more seating than Reid’s place. He held a plate of Emma’s food on one knee and Jacob - the only person he didn't mind being around - on the other.

And just when he was about to take a bite, Katie walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a somewhat awkward hug.

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Mmm,” Reid replied noncommittally.

Katie chuckled. She looked over Reid’s shoulder at Luke, who was sitting on the couch. Ethan was in his lap, and the girls sat on either side of him. His parents were standing around them, and he was laughing as he talked loudly across the room to Casey.

“He looks good. Healthy,” Katie observed.

Reid nodded.

“He looks really happy,” she added.

“Mm-hmm.”

“So do you.”

“That’s because I have food.”

Katie let him get away with that explanation.

**

Luke found Reid in the kitchen later and immediately walked over to wrap his arms around his neck. Reid smiled at him and placed his hands on Luke’s waist.

“You hiding in here?”

“Nope. Just – ”

Luke raised an eyebrow.

“Hiding,” Reid admitted.

Luke bit his lip as he stifled a laugh. “Sorry,” he said, trying to sound sincere.

“Don’t be. It’s fine. I’m just…”

“Uncomfortable around so many people. Especially when they’re basically strangers.”

Reid tilted his head in acknowledgement.

“Thank you,” Luke said.

“For what?” Reid asked, sliding his hand up Luke’s back.

“For doing this for me. For suffering through this.”

Reid didn’t bother responding with words. He merely leaned forward and kissed Luke. Things got a little heated before a cough interrupted them. Luke pulled away quickly.

“Dad,” he said in barely concealed embarrassment. He wrapped an arm around his stomach as he stepped away from Reid. He brought his other hand up to his mouth, which in Reid’s opinion, drew even more attention to what he had just been doing with it.

“Your grandmother’s looking for you,” Holden said.

“Oh. OK,” Luke said, throwing a glance at Reid before heading out of the kitchen.

Reid made to follow him when Holden’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“I’d like to talk with you.”


	69. Chapter 69

Reid turned to face Holden. His heart had started beating wildly and he was fighting an irrational urge to make a run for it. Holden wouldn’t hit him, not now. _Would he?_

“Uh, sure. What’s up?” Reid asked, starting to calm as soon as he saw Holden’s face and realized he probably felt as uncomfortable as Reid did.

“I was just wondering what your plans are?”

“My…plans?”

Holden shifted his weight awkwardly. “Luke’s graduating soon. He’s going to be starting his career, figuring out at least the next few years, if not the rest of his life.”

“Yeah,” Reid agreed.

“I want to make sure the whole world’s open to him. I don’t want to see him…restrict himself or sacrifice something for – if he commits to something, if he commits to you, I don’t want it to come back and – ”

“I’m not psychic. I don’t know what’s going to happen ten, fifteen years from now.”

“Of course not. No one does. But I need to know what it is you want from him. What you want from each other. Have you talked about these things?”

“Are you asking me what my intentions are with your son?” Reid asked, trying his hardest not to laugh inappropriately.

“I suppose I am.”

Reid couldn’t stop his smile. “That’s – that’s funny.”

Holden narrowed his eyes. “I don’t see what’s so funny about it.”

“No, it’s just,” Reid shrugged and shook his head lightly, “You’re basically asking if I’m going to love him, stick by him, treat him as well as I know how, right? Make decisions together and figure out how to adjust our lives to each other’s needs and wants?”

“If you want to simplify things.”

Reid shook his head. “Like I have any choice in how I feel about him. I fought that long enough, and I wouldn’t want an out now, even if there was one. It’s a done deal.”

A pause. “Oh.”

“Yeah, I’m…I’m pretty much stuck in this. Couldn’t be happier about that, but there you are.”

“OK, then.”

Reid offered Holden a small smile and walked out of the room.

**

One of the weirdest moments in Reid’s life was when Emma Snyder hugged him goodbye as Luke’s family left. He was much more comfortable with Lucinda’s wink. But their fridge was filled with leftovers thanks to Emma's efforts, so Reid put up with it.

**

Reid came home from work two days after the Oakdale group left to find Luke sitting on the couch, looking somewhat pale and nervous.

“Are you OK?” he asked.

Luke nodded. He cleared his throat. “I was just thinking, um, you know, now that things have settled down a bit and – well, I’m pretty much better, it’s probably, it’s probably time for me to go back to my apartment.”

Reid blinked. He avoided answering by putting his keys on the table and removing his coat.

“I guess,” he finally said.

“Oh,” Luke responded. “OK.”

They stared at each other.

“So I’ll…just go pack up my stuff.”

Reid couldn’t find his voice to answer, and Luke stood and hurried out of the room. After a moment, Reid quickly shook his head and followed him. Luke was in the bedroom closet, randomly pulling things off hangers and throwing them blindly over his shoulder towards the bed.

“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Reid said.

Luke jumped and faced Reid. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and then he turned away again.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a lease, for one thing! I can’t just break it.”

Reid was quiet for a moment. “I have to pay my mortgage on this place. You have to pay rent. As long as it gets paid, does it really matter where we’re actually living? And maybe Sean and Sara won’t mind if you find someone to sublet.”

Luke looked at Reid again, and Reid raised his eyebrows questioningly. Luke rubbed at his forehead and sighed.

“It’s been a while since we even talked about this. A lot of things happened. Changed.”

“So what?”

“So,” Luke said, shaking his head slightly as he tried to find the words to explain his feelings. “I don’t want to _accidentally_ live together. This should be something we both want, something we talk about and discuss and decide on together. It shouldn’t be something that just _happens_.”

Reid nodded slowly. “I want this,” he then said firmly. “I want to live with you. I want to make a life with you. _That_ hasn’t changed.”

Luke exhaled sharply. He blinked twice and then swallowed.

“What do you want?” Reid asked.

Luke didn’t move. He barely even breathed. And then he nodded. “I want to live here. With you,” he said, a relieved smile growing on his face.

Reid crossed the room and scooped him up into a hug.

**

Sean and Sara were hardly surprised by the turn of events. In fact, they had already begun packing up some of Luke’s stuff for him. And after a long day of moving all of Luke’s belongings over to Reid’s condo, Luke and Reid still managed to find the energy to celebrate.

Reid lost all strength in his arms as he came, collapsing onto Luke, who grunted in response. Luke swallowed, trying to get some moisture into his dry throat, but he couldn’t stop his heavy breathing.

“Welcome home,” Reid muttered.

Luke broke into wheezing laughter.

**

Luke knocked on Claire’s open office door. She looked up and waved him in with a smile. Luke stepped to the guest chair, dropping his bag on the floor as he sat down.

“Hit me,” he said.

Claire paused theatrically. “You passed,” she told him, “All As.”

“Really?!”

“Yes.”

Luke collapsed in the chair, breathing a sigh of relief. He lifted a hand to his eye and rubbed.

“Oh God. I can’t believe it.”

Claire laughed. “I’m so proud of you.”

Luke sat up then, a wide grin on his face. He had found reserves of energy and was now just excited to move onto the next challenge.

“Thanks,” he said. “So…last couple of classes. Project. And then I’m done.”

Claire nodded.

“Wow,” Luke said. Then he looked at her, a look of terrified realization coming over his face. “Then I have to find a job.”

Claire nodded again, laughing.

**

The scene was one of such disgustingly contented domesticity that Reid would have been ashamed to admit he was a part of it, if he weren’t so pleased with life these days. The only sounds in the room were the faint music coming from the stereo in the corner and the occasional rustle as one of them turned a page. Reid sat on the couch, a medical journal resting on the arm. Luke stretched out sideways, a textbook in his lap and his feet in Reid’s. Reid’s hand was wrapped loosely around Luke’s ankle, and his thumb was slowly rubbing circles on the skin over Luke’s medial malleolus.

Luke hummed in soft approval, and Reid didn’t bother to hide the smile that came to his face as a result. And then Luke shifted. He brought his knee up, dragging his foot away from Reid’s grip and rubbing the sole lightly across his lap. Luke pushed his foot forward again, curling his toes slightly as they crossed the bump of Reid’s cock. Reid raised his eyebrow.

“Luke?”

“Hmm?”

“Whatcha doing?”

“Reading.”

Luke’s casual, almost absent-minded answer was belied by the simultaneous zigzag motion of his foot.

“Luke.”

“Shh. Reid, I’m working.”

Reid was about to respond again when Luke pressed the ball of his foot down. The force and the angle and the surprise made Reid's cock suddenly perk up fully. All he could do was gasp. His journal fell off the arm of the couch, crashing to the floor, but he barely noticed.

For the next several minutes, Luke’s foot moved back and forth, and in small circles. He alternated his techniques – sometimes pressing with his heel, sometimes wrapping his sole around Reid’s shaft as best he could, sometimes tapping small patterns with his toes. Reid’s head fell back against the couch. His eyes closed and his mouth opened and his hips started moving almost involuntarily, the small thrusts keeping time with Luke’s actions.

Luke, maddeningly, pretended not to notice. He simply continued to read – or rather he continued to stare at the pages of his book. But when Reid climaxed, coming in his pants with a strangled yell and feeling entirely like some barely-pubescent kid who couldn’t control himself, Luke smirked.

“What just happened?” Reid mumbled at the ceiling.

Luke didn’t answer, and Reid turned to face him. Luke flipped a page innocently, but the look on his face was knowingly smug.


	70. Chapter 70

“What’s the doctor-patient ratio in your department?”

Reid thought for a moment before shaking his head. “Not very good. Let me make a suggestion.”

Luke looked up from his notebook, somewhat startled. “OK.”

“Don’t model this after the hospital here. Like I’ve said before, it’s too cumbersome. Bureaucratic, research-oriented...I know you wouldn’t be happy working with that.”

“Well…I have to model it after something.”

Reid nodded. “So do Memorial or something. You know it a lot better, anyway.”

Luke tilted his head as he thought about it. “OK. Good idea.”

Reid walked up to Luke and looked over his shoulder. “What do you have so far?”

Luke glanced up at Reid, who was now focused on Luke’s notes and reading them intently. Luke couldn’t stop his smile and his happy, almost bashful laugh. Reid glanced at him.

“What?”

Luke shook his head. He leaned in and kissed Reid’s cheek.

**

“Oh, come on!”

Luke snickered and did a little sitting dance of victory before picking up his piece of pizza and taking a bite.

“Why do you always play the Princess?” Sean grumbled.

“You know why.”

“Because she grows up to be a queen?” Sara suggested.

Luke put a hand over his shoulder and Sara, who was stretched out on the couch, leaned over and high-fived him.

“I just hate to see my guy lose to a gir – ow! Ow, Sara. You kicked me in the head.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Luke laughed. “Sean, you realize you always play Toad, right? Who – I’m pretty sure – is FTM.”

“One, I can't believe you made such a tasteless joke, Mr. LGBT Activist. And _two_ , how dare you? Toad is all man, baby.”

Luke grinned, while Sara simply shook her head.

“I’ve missed listening to you two bicker like an old married couple,” Sara commented.

“N’awwww,” Luke replied. “I’ve missed the two of you also.”

“How are things? How’s life?”

“Uh, Sara,” Sean interrupted. “We already covered this.”

“ _‘Dude’_ and _‘’s up?’_ is not a conversation.”

“Things are good. Great,” Luke answered. “Well, they could be better.”

“Oh God, what now?” Sean asked.

“Nothing! Nothing. Just Reid being gone, I mean.”

“How long’s the conference?”

Luke glanced over his shoulder at Sara. “Just five days. He’ll be back by Sunday. It’s just…this is the longest we’ve been apart since, well, you know.”

“Oh good grief, are we going to play or what?”

Luke rolled his eyes at Sean. “On the plus side,” he said mischievously. “We’re getting to brush up on our phone sex skills.”

Sean made a gagging noise. Luke smirked at Sara and added, “The entire first year of our relationship, that was pretty much all we could do. We are basically pros at phone sex.”

“ _Press the start button!_ ”

**

Reid made a small noise of objection when Luke tugged at his hair, but it wasn’t enough to stop his current activity. Neither was the hard floor he was kneeling on. Luke’s rather loud moans were something of a distraction, but they spurred him on more than anything.

“Rei – ” Luke gasped.

Reid’s lips were stretched wide, but they still managed to quirk up in something resembling a smile at that. And moments later, Luke shouted as he climaxed. Reid released him quickly thereafter, lifting his arms to catch Luke as he began to collapse to the ground.

Luke clung to him, breathing heavily and staring at the kitchen table over Reid’s shoulder as he came back to awareness. He started to laugh.

“What was that for?”

“I need a reason?” Reid asked.

“S’pose not,” Luke said, shifting slightly so he could plant an open-mouthed kiss on Reid’s neck.

“If you must know, it was because I came into the room and you were standing there, naked, offering me food. It was like…everything I’d ever want in life, right there in one package.”

Luke burst into laughter. “I was wearing a towel, and I was making _myself_ breakfast.”

“I like my version better.”

Luke grimaced as he changed positions, lying down on the cool linoleum. “God, that’s hard on the knees. Don’t know how you managed that.”

“I had incentive,” Reid pointed out, moving to stretch out next to Luke.

Luke turned his head, smiling at Reid. He bent his arm and reached back, resting his hand on Reid’s chest and playing with the light smattering of hair under his fingers.

“Just me, or are we better than ever at this?”

“Definitely gold medalists,” Reid agreed, nodding.

Luke turned away again, staring at the ceiling with a satisfied grin. “Nice way to start the morning.”

“Good enough for you to make me breakfast?” Reid asked hopefully.

Luke’s laughter echoed throughout the room.

**

“I’m just saying a lounge is a waste of valuable space.”

Luke groaned as he tilted his head back across the arm of the couch.

“All that hypothetical space?”

“You want this to be realistic, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Which means it should be something I’d fund. And I wouldn’t fund a hospital project that doesn’t treat the whole patient, including their support team. It’s just basic humanity.”

“Why would a hospital need another waiting room anyway?”

“Why would a hospital need another _lab_ anyway?”

Reid shook his head. “A patient can have all the CT scans in the world. But I never know what I’m gonna find inside his skull until I crack it open and see for myself. If it’s a tumor, I have to slice off a piece and send it off to the lab so they can tell me what I’m up against. The longer the brain’s exposed, the higher the risk. Therefore, the shorter the distance to the lab…”

Luke was silent for a moment as he quickly tapped his pen against his notebook. He sighed loudly and said, “OK. I’ll put a pathology lab in.”

Reid tilted his head. “Thank you.”

“ _And_ a family lounge.”

Reid smirked. “It’s your money.”

“Yes, it is. My fake money.”

**

“Oh, crap, I forgot,” Reid said unexpectedly.

Luke, who was walking into the kitchen for more napkins, looked over his shoulder at the boxes on the coffee table. “What? The chopsticks?”

“No. The – ”

“The fortune cookies?” Luke yelled from the other room.

“No! I forgot to tell you the lawyer called today.”

Luke walked back into the living room. He tried to be casual as he took his place on the couch.

“The documents are finally ready,” Reid continued. “We can go and sign them whenever. You free next week, maybe Monday?”

“Um. Sure, I guess.”

Reid glanced at him, most of his attention on the lo mein he was scooping onto a plate. “You do still want to do this?”

“Yeah!” Luke said quickly. “It’s not that.”

“But it is something?”

“Just…maybe we should do something more, I don’t know, flashy. It seems kind of anticlimactic.”

Reid narrowed his eyes slightly. “I didn’t realize signing forms was supposed to have a climax.”

Luke shrugged. “We’re, I mean, basically…there are kind of these implicit promises involved. Commitments.”

Reid stared at him, still clearly confused by Luke’s point. Luke sighed. Then he slid off the couch and landed on one knee. Reid did a double take.

“What? What the hell are you doing?!”

Luke laughed sharply, his face flushing red as he trembled slightly from nerves.

“Get up!” Reid ordered in a panicky voice.

Luke shook his head quickly. He swallowed. “Reid, I’m…will you marry me?”

Reid stared at him for several long beats. And then he tossed his chopsticks to the side and his plate on the coffee table. He threw himself at Luke, pushing him to the floor.

They finally got around to reheating the food at about 10:00 that night.


	71. Chapter 71

“I’ve lost my mind.”

There was a short pause. “Reid?”

“Obviously. Katie, listen to me. I’ve lost my mind.”

“OK. What happened?”

Reid began to pace back and forth in his office. “This is absolutely ridiculous. This is not – this is not me. I don’t do things like this. I mean, I am…pragmatic.”

“Do things like what? Reid, you need to start at the beginning.”

“Luke!”

“I’ve figured that much – Jacob! No! – out. Only Luke has ever been able to make you flip out this much. What is it now?”

Reid stopped walking. He lifted a hand to his face and rubbed briskly at his eyes. “I don’t need a lot of phony pomp and circumstance, you know? If this works, if this lasts, it’s because we want it to, because we work at it. And if not, not all the vows and pretty poetry in the world can change that.”

“Poetry? Vo – ” Katie inhaled sharply. “ _Vows?!_ ”

In self-preservation, Reid tore the phone away from his ear. The shriek still sounded as loud as if the receiver had been right next to him. Once it ended, he brought the phone back closer.

“Are you planning on proposing?” Katie finally managed to ask.

Reid sighed. He leaned against the front edge of his desk. “Luke did last night.”

“Oh my God. Ohmigod, ohmigod, _ohmi_ – Jacob! Mama said _no_!”

“What’s he doing?”

“Ah, he’s trying to eat something that _might_ have been Cheerios at one point that he found stuffed between the seats of the couch.”

“Eh,” Reid said. “Boys will be boys. Builds immunity.”

“Can we please talk about the issue here? What did you say?”

Reid didn’t respond.

“Oh my God, you said no, didn’t you?” Katie asked, devastated.

“I said yes. I think. I mean, not in so many words, but it was probably implied.”

Katie sighed in relief.

“Katie! It had to be temporary insanity. Weddings just really aren’t my kind of thing.”

“It’s different when it’s your own.”

“And this wouldn’t even be a wedding!” Reid continued, ignoring her comment. “There’s nothing legal about it. There’s nothing…real. It’s just, I mean, it’s play-acting, don’t you think?

“No, I don’t think so. You’d be celebrating your relationship with the people who love you, and you’d be making promises to each other that you’ve _already_ made. You’re just going to let us hear them too.”

“You’re talking like you’d be invited,” Reid grumbled, annoyed but hardly surprised that she didn’t agree with him.

Katie didn’t bother responding to that. “Why do I feel like you’re looking for ways out of this? Have you changed your mind about marrying him?”

Silence again.

“Reid?”

“Unbelievably and against all reason, no,” he admitted. “I’m just concerned, is all.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we’re moving too fast.”

Katie broke into laughter. “You’ve been together for about four years!” she reminded him.

“But we just got _back_ together. And I can’t help but wonder if this is a reaction to that. To that and the kidney thing, I mean. We wanted to take it slow and prove to each other that we were ready for a relationship again. And then he was in the hospital, he almost died, and a couple months later, he proposed. Maybe it’s just…maybe we’re just…”

“In love?” Katie suggested.

“Scared of losing each other again.”

“Semantics.”

Reid sighed. He looked at the corner of his office as he bit his lip. “I’m freaking out over nothing, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Katie informed him. “That’s pretty typical though.”

Reid breathed in slowly. “I’m getting married,” he said, feeling slightly dazed.

“You’re getting married!” Katie squealed.

**

“Hi Mom!”

“Luke, honey, how are you?”

“Great!”

Lily laughed. “I can hear that. What’s up?”

And suddenly Luke wavered. The old fears and concerns came rushing back. He shook his head, sat down at the kitchen table and clenched his fist.

“I have some news.”

“OK,” Lily said, picking up on Luke’s changed attitude.

Luke swallowed. “I, um, I proposed to Reid last night. We’re getting married. Or, I guess, having one of those commitment ceremony things or whatever they’re called.”

There was a pause.

“Mom?” Luke asked.

“You’re sure about this? You sound a little hesitant.”

“No, I’m sure,” Luke said, feeling his confidence return.

“You’re still so young. I don’t want you to – ”

“Mom. I’m sure.”

Another pause. And then something that sounded suspiciously like a sniff. Luke sighed and put a hand to his face.

“Mom, please.”

“My baby’s getting married!” Lily all but wailed into the phone.

Luke took his head away from the phone and stared at in confusion. He then put the phone back to his ear. Lily was definitely crying now.

“Mom?”

“I just can’t believe it,” she choked out. “I’m so – oh, honey!”

“Mom!”

Lily sniffed loudly. She made a couple noises deep in her throat, and Luke could almost see her nodding determinedly as she tried to bring herself under control.

“What should I do? What do you want me to do? Oh, I could call the caterers or music people or – you are having it in Oakdale, right?”

Luke started to laugh.

**

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Luke said in a harsh near-whisper.

“Doing what?” Reid asked in a normal, casual tone as he strode down the hall towards his office.

Luke shot him a significant glance.

“We’re just stopping by my office after dinner, because I realized I forgot something.”

Luke rolled his eyes. Reid unlocked the door, and Luke stepped inside. Reid closed the door behind him and immediately pulled Luke close, latching his mouth onto Luke’s neck.

“Is that our official story?” Luke asked, smiling despite his complaint. He buried his hand in Reid’s hair, and they both fell back against the door with a quiet thud.

“Stop talking,” Reid ordered, his voice muffled by Luke’s skin. Reid reached his right hand down and blindly tugged at Luke’s clothes in a rather fruitless attempt to undress him.

Luke laughed lightly. They began to move backwards towards the desk, and even Luke wasn’t sure if Reid was pushing him or if he was guiding Reid.

“You had just enough wine tonight to at least _pretend_ your inhibitions are shot. What’s my excuse?”

“You can’t resist me.”

“Haha. I think we both know that’s – ”

The thing Reid did with his hand just then was enough to stop Luke’s protest dead. Reid pulled away from Luke moments later. He lifted his hands to Luke’s Oxford and began to unbutton it. Luke stared at him from underneath his eyelashes, biting his lip to prevent a wide smile. Reid offered him a knowing look as he suggested another excuse to Luke.

“It’s Valentine’s Day. You thought, just once, you’d actually make me happy.”

Reid leaned in for another kiss after that, but Luke quickly bopped his head to the side.

“Excuse me?”

Reid snorted as he changed paths and kissed the other side of Luke’s neck for a while.

“I make you happy every damn day,” Luke grumbled half-heartedly.

Reid pulled back, stared directly into Luke’s eyes, and said softly, “Yes, you do.”

Luke swallowed. After a moment, he said, “I am too easy.”

Reid smiled, hooked Luke’s chin with his finger, and leaned in for another kiss. Luke moaned; he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Reid’s neck. They swayed a few more steps and finally hit the desk. Reid’s pen holder rattled slightly, but otherwise the desk was undisturbed. Luke broke the kiss and turned to look at it.

“The problem,” he said, slightly breathless, “with you keeping this office unnaturally clean is that we can’t sweep everything off the desk in unrestrained passion.”

Reid chuckled. Luke faced him again, giving him an impish smile.

“So how do you want this? How does it go in your head?”

Reid hesitated for a moment. Then he reached into his pocket and removed the emergency condom and lube they had grabbed from the glove compartment earlier. He handed them to Luke, then placed his hands on Luke’s shoulders. Reid spun them around, so Luke’s back was now to the door and his own was to the desk. Reid shifted his weight as he kicked his shoes off. Then he unbuckled his pants and pushed them down before sitting on the edge of the desk.

Luke raised his eyebrows quickly. “I see.”

Luke put the items on the desk, grabbed Reid’s pants at the ankles, and stepped back as he pulled them completely off Reid’s long, long legs. Reid pressed one foot against Luke’s pec before wrapping both legs around Luke’s waist and pulling him closer again.

And after that, Luke’s sly commentary and Reid’s teasing ceased. Luke found the lube again, and he slicked his fingers. Reid panted into Luke’s mouth as he slid inside him and stretched him slowly. He clung to Luke’s broad shoulders, digging his fingernails into the muscles as he pressed his forehead against Luke’s own.

Luke couldn’t wait. He hurriedly removed his hand, and rolled the condom on as fast as he could. Reid fell back onto the desk, and Luke crawled up after him. He pressed his palms down on the solid wood, supporting his weight as he pushed inside Reid. Reid angled his hips up to meet him, and they stared into each other’s eyes as they began to move.

“Luke,” Reid groaned.

Luke rocked into Reid, dropping to his elbows so he could meet him in a kiss, then dropping even further so he could nibble and suck at Reid’s ear. The room was filled with heavy breathing, the slide and slap of skin against skin, the rattling of the pens in the holder, the slight creaking of the desk. Faint sounds from the hallway and the city outside the window filtered into the room. But none of it was enough to penetrate the almost surreal moment that consisted of nothing but Luke and Reid, strong emotion and pure pleasure.

And then it was broken. Reid arched his back, holding back a shout as he came. Luke grabbed Reid’s thigh, shifting position slightly as he thrust into him again and again, forcing Reid to the full height of his orgasm even as he began his own. Luke buried his head in the groove of Reid’s shoulder and neck, biting down on the taut muscle, nearly breaking the skin, as he spilled over the edge.

Reid stared up at the ceiling in a daze. He stroked his hand lightly up and down Luke’s back as Luke turned his head to the side and rested it against Reid’s chest. The racing of Reid’s pulse was loud in his ear, and Luke couldn’t stop his smile or his satisfied sigh. And a few minutes later, he found the brainpower to speak again.

“How come,” he asked softly, still trying to catch his breath, “you didn’t tell me about this fantasy of yours until just now?”

Reid attempted a shrug.

“I mean, I told you about my barn thing almost immediately.”

“And trust me,” Reid replied, “we’ll be making that dream come true first chance we get.”

Luke shook his head, amused. “I’m just saying. You _know_ I am up for fulfilling any lifelong fantasy you may have.”

“It’s not lifelong.”

“Hmm?” Luke glanced up at Reid. “Well, no. Of course not. I imagine you had to go through puberty first.”

There was a pause. “Even then. Work was work, and everything else was outside of that.”

“Right. Your creepy ability to compartmentalize. So what changed? When did you start…wanting this?”

Reid smiled. “I met this kid who managed to infiltrate every aspect of my life.”

Luke furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure that’s a compliment. Not that I was fishing for one, anyway.”

Reid laughed loudly. “And then we had this killer kiss in a hospital office, oh, a little more than four years ago, maybe. Ever since then, I always wondered what it would have been like if we just went for it then, right there on the desk.”

Luke smiled. He turned his head to kiss Reid’s chest and then settled again. “Always been kind of curious about that myself.”

“I think everything worked out OK this way, though.”

“I think everything worked out fantastically.”


	72. Chapter 72

“Ergh!”

Luke hung up the phone with a frustrated curse. Reid lowered the newspaper he was reading and smirked at him.

“Just tell her you don’t want to have it in Oakdale.”

“ _You_ tell her.”

Reid rolled his eyes and focused on the paper again. After a moment, Luke collapsed against the couch. He sighed loudly. When Reid didn’t respond, he sighed even louder.

“Hmm?” Reid said.

“Maybe we should just have it in Oakdale.”

“Makes no difference to me.”

“Really? You’re really gonna be that guy?”

“You’re the one who needs to deal with 400 of your closest friends and relatives. Just tell me what day to show up with my tux.”

Luke threw a pen at Reid. It hit the newspaper and bounced off. Reid’s laughing face appeared over the top edge.

“Careful there, Groomzilla.”

“You’re not inviting anyone?”

Reid shrugged. “Dan will be included with Claire, who I know you’ll invite. Katie and Jacob are your family, so they’ll be there.”

Reid returned to the paper, ignoring Luke’s stare.

“What about your parents?” Luke finally asked.

“What about them?”

“Are you going to invite them?”

“Sure,” Reid replied, not looking up from the paper as he added rhetorically, “Will they come?”

“Have you told them yet?”

A pause.

“No.”

Luke stared at Reid for a moment. “I know I have _no_ room to talk here, but…with everything you’ve told me about them, your problems have nothing to do with your being gay.”

Reid shook his head.

“Then what – ”

“I don’t know. I just haven’t yet.”

“Reid.”

Reid sighed. “I just want to put off knowing for sure. That they’re going to say no, I mean. I’m sure they won’t find the time in their busy – ”

Luke stood up, effectively cutting him off. He grabbed Reid’s phone off the coffee table and walked over to him.

“Call them,” he said softly. “They might surprise you.”

Reid stared at the phone. Luke bent down and kissed him quickly.

“If nothing else, I want to meet them, so we’ll go visit them if we have to.”

Luke walked out of the room. A few moments later, he heard the beeping of the phone as Reid dialed, and he smiled.

Nearly a half hour went by before Reid came looking for Luke in the office. He placed his hands on the desk on either side of Luke, bent down and began nuzzling his neck. Luke’s eyes fluttered shut, and he tilted his head to allow Reid room to work.

“Well?” he asked.

“You were right,” Reid admitted, his tongue flicking against Luke’s skin as he talked.

“Man, I love hearing that.”

Luke could feel Reid’s mouth stretch into a grin. “Don’t let it go to your head or anything.”

Luke nodded in agreement even as he reached one hand up and around Reid’s head. “That feels nice,” he murmured.

Reid hummed. “Want to do something for me now?”

“God, absolutely.”

Reid stepped back. “Tell your mom you don’t want to have the wedding in Oakdale.”

Luke did a double take and turned to face Reid, his mouth wide open as he blinked in shock.

“You’re evil,” he informed Reid.

Reid shrugged.

Luke sighed, shaking his head. “It’s not like I have any particular reason to want to have it here, either.”

Reid sat down next to Luke and took Luke’s hands in his own. “I’m not trying to be difficult when I say this, but I really don’t care _where_ we have it. I just don’t want to see your mom frustrate you and ruin the whole experience for you. So, honestly, wherever you want.”

Luke pressed his tongue to his lower lip as he looked off to the side. After a moment, his shoulders fell and he exhaled. “I don’t care either,” he confessed. “It kinda feels like any ceremony itself is the least important aspect. I just want to, you know, be married to you. We can elope to Vegas for all I care.”

“OK.”

Luke looked quickly at Reid. “I was joking,” he pointed out.

“I wasn’t.”

“Reid,” Luke said, laughing.

“What? It’s neutral territory; I’m sure they have all sorts of package deals; and there’s ready-made places for celebratory fun. We can still invite people, and there’ll be less planning to worry about.”

Luke opened his mouth, about to protest again. Then he tilted his head. “We’ll probably have to wait until I turn 21,” he reminded Reid.

Reid shrugged. “What’s a few more months? You should be concentrating on school now anyway.”

“…OK.”

“Really?”

Luke grinned. “Vegas, baby!”

**

“I was thinking.”

“Wh – what?”

“About – ” A sharp exhale. “About the project.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I think we should put somethin’ in the budget for patients who don't have insurance – ”

“Why are we talking about this right – _ungh_ – right now?”

“Because. If you’re gonna keep doin’ that – ”

“What? This?”

“ _God_. Yes. Yes. I’m gonna do anything I can to make this last a few, _fuck_ , Luke, a few more minutes.”

“Dammit, Reid, whatever you want, just don’t – don’t stop.”

**

“Aw, look at this.”

Reid lifted his head and Luke turned his laptop so Reid could see the picture on the screen.

“Cute,” Reid replied before focusing on his own computer again.

“Wow. That’s it?”

“What?” Reid asked, slightly confused by Luke’s reaction to his response. “They’re all very cute.”

“God, Ethan’s getting so big,” Luke said, more to himself than to Reid. “In my head, he’s still a baby.”

“Mmm.”

Luke didn’t say anything else; he was too focused on the picture. Reid glanced up at him, at his wide, sentimental smile, and then he looked away again.

**

“Are you listening to me?”

Reid shook his head quickly, reaching a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “What? Yes?”

“What did I just say?”

“Katie, come on.”

“OK. What’s going on?”

Reid sighed, leaning back in his office chair. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”

“Work?”

“Katie.”

“Wedding planning?”

“Katie.”

“What?”

“I’m physically exhausted, if you really want to know.”

Katie laughed. “Why? Working out or something?”

“In a manner of speaking. The downside of having a 20-year-old boyfriend. I can’t keep up with him.”

“Say no more. Well…maybe a little more.”

Reid smirked. “It’s kind of, well, we’re still in that can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other-honeymoon phase of a ‘new’ relationship and we’re in the almost-literal-honeymoon phase of a really old relationship, where we know everything that drives each other wild, and it’s just…”

“OK. Now say no more.”

“He’s like an animal in bed. Insatiable. And his refractory period is, like, nonexist – ”

“I mean it.”

Reid shook his head. “I can’t believe I actually just whined to you about having too much sex. Just shoot me now.”

“We should all have such problems.”

**

Two weeks later, Reid shuffled into the apartment at 7:00 in the evening. Luke watched as he made his way to the couch and collapsed with a sigh. Reid’s eyes closed, and the visible strain on his face faded slightly.

“OK,” Luke said determinedly, closing his textbook with a snap. “You, me, bathtub, five minutes.”

“I…can’t. Not tonight.”

Luke laughed. “What kind of aerobic stress relief do you think I’m proposing here? Get undressed; I’ll start the water running.”

Luke hopped off the couch, which earned a small grunt and little else from Reid. Nonetheless, several minutes later, he did manage to stand up and make his way towards the bathroom, dropping items of clothing as he went. And several more minutes after that, Reid was up to his shoulders in hot, churning water, leaning back against Luke’s chest as Luke stroked his hands up and down Reid’s torso.

“Another meeting today?” Luke asked softly.

“I don’t remember the last time I did anything else. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve even seen a patient, let alone performed surgery?”

Luke hesitated for a moment. “Four days,” he finally said. It wasn’t a guess.

“It feels longer than that,” Reid replied, peevish.

Luke bent forward, hiding his tiny smile against Reid’s shoulder. Reid shook his head.

“It’s ridiculous. Every plan and budget the department sends to the board gets rejected. How are we supposed to get anything done?”

“You’ll figure something out, and then you can get back to what you love.”

Reid stretched, moaning slightly as his body protested. “Can you put a stipulation in your project that the director has total autonomy? Over staff, supplies, budget, everything? For me?”

“Sure,” Luke murmured.

Neither man moved or spoke, and finally Luke decided to say something that had been in the back of his mind for a while.

“Reid…”

“Hmm?”

“Are you happy there?”

Reid opened his eyes and twisted to look up at Luke. “What do you mean?”

“Just…some of the things you’ve said. Not just lately, but for a while now. Even back with the head of the department thing. Maybe…it’s time for a change.”

Reid sighed. “There’s a certain level of crap that comes with any job,” he pointed out.

“True. But you can try and minimize the crap. Didn’t you say there was someone from Johns Hopkins sniffing around at that conference a while ago? You did your residency there. Might be fun to go back.”

“Maybe,” Reid agreed after a moment’s hesitation.

“And if not, there’s bound to be other places.”

“Do you want to move? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m graduating soon. If you want a change, if _we_ want a change, now’s the time to really consider it.”

Reid sighed and closed his eyes. “Maybe,” he repeated quietly.


	73. Chapter 73

“I’m the lamest person in the world,” Luke pointed out to Reid, as they walked down the street hand-in-hand.

Reid glanced over at Luke, confused. “Why?”

“I just – I mean, no offense, but I’m pretty sure this is the most boring 21st birthday celebration ever. Dinner and a movie?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted to do,” Reid said, feeling somewhat like he messed up.

“No! No, it is. But most people would be, I don’t know, out at bars and stuff.”

Reid turned his head sharply and stared at Luke. “You’re not most people,” he reminded Luke.

Luke lifted a hand to his eye and rubbed quickly. “I know. That’s the point. I don’t want to go drinking. OK, trust me. It’s not that. But it is a rite of passage. And it just reminds me how different I am from other people my age. You’d think that’d be something I was used to by now.”

Reid hesitated. “That’s not totally a bad thing, you know. To be different.”

“I know,” Luke agreed, nodding as he looked over at Reid. “You taught me that. So, thanks.”

They smiled fondly at each other for a moment. Then Reid inhaled and looked away, even as he dropped Luke’s hand and wrapped his arm around his waist instead.

“I think, after the break-up and kidney drama of this last year and the graduation and wedding drama we’ll be dealing with this year, a boring birthday is exactly what we needed.”

Luke snickered. “True.”

**

Reid watched Luke for a moment before making his presence known. As soon as Luke realized he was in the office, he closed the lid of his laptop and looked at Reid expectantly.

“Watching porn?” Reid asked.

“No,” Luke said, simultaneously laughing and blushing at the question.

“Then whatcha doing?”

“I’m, uh…I’m looking at job listings.”

“Already?” Reid asked, surprised. He walked farther into the office and sat down next to Luke.

“I’m almost done with the project. We’re getting married next month, and then a few weeks after that, I’ll be officially done with school. It’s not too early.”

Reid tilted his head. “I guess if you put it that way. So…what’s the job market like?”

Luke sighed. The expression of frustrated depression was enough of an answer.

“That bad, huh?”

“There are jobs. And, I mean, yeah, the places are impressive foundations and businesses. I’m sure they’re all great causes but – I don’t really feel it, you know? I thought maybe the LGBT youth center or even the clinic, but neither one has paid positions right now.”

Reid nodded. “OK. Have you thought about expanding your search?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the one who suggested considering a change of location,” Reid reminded him.

Luke shrugged. “One of us has to be the deciding factor here. You make more money, and you have to actually worry about location and prestige and whatnot.”

“Screw prestige.”

Luke stared at him, annoyed. “Reid.”

“Luke.”

“I’m just saying, you have to tell me where to look then.”

Reid sighed. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Then…” Luke answered. “I’m stuck looking here for now.”

“I guess. Or...”

Luke raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Or?” he finally asked.

“Just wait. Don’t get a job just to get a job, OK? Wait for something you really want. Volunteer at a place, if that’s what it takes. We’ll be fine.”

Luke sighed and stood up. He walked out of the office, and Reid followed him into the kitchen.

“So, you’re going to keep working at a place that clearly makes you very frustrated, just so I can mooch off of you for God knows how long?”

Reid laughed. “It’s not mooching. Look, I know you didn’t feel comfortable with the money situation before. But…we’re getting married. Supporting each other – emotionally, _financially_ – it comes along with the territory.”

Luke looked skeptical, but also like he was giving in.

“I don’t hate my job,” Reid reminded him. “I love my job. Is it as awesome as the wing we dreamed up for your project? Of course not. But we live in the real world.”

**

“This is like porn for you,” Luke commented with a laugh.

“I _am_ very turned on right now.”

Luke tilted his head. “It is somewhat phallic-looking. But seeing as how the radiation from that would probably shrivel us up…”

Reid snorted. Then Luke shook his whole body in an attempt to focus. “OK, seriously. Which picture do you like? This is the last thing we have to put into the portfolio, and then I’m done. Done.”

“Um…that one,” Reid replied, pointing at the screen.

“Oh, _baby_ ,” Luke said in an over-the-top sensual voice.

Reid groaned theatrically and kissed the side of Luke’s neck. Laughing, Luke pushed him away so he could paste the picture into his document. He fiddled with it slightly, resizing it and formatting the colors.

“And…print.”

“Wow.”

“Wow,” Luke agreed.

Reid smiled softly as he walked around the desk and took his seat in front of his own computer. Luke took the pages as they came out of the printer and three-hole-punched them before placing them in a binder.

“Hey, can I have a copy of that?”

“Sure,” Luke replied absent-mindedly. After a moment, he turned and quickly emailed the document to Reid before returning to his own task.

Several minutes later, it was all finished. Luke stared at it in awed disbelief.

“Reid,” he said. “When I hand this in, I’m finished with college.”

Reid smiled at him, entertained by Luke’s enthusiasm.

“Claire has to approve the final draft still,” Reid reminded him.

“Shh.”

“And you have to do all your graduation paperwork.”

“Shh.”

“Are you upset that you won’t be able to walk?”

Luke shook his head. “If I want to, I can always be a part of the ceremony in December. I don’t really care to sit through a bunch of boring speeches, though.”

Reid smirked. “Well, I appreciate not having to sit with your family through a bunch of boring speeches.”

“Ha ha.”

“We’ll get enough of that in a couple weeks.”

Luke snickered. “Yeah, but you’re going to get a whole hell of a lot of sex to make up for it.”

Reid grinned. “How is that different from any other weekend?”

Luke pretended to think for a moment. “It’ll be in a hotel room?”

“Get out of here,” Reid ordered, laughing. “You’re going to miss Claire’s office hours.”

Luke nodded. He put the binder in his backpack and then put his arms through the straps.

“Wanna come with? We can get some lunch after.”

“Believe it or not, I’m going to pass. I have to get some of my own work done.”

“OK. I’ll bring something back for you.”

Reid nodded. He tilted his head up as Luke stepped around the desk and bent down to kiss him.

“Thanks for all the help. See you soon.”

Reid smiled as he watched Luke leave the room. A few moments later, he heard the front door close. Reid sighed and looked at his computer again. He cracked his head to the side and sat up straighter. He paused for a moment while he stared at the images in front of him. And then he reached over and picked up his phone.

**

“You know, when you told me you were getting hitched in Vegas, I was expecting some cheesy Elvis impersonation.”

Luke, who had been checking out the decorations and set-up in the botanical garden, turned in surprise at the voice.

“Aaron!”

“Hey little brother.”

Aaron stepped closer and pulled Luke into a half-hug. Then he looked around and gave a low whistle.

“Pretty fancy.”

Luke nodded.

“This surgeon of yours must be shelling out some serious dough.”

“Grandmother, mostly,” Luke clarified. “I tried to stop her, but…futile.”

“Ah. So, you almost done here?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

Aaron grinned.

“No,” Luke declared.

“Casey, Will and Sean have decided on a strip club. Yes, a male strip club. No offense, but we all intend on blindfolding ourselves.”

“No,” Luke repeated.

“You _have_ to have a bachelor party.”

“I can’t anyway. Reid’s parents are flying in tonight; we’re having dinner. I’d like to meet them _before_ I marry their only son.”

“After then.”

“After that, I’m going to sleep!”

“You are so boring.”

Luke shook his head. Then he turned and began to lead Aaron out of the garden and back towards the rental car.

“Where is he, anyway? I want to meet him.”

“Reid? Back at the hotel, getting some rest. He was paged last night, and of course the fact that our flight left at 7 in the morning wasn’t enough to prevent him from going in.”

“You sound upset about that.”

Luke shook his head. “More like thoroughly amused. I’m used to that kind of thing by now.”

“At least it’s for a good reason.”

They both slowed as they neared their respective cars. Aaron sighed and tilted his head back.

“OK. Big brother moment.”

“Oh God,” Luke muttered.

“I know, I know. But I can’t not do this. You’re so young, Luke. Are you really ready? Are you sure?”

“ _Yes._ ”

“I would not have been ready at your age.”

“I’m not you,” Luke reminded him. “And I’m not some lovestruck kid who doesn’t know what he’s getting into. You know, my eyes are wide open here. Our relationship is not endless days of sunshine and roses. We have problems. We have fights. But…I remember when I was first coming out, and I was really struggling with everything, and I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who’d want to be with me. And I used to look at these couples around me, like mom and dad? Who just – they couldn’t live with each other, but they couldn’t live without each other either. I can live without Reid. I know that. I don’t _want_ to.”

“OK,” Aaron said, nodding.

But Luke wasn’t finished. “I used to look around at these couples and watch them just take everything for granted as they hurt each other again and again. I’d think how _dare_ they? How dare they waste something as amazing as that? And they’d just ruin things without even trying to fight for the people they loved. I would have done anything to have somebody to fight for. I – I would have done anything to have somebody who cared about me enough to get mad and scream and run away, who loved me enough to give a _damn_ what I thought about them. I would just – I would have loved to have someone care for me that much. I would have thrown my heart at the first guy who looked twice.” Luke shrugged. “I was lucky enough that that was Reid. I have what I always wanted. Minus a lot of the dysfunction it could have had.”

Aaron smiled. “Good. I’m glad. Now about tonight.”

“No strip clubs!”


	74. Chapter 74

“How do I look?”

“Fine.”

“Reid!” Luke scolded, looking through the mirror over his shoulder at Reid. “You didn’t even look.”

“Uh…you always look fantastic?”

“Nice try.”

Luke muttered to himself as he refocused on his own reflection. He undid his tie and began to loop it around again. Reid did a very poor job of hiding his smile as he walked up behind Luke and leaned down to kiss his shoulder. Luke immediately tensed and then shook him off.

“Come on, don’t.”

“Whoa,” Reid observed.

“Reid, please.”

Reid sighed and leaned against the wall. He stared at Luke for a few minutes.

“They’re my parents. I’ve been the one who has failed to please them my entire life. Shouldn’t I be the one freaking out about this?”

“I want them to like me.”

“Everyone likes you,” Reid reminded Luke.

“This is different,” Luke protested, shaking his head. “This isn’t small talk at some social event. This is – this is your parents. I don’t want to seem…”

Reid raised a questioning eyebrow as he tilted his head.

“Twenty-one,” Luke concluded with defeated resignation.

“Good luck with that,” Reid replied, unable to stop the teasing smile.

“Thanks so much. You really know just what – ”

“OK, OK,” Reid said, reaching out and pulling Luke into a hug. “Calm down, please. It’s going to be fine.”

Luke had just started to relax when there was a knock on the hotel room door, and then he tensed again. He stared at the door as Reid walked towards it, and then he took a few steps closer himself. He ended up just a few feet behind Reid as he opened the door. Luke got his first glimpse of Reid’s parents; they looked exactly like they had in the few pictures he had seen, only slightly older.

Luke forced a smile to his face. He fidgeted nervously as Reid kissed his mother’s cheek and shook his father’s hand. And then – and then they were turning to him.

“You must be Luke,” Reid’s mother said, somewhat awkwardly.

“Hi,” Luke replied, inwardly cringing at how overly enthusiastic he sounded. He forced himself to tone it down a bit. “Mrs. Oliver, it’s so nice to meet you.”

“Oh, Susan, please.”

Luke’s smile became a little less plastered on as he shook hands with Susan first and then Reid’s father (“call me George”). And as he relaxed, he could almost feel Reid’s parents responding to him more and more openly. He glanced at Reid, who merely rolled his eyes and finally closed the hotel room door.

**

The next morning, Reid was the one staring into the mirror as he repeatedly failed to make his tie look somewhat acceptable. He was in a small room at the gardens, minutes away from marrying into the crazy Walsh-Grimaldi-Snyder clan. He thought he’d be freaking out by now, or perhaps trying to find the closest escape route. Instead, he felt fairly serene. It was just this damn tie.

A quick knock on the door grabbed his attention, but before he could invite the person inside, the door opened. Katie leaned her head in and smiled widely.

“Hi!”

Reid turned back to the mirror. “What’s up? Luke run away?”

Katie chuckled as she stepped farther into the room and closed the door behind her. Within seconds, she was standing in front of Reid. She reached out and brushed his hands away, then she took over tie-tying duties.

“Ready for this?”

“The ceremony?” Reid asked. “Yes, of course.”

“And afterwards?”

“The marriage, you mean? Absolutely.”

Katie nodded. “You two are going to be so happy together, I think. You’re going to be an amazing husband.”

Reid leaned in and kissed Katie’s cheek. “I don’t do anything half-assed.”

Katie’s response was interrupted by another knock on the door. Dan Baker popped his head in the room.

“It’s time,” he announced before leaving again.

Katie and Reid faced each other, and Katie fought a smile at the look of sudden panic on Reid’s face.

“Yeah, you’re totally ready for this,” she joked.

**

_“I, Reid Oliver, take you…”_

_“…Luke Snyder…”_

_“…as my husband…”_

_“…to have and to hold…”_

_“...for better and for worse...”_

_“…in sickness and in health…”_

The smooth glide of metal around Reid’s finger. The quiet sound of Emma and Lily and Katie crying. The taste of Reid’s smile against Luke’s lips. The sudden explosion of camera flashes.

And then it was over.

**

Hours later, Luke was pretty much _done_ with the festivities. There were hors d'oeuvres and cocktails (and sparkling cider for him and Carly) at the gardens, and then a dinner back at the hotel, and then smaller groups broke off for dancing and gambling and just about anything else you could think of (it was Vegas, after all). And now, he just wanted to be alone with Reid.

Luke made his way over to his friends. He threw his arms around Casey’s and Sean’s shoulders and nodded at Will. “I think,” he said, “Reid and I are...going to go catch a show.”

Casey snorted. “Is that show conveniently located in the honeymoon suite?”

Luke winked and walked away.

**

“Reid?”

“Shh...busy.”

Luke grinned even as he placed his hands on Reid’s cheeks and held him slightly away. “I just…”

Reid stared back at him. Luke exhaled and then shook his head.

“I know,” Reid replied softly.

And then Luke pulled him into another kiss.

**

“I can’t believe I’m about to say something so embarrassingly trite,” Reid asked, his lips brushing against Luke’s forehead as he talked, “but…what are you thinking about?”

Reid could sense Luke’s smile as he slowly ran his palm over Reid’s abdomen. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

After a short pause, Luke said, “Annie Judd.”

Reid laughed sharply in confused surprise. “OK. I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

“No, it’s just – ” Luke shifted slightly. “I was remembering when I first came out to my family, before I met you, before my mom – and it was…such a confusing time. And very lonely. I’d look around at Will and Gwen, and Casey and Maddie, and I’d think ‘that is something that I never am going to have.’”

Reid tightened his arm around Luke and kissed his forehead.

“Not just the attraction,” Luke continued, sitting up to look at Reid, “but I don’t know, just the feeling of walking into a room and having somebody who was happy to see you. You know, not having to say everything or spell everything out but still having somebody who knows what you mean, and – and…”

Reid smiled, pulling himself to a sitting position as well. “If you’re trying to tell me you love me, I’ve figured that out already.”

Luke grinned, shaking his head in exasperation. “I’m so in love with you. Sometimes I have to wonder _why_.”

Reid leaned forward and kissed Luke quickly. As he backed away, he stared at Luke again. “ _What_ does that have to do with Annie?"

Luke burst into laughter. “No, it’s just…you know, I was remembering that feeling, and then my mind just flashed to you telling me about how she’d smile every time you walked into the room. It’s – I don’t know. I’m glad we both know what that’s like, with each other and with other people who matter to us.”

“Your mind is kind of loopy after world-rocking orgasms, have I ever told you that?”

Luke grinned. “I know.”

**

This time, Reid accepted the hugs with something resembling grace. It was nothing compared to the goodbyes that Luke had to endure. Reid could barely see him through the swarm of Oakdalians surrounding him, hugging him, kissing him, and crying.

Reid could hear Luke quietly telling everyone that he loved them, that he missed them too, that they’d see each other soon. And finally, they were all backing away, leaving to their respective rental cars. Reid stepped closer to Luke again, taking in the brave, not-going-to-get-all-weepy expression on his face.

“Gonna be OK?” Reid asked.

Luke laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I suppose we should pack up and head to the airport too.”

“Why?” Reid asked cavalierly, turning away and walking back into the hotel.

“Uh,” Luke replied, following him, “because our flight leaves in two hours?”

“No, it doesn’t.”

Luke narrowed his eyes and stared at Reid. Reid shrugged.

“I changed the return date. It’s not much of a honeymoon, I know, but…”

“We’re staying longer?”

“A couple days. Just you and me.”

Luke’s wide grin nearly blinded Reid. “Uh oh,” he said saucily.

“Hmm?”

“I didn’t pack enough clothes, it seems. Might have to go without.”

He started walking towards the elevator. Reid watched him for a few seconds and then quickly followed.

**

When they finally did return home, it was to a pile of packages sent there rather than brought to Vegas. Luke was beyond excited as he dragged them into the condo.

“Presents!” he kept exclaiming to Reid.

Reid just shook his head. “They’re aware we already have silverware, right?”

Luke just laughed, finally plopping to the ground in the middle of the room. “Just go get a pen and piece of paper.”

“Why?”

“So we know who sent us what.”

“Why?”

“Thank you cards.”

“ _God_ ,” Reid complained.

But he gamely kept a running list as they opened things. Some gifts were tacky, some were amazing. Most of it was unnecessary.

“Hmm. OK, what’s this?” Luke wondered aloud as he opened up a FedEx envelope.

“Who’s it from?” Reid said with a sigh, picking up the pen again.

“Damian.”

Luke narrowed his eyes as he removed a legal envelope and then opened it and took out the papers inside. He froze.

“Oh my God.”

“What is it?”

Luke pulled off a post-it and read from it, “’This one got paid out when you turned 25 or got married.’ It’s…it’s trust paperwork.”

Reid nodded. “Well, I guess now you really can take the time to consider where you want to work.”

Luke laughed sharply. “Reid, _we_ could do a lot more than that.”

Reid shook his head. “It’s yours.”

Luke sighed loudly. “Who’s the one always talking about being partners and – ”

“OK, OK,” Reid said, holding his hands up in laughing surrender.

Luke held the paperwork against his chest as he lifted himself to his knees and shuffled over to Reid. “OK, we have to be upfront about finances and everything, so…”

He quickly thrust the documents at Reid. Reid took them and skimmed the top page. And his brain promptly shut down.

What felt like hours later, he finally asked, “That post-it. It said ‘this _one_.’ What are we talking about here?”

“Another trust from Damian. I think twice that, which I’ll get when I’m 30. And one from Grandmother, but…smaller.”

“How much smaller?”

“Oh, a lot,” Luke said, trying to sound reassuring. "Like, I don't know, a third of that, maybe."

“I think I’m going to be sick.”


	75. Chapter 75

Reid looked up expectantly as Luke walked into the condo. He folded the newspaper he was reading and tossed it on the coffee table. Luke joined him on the couch, a giant grin on his face.

“Let me see it,” Reid demanded.

Luke shook his head in amusement, then dug into his backpack. He pulled out the copies of his graduation paperwork – signed and dated by all the appropriate parties.

“I should get my diploma in 6 to 8 weeks.”

“Yay!” Reid cheered quietly. He leaned forward and kissed Luke. “I’m so proud of you.”

Luke looked away, slightly embarrassed. “People graduate from college all the time, you know. It’s no big deal.”

“Yes, it is.”

Luke resettled on the couch. “OK, yeah, it is!”

Reid sighed, groaning quietly as he leaned back and turned his head to stare at Luke.

“What?” Luke asked.

“Just,” Reid said, shaking his head. “I can’t tell people I’m dating a college kid anymore.”

“Married to – ”

“Married to a college kid!”

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Luke teased, scrunching up his nose.

“No,” Reid denied.

Luke stared at him.

“Maybe I misspoke,” Reid allowed.

“Mm-hmm.”

Reid sat up, leaning closer to Luke and putting a hand to his cheek. He stopped just shy of Luke’s mouth, and his eyes flitted back and forth from Luke’s own gaze to his lips. “It’s just still so hard to believe sometimes. That you’d ever deign to marry me. It doesn’t feel real.”

Luke snorted. “Smooth.”

Reid grinned, then quickly kissed him. “Forgive me?”

Luke heaved an exaggerated sigh, and Reid chuckled. He reached across to the coffee table and picked up an envelope.

“Here, maybe this will make up for it.”

“What’s this?” Luke asked, beaming as he slid his finger underneath the flap of the envelope.

“Graduation gift.”

“Hmm.” Luke finished opening the envelope, and then he pulled out the sheet of paper. His brow furrowed in confusion as he unfolded it and skimmed the letter. “Reid?”

“Yeah.”

“This is a letter of resignation.”

“Yeah.”

“To the hospital.”

“Yeah.”

Luke looked up, still confused. “You quit?”

Reid shook his head. “Not yet. I wouldn’t make a decision like that without talking to you about it. But…I will, if you want me to.”

Luke repositioned himself on the couch. “Well…yeah. I told you before, I’m up for moving if you want to. Where? Mayo Clinic? Johns Hopkins?”

“No,” Reid said. He stared down at his hands and then up at Luke again. “Memorial.”

“Mem…Oakdale?!”

Reid nodded, grinning.

“What?” Luke shook his head. “I don’t – ”

“It’s obvious you miss your family, especially now that you’re really talking again. I think you need to be near them.”

Luke sighed. He tilted his head and looked at Reid with exasperated yet loving fondness. “Reid, no. I can’t let you do that. You wouldn’t let me move here just for you, and I can’t let you – ”

“I know,” Reid interrupted. “I can’t let me do that either, no matter how much I love you and want to see you happy. But…there’s stuff for me there besides you, you know.”

“Like what? Give me reasons.”

“Katie,” Reid reminded Luke. “And…I sent a copy of your project to Bob Hughes. He loved it.”

Luke’s only response for nearly a whole minute was simply his jaw dropped open wide. Then he closed his eyes and shook his head rapidly. “What?”

Reid grinned. “I’m saying let’s do this for real. Let’s build me a neuro wing.”

“You’re serious?!”

“Would I joke about this?”

“How long have you been planning this?” Luke demanded.

Reid shrugged. “A lot longer than I even realized I was, I think.”

The sound that came out of Luke’s mouth was indescribable. He threw himself at Reid, and they fell in a tangled mass onto the couch cushions.

**

The next several weeks were crazy as things fell into place fairly quickly. Both Luke and Reid found their time divided between Texas and Illinois. Luke would fly out to meet with potential investors and look at houses, only to return to Texas to pack and show the condo to prospective buyers. Reid spent hours in consultation with Bob, doing paperwork for HR, discussing patients in the department and the role he’d play until the wing was completed. Then he’d come home to deal with the patients he still had in Dallas and make various plans for the move. The true problem was that all these demands rarely overlapped, and more often than not, Luke was in one state when Reid was in the other.

At the moment, he was in Illinois, specifically the development offices at Worldwide. Maeve was flipping through her Rolodex, offering him names of people he could call about the wing. It was the first time Luke had seen his old supervisor since he’d been back in town, and they spent several minutes laughing and catching up. That was how Lucinda found them when she popped her head into the office.

“I heard you were here, distracting my employees.”

“Grandmother!” Luke quickly stood and walked over to kiss her cheek in greeting. “How are you?”

“Wonderful, my darling. Just wonderful. And you?”

“Good,” Luke said, nodding. “Trying to find investors for the neuro wing.”

Lucinda crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. “I heard Damian signed over your trust. You could bankroll the whole thing, couldn’t you?”

Luke laughed, lifting a hand to brush hair off his forehead in slight embarrassment. “Not quite. Besides, Reid asked me not to put any money into the project.”

“And why not?”

“He thinks it’s a conflict of interest or something. He doesn’t want people saying he only got the job because I paid for it. Or that he only married me for my money.”

Lucinda laughed loudly.

“I told him that was nonsense, because obviously everyone knows he only married me for my looks, but he didn’t find that funny.”

“You know, if he doesn’t feel comfortable with a private donation, why not a – a formal, board-approved grant?”

Luke tilted his head. “I’m not following you.”

“You still haven’t found a job yet, correct?”

“Yeah,” Luke confirmed slowly.

“Don’t you think the obvious thing to do would be to just hire yourself? What else are you going to do with all that money besides give it away?”

Luke didn’t move for a moment. Then he blinked and looked over at Maeve. She grinned widely at him.

“Grandmother!” Luke said in shock. “I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that before!”

Lucinda winked at him and walked out of the room.

Luke tilted his head. “The Luke Snyder Foundation,” he said quietly, testing the sound of it.

“I like it,” Maeve said. “And if I may be so bold, you’re probably going to need some help with that. Someone who has some experience in development.”

Luke focused on her, surprised speechless for a moment. “Grandmother wouldn’t be too happy if I stole you away,” he pointed out.

“Ah, she’ll get over it.”

**

“So what do you think?”

“Are you kidding me? It’s fantastic.”

Luke grinned at Reid’s enthusiastic response. He was flopped out on his old bed at his mother's house, staring at the ceiling, one leg crossed over the other and his free arm bent behind his head. The day had been almost perfect. The only con was that he was talking to Reid over the phone instead of in person.

“I can’t believe it didn’t even occur to me. I’ve spent three, four years learning the ropes of this stuff and…”

“Well, we’ve been busy,” Reid pointed out.

“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “Really busy.”

“OK, what’s that tone for?”

Luke sighed. He stared at the closed door of his bedroom. “Nothing. I just miss you.”

After a brief pause, Reid replied, his voice slightly affected. “It’s been a while since we really spent any time together.”

“Too long.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Way ahead of you,” Luke answered as he bounced off his bed and quickly crossed the room to lock the door. “Kind of like old times, huh?”

Reid’s low chuckle sent a jolt of excitement through Luke as he threw himself back on his bed.

Sometime later, Luke struggled to catch his breath as his body trembled with aftershocks of his orgasm. He absent-mindedly traced two fingers through the evidence of their activities on his lower abdomen, which reminded him of something he had been considering increasingly frequently.

“Reid?” he whispered.

“Mmm.”

“Been wonderin’. Maybe we should think about, you know, going without…”

There was no answer at first, and Luke couldn’t decide if Reid was speechless or asleep. Turned out his brain was just not functioning well enough to finish Luke’s sentence for him.

“Without what?” Reid finally mumbled.

“Protection.”

This time, the silence was very different, and Luke smiled knowingly.

“We are married now,” he reminded Reid.

“We should,” Reid paused to clear his throat. “We should get tested for everything under the sun first. Not that I – it’s just smart.”

“No, I agree. But…you’d be up for it?”

“Luke, if you were here, you’d see how up I am for the idea.”

“Again, huh?” Luke smiled mischievously.

**

By early October, everything was pretty much set. Luke had fallen in love with a house that Reid approved whole-heartedly the next time he was in Oakdale, with the condition that they’d replace the old bath with a Jacuzzi tub. The condo had sold. The majority of their belongings were shipped to Illinois. Luke and Maeve emailed each other all the time, discussing possible office space and getting the various forms filled out to establish the foundation. Any free time he had was spent with Sean and Sara, trying to make a few more college memories and trying _not_ to get all emotional. Meanwhile, Reid and Bob were constantly on the phone, preparing for Reid’s transfer to Memorial. Most of his patients were being given to the other doctors at Dallas, while some would make the trip out to Illinois.

Eventually, Luke and Reid just needed to make the official move, and Luke realized that, as excited as they both were about the future, they also were both finding it hard to say goodbye to the place that had been his home for three years and Reid’s for even longer.

Luke went to pick Reid up on his last day at the hospital. He found him at the nurses’ station finishing some paperwork and they walked back to Reid’s near-empty office together. Luke reached out for Reid’s hand and linked their fingers loosely. Reid didn’t even balk at the public display of affection, and Luke smiled to himself as he realized how far they’d come.

The smile quickly turned to one of shock, though, as they entered Reid’s office to be greeted by a loud “ _Surprise!_ ”

Dan, Claire and Suzette were all in the office. There was a cake on the desk, and Dan managed to _sarcastically_ blow a party horn.

“What?” was all Reid managed to say.

“Couldn’t let you two leave without saying goodbye!” Claire explained. She and Suzette simultaneously pulled Luke into a hug while Dan fought a struggling Reid and finally succeeded in putting a party hat on his head.


	76. Epilogue

Luke and Reid walked across the grounds of Snyder Farm hand-in-hand. They could hear vague sounds of the younger kids screaming and playing, but they were far enough away now where it felt like they were alone.

“Maybe we should be helping Emma,” Reid said.

Luke smirked. “And by helping, you mean…?”

“Sneaking food as she prepares it.”

“You’re going to get to eat soon enough,” Luke scolded in amusement. “Right now, we’re working up an appetite. Not that that’s ever a problem with you.”

Reid tightened his hold on Luke’s hand momentarily, but didn’t respond further. And then, unexpectedly, Luke began leading him in a different direction.

“Where we going?”

“Thought I’d show you the barn,” Luke said breezily.

Reid’s mind jumped a million places, but he tried to convince himself Luke didn’t mean what he thought he did. Not now, not with his entire family so close by. Luke led him into the building and casually walked over to a horse in one of the stalls. He dropped Reid’s hand and brought both of his up to scratch lovingly at its nose.

“This is my favorite horse,” Luke explained.

“Ah.” Reid began to walk up and down the center aisle, looking at the other animals in the barn. He flashed a quick smile at Luke. “You know, I always heard the term ‘hung like a horse,’ but it never really occurred to me…”

Luke laughed. “Yeah. Try not to get a complex.”

Reid snorted.

“Of course,” Luke continued, “all the males in here are snip-snipped. You have to keep breeding stallions separate. These guys may have the equipment, but it's not fully functional.”

“Poor boys.”

“Want to make them jealous?” Luke asked, slightly breathless as he turned to face Reid.

Reid raised an eyebrow. Luke swallowed as he nodded at the ladder in the corner.

“Up there’s the hay loft.”

Reid pressed his tongue to his front teeth. “How long until dinner?”

“Long enough,” Luke replied, grinning.

Reid stepped closer and Luke turned away, laughing as he led Reid up the ladder. Reid finally caught up to him at the top, and he tackled him into a pile of hay. Luke turned to face his husband, the expression on his face among the happiest Reid had ever seen on him. Luke reached one arm up behind himself, grabbing an old tattered blanket.

“Oh, look at this,” he teased. “Convenient.”

Reid nodded, barely able to participate in the verbal foreplay as he worked on unbuttoning his pants and then reached for Luke’s belt.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Luke muttered, contorting his body as he dug his fingers into his pocket.

He pulled out a small packet of lube and wiggled it in front of Reid’s face. Reid broke into laughter.

“How long have you been planning this little seduction?” he managed to ask.

“Since I was 15, maybe,” Luke replied, slightly unsteady as he pushed his jeans and boxers down.

“And that’s all you brought, huh?” Reid asked, the nerves and anticipation apparent in his trembling voice.

Luke attempted a shrug. “We got the test results back. I don’t see any reason to wait any longer, do you?”

Reid shook his head and bent down to capture Luke’s mouth in a passionate kiss.

“So how do you want to do this?” he asked once he released him. “How did it go in your virginal, feverish fantasy?”

Luke laughed. “Well, Orlando Bloom was here, but you’ll do.”

Reid pinched his side. “Very funny.”

Luke calmed down. He stared into Reid’s eyes for a moment. “I feel like we should do this slow, you know? Our first time without anything between us? It should be sweet and loving and…”

“But?”

“In my imagination, this was always dirty, hot and sweaty.”

“OK, then,” Reid said, fighting a grin. “We’ll have plenty of other chances for sweet and loving.”

Luke’s laughter echoed throughout the barn as Reid pounced on him.

Reid tore open the packet and then reached around Luke’s waist with his free hand. He tugged as hard as he could, and Luke exhaled sharply as he slid closer to Reid. Reid hooked his elbows underneath Luke’s knees and lifted them over his shoulders. Then he slicked three fingers and pushed them inside Luke at once. Luke groaned at the intrusion and pressed down against Reid’s hand.

Reid bent low, kissing Luke sloppily as he moved his fingers, stretching Luke open and rubbing softly against his prostate. Luke panted into Reid’s mouth and writhed beneath him, looking for more. Barely any time passed before Luke reached down and grabbed Reid’s wrist. He pulled forcefully, removing Reid’s fingers completely.

“Now, now, now,” Luke chanted in a rough, broken voice.

Reid complied, slicking himself before lining up and thrusting into Luke with one sharp movement. He froze to a stop, buried to the hilt. The barn became almost completely silent; nothing but the movement of the horses below them could be heard. Luke didn’t even breathe.

“Oh, holy…don’t move,” Reid exhaled. “Don’t – just – ”

“How does it feel?” Luke whispered, his whole body trembling as he fought the sensations begging his body for movement or release or _something_.

Reid laughed quietly as he buried his head in the groove of Luke’s neck. Luke could feel the puffs of air hitting his skin with every breath Reid gasped out.

“You gotta try this,” Reid finally muttered.

Luke smiled, staring up at the roof of the barn with a giddy expression on his face. “Not so bad from this side either.”

In response, Reid simply drew back, sliding inside Luke only centimeters before pushing forward again. Luke moaned, and Reid began to move in earnest, each thrust longer and harder than the one before. Soon, even that wasn’t enough and Luke pressed against Reid’s chest, flipping him to his back. Luke climbed to his knees and rested his weight on his palms on either side of Reid’s shoulders. He rode him quickly, moving up and down Reid’s shaft.

A drop of sweat fell from Luke’s forehead and landed on Reid’s lips. He licked quickly, tasting the saltiness, and then he lifted his head as far as he could. Luke took the hint, bending down to meet Reid in a kiss. His cock was now trapped between their bodies, and Luke knew he was reaching his limit. He groaned into Reid’s mouth, speeding up his movement even more.

One of Reid’s hands slipped between them and squeezed Luke’s cock. With his other hand, Reid reached below and around, finding where he entered Luke. He traced his fingers along the skin stretching around him, and Luke clenched tightly.

Reid came with a loud shout. The feeling of Reid’s release shooting into him, spreading through him, was too much for Luke, and he too came.

Luke fell onto Reid, boneless, laughing slightly as he rose up and down with Reid’s heavy breathing.

“Hot and dirty enough for you?” Reid managed to ask.

Luke chuckled in slight disbelief. He found the strength to lift his head and kiss Reid soundly.

And then the door to the barn opened. Luke froze, and Reid swore under his breath.

“Boys, you in here?”

“Uh, um, yeah,” Luke shouted back, and Reid could feel Luke’s skin burning with the flush of embarrassment.

There was a long pause, and then Jack yelled up to them, “Time for dinner.”

“OK, thanks,” Luke said awkwardly. He covered his eyes with his palm.

Reid’s whole body shook with silent laughter, but his amusement came to a sudden halt when Jack left with a parting, “You’re lucky I wasn’t Holden. Or Emma.”

The door closed again, and Luke rolled off Reid.

“He’s right, I gu – oh. Oh, that’s a weird feeling.”

Reid shook his head, still trying to wrap his mind around what just happened. “Let’s get cleaned up,” he suggested.

Several minutes later, they were dressed and somewhat presentable. Reid kept smirking at Luke’s face as he shifted; he was clearly still trying to get used to the sensation inside him. Trying to figure out how he’d hide what they just did from his family. Nonetheless, they walked back towards the house in fantastically good moods.

Luke glanced over at Reid, not even bothering to hide his big, dopey grin. Reid smiled, then looked down at his feet as he walked.

“It was just an orgasm,” he pointed out.

“No, it’s more than that.” Luke tried to explain. “It’s – it’s being here with you. This is your first big family holiday.”

“I know.”

“I’m so happy.”

“Me too,” Reid said sincerely.

“Really?” Luke looked at him again, slightly apprehensive now. “You’re – I mean, you’re settling in fine, right? You don’t mind Oakdale?”

Reid shrugged. He looked off into the distance. “It’s a teeny, insane town with nothing to do.”

Luke’s smile fell slightly, and Reid looked back at him.

“But it has its attractions.”

And just like that, the grin was back.

“I don’t know,” Luke mused. “Maybe it’s because I grew up here, but it seems…I mean, this is my normal, you know?”

“That scares me.”

“If nothing else,” Luke continued, ignoring Reid’s comment, “the people here are wonderful. Intense, sometimes, but so very loyal and caring. It’s a great place to live. To work. Maybe someday raise a family.”

Reid turned his head sharply. Luke was staring straight ahead, holding his breath. Reid felt his heart begin to pound.

“You just have our whole lives planned out, don’t you?”

Luke looked at him again, his smile growing wide. “Reid, I’ve had you wrapped around my little finger since I was 16 years old. Don’t try to resist me now.”

“Let’s go cut the damn squash.”

Luke’s laugh rang out across the yard.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done transferring all my LuRe fic to AO3! The hardest part was resisting the urge to revise anything beyond a few parts that always pissed me off the most when rereading. Otherwise, I just left as is, for better or worse. Now, it's time to start copying over the next fandom (sob).
> 
> (Edited) Author's Notes from a decade ago:
> 
> FIRST AND FOREMOST: HOLY GOOD GOD, Y’ALL, THIS FIC IS FINISHED!
> 
> I wanted to just babble (I imagine nonsensically) about my own thoughts and writing process on this. Believe it or not, even though I posted this as a work in progress, even though I didn’t always know how I was going to get to certain places, I knew major events and how I wanted it to end either before I started or very early on in this story. They were always going to break up. Luke was always going to need a new transplant. They were always going to return to Oakdale (it’s where they belong, and Oakdale needs all the happy, healthy couples it can get). Many readers picked up on the not-so-subtle groundwork I laid for these various plot points 10, 20, 30 chapters in advance, so…maybe I’m not as clever as I think I am. Really, the only thing that surprised me was the proposal and wedding, as I didn’t know that was going to happen until, basically, Luke dropped to one knee.
> 
> The reason I wanted to include so many mini-storylines, and why this fic almost felt like it literally lasted four-plus years, is…I don’t consider this a LuRe fic. To me, this is not (or not primarily) a romance. If this story were only about getting Luke and Reid to their happily ever after, I could have ended it eons ago. This is a coming-of-age story. It was about Luke growing up. It was about Reid growing up. It was about becoming an adult and figuring out what you want, what is important in life, and recognizing that that means so much more than just falling for someone. It was about breaking away from parents’ expectations and views, about breaking away from your own preconceived notions of who you are and what you can be. I wanted Luke to get an education and pursue a career and (re?)learn self-respect. I wanted Reid to open himself up to friends and (old and new) family, to loving someone and accepting love, to having fun. I wanted them to teach each other how to be whole, well-rounded people.
> 
> There were also two main driving things that I really wanted to explore in this universe. The first is the impact of internal factors on the development and success of a relationship. It seems to me that in most fic, and in the soap/TV world in general, relationship drama almost always depends on external factors – usually another person coming between the couple. But, in my opinion, these things are always treated so superficially. Rarely do the problems get extended to what they mean about the relationship itself, or get used as a catalyst or impetus to explore and understand dynamics and so on. The underlying (IMO, much more interesting and complex) issues are either ignored or left to the audience to read between the lines. I wanted to use various external factors (education, careers, families, other potential love interests, etc.) to highlight the problems that were internal to their relationship. I wanted the obvious plot points to be symptoms of what didn’t always work between them, not the cause of any conflict. I wanted to find a way to fix the root difficulties and build them up as a strong couple instead of just magical hand-waving to deal with any complications, and the only way I know how to do that is through time, honest conversation, and commitment to the love two people feel for each other.
> 
> The second main theme of this whole universe was exploring who Luke would have been if he had met Reid before Noah. As much as many of us are LuRe fans through and through, the Nuke relationship did have some good things as well as bad. At the very least, Luke gained some important learning experiences. In this universe, he had to figure out what he wanted/didn’t want/would tolerate/wouldn’t put up with in his relationship with Reid. In canon, a lot of that was learned as a result of his relationship with Noah, and it made his relationship with Reid that much healthier from the start, because he went in with experience and knowledge and pain. So I had to deal with the fact that he needed some of those same experiences here, but with Reid. Of course, on the other hand, I got to have fun by exploring all the amazing things Luke could have done if he wasn’t so hung up on Noah, if he had been in a relationship where both parties bettered each other and gave each other the strength to reach their full potential, if he had someone at that pivotal time in his life to encourage and support him and believe in him like Reid did.
> 
> Anyway. Thank you for reading, for sticking through this hellishly long, meandering story, for the support and the comments.


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